Daughter of Lesbian Vampire Cougars Ch. 03

Chapter 3: Where do you think you're going?!

"What do you mean she disappeared?!"

"I don't know, I mean, she didn't come back to room last night, I just assumed she found somewhere else to sleep!"

"How the hell did she get out?!"

"I, I don't know, we checked all the locks! Nothing's been tampered with!"

"You understand what will happen if she gets away? What the Lilim will do to us?"

"I know, I understand, she's my responsibility, I'll go look for her."

This isn't how I wanted to start my morning, Emily you little shit, if you've fucked things up for us, I swear we'll make you suffer for the rest of however long you live!

--------*------------

It's still there, it hasn't dried, the patch is as fresh as the moment it splattered over the wall. It's almost eerie, looking at what are pieces of my brain splayed out on this ugly, grungy wallpaper in this filthy motel.

This isn't a place I ever thought I'd end up, hiding from psychopathic vampires in a flea-bitten motel on the outskirts of LA. And yet here I am, hiding in this room, hiding from the outside world, having just attempted and failed to commit suicide.

I guess it was wishful thinking, a gunshot to the head being enough to kill me was too much to ask for. That was maybe an hour ago, my wounds have healed but the blood and brain matter are still there, staining the wall, as fresh as they were the second, they splattered all over the wall.

It's still off putting looking at it, it shows both my humanity and inhumanity, a piece of me could stain that wall forever, never drying or rotting or fading away.

I wonder what would happen if someone actually found it; would they freak out? Would they maybe try to eat it? I mean isn't my blood and flesh supposed to be some kind of addictive drug or something now? What would that mean if someone did? Would I have my own ghoul? Would that alert the Lilith and her agents and set them on my trail?

So many questions, no answers, I barely understood the world when I was human, now I find out there's a whole new layer that I have even less comprehension of. Are they going to come after me now? Will the Lilith come after me now? Should I have stayed? No, the abuse would just get worse, but now what happens? Where do I go? How do I leave LA? How do I get out of California? Will that even make a difference?

I can't go back to my mom, they'll kill her if I even set foot in Orange County, I can't stay in LA they'll find me so easily. If I leave this state, where would I even go? Utah? Nevada? Mexico? Oregon? How the hell would I even survive there? And why would that be any less dangerous?

Last night seemed like such a blur, it was almost as if I was operating on instinct. I remember being a bat, I remember flapping my wings as far as they would carry me, I didn't even know where I was going or how far I had flown, I just wanted to get as far away from that house as possible.

When I finally landed, I regained my human form, I didn't even try, it just came automatically like instinct, like taking the form of a bat was somehow unnatural and consumed a lot of effort and energy, like tensing a muscle.

I didn't know where I was, only that it was some kind of rural area, right on the outskirts of the LA city limits, by the side of a highway. I was naked, cold, alone in the rain, I had no idea what was going to happen to me, I was terrified that I'd be attacked by some kind of wild animal or worse.

Thankfully it appeared that my answered; a trucker spotted me, assumed I was some kind of hitchhiker, took a look at my body and offered me a ride in exchange for certain 'favors' involving my mouth. I know I had Regina's blood in me, but I wasn't ready to embrace her teachings just yet, not that it was necessary. I don't know whether it was something in my saliva when I gave him a peck on the cheek, or maybe it was another vampire power, a form of glamour or hypnosis that activated on instinct without me meaning to or realizing, but somehow, I was able to convince him to let me ride with him for free.

He agreed to drop me off at a nearby motel, and being the ever-stalwart gentleman, gave me enough money to pay for a room for the night. When I arrived at the front desk I was confronted by the owner; she was an older blonde woman, maybe in her late 30s, at first, she was shocked to see a young, naked girl like myself walk into her business, she asked if I spoke English, if I was a victim of trafficking and if she should call the police. Oh god she has no idea how right she was.

No, with everything going on bringing the police into this was the last thing I needed. I looked the woman straight in the eyes, and whether it was through instinct or sheer determination I could feel myself drawing on some kind innate vampire power. I was hypnotizing her, placing her under a glamour.

