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All Comments on 'Dave and Leroy Ch. 01'

by kmillerk1

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  • 5 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Too rushed

The pace of the story was too fast. I couldn't feel any emotions from the characters so you need to improve that too. But the writing was good. You should probably add these points to the next story.

OnimpulseOnimpulseabout 9 years ago
Very nice start!

I agree that there could be a little more character development and background, to make the readers feel for the guys more and a bit more sensuality and sensitivity could add to the love you've already depicted! All in all, a beautiful story is shaping up! Looking forward to more of your work!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
Ok start

A little rushed. No real emotion or feeling from the characters. Work on that more

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago

No real emotion, names between son and father too confusing. Rushed ending. 2*

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userkmillerk1@kmillerk1
73 Works
354 Followers
I'm going to stop writing for a bit. There are several reasons for this. 1. In and out of writer's block. 2. Lit keeps returning my stories because they think that AI has written them. (So, warning, it's not just me; a lot of authors are getting flagged.) 3. I have things to ...

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Dave and Leroy Ch. 02 Next Part
Dave and Leroy Series Info