All Comments on 'David: Survival and Adventure'

Not bad. I know some people who met their spouse nearly the same way.

Pretty good story, a wife who is a whore is cheating on her husband. Her husband divorces her, starts a family. The guy is not a swordfish, he is just on the way to new experiences and true love 5*****

It's a great trip, but seems lacking on the emotional front. Felt a bit too clinical.

"I work very long days, frequently as much as 18 hours a day for several days in a row. Was it that, that caused my wife to look at another man to meet her needs? Had I unconsciously ignored her? "

Duh. You were cheating with your job. What did you think she would do?

Story was well written, but boring. Add nothing new to this genre

Sweet story. Very much enjoyed. thanks

Uniformly Excellent in every respect.

Many thanks —- for an different and engaging tale, great characters, careful editing and meticulous proofreading. Not to mention the time and creative energy it took to put it all together.

Fabulous! I hope there’s more and maybe some MSF involvement

You are an outstanding writer, I am really enjoying your stories.

Nice, gentle story. (I know, infidelity and all, but...) It might be nice to explore what happens to Diane after the divorce. She was self-involved, for sure. But I don't believe the cliche about once a cheater. I'm sure in real life women who have screwed up like her do come around, marry, have families, not stray this time. Eh? D

Enjoyed it very much. Thanks very much.

Good story. The few missing edits didn't detract much.

Thanks.

Good job!

I really liked your characters and was interested in what happened to them. Thank you for sharing your work, the careful editing was appreciated. A very enjoyable read.

JJ1

Just a wonderful story! You are a very talented writer with a knack for bringing your characters to life in an amazing way. I have enjoyed all of your work, but this is among your best!

and the writing is spectacular too.

This was too much bullshit to sort through.

The change in POV was frustrating, the lack of chemistry between the people involved was irritating and the fact that everyone person you wrote about was completely self absorbed.

Dude was working 18 hours a day and made his life at the hospital everything. He cheated his wife by making work his priority, why wouldn’t she have an affair.

Then the bizarre conversation where he pointed out the restaurant she ate at and asked her about the food but she never clued in that he knew about her affair?

If he could take 3 months off at the drop of a hat, why didn’t ge do it before leaving his wife? Why was that the time he decides to take time off?

Why did the wife think that if she could talk or kiss David that everything would be better?

And Emma.

Honestly, I got tired of reading. I lost interest in your characters and looked forward to the end of this mess.

So diane thinks after 2 yrs of having a boyfriend on the side, david would still want to stay married to her and have kids with her?😂😂😂 I'm starting to think the wives in these stories are losing brain cells. I think the strange penises are touching their brains or something. Why would any man want children by such a whore? She wasn't even remorseful or hurt by losing her husband. She just continued on her whorey way. How could she claim she loved him but didn't stop spreading her legs? why does she think it's ok for her to get her needs met cause david wasnt home due to work but failed to realize he too went without. He didn't go and get himself a girlfriend. The reason she didn't ask him to cut down on his hours is because she liked it. He's gone most of the time so she can fill her holes with someone else dick. She could've gotten a vibrator or visited him at the hospital. They could've snuck in the broom closet and have a quickie. No, she didn't love david. She loved strange dicks. What made me laugh out loud was her actually thinking they can go back to the way things were and start having kids. How would he know if that's his kid? After all she's hot in the panties cum slut. She couldn't even keep her legs close for the 2 months he was gone. I highly doubt she would've became a faithful wife if david stayed. No, she would've used the kids as way to make him stay as she got her holes fill. When you're dealing with sluts, just cut your loses and move on. Dont wait until you actually have kids with them cause now your on the hooked for child support, alimony, house payments, insurance. It's just cheaper to move on. They've been married for 4yrs together for 8 but she cheated for 2 of those year's. I really don't get why he didn't just divorce the slut as soon as he found out about darrin. Why wait to see if she'd revert back to his faithful wife? How does he know she was ever faithful before darrin?. He wouldn't of been able to trust her even if she reverted back to his "faithful" wife. He did the right thing by letting her go so she can spread her legs and fuck whoever she pleased.

I am going to try and do this with a little more care than the usual. It's only because for some reason I like you.

Look, you have talent and promise. It's obvious that you understand the necessary elements of a story: tension, conflict, rising/falling action, and resolution. Your healing after betrayal theme is well used here and accessible but choosing travel as a means to examine grief is no simple matter. What seems like a beautiful adventure in outline or concept can easily become a travelog instead. Merging character development with scene setting can be difficult even for established writers. Without character growth and conflict along the way, the story becomes travel to one place after another. The focus becomes impressions about scenery, places and people. The best writers are able to use these impressions to allow for growth and change. That isn't to say romance is entirely out of the question. It's not inappropriate to include sex or even a budding romance. I don't take issue with Emma.

