Daughter of Lesbian Vampire Cougars Ch. 03

I moved quickly, with lightning quick reflexes and a speed I didn't think my body was capable of, running on all fours I chased after the rabbit which scurried away as quickly as its little legs could carry it. It was no match for me, even in my weakened state I moved at a supernatural pace, I snatched the creature by one of its legs and used my fangs to tear into its stomach, ripping it open and feasting on its innards.

It was pregnant, that's why it was so slow, why I caught it so easily.

I could feel myself disassociating again, I wasn't really in control of my body anymore, I knew this was wrong, I could feel my disgust at what I was doing, at the taste of the digestive fluid leaking from its stomach, I could feel the gore and viscera coating my skin and nails, I could taste the difference between organs and muscles, I could taste its fetus.

I knew this was wrong, I knew this was disgusting, but this was all I could do, it's not that I didn't have control over myself really, I did, or at least I think I did. But my mind is acting like this, providing commentary on how disgusting these actions are while I'm doing them, like I was viewing separated from my body, it had a mind of its own and I was just a bystander trapped in my own brain. I'm not even really me, I'm like an actor following a script.

By the time I had finished there wasn't much left of the carcass, just a few half-eaten bones, clumps of fur and inedible flesh.

I could feel control of my body returning, my mouth was thick with the aftertaste of blood, bile, feces and urine. I looked at my hands, my nails caked with blood and gore, it was now that I was very happy, I couldn't see myself in the mirror.

I need to shower again.

----------*--------------

We decided to take my car, it was a petty argument over who got to drive, but Devana eventually agreed that it made more sense for to drive since I was tracking Emily, and she didn't really take kindly to the idea of having me as the backseat driver.

Tracking Emily wasn't that hard, it wasn't so much an issue of smell as it was sense, I guess it'd be hard to describe to non-vampires, but the bond of blood, between vampires of the same kin, especially between a sire and her child is an intense, one that leaves a deep psychic link between us. I can sense her, where is and where she's been, just like a bloodhound following a scent. Even if she's literally on the other side of the world I can track her.

It's probably not gonna surprised you, but Devana isn't exactly my favorite sister, I mean the first time we ever met she broke my teeth. Even after that she was always more slap than tickle, between her and Farah is it any wonder I gravitated to Vanessa?

"What will you do with her once we catch her?"

"You're her mother, Regina's the head of the family, I'm just enforcer, I won't do anything other than subdue her. If you're wondering if I'll kill her that's only if Regina orders me to."

It was a little disturbing how casually she said that, I mean we've had Emily for three weeks, but she's still our blood. Would she have done this to me if it was me who ran away?

"What would you like me to do?"

"I just want to bring her home."

"What if she doesn't want to come with us?"

"We won't give her a choice."

"What if she fights back?"

"We'll break her arms and legs and teeth, and then we'll drag her back."

"I didn't expect that, a little harsh don't you think."

"That's funny considering you and your girlfriend raped her."

"I didn't hear you complaining at the time."

She was right, neither of our hands are clean, as much as I hate to admit it, we did drive Emily to this. I drove her to this.

"We can't come back home empty handed, you know that's not an option, if we do Regina's anger will be the least of our problems, we'll be in violation of vampiric law. That means at the very least the Lilith will have the right to exile us, if not execute us."

"You don't think I know that."

"Just a friendly reminder, I'm the family's protector, I'll do anything to keep us safe; if Emily doesn't cooperate, I will kill her, and if you try and help her, I'll kill you too."

She really meant that, I could feel a chill in the air as those words left her mouth, she was deadly serious. Is this what she really thinks of me? That I'm this soft? That I'm just waiting to turn traitor.

"You won't have to, if Emily doesn't cooperate, I'll kill her myself."

Now that got her attention, she looked right at me with shocked expression her face, she definitely wasn't expecting me to say that. I couldn't tell if she was genuinely shocked or if she was trying to figure out whether or not I was bullshitting her.

"Emily is my responsibility, I brought her into the family, it's only right I put her down if she puts us at risk."

"You're just trying to impress me now, aren't you?"