I commanded the woman to give me a room for free, and to give me a spare set of clothes, some money out of the register and the gun she was keeping under the desk in case of robbers. Thankfully she lived here as well, the front office doubled as her own apartment and as luck would have it, she was the same size and build as me.

I've stayed in this room since then, I didn't get dressed, didn't even bathe, just sat down in the bed in this one spot, staring at the floor, trying to get a hold of myself; even if I still needed to breath, I don't think I'd be able to control it. I felt an overwhelming need for stillness, like a deer caught in headlights, I had this overwhelming anxiety paralyzing my body, I couldn't move a muscle.

I just sat there for I don't know how long, I stop keeping of time when I first turned into a bat, time had no meaning at this point. How much time actually passed didn't dawn on me until the sun literally dawned on me; as the light seeped in from beneath the curtains it seemed to signal something in my brain, something that told me it was alright to move and the danger was over, the anxiety dropped to a more manageable level, but I knew that was just some nonsensical emotional response, like some sort of animal instinct from my stupid monkey brain.

I know I'm not out of danger, I know the sun isn't any kind of real defense, after all it doesn't do anything to me.

It was at this point I decided to try the gun, just for shits and giggles really, but also out of a kind of morbid curiosity, curious to see what it's like to be shot in the head. It wasn't bad, it was like a really massive headache, but it got better.

Why the hell did I make her give this thing to me, I knew it wouldn't do anything, I knew it was useless, I guess it must just be my stupid monkey brain again. The same stupid monkey brain that made me fall in love with Farah, the same stupid monkey brain that made me fall in love with Veronica and Regina, the same stupid monkey brain that landed me in this mess.

I contemplated for a moment what to do with this gun, should I return to the owner of the motel? I mean I could just glamour her again, make her forget she gave it to me, but what if I may need it later on, but if something happens to her and she can't defend herself?

I'm tired, I'm exhausted, my head hurts, but at the same time I'm too afraid, too full of adrenaline to stop. I can feel movement returning to my body in the form of shaking, like my nerves were vibrating, I drop the gun because my hands can't hold it through the shaking, I have to figure what I'm going to do, I'm stranded here, no where to go for help, no way to get out, they'll find me eventually and then.

I want to go home, but I can't, I want to just regress into being a little girl and sleep in my bed and be with my mom, but I can't.

I can't ever go back, there's no way to go back.

I take a breath as I realize my 'family' is already on my trail, I don't have much time. I have to get washed and get dressed, I have to keep moving, I'm going to take the gun with me.

------*-------------

"The Lilith and her people can't know about this, you understand?"

"Yes mama, I understand."

"If the Lilith finds out about this, that's it for us, you know she's looking for any reason to declare us outcasts."

"I know."

"How you deal with Emily?"

"Well for a start I'm going to beat the shit out of her when I find her."

"We can't kill her, she's already been registered with the Lilith's people, do you know what a scandal it will be if we kill our own child so soon after we turn her?"

"We don't even know if it's possible for any of us to actually die."

"Not the point, no one can hear about this, no one can find out how we allowed a child to outwit us."

"Alright, I understand, I'll look for her. She can't have gone that far."

------*----------

I showered as thoroughly as possible, getting as much of the dirt, grim, blood and whatever else was stuck to my skin off my body. I swear no matter how many times I bathe I won't feel clean ever again.

I get out of the shower and check myself in the mirror, only to realize I don't have a reflection.

I was surprised at first, I guess I assumed Regina's blood meant I was free of my vampiric weaknesses, but then again, I guess this isn't really a weakness.

I wonder, what would it have been like for Veronica or the others to live like this, to go through all this for what must've been years, if not possibly decades before Regina came along. I know for a fact they can project their reflections into mirrors, after all I saw Veronica do it.

It's funny, two weeks of being a vampire, and only now does it dawn on me how bizarre this situation is.

I look into this mirror, to the empty spot where I'm supposed to be and I see nothing. I tentatively wave my hand, still nothing, I pick up the complementary toothbrush the sink and hold it up, now it looks like it's floating there by itself. Emily the haunted toothbrush, that sounds like the title of a children's book.

