Darling Nikki Ch. 08

"Yes I do. Don't hold back."

"Fine. Let me start at the beginning."

I went all the way back to Meg and I, and how I never dreamed that I'd be with anyone other than her my whole life. I talked about the girls and how they made me feel, how much I enjoyed our time together, but how conflicted I was since multiple partners was never on my radar until Nikki started this whole thing. I talked about how much I cared about each and every one of them, and how my feelings were different for each of them. How I really enjoyed any time I spent with Chelsea; she was so self-possessed, demanding nothing, merely enjoyed anything and everything we did together. How Regina, Yelena, and Beth, for me, were more playmates than anything else. I mean, I cared for them, loved them, even, but what we did was purely for fun, not for love; there wasn't anything emotional in our sex, as far as I could tell. I talked about how Svetlana approached me with wanting me to be her Master, how I still struggled with trying to make sure I was giving her as much domination and pain as she wanted, worried that I wouldn't properly satisfy her. I told Bryce how much she, herself, meant to me, and how dear she was to me, and how conflicted I was that we'd been having sex, knowing now that we were committing emotional incest, and how conflicted I was that wanted to keep having sex with her.

And then I brought up Dana. I talked about our growing friendship, and how she enjoyed teasing me. How she figured out immediately after That Weekend that I was sexually active again. I told Bryce about the night of my birthday dinner that Dana had organized. What happened in the guest bedroom between us. What happened the next day. I did not, however, mention Trixie. I wasn't conflicted about Trixie at all, so didn't feel the car fell into our deal, and I really wanted Trixie to be a surprise to everyone.

And then I talked about my confliction regarding my growing feelings for Dana, and wondering if the fact that Dana was essentially Meg's twin was behind my feelings, or maybe her similarity to Meg wasn't a problem, but maybe I was fighting my feelings so hard because of my worry that she was. Not to mention the fact that I wanted to date Dana, but didn't want to give up any of the girls in trade. I knew that this wild sex thing we had going on was temporary, but I wanted to enjoy it as long as possible. And that conflicted me, because I didn't think it was fair to not try harder to decide what I felt for Dana because I didn't want to stop fucking six other women. I mean, how selfish can one guy be, right? I was such a mess!

I had finally stopped pacing. I was sitting in the wing-back chair, holding my empty bottle of cider; I was just staring at it as I wound down. I was done. Empty. Drained. But still holding on to that one last thing; I was hoping Bryce would be satisfied with everything I'd shared. I wasn't really trying to welch on a deal, but admitting that I wanted to make love to my darling Nikki? Gods, I wanted to avoid that.

"And Nikki? Why have you been shutting her out?"

Fuck.

She's not going to give up, is she? Until she's satisfied I've told her everything. Motherfucker.

After a few moments of me silently sitting in the chair, staring into my empty cider bottle, Bryce came over, sat on the floor, wrapped her arms around my legs and put her chin on my knee, looking into my eyes. She smiled at me, such a caring, warm, loving smile, full of trust and acceptance. That kind of killed me a little bit. Her face suddenly got all wavery and blurry, and I realized my eyes were full of tears.

Her voice very, very soft, and very, very kind, she said, "You can cry. No judgement." She kissed my knee. "It's kind of sexy, actually," she added, teasingly. I chuckled and sort of hiccupped, and the tears fell. "You need to say it, Daddy. Shit, sorry. Mr. Crowley."

I ran my fingers through her hair. "You can call me Daddy if you want, Pumpkin. I'm not about to let my hang-ups make you change who you are."

She kissed my knee again. "If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I'll stop. Honestly, I'll be ok. But thank you...Daddy." I could hear the smile in her voice. "Now, you need to say it."

"Say what?"

"You know what. You need to speak the words. What's making you cry right now. You need to voice it, get it out in the open. Just with me. But you have got to let it out." She kissed my knee again. "In your own time, Daddy. I'm not going anywhere."

I kept running my fingers through her hair, and stroked my fingertips down to her cheek and caressed her for a bit. I finally got my courage up, took a deep breath, and spoke.

