All Comments on 'Daughter's Dreams'

Your right, it was short! Thanks for your time and imagination.

way too rushed.

This is a dream/fantasy of mine. I don't have a daughter, but if I did, this would be a dream come true. Great story. Yes it was short, but it hit all the right notes. Maybe consider a rewrite into a few chapters.

Please choose a verb tense and stick with it. Past tense usually reads the best.

i loved this i want more!!!

The shortness made the story feel entirely too rushed. You also needed an editor; there were plenty of grammatical and spelling errors. The switching tenses REALLY took me out of the story, and, when the story is already as thin as this is, that killed any sexiness for me.

This was really well written and turned me on.

Your story is my ultimate fantasies, you write it perfectly. Thank you

I have to agree with SugarDeSpice's comment about verb tenses. You kept switching between past and present tense, often in the same sentence. It made for a very clunky read.

Two examples from the story and possible alternatives to them:

"The only thing Dennis loved more than his massive cattle ranch, is his daughter Brenda."

Should have been either: "The only thing Dennis loved more than his massive cattle ranch, was his daughter Brenda." or "The only thing Dennis loves more than his massive cattle ranch, is his daughter Brenda."

"They looked each in the eye and there is a spark."

Either: "They looked each [other] in the eye and there was a spark" or "They look each [other] in the eye and there is a spark".

Past tense is generally used most often, but I've read stories written in present tense, too. The trick is to pick one and stick with it throughout the story.

Sweet and Simple

Like the story a lot. AAAA++++