It must be a skill Regina taught them, to make themselves appear in a mirror like a normal person. It makes me wonder how vampires cope like this, basic things like doing your make up, or just looking at yourself.

Does that mean you have to use other people as your mirror? That you need to rely on the input of others to tell you how you look? To be dependent on others for something so small.

Is that why vampires need slaves like Ghouls around? Are they so helpless for basic things that they need to helped? I can't help but think it's funny to think of someone horrible and cruel like Farah needing a slave to apply makeup or feed like she's some kind of baby, she certainly acts like a baby, it wouldn't surprise if she actually did that at one point.

Vampires at their core are slave masters, they kidnap you, they torture you, they addict you to them, and then when they use you up, they eat you. And yet despite that we fetishize them, I fetishized them, I masturbated to them, I actually fantasized about this exact situation. What is wrong with me, what kind of person, what kind of animal fetishizes its own enslavement, its own predator. Do I deserve this?

I can't dwell on these thoughts, time is of the essence, I have to get dressed and get moving.

And then it hits me like a ton of bricks, I feel light-headed, it's hard to keep standing, I have to put my hand against the wall to keep steady. I haven't eaten anything since the night before last, I've been running on adrenaline this whole time. Everything I've been through in the last couple of days: the abuse, running away, shapeshifting into mist and then a bat, flying outside the city limits, using my powers, not sleeping, I can finally feel it all taking its toll on me.

I can't stop, they'll be looking for me now, but I feel like I can barely move. Turning into a bat isn't an option, I can feel I don't have it in me, I'm not even sure I'll be able to make it out the door let alone make it to the next state.

I have to feed, I need real food, real blood; the woman downstairs will do.

No! What the fuck is wrong with me?!

I can't hurt an innocent person; I'll just have to find an animal or something.

And as if on cue, heightened by hunger, I could hear a rustling from the corner of the room, the sound of a cockroach trying very hard to hide itself from me.

I could smell its fear, I could hear it tentatively using its feelers to sense me through the air, I knew exactly where it was, and the fact that this all came about as normal and natural to me now was in and of itself utterly surreal.

But this is my life now, and as if driven by some kind of predatory instinct, I sought out my prey, moving with an unnatural grace I didn't know I had; climbing over the bed with cat like poise, before the roach could hope to scurry away, I grabbed it off the wall and held in front of me.

It was fat and old, I don't think it had much time life, maybe a day or two before it expired, I think it was pregnant, I had no idea how I knew that, the only interaction I had with roaches was to crush them.

It fought me for dear life, desperately scurrying it legs to escape my grasp and biting my thumb with its mandibles. After moment's hesitation, I made the choice to consume it, popped it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth. As it crunched inside my mouth, I could feel the taste of its, I wouldn't call it blood, but it does feed me.

It was bitter, it's flesh tasted vaguely like shrimp, it was hardly appetizing, it was about as nourishing and satisfying as a single stale potato chip, but it was something, I could feel a morsel of strength returning to me, at last enough that I could start moving again.

I'd need to find something bigger, preferably a mammal or bird, maybe a rat or even stray cat or dog.

I can't believe I'm seriously doing or thinking these things, but I need food, but I don't want to hurt people.

I'm not a monster.

--------*-----------

"She turned into mist and then a bat, and she figured out how to do that in just a couple weeks, on her own without any help or instruction?" I still couldn't believe it, I thought she was helpless, I mean it took me years to figure that shit out.

"She's got real potential, it's a shame we'll have to kill her, we could've trained her up to be something special." Devana said with a smirk.

We both stood here in the garden, trying to find any trace of Emily we could, Regina insisted I bring her along, it is technically her job to deal with problems, but Emily is still my responsibility so I demanded that I be put in charge, Devana of course objected, there was a hierarchy after all and my status in the family hasn't been fully restored yet, but Regina saw the wisdom in letting me lead, I have a blood link to Emily now so I can sense her and track like no one else.

"Do, do we really need to kill her?"

"You think she can be brought back after all this?"

"It's just, that's my little girl you're talking about you know, I sired her."

"You've only had her for what? Two maybe three weeks now? I realize siring someone is a deeply intimate experience, but you have to keep your head about you little sweetie. Emily is no different than any other whore we've had to dispose of, this time we just made the mistake of getting too close."

