Dark Secrets

"Soon after we got there, an ER doctor came out and gave us his report. He told us that Dad was dead on arrival. He had died from an apparent heart attack. The doctor said the heart attack was probably caused by a strain on his heart caused by sexual activities an hour or so before he died.

"Only I knew the truth. He had sex with me. I wondered how they were able to deduce that having sex killed him. I knew better.

"The doctor turned to Mom and asked, 'Can you confirm that he had sex an hour or so before his heart attack?' Mom looked at him and without batting an eye she said, 'Yes, I can.'

"As we left the office and walked through the exit door, my mom looked at me and said, 'Good for you, girl. Good for you. I don't know how you did it, but I'm glad you did. I'm proud of you and in awe of you.' I smiled and she laughed."

At that point, Ally said, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch what your mom said to you."

Coleen repeated, "She said—"

She was stopped mid-sentence when Ally said, "What I'm saying is that I didn't hear what was said and I don't need to know what was said, nor does anyone else."

At that point, Ally said she was available to conduct more sessions if they were needed. She went on to say that since the cutting had stopped after the abuser died, she was going to indicate in her report that the scars were due to an old problem that had been solved and eliminated. She gave Coleen one last hug as we all left the room.

Coleen walked over to me. She held my hand and looked deeply into my eyes. She said, "I'm so sorry that you had to see the real me. There's no way that I deserve a man like you. I'm the worst kind of scum. I'm the dirt that you walk on. It was important to me that you should see the real me. I will understand if you want to terminate our relationship. If so, I will never bother you again. I will stop taking the seat next to you in class. I will sit as far away as possible. I will try to help you forget me both quickly and completely."

I said, "Lots of luck, Coleen. You won't get rid of me that easily. I don't hate you. In fact, I think I love you! None of what I heard today changed that. I won't judge you for things that happened before we got together. Not now, not ever."

She said that she loved me too. She said she had loved me ever since our first conversation in the Student Union. I nodded my head and said, "Me too."

CH 05

It was graduation day. Our families were there and everyone was happy. I was happy but also somewhat concerned. I know that Coleen expected me to propose soon, but I couldn't do it yet. I couldn't help but wonder if things would change when we got home. Yes, she had let me go where only one other man had gone before, but what about David, Larry, and Fred?

I guess what I'm wondering is, what will happen when I have some competition? Up here, I'm her only choice. In the past, she was more popular than I was. The old song said it perfectly:

I'd like to know that your love

Is love I can be sure of

So tell me now, and I won't ask again

Will you still love me tomorrow?

When we got home, I picked up where I left off at Bill Gardner's studio. I was full of new ideas and techniques. Bill loved it. He changed my title to "Chief Engineer" and put me in charge of his studio. He was getting close to retirement age and he wanted to start slowing down. That was fine with me. I was ready to go full steam ahead.

Coleen signed on to teach music at the local community college. While waiting for school to start, she was giving lessons in a local music store.

I could tell she was getting impatient with me. She was more loving than ever and she kept me floating on cloud nine in every way possible. It was time for me to shit or get off the pot.

I was ready, but I needed to see some things for myself. I talked my mom into arranging a big Independence Day celebration. We invited all of our friends. I made sure that the list included David, Larry, and Fred. It was time for me to see how Coleen acted around her old flames.

Don't forget, all of them got close enough to knock on the door. She let them into the hallway, the living room, and the kitchen. All that was off-limits was her bedroom.

I'm sure you get my drift. She's over her phobia now. I've been in her bedroom. In the past, she's been "hot to trot" with three other guys. Would she be tempted to rekindle those romances or not? I had to know.

As it turned out, she was glad to see all three of her old flames. Each of them got a hug from her and a kiss on the cheek. She had pleasant conversations with each of them, but she always included me in one way or another. The only fireworks were the ones lighting up the sky.

When the bang from the last firecracker died away, I had my answer. She was cordial to everyone, including her old boyfriends. Thankfully, only I got the kisses on the lips, hugs with embedded tits, and every bit of her love.