"I'm a bad father, Bryce." I could hear her take a breath to speak up, so I quickly said, "Let me talk. If you interrupt I'll never get this out." She nodded. "I'm a bad father. That's an indisputable fact. You say I'm the best daddy ever. You're..." a heavy sigh, "you're not going to think that for long. See...you told me that you love me like I'm your father, and that you love me like a man, and that you want us to keep being intimate. Gods, I want that, too. Which, since I think of you like a daughter, is just so wrong! And, since we're being all open and honest and shit, and I'm telling the truth about everything...of all Nikki's friends, you're my favorite. You always have been. You're such a joy to be around. After all the things you told me today, I get that you've got a lot of dark, horrible shit in your past, but you've not let it darken your bright spirit. You're such an amazing woman! With all you've been through, it would be so easy for you to be bitter, to be hateful, for your soul to have shriveled. You could easily have become a small-minded, mean-spirited bitch, and you'd have been entirely justified. But you didn't! You stayed bright, happy, and amazing! Sure, you cause a little trouble, but that goes with the territory when you're eighteen.

"Until today, though, I didn't know all that. All I knew is that you're, simply put, fucking amazing, and you've always been my favorite. Even after we all started having sex, you're still my favorite. Your personality is just so...infectious and engaging. People want to be near you. I want to be near you! I want to hold you, protect you, love you, and fuck you. But...I think of you like a daughter. I feel like you're my daughter. And I still want to fuck you. Gods help me, I'm so fucked up.

"But that's not the worst part. You tell me you're ok with wanting us to keep making love, while we consider each other father and daughter. I believe you. I believe that you're completely ok with that. I'm not, though. Well, parts of me are." I chuckled in self-derision. "And I don't know what I'm going to decide about us. But...the reason why I'm a bad father -- in addition to you and me -- is that you're not the only daughter I want to make love to."

I was watching her carefully, dreading the look of horror I knew was coming. Imagine my shock, surprise, and confusion, when she simply smiled at me. A heart-breaking smile of tenderness and...acceptance?

"I know, Daddy. I figured it out in San Antonio. When Nikki was rubbing her twat on your crotch on the dance floor, I reckoned you were uncomfortable because it was your daughter. But when Nikki grabbed your cock, the look in your eyes told me that you weren't uncomfortable because of the way she was dancing, or that she was grabbing you so intimately. You were uncomfortable because you didn't want her to stop. I know you really, really well. I've been watching you for years, and I'm really good at not letting what I'm thinking and feeling show in my face and body...when I want. So I knew, as soon as she grabbed you, that you loved it. And that you were mortified about it. I think that desire had been building for awhile, but I'm not entirely sure. Am I right?"

"Yes, honey. You're right."

She nodded. "Thought so. Making a mental note to bring up something later, but for now, I'll stop interrupting. I know you have more to say."

"I'm a bad father, Bryce, because ever since That Weekend, when Beth dared Nikki to give Chelsea a lap dance, I've wanted Nikki. Well, that's when I noticed Nikki as a woman, in addition to her being my daughter. The rest of that night, and the weeks since...that desire has grown. It's gotten so bad that I can't think straight anymore. Any time Nikki walks into a room I fight with myself to just be her dad, not some skeevy old letch who pervs on his own flesh and blood. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I want to fuck my daughter? Why can I not get that desire out of my head, out of my heart, out of my fucking cock? It's killing me, Bryce!"

She climbed onto the arm of the chair, put her hand on the back of my head and pulled me down into her, my face resting on her shoulder as I cried. Just as I held her earlier while she sobbed her heart out, she did the same for me. When there were no more tears, and when my sobbing had stopped and I'd gotten my breathing back under control I looked up at her and kissed her on the lips. Not passionately, not like a lover, but in sheer gratitude. I felt better for finally having told someone of my unnatural desires, my near-obsession with my darling Nikki. I mean, I still felt like shit for having those desires in the first place, but getting it out in the open -- even if it never went beyond the two of us -- did me a whole world of good.

I stood up while holding Bryce and walked into the kitchen. "I'm hungry. You?"

She giggled and squirmed down, but not before kissing my lips again...and briefly flicking her tongue out to lick my lips. "Yep. I could eat. Can we keep talking while we get some food together?"

"Sure thing, Pumpkin. How does a salad sound?"

"Perfect." She started getting the salad fixings out of the fridge while I got down a big mixing bowl and some utensils.

As we started putting the salad together, she asked me, "Feel better?"