"You really think you have me figured out don't you, it's been what now? A century? A century and a half? After all that time you still don't think I'm loyal, you still don't think I love you and Regina? You're my family, that's all that matters to me, of course I'll kill to protect us."

"Are you sure? She is your daughter after all."

"That's why I'm going to give her an opportunity to make amends. Look don't get me wrong, I love her, she's my blood, so I'll give a chance to surrender and reason with her. But if she doesn't, if she turns me down, I'll gut her like a fucking dog."

"You say that now, but when the moment comes will you actually do the deed; maternal instinct is an incredibly powerful force, one that is universal in all living creatures, even vampires."

I didn't respond, I just tried to focus on the road.

"The fact that you are tracking her the way you are is proof of this, you have a bond with her, a blood bond, a soul bond even, one of the most potent bonds a living creature can have with another, it's the kind you and I share, the kind we share with Regina. But in a way it's a lot more potent, you are her sire, your blood literally flows through her, you turned her, you lay with her in the grave and nurtured her as she transformed into one of us. That is an intense relationship, none of us, not even Regina has ever experienced this with another."

She's right, I can feel it even now, I hate her and I want to kill her, but at the same time I love her, but I barely know her. What have I done to myself? I wonder if Emily feels the same way, does that mean she can be reasoned with? Can I use that to bring her back? Or will she be too terrified to accept those feelings.

Listen to me, I've known this girl maybe three weeks at the absolute most and look what's happened; the fact that I was asking that, the fact that I was worried about how she felt, when she's really just a glorified whore. She's a slave, that's all she ever was, and now I let her get ahold of me, let her take advantage of me, seduce me, turn me against my family.

And yet I can't stop feeling this way, even though I know the truth, these feelings are real and I can't push them away, I've done this to myself.

---------*----------

I don't think I'll ever feel clean ever again, I've been in this shower for what feels like hours.

How much time have I lost? But I needed it, I needed to get the gore off my hair and skin, I had to wash the blood out of my mouth.

How long until I do this to a person, it felt so good and so natural, and I could imagine myself doing this to a human being, part of me wanted to imagine the rabbit was really a child.

Pregnant creatures, even cockroaches taste better, I guess I shouldn't be surprised by that, eating a mother and her unborn child is exactly the kind of thing a vampire would enjoy.

I can't linger on this for too long, I've wasted enough time. I'm fed, I'm healthy again, I can move, I can focus on putting distance between myself and the rest of the family.

As I get dressed, I look at the pistol I left on the bed, and I have to ask myself is there any point in carrying that thing with me.

Last night when I ordered the receptionist to give it to me, I seriously thought maybe blowing my brains out was a realistic option, but now that I know even that won't kill me, what good is it going to do against them? This is a security blanket, nothing more.

Alright then, forget it, I have enough problems without getting caught with a stolen gun.

Jeans, shirt, socks, boots and denim jacket, nothing fancy, nothing sexual, ideal for keeping a low profile.

I tied my hair up into a ponytail, I tried cutting the length to help disguise my identity, only to have it grow back, the exact same length as if nothing happened.

I wonder if this state is natural, Regina and the others all told me stories about shapeshifting, and I know for a fact that I can do the same. Devana told me Vanessa and Farah were able to turn themselves into 'human spiders', and yesterday when she made love to me, I swear she grew extra arms.

When Regina brought me into her room, when I spent the day with her, she told me she could choose any form she wanted, that she could be whatever she wanted to be, and if she chose it that this would be her true form.

Did she mean that literally? Is that the secret of her power? Self-image? How she saw herself and how she wanted to be seen by others? Like if she decided to look human her form would change to be human.

That would actually be consistent with my experiences, I just wanted to disappear and escape, and then I turned into mist. I wanted to fly away, towards the moon, towards freedom, and then I turned into a bat.

Could I change into an animal just by focusing on something I want? Change my body or even change appearance to look like another person?

Could that be some be the key to their power? Something as simple as wishing it? Imaging it? Altering your self-image and then it becomes reality?