That very night I told her I wanted to take her to her favorite restaurant tomorrow night. She reminded me that it was a very expensive place. I just smiled. She grinned. I could never go one-up on her.

So, there we were at her favorite restaurant. It was crowded. The hostess saw us. She came over and gave us both a big hug. I noticed that she whispered something in Coleen's ear before leading us to a table in the very middle of the room. There were flowers on the table as well as heart-shaped chocolates. A spotlight above was wrapping the table in a softly romantic light.

I felt like we were on a stage. I was certain that everyone was watching us as we ate every bit of our steaks and finished our wine. Coleen kept looking at me with a "come on guy" look in her eyes. After we ordered dessert, I took the plunge.

I said, "I won't embarrass you by getting down on one knee, but I want you to do something for me. I want you to go with me to pick out your ring. You will be wearing it, hopefully for many happy years, so it should be one that you adore."

She said, "That was a lot of statements and I love every one of them but was there a question among them? If so, I must have missed it. Go ahead and embarrass me. Get down on one knee. Ask me a question. Anything that pops into your head."

Reluctantly, I did what she asked. From one knee I asked, "Do you think we should get a dog after we're married?"

She laughed while responding, "Let's take it one step at a time. We aren't married yet. We can make the dog decision when you ask and I accept another required question."

I heard a tinkle of laughter around the room. I also heard our voices echoing as if amplified. I realized that our table was bugged.

I said, "Miss Coleen Fredricks, would you like to become Mrs. Coleen West?"

She answered, "I sure would, but no one has asked me to do that."

I said, "Wasn't it implied in what I said?"

The laughter in the room was getting louder and louder as she grinned and asked, "Exactly what are you implying?"

I gave in. I said, "Coleen Fredricks, will you marry me?"

She jumped down with me and gave me the biggest kiss ever as she yelled, "YES. My answer is a resounding yes."

Deafening applause broke out as people all around us stood and clapped.

I whispered, "God, how I love you, Coleen. You are a vision of splendor and a dream come true. Let's stay like this forever."

She answered, "I'm getting ahead of the game, but I vow to love you until death do us part. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love you more than you can imagine. Let's get out of here. There's something else I'd rather be doing."

We were whispering, but her statement got us another huge round of applause. It was the biggest one of the night!

She picked out her rings the next day. The engagement ring had a nice central diamond surrounded by sapphires. The wedding band featured a row of small sapphires. Needless to say, sapphire was her favorite gemstone. She was happy and so was I.

The wedding came three months later. It wasn't one of those big blasts with a wedding coordinator and all of that. It was small but good. The only person there that was disappointed was David Bentley. I chose Bill Gardner to be my best man.

CH 06

Fast forward past five great years of marriage. Past hit after hit at the recording studio. Past a gob of teaching awards for Coleen. Past a house of our own in a nice neighborhood. Past the birth of Sally Ann in year two and Roy Lee in year four. Past happiness beyond explanation. To arrive at a day that changed everything.

Maxine, the secretary at our studio, lived in a small town ten miles west of our town. We got together with her and her husband, Dusty, at least a couple of times a month.

They were a few years older, but they had children with ages that matched those of our kids. The four children had a great time when our families got together, as did their parents. We had a great deal in common and over time, we became the best of friends. Having said that, Maxine was the one that discovered a devil in paradise.

She came in one Monday morning with a question. She asked, "If I discovered something that might negatively affect your life, would you want me to tell you about it?"

When I said, "Of course", she pulled out her phone. She had a video to show me. It was taken in a town called Tipton, which was fifteen miles west of her house. She shopped there sometimes. One of those times was two days ago on Saturday.

She was in the drugstore. When she looked down one of the isles, she saw Coleen. She was about to yell and wave when she noticed that there was a stranger with her. It was a man. They were looking at something and laughing. Maxine moved out of their sight, but she could still see them in the surveillance mirror.