In truth, much of your story is reasonably paces but it did get bogged down for about 2 or 3 pages with travelog. There were nice moments there. The St Louis scene was quite nice. After the travel was over the story moved quite well and David's travel to Germany was well handled. I would have included more restlessness in David though. More sense of urgency to see her again. That level of story plotting will come in time.

One thing I did appreciate. You didn't go into too much detail concerning medicine or being being doctor. It was just enough to be believable. Too many go out of their way to add unnecessary detail trying to convince the reader that the author knows what they are talking about. That should only occur when one actually does and then sparingly. (I have been an ER nurse for 20 years)

Great read, thanks!

Nice romantic story.

Always glad there's a loving wife involved.

Good thing for Diane, she can ride the cock-carousel now she's single.

There is no point in commenting …u r what u r!

Lost interest when he knew about the affair for quite a while, trying to decide what to do about it. Just sit back, chill and pretend everything is great while you know your wife is banging another guy? Pathetic, regardless of what happens after that.

Very real story that the readers can actually feel like they are living the story. Thanks SK.

Very well done and a refreshing interlude to a lot of the trash written here.

Very good story, though the pregnancy was telegraphed pretty openly when Emma was thinking about her big news that she needed to tell David. The only other nit was why Diane would rush home after hearing David was dead instead of going to the hospital, since he was supposed to be at work. Two minor points that didn’t, in any way, lessen the quality of the story.

Five stars.

5* I liked it.

You’re a good writer. The plot is cliché but all of the “my wife cheats” stories are cliché. Hopefully your next story will be erotic and more entertaining.

The only real complaint I have is this being written from an American POV and our protagonist calling his mom Mum.

That's just a personal quirk of mine. It doesn't bother me when it's a British or other POV using Mum. But the reverse is also true - a British POV using Mom instead.

Anyway, I thought this was a good story, if a bit predictable. But that doesn't detract from the story.

Excellent

Love the story. Dialogue and emotional content were pretty simplistic.

Loved it. I so enjoy these type stories,whether theyare scorch the earth , simple revenge, or just moving on. The lack of actual sex is what I enjoy the most.In fact when it comes to those scenes in most stories I scroll past and get back to the crux of the story.I mean really, how many ways can you describe a romp in the hay ? BORING.

1. Please add a lot more dialogue to your stories.

2. An all-knowing narratir in the third person is easier to follow than switches in narratir voice. It might be more difficult to write, but yeah that's just my opinion.

3. You might use a proofreader to catch the very few issues with plural, missing prepositions, etc. In general grammar is pretty good.

I liked a LOT. It's a classic adaptation of the good guy winning in the end and finding happiness. I really needed to read something like that right now. Thanks

I think you said this was a first effort and my opinion is that you did very well. The characters are nicely developed, the dialog was pretty realistic and it had a good story line. I liked how David broke the news to Diane that her affair had been found out. No BTB, just leave her to get a grip of reality and move on with life.

Really nice. Should maybe be romance more than LW, but really good story. I think you showed just enough growth in Dianne that there's some room for a redemptive sequel for her. Or you could go the other way and finish spiraling her down :-)

What's not to like with this story?? A clear 5. Okay, maybe I did wonder about the advisability of 2 people, one of them gorgeous, traveling by expensive bikes around Africa. But then, I've never been there and probably never will be (unless my ex has me shanghaied and sent).

Thought at the beginning it was going to be a better than good story. Can't believe he was smart, she cheated on him for two years and he didn't have a clue. Than instead of filing for divorce he gets out of town, what a chicken s..t. Than we get bored to death with the in and outs of a motorcycle road trip. Finds a German beauty than follow her like a puppy dog. Wasted a lot of time, but he gets divorced, knocks up Emma and jumps back into a relationship.

Lovely story. Just enough road trip travelogue to be interesting but not bog down the story. Couple of unforced errors (Casablanca and Marrakech aren't 1,300 km apart even going the long way and there's no IKEA anywhere near Albany) but they didn't detract from the tale.

Your self editing was very good, only one or two misspelled words. I do think that, at least to my "ear", you have some misplaced commas. Again, nothing that harmed the story.

If I may share something an old English teacher taught me many years ago. When you think you're about done with your writing read your piece out loud to yourself as if you had someone else there. Doing so will force you to concentrate on what is written on the page rather than what was meant to be written in your mind. This is an excellent way to catch "wrong words spelled correctly " that spell check misses, and misplaced punctuation and run ons.

I remember reading your "Husband" stories and to me your writing is much improved. Please share more. Thanks.