"You don't think taking her back alive is an option?"

"Would you come back? If we treated you this way when we first met? I certainly wouldn't in her position; if I were her, I would've tried suicide by now."

"You don't think she managed that, do you?!"

"If she did that would be a massive weight off our chests, but lest we forget she is one of us, it may not even be possible to die."

"You don't think Regina will actually kill her? Do you?"

"I don't know, I've never seen Regina this angry before. I don't think she'll actually kill Emily, that's not in her nature, she's a very gentle soul, but there will be consequences."

"Maybe we were just too hard on her."

I expected Devana to scold me or have some snarky retort handy, but instead I was confronted but a sad sigh, does this mean she doesn't want to hurt Emily either?

"I knew this would happen, I knew we would drive her away, I thought I could be the voice of reason, I thought I could play the role of the family arbiter, I thought I was better than you or Farah, that I had a cooler, more rational head. But I was wrong, I'm not different from the rest of you, just a disgusting predator and sadist ruled by my own emotions; when I had her during her first week, I told her she'd be safe and loved if she was a good girl, I knew it would end like this, I guess in my mind it was just a compromise to get my sweet Valencia, and got carried away with all the fun and games."

"I didn't expect that from you, if you really did say that to Emily, I guess I owe you, that was really sweet."

"I thought you were eavesdropping on us?"

"For a little while, and then when you started getting deep into your story, I decided to leave the two of you be."

"That was surprisingly decent of you, and rather dumb, I could've bit off her toes after all, hers wouldn't have grown back."

"You wouldn't have done that, you're not that kind of person, you're not another Farah. Besides Regina would've booted you out if you did."

"That's not what Emily told me, she said you talked me up like the family sadist. That's Farah not me."

"Farah has Vanessa keeping her in check, you alone in that dungeon, I couldn't be sure."

"This is about that boy, isn't it? You think I'm so petty I'd hurt an innocent just to get back you for that?"

"Well why not, I would."

"I'm not you, I wouldn't have hurt Emily like you did, I wouldn't have sold her out just to save myself a little pain."

"That didn't stop you from inflicting it on her."

"That's different, she was naughty, she needed to be punished."

"Well, we were both shitty to her, and we both went overboard."

"But only one of us is her mother."

That hit hard.

"Ok, I fucked up, and I wasn't ready to be a mama, I admit it. So, do we do now? We're stuck with her."

"Let's just find her first, she couldn't have gone far, she hasn't eaten much, even as a bat she couldn't have covered much distance."

------*---------

What do I do now? Hitchhike?

I don't even know where I'm going yet, I don't even know where I am. It probably best I don't have a phone on me, they'll use that to track me or something.

I'm so hungry, I need food, real food. Blood, flesh, sex, I don't care what, I just some energy, I need to make this hunger go away.

But I can't go after a person, I know this is hunger is too strong, I can't go near a person or it will end just like Mel, the last thing I need is a dead body causing no end of problems.

I turn my gaze the room window, facing the rear side of the motel, where I am is an isolated area, I can see forest outside, I can hear, no sense, the life teeming in those trees. Birds, squirrels, mice, ants, bees, flies, maggots.

I see them all and I crave their flesh.

I open the window and jump down to the ground in one smooth motion, like drawing on some kind of animal instinct I didn't know I had; I crawled on the ground on all fours like a hungry dog, sniffing the air, I could smell blood pumping through their veins, excreted through sweat, mixed with the breath they exhale.

To the dull eyes of a mortal human, this forest if just a forest, they could only see trees, maybe they could birds chirping and see movement, but they wouldn't sense it to the level I do.

I smell them wafting in the air, I can smell them on a level that an animal would; odors have become fingerprints, each one the mark of an individual, I can differentiate them by age, sex and health.

I can sense a rabbit, like some kind of intense radar I can sense the air move in reaction to its movement, and I knew it knew I was out here and that I was hungry. I could feel its ears moving about to get a bead on me, I could feel its whiskers vibrate in the air as it tried to get a hold of my scent. It was afraid, I could sense it was ready to empty its bladder.