She pulled out her phone and began recording. They made a selection and headed to the cash register.

When they got to the register she was still recording. Coleen handed a package to the mystery man as she smiled and whispered something in his ear. He handed her some keys and she left.

Maxine kept her phone on the stranger. It was plain to see what he was buying. It was a package of condoms. Maxine recorded him leaving the store and entering his Mercedes. Coleen was already there waiting for him. He handed her the sack containing the condoms. She put it in her purse. They began kissing. It gave Maxine time to get to her car.

She followed the Mercedes to the Family Inn Motel. She recorded them entering room 215. She recorded Coleen leaving twenty minutes later. She was yelling something as she opened the door and left. Her car was in the parking lot. She got in it and drove away.

There were tears in my eyes when she said, "I'm so sorry, Barry. I will transfer a copy of the video to your phone. Please don't rush into anything. I will be a witness if you need me, but play your hand slowly. You two have what I can only describe as a perfect marriage. You have a fantastic family. The children have to be considered. Maybe there's an explanation.

There were tears in Maxine's eyes as she said, "God, I wish I had shopped somewhere else. I'm sorry I showed you the video. Barry, can you just forget all of this and act as if nothing happened?"

"Maxine, don't blame yourself. None of this is on you. Maybe it's been going on for a long time. Maybe it's time that I found out. Maybe my whole marriage has been a facade. I won't rush. I will think it out. As of now, I'm not very hopeful.

"Here's the thing, Maxine. I know that guy she was with. Until now he was my best friend. He dated Coleen before I did. He was ready to marry her but she had some secrets. Her actions toward him were warped by those secrets. He didn't understand it and he broke up with her. He never learned that her actions were because of her secrets, not because of him."

Maxine said, "It sounds complicated. I hope you figure it out. So much depends on what you find out and how she reacts when she finds out that you know what she did. God help you both."

CH 07

My day was ruined. I tried to do my job but my heart wasn't into it. I handed the day's schedule to Mark and went home.

The house was empty when I got there. I decided to take advantage of that. l began looking for evidence of infidelity by the person that meant more to me than my own life. Yes, I would die for her, but can I live with her?

I looked in every drawer, nook, and cranny. After an hour, I had only one piece of evidence. I had a sack containing a package of condoms. I found the sack in one of the purses that Coleen keeps on her shelf in our closet. The condoms were unopened—still in their factory wrappings. Was that a good sign? It could mean that they stopped before they started. Sadly, it could also mean that he ended up going bareback.

My head was spinning as I entered the den. I sat in my chair and pondered the situation. I knew there had to be a confrontation. My first step would be to make a list of what I needed to cover.

I turned on the stereo and chose my "hits of the past" playlist in shuffle mode.

The songs from my playlist could be heard in the background as I began making my list in no particular order:

David Bentley,

Saturday in Tipton,

Family Inn,

condoms,

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

infidelity,

adultery,

betrayal,

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

divorce,

broken family,

custody.

visiting rights,

child support,

alimony,

I stopped making my list when I heard Coleen's car pulling into the garage. Why is she home so early? By now she's seen my car. This is not going according to my plan.

She walked down the hall. She opened the door and stepped into the den. She stopped short. She was listening to the music.

What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do,

Her face fell. I could swear she had a tear on her cheek. She muttered, "Honey, why are you home so early? Are you sick or something?"

I said, "Let's go with, 'or something.' I could ask you the same question."

She stood there motionless, saying nothing. I fiddled with my iPhone and the TV while saying, "Here's why I'm home early."

The TV began showing Maxine's video in all of its glory. Coleen moaned when it showed her and David looking at condoms. She was smiling at him on the screen but looking ready to faint in this den. When the video began showing them kissing in his Mercedes, she finally uttered a few words. She said, "Oh, my God! God, help me. How did you get this?"

When it showed them arriving at the Family Inn and entering room 215, she yelled "Turn it off. Turn it off. Let me explain."