"A little. I was so scared to tell you. But you were right. It feels good to get that off my chest. I mean, I'm still pretty distraught with myself about this whole thing, but," I heaved a big sigh, "you not running screaming from the room did me a world of good."

She chuckled. "I can imagine. I was pretty scared to tell you everything I told you today. I don't like thinking about...remembering...everything that happened. And I was kind of scared that you'd look at me like I'm damaged goods, or worse, you'd look at me in pity. Or, when I told you that I'm in love with you, that you'd smile politely and try to figure out how to get the hell away. But you didn't do any of that. And it feels great!"

We finished putting the salad together and Bryce took it to the table while I got out plates and silverware. She grabbed drinks from the fridge and some salad dressing. We spent a bit eating in silence, taking comfort in each other. We'd shared our darkest secrets with each other; I felt much closer to the small, elfin girl sitting at our table. And as we enjoyed our companionable silence, I felt the love I felt for her shifting another degree closer to a true, full, romantic love. She was such an amazing person; she was right -- we had so much in common! In a lot of ways we were a good match. But...daughter. Emotional incest. I couldn't reconcile the two. For the moment, however, I was untroubled about it and just enjoyed our peaceful interlude.

As I cleaned up the dishes and Bryce put away the dressing and left-over salad, she said, "I know it's hot as balls outside, but after the tension of today, I could use a good soak in the hot tub. Join me, Daddy?"

Smiling, I told her that was a great idea. "Grab us some drinks and I'll go get it working, ok?"

I turned the hot tub on and moved a table over next to it. Bryce came outside, carrying our drinks. She set them on the table, said, "Be right back," and went back inside. I was in the water when she came back out, naked, carrying a cigar, punch, lighter, and ashtray. She set everything down on the table within easy reach of me and slid into the water and snuggled up to me.

Shortly, I had my cigar pulling nicely, a sexy as hell girl in my arm, and the water was heating up and starting to ease my tense muscles. Bryce was snuggled in tight, her breasts dragging enticingly across me as she breathed deeply, her small hand stroking my chest above the water line. We sat out there for quite some time, enjoying the water, our closeness, our drinks, and my cigar.

I was nearly done with it when Bryce finally started talking. "We had so much fun with Dana on your birthday. Nikki and I talked about that evening for days. I could tell that some of your enjoyment was forced, but you covered it pretty well. Until we hit the dance floor." She giggled. "Do you remember what I said to you in the limo on the way home? I said, 'watching you and Nikki dance like that is the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen.' I wasn't teasing you." She kissed my chest softly. "I tease you a lot, I know. I like to make you uncomfortable and push your boundaries; it makes you take me a little rougher. So I love messing with you. But I meant what I said. Seeing Nikki grind on you like that? I was so wet! And now that I know for sure that you want to take her to bed...fuck, it's even hotter!" She shivered a little.

"The thought of having sex with Fuckhead or Shitstain? Ew. No. The thought of having sex with my mom? Doesn't really do anything for me. But the idea of incest. The fantasy? I get off on that. A lot. For a long time, now. And when we have sex? For me, it's incestuous. You're the Daddy I should have had, and sleeping with you is simply...wonderful. For so many reasons! I don't want to stop. And I know you're having a rough time with the thought because you think of me as a daughter, too. Which gets all wrapped up with you wanting to fuck Nikki. In your head it's bad, and wrong, and the worst thing you could imagine. Because that's how most people think. That's how we've been conditioned to think."

"But who knows you better than family? Who loves Nikki more than you? No one in the entire universe. And finally seeing her as a sexual being is only natural. And frightening for such a good, dedicated, protective, amazing father. So yeah, you're all twisted up because your dick gets hard when Nikki hugs you, and you think about how her face was smothered with Regina's pussy...or how she licked your come off Svetlana's tits."

My cock was at full mast by this point, but fortunately Bryce was still talking, watching me, her attention not on what state Junior might be in. "I don't want to stop fucking Nikki, either. I think of her as a sister. I've thought of her that way for a lot longer than I've considered you my Daddy. Thinking about fucking my sister gets me almost as wet as thinking about fucking you. Unless Nikki tells me she doesn't want me anymore, I'm going to keep having sex with her. I love her. Hell, I'm in love with her, just like I'm in love with you.