☆☆☆☆☆

It took me twice the usual time to read David’s and Emma’s story because I constantly stopped to google search their adventures from Cape Spear to Dakar to Cape Town. Diane was an irrelevant afterthought by the end. What a fascinating road trip story! Tight and crisp wordsmanship. A joy to read. Many thanks.

At least for me, it's always good news to see that there's a new lover1953 story. They are consistently excellent, consistently 5's. David's story here is no exception. Yes, there's sort of a standard lover1953 story template, but he mixes his pitches here a bit with the motorcycle travel through Africa, and meeting a new woman from halfway around the world. His stories have the same pleasant delight as so many of StangStar06's did, though he's less prolific than the mustang man was at his peak of productivity (2010-2013). The multiple narrations really work for me, and I'd like to second the remark by shoprat that Diane might merit a sequel with some redemption for her. Lover1953 has done that before, with Amanda from "Michael - His Life" fully redeemed in "Jim And Laura: Quid Pro Quo." Last thing to note: in the preface, the author notices he self-edits using Word. I've said this several times before in these comments, and say it again here, directly to this author. Lover1953, using Word as an editing tool is a nice first pass, but print out the story and look it over with your own eyes. You'll catch more errors that way. Sure, you'll miss something even then. So what. Nobody's perfect.

very good story. 5⭐

well done! I really liked the following different points

- no BTB no RAAC

- a separation with an initiatory journey allowing to take stock of his new life, his feelings, his new desires, his pursuit, his new desires, his new objectives ........

- no excessive pity, no single soul mate syndrome or one woman for life.

- the fortuitous and unforeseen encounter with a person different from himself and his environment, which will upset his perception of the world and his life.

Thank you very much for sharing your talent.

Yea, and the good guy "wins" in the end.

A great submission, great character development, and a fresh plot that worked out nicely.

Great stuff, if only all guys, with somewhat less qualifications, perhaps more "blue collared", could walk out of hell and into nirvana..if only - reminds me of a song titled "I don't believe in if anymore"

Still, high five to the right!

What a load of bullshit from his cheating wife. “David was working too much and never had time for me”. “ I was always alone so I decided to have an affair twice a week while David was working”. What a cunt his wife was!

I'm a romantic, so I loved the story and ending. I do think you over did the repeating of what Diane to David. Maybe there's an autobiographical point there? 5*

A thoroughly enjoyable tale, thank you for sharing.

I work 18 hours a day. I don't understand why she did this.

That was the story in a nutshell. All these stories start that way. I work hard. So you leave your wife alone until she is hit on and then wonder why she went to Jody.

If you work 18 hour days, what kind of energy do you have to play between the sheets? Even at 31? You barely find time to sleep and drive to and from work.

This would be funny if so many of you didn't agree with it and love these stories. Stories that remind me of Lifetime network where "man bad - woman good." Only in reverse.

If you are one of those guys and your wife has not left, stop working as much and spend time with her. Or else Jody will.

Same for you women.

Neglect of a spouse leads to bad things. Stop asking "I don't know how it happened."

A good romantic story. I think the last thoughts should’ve come from Diane.

I wonder what she thought when she met the very pregnant Emma? What went through her mind?

5/5

A very good storey, enjoyed it. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Could have used more dialogue. A bit of a cliche-fest. Would have liked it much better if David had dumped her as soon as he found out about her cheating.

Enjoyed the story. Thanks.

Only criticism is too much unnecessary description.

Nicely done. All my elements for a good story were included. Besides, how many of us get some travel info about Africa? 5*s. Thank you!

Overall, just fabulous. The dithering about what to do about the cheating skank was a bit over the top. Someone as principled as David would never do that, he'd form a plan if action as you eventually had him do and moved immediately. The other issue I have with the story is that you let Darren not only get away with destroying a marriage but allowing him the latitude to revisit the scene of his crime with no repercussions. His wife should have received a full copy of the investigators report. If David has his life blown up it would only be fair to return the favor.

David's an idiot. Long hours are not excusable for an ER doctor just because the medical system can't get its act together. He sank his marriage and then met a 'wonderful' (yeah, right-read about human relationships a bit and you'll realize how stupid that is-NO ONE is easy to live with). woman. Why on earth Diane wanted to stay married to him was never explained-she's far better off without him.

I liked it but still not getting the connection to exactly how the wife (original wife) was ‘fucked in the head’. Other than just in a vague, general sense. Just never circled back to that despite mention of it in summary and notes and I hate leaving connections unaddressed like that.

Lotsa good stuff here… 5 stars

wow one DAMN fine story. please continue to write

so all mistakes are mine -- I'm sure many of you will be quick to point them out to me. Thank you for that. For the hyper-critical anons out there, please write something yourself, so that actual writers can critique you

Truth hurts doesn’t it?