I said, "It's almost over." After it showed her leaving room 215 and displayed a timestamp that was twenty minutes after she went it, I turned everything off.

She said, "I know how bad that looks. I'll admit that it's bad, but not as bad as it appears. The thing that killed me to watch was when David began kissing me in his car. I can only imagine what it did to you. In hindsight, however, it made all the difference in everything. It was when we were kissing that I fully realized the gravity and the possible ramifications of what we were doing. From that point on, I was looking for a way out."

She went on to say that right after the kissing she had shoved away from David and told him that she couldn't go through with this betrayal of her husband. She asked David to think about what he would be doing to his best friend.

She went on to say that when they got back in the room, she continued on the same track.

"Even if he doesn't find out, I will know and there will be guilt. In the past, a pang of lesser guilt nearly killed me! With all of the guilt that will come if we do this, can I ever act normally around Barry? How about when he kisses me? How about when he crawls into bed with me? How about when he becomes amorous?

"The answer to every question is 'NO.' He will see right through me. You know him. He's smart and he's savvy. He will catch you too. If you are truthful with yourself, you know that he will.

"Even of more importance than all of that, we both love him. Do we want to risk hurting him like this? That's the question."

She looked at her feet as she told me that David said, "Get out of here. Do it before I change my mind."

As she went out the door, he yelled, "You still owe me one."

She yelled back, "Not anymore. You just absolved me!"

Then she looked at me intently and said, "What's important is that nothing happened. I won't deny that I screwed up in the first degree, but in the end, we didn't fuck. The worst thing we did was kiss in his car. This is important: nothing happened."

I said, "Coleen, how can you say that nothing happened? A lot happened. First, somebody came up with the whole idea. When it comes to betraying me, I don't think you would let someone else make that decision for you. When it comes to committing adultery, did you make that decision yourself?

"How about all of the little details? Someone decided that your tryst had to be in Tipton, a town twenty-five miles west of here. Someone chose the Family Inn. Someone set the date and time. Someone set the limits and restrictions, if there were any. Then you, not someone else—you—decided to betray me. Don't tell me nothing happened. As you can see, a lot happened."

She said she didn't mean to imply that absolutely nothing happened, just that there was no adultery. Then she said that she would start at the beginning. And she did.

"For our afternoon break on that fateful day, Pauline and I decided to get some coffee at Starbucks. While we were sipping and talking, I saw David come through the door. He was by himself. When he saw me, he walked over to say hello.

"I introduced him to Pauline and he asked if he could join us. I sent a questioning look to Pauline and she invited him to sit down. Pauline had a class to teach before I did so she had to leave after about ten minutes. When it was just the two of us, we did some reminiscing.

"At some point, David said that he never stopped loving and wanting me. He said the biggest disappointment in his life was when I wouldn't have sexual intercourse with him. I told him that I felt bad about that but I had my reasons.

"He surprised me when he said, 'We could do I now. It would be a one-time thing. Back when we were hot to trot, you gave me blue balls dozens of times. You don't know how painful that can be. I think you owe me one no-blue-balls completion.' I was dumbfounded by his brazen suggestion.

"I'll admit that when the shock wore off, I understood his point of view. I had been unfair to him. It was not his fault, it was mine. I slowly began to agree that I did owe him something. I'll also admit that I wondered how it would be to have sex with him. I'd had sex with just two men previously. It was very different with each of them. There was a time when I loved David. I loved him a lot. I still like him. We might be good together. We might be fantastic! Nevertheless, I'm married now. I'm a mother now. I have a husband that loves me and I love him.

"I told him that I probably did owe him something, but the risk was too great. He said I could pick a time that worked for me. He would pick the place and he would guarantee that no one would ever know or even suspect. It would be a one-and-done escapade. We would do it for only one reason: to even the score.

"I told him it should be on a weekend when I could fake a shopping trip. It had to be our secret. It had to be risk-free. He agreed. When we left, I doubted that I would ever hear from him about it.