"And I know that's something else you're having difficulty with. You've never thought about loving more than one person at a time romantically. Our culture tells us that we're only capable of being in love with one person at a time...even while telling us that we can platonically love a billion people. It's stupid. Society looks down on Polyamory. They think only deviants can live that life...even though Poly relationships -- the ones where people are up-front and honest, anyway -- are typically far more stable and healthier than 'regular' relationships. That hypocrisy drives me bat-shit.

"Anyway, here you are, still in love with Meg, and you love me and the other girls, and you're halfway in love with me, and you're really into Dana, and all that, on its own, is confusing as shit. Which I get. But then...all of a sudden, you realize you want to slide your cock inside Nikki. You want to shove your tongue down her throat, squeeze her tits and suck her amazing nipples. You want to taste her absolutely delicious pussy, and thrust your cock into her over, and over, and over, and over, until you fill her up with your seed." My cock was throbbing by this point. It took every bit of self-control I possessed to keep smoking my cigar and pretend that this wasn't affecting me. "Everything you've ever learned tells you that thinking those thoughts, having those fantasies, is evil. That you're evil."

She ran her tongue around my nipple. Then she sucked on it, her other hand sliding behind me to softly stroke my waist under the water. She kissed her way up my chest to my neck and spent some time gently kissing, sucking, licking and nibbling -- torturing my most sensitive spot -- working her way up to my earlobe, her tongue playing with my small black hoop earring. She slipped her tongue inside my ear, causing my cock to spasm. She moaned softly, her lips brushing my ear, "You're not evil. You're a wonderful man, a wonderful father. You're the best Daddy in the world. The only way that your desires could be evil is if you tried to bed Nikki, she said no, and you took her anyway. There's not a fucking thing wrong with wanting Nikki. Don't torture yourself because you want to make love to one of the sexiest women in existence. Let yourself enjoy the fantasies. Accept that you're a good man. A good man who just happens to want to give his daughter the best fucking she'll ever have."

She spent another long while making love to my ear with her mouth, then said, "The morning after the storm when I touched you and you came? I'm pretty sure it's because your hard cock was between her thighs before I moved her. And I know she was wet; I could smell her. Fucking hell, I love the way my sister smells." She kissed my cheek, then the corner of my mouth. "I know you came when I touched you because your cock was soooooooo close to being inside the pussy you want the most."

She pulled my head down, pressed her lips to mine, and slid her tongue into my mouth. It was the tenderest, and most passionate, kiss we'd ever shared. "Tell me you want to fuck Nikki."

"I want to fuck Nikki, Bryce. So damned bad!"

"Tell me I'm your daughter."

I shuddered, from head to toe. I groaned, "You're my daughter, Bryce. My little girl."

"Tell me you love me."

"I love you so very, very much!"

We kissed again. I nearly came but managed to clamp down on my orgasm.

"Tell me you want to fuck me, your tiny daughter."

"Oh fuck!" I gasped. "Bryce, I want to fuck you! I want you so much. You're my little punk fuck fairie and I want to fill you up! I want your cunt to swallow my cock. I want to fill you so full of my come that it spills out of you!"

"Take me to bed, Daddy. Fuck your little girl."

Growling, I wrapped my arms around her, got out of the hot tub and practically ran up to her room, that little bucket of fuck cradled in my arms, her mouth hungrily working on my neck. I tossed her on her bed, spread her legs, and dove face-first into her pussy, my tongue stabbing deep inside her, relishing her taste, loving the hint of strawberry in her juices.

She grabbed me by the hair and hauled me up her body. "I love when you go down on me, Daddy, but right now I need your cock. Please love me, Daddy. Make love to me. Please?"

My heart full of love, my head full of confusion, passion, lust, doubt, a smidge of self-loathing and a dash of disgust at myself, I slid my cock ever so slowly into my tiny girl. Her tight twat welcomed me, our tongues slowly working on each other. I slid slowly back out of Bryce, then slowly back in. She wrapped her legs around my waist and crossed her ankles over my ass. Her hands -- usually digging into my flesh -- were tenderly holding me, her arms trembling. "I love you, Daddy. I love you so much! Please keep making love to me. Stay inside me. Stay inside me forever. Fuck!"