It sounds ridiculous, it sounds like something from a child's fantasy, but then I've been finding reality is stranger than fiction.

Ok then, let's start with something simple, my fingernails have always short and stubby, I've had a bad habit of biting them when I'm nervous, not exactly prime tickler material, another reason why I'd never fit into that family.

Ok, let's see if I can't make my nails grow, not into talons, maybe just something a little longer. This isn't like when I was hunting earlier, out there I couldn't control myself, like my body was just operating on some kind of animal instinct, this is going to be a conscious effort to alter my body.

I hold out my right hand in front of me, I focus on my nubby little nails and try to imagine them growing longer, I even start giving myself an internal mantra.

Grow.

Grow.

Grow.

Grow.

Nothing's happening.

Why isn't anything happening, I could feel that I was right though, I'm just missing something.

When I turned into mist, it wasn't a command I was giving myself, it was a desire, an emotional response, a need to escape, and by that time I could feel myself fantasizing about disappearing, about turning into water and going down the drain of the bathtub. Seeing, in my mind's eye, my human form disintegrating, my self-image literally dissolving.

Is that it? I can't just tell one my part of my body to do something, I need to feel not think, I need to link it to an emotional need, and I need it to encapsulate my entire sense of self.

Ok, so what would I need to do to make my nails grow? What are fingernails to me? I've always thought of them as sexy; I've actually enjoyed being tickled myself, and I won't deny when Farah first came to my café her fingernails were beautiful, and were one of the main reasons I was drawn to her.

Ok, I want to feel sexy, I want to feel joy, I want to be seen the same way I saw Farah.

Holy shit, it's actually working.

Right in front of my eyes, I could see my nails growing and taking shape into long, sharp, sexy nails, the kind that all the cougars had. And then I remembered, they're still looking for me. And just as quickly they returned back to normal.

What was that just now? If my shapeshifting is linked to my emotional state, then if I become afraid my instincts are to hide, to become, well me. Oh god, no wonder I wanted to join Regina's family, if I could I would see a therapist, but I guess that's not really an option anymore.

I wonder, does it only apply to shapeshifting, or does it apply to other aspects of Regina's powers?

The mirror, I wonder if I want to see myself in the mirror will I appear?

I make my way back to the bathroom and find myself face to empty space with the mirror. I look at space where my reflection should be and see only empty space, I try to remember what I look like. The color of my hair, the paleness of my skin, the shape of my eyes, the light pink shade of my lips.

And then I remember, I was able to see myself in the mirror after I was turned, I remember I could see myself on the night Veronica returned, it was such a small and quick thing I completely forgot about it, but I could see myself just fine. That was because I wanted to be seen, because I wanted to make myself beautiful for her.

So that's what it comes down to, wanting to be seen, wanting to be beautiful.

But the only time I've ever felt that way is with Veronica or the rest of the family, they made me want to be beautiful, to be seen by them. Oh god, does this mean I really have fallen in love with them? Every second passes I find a new problem to deal with, a new disaster to clean up.

Ok, time to stop thinking about that for now, I need to focus, I need to see myself in this mirror.

What other times have I felt this way, wanting to be seen by someone, wanting to be beautiful for someone?

There was Mel, but that was just a schoolgirl crush, I mean she was really a friend than a romantic interest. There's my mom, but she's my mom, I mean I love her but not in that way.

What do I love? Who do I want to be seen by?

Who did I grow my nails out for just now? I wasn't thinking of anyone in particular, I mean I did think of Farah, but I didn't want to be seen by her, god no. But I just wanted to feel beautiful, I wanted to feel loved, feel seen like I saw Farah.

I made fun of it before, but I guess I do want to be kawaii, I do want to be seen as cute, like stereotypical Asian girls you seen in Japan and Korea and all that. Maybe I should try that, imagine myself that way; cuter, skinnier, smaller.

I can feel it, I can feel muscles, bones and body fat shifting and shrinking, and slowly, ever so slowly I can see a new image forming in the glass of the mirror. Slowly emerging like some kind of ghost, I can see something of this new me, this idealized me forming.

She's not me, and yet she is, the me I always wished to be, the me I dreamed of myself as, the me I think is beautiful.

And then just quickly she vanishes.

They found me, I can feel them, they're close.

-------*--------

"I can feel her, she's close."

"Remember what we talked about."

"I remember."

I pulled the car up to the front of a ratty little motel, I gotta say I'm a little impressed Emily made it this far out of town without getting the attention of the Lilith or anyone else on the lookout for one of us.

First, she turns into a bat, flies to the city limits, then she manages to seduce a trucker into giving her a lift, without any instruction and a week of being starved. Devana was right, she has potential, I guess I just thought of her as an overgrown baby or a China doll, something fragile that wouldn't be able to survive in the real world.

Well, I guess it doesn't matter that much, one way or another she won't be free for too long.

We approached the motel, I could smell her from here, she's definitely in one of those rooms; as we made our way up the stairs to the second floor I could hear movement, someone had just jumped out the window and was running into the woods.

We both jumped up to the roof and made our way to the other side to get a view, and sure enough we found Emily, running as fast as she could into the woods.

We both gave chase, running after her like wolves chasing deer, she was running for dear life and knew we were gaining on her. I managed to grab her by the collar, but the second I did she vanished leaving an empty set of clothes in front of me, I literally tripped over my own feet, almost faceplanting into the ground. I looked up at the sky and saw that she had turned herself into a bat, if she really thought that'd work, she was going to find two could play that game.

I changed my form into a raven, twice the size of her puny flying rat, I took flight after her; she was still new to this form, she hadn't even really gotten the hang of her wings work, and she wouldn't get the chance. I used my talons to take hold of her wings and broke the bones in my grip, I started pecking at the back of her neck for good measure, trying to pinch and tear whatever bit of skin I could latch onto.

It didn't take much, after just a few seconds the pain became too much for her and she started crashing to the ground. She made an impact, face first into the dirt, the pitiful creature grew back into a full-grown human girl, both arms broken and gaping bloody wound on the back of her neck.

I landed nearby and returned to my human form, I marched up to her, she was still trying her best to crawl away even with her broken arms. I grabbed by the shoulder to force her to face me, only to receive a nasty surprise.

She managed to grab ahold on a tree root and managed to rip it right out of the ground, tearing it from the trunk and stabbing it through the bottom of my jaw.

I was insanely lucky that missed my brain, I mean I'm not saying I thought it would kill me, but it would hurt like hell. Instead of penetrating my brain, the root through my mandible instead, jutting out through my mouth.

I tried to call out to Devana to come help but I found I couldn't speak, only make a guttural gurgling sound. I took hold of the root and pulled it out from beneath my jaw.

I have never felt that much pain in my whole life, my palate and tongue were shredded to shit, I think I was missing most of my front teeth.

It didn't take long for me to regenerate, the flesh, teeth and bone regrowing and knitting back together like new.

Emily herself was too exhausted to fight back, she was gasping for air, whimpering in pain, that last attack with the root took the last ounce of strength she had.

I looked down at her, her own wounds slowly closing, her bones slowly knitting back together, the smell of blood invading my nostrils, like some kind of silent scream invading my consciousness; my blood, my daughter.

I looked at her, this pitiful creature, even with Regina's blood it's hard to imagine she could survive much more. My first instinct to take this tree root and stake it right into her heart, even if that didn't kill her causing her pain was its own reward, but then I remembered my own life. Left for dead until Rufio found me, trapped in a shitty relationship until Regina found me, scared and alone and left to die.

Empathy, for the first time in a long time I'm feeling empathy for someone outside the family.

She started to cry, just bawling like a baby, begging me not to kill her, not even forming real coherent speech, just crying and begging.

I couldn't do it; I couldn't bring myself to hurt her.

"I think that's enough, I think she's ready to come back."

Devana snuck up behind me when I wasn't looking.

"You're not going to kill her?"

"She's in no position to resist or refuse, the fight's been beaten out of her."

"What if she escapes again?"

"We'll make sure that doesn't happen."

"How?"

"We're here blood after all, it's time we treated her as such."