You NEED to lose the comma key sometimes; you use too many of them in places where they shouldn’t be. For example:

“Clearly, I was lacking, in something. I, obviously, didn't do 'it' for her anymore.”

Should be:

Clearly I was lacking in something. I obviously didn't do 'it' for her anymore. 

“I waited a fe months”

I waited FOR months.

“go-to-hell”

Does NOT need to be hyphenated. Actually ALL the hyphenated words you use are NOT hyphenated.

I gave up at the point David was in Casablanca, an ACTUAL writer would know where to use commas and where NOT to. They would also know where to hyphenate words, NONE of the words you hyphenated are hyphenated. LOSE the comma key, comma diarrhoea is NOT a good thing in writing.

Also; way too many unnecessary details!

Nice story well told.

Very good well written snd a good read. The ex wife is truly certifiable. The good guy definitely won. Thank you for story.

The only thing that could have made it better in my eyes is the protagonist would have been riding a Multistrada or perhaps a Tenere, but you redeemed yourself when he purchased the KTM upon his return home. Excellent story, thank you.

I don’t have a motorcycle problem….. seriously, I don’t.

Boring. Two stars.

Good story and a pleasant read.

Nice story, but I think it might work better from the the 3rd person rather than alternating first person.

I like a story with a good happy ending. No one tries revenge or reconciliation, just moves on. The best outcome.

Sure was a LOT of extraneous stuff to the story. A travel log, a tour of Germany, etc. Maybe next time a few less pages? And a better POV?

A very good story. Well done. I really appreciated the strong story telling of their time on the road and those experiences that brought the two lovers together.

Really enjoyed your work. Will read more. Thanks

I thought it was a well written story. I enjoyed it for the most part. The pacing was good.

The only down side was you made Diane the exact same woman that everyone here does. Literally everything she said, to herself and out loud is the exact same as most LW wives.

Next time, try NOT sticking with the cliched wife, write her better with more effort into giving her her own existence and not be a carbon copy.

That was the only draw back, it was a big one though, and this would have been far above the 4 I gave you. Think of it this way, just because everyone else paints their cars red doesnt mean you HAVE to, so try another color.

A wonderful story. I rarely comment on a story but I couldn't resist on this one. I love a story that will send me to the world atlas or to a dictionary. Couple that with a mention of my beloved GS 850 and you're guaranteed a 5. You sir, are a wordsmith.

Great story except you reveled the pregnancy to early, not a big surprise. I would have liked the two of them to have spent more time in Africa working as a doctor before continuing their life together. I also think Diane could have been redeemed as her cheating was somewhat explained in her loneliness. Granted she should have voiced her concerns and if they couldn't make it work just divorce and move on. She might now be able to control her impulses better and make a good partner. That's in a perfect world.

;

Cheers

Ok, the good.

You can clearly write.

It was easy to follow and well written.

The bad.

For a story in this section it was 4 pages too long.

The whole bunking out and meeting the love of his life on his travels was far too clichéd and long.

The whole Emma part could have been a separate story in the romance section.

The biggest issue for me was the lack of emotion from both husband and wife.

The way they both acted the marriage was worth nothing anyway.

4*

Enjoyable read. This straddles the LW category as well as Romance quite well.

Well written with good character development and excellent descriptions of the geographic areas covered.

Lasted to the second page.... Frankly anyone getting that far has to be commended.

First you know this is going to be a horse-shit story if the protagonist is considering joining "criminals across borders", "doctors with boarders" or the like, knowing their reputation for illegal efforts around the world (i.e. human trafficking, drug smuggling, money laundering, political cover-ups and other nefarious "coincidences" - aka organ harvesting). I'm sure they are all not doing the nasty, but how would they get such a great reputation if someone wasn't keeping them afloat in manpower or $$$.

Next you read: "The GSWs and the stabbings were starting to wear thin. You can only tolerate so much stupid." You have a so-called physician think along those lines then have them consider DWOB as an alternative??? What do you think they have in Africa, honey-badger bites? Getting away from crime used to be people went towards America. Current idiotic generations believe that somewhere in the world, Socialism has created that perfect paradise, because it hasn't hit the USA yet.

As much as you have to be a bit dull to have been cheated on for two years... knowing that, would you say you're the best judge of character to travel the globe, semi-alone???

Wonderful story!

Had to google fucked in the head song. Is it just me or does music today sound like something from a small town high school talent show?

One lap of North America on a bike. Excellent. He should join the Iron Butt Association.

Announced his own death? Here I was thinking who needs another LW pussy husband story but dammit, that was original and funny.

Taped on the door? By a lawyer?

Motorcycling Africa...badass or death wish?

Have to admit, riding a motorcycle in Casablanca would be awesome to do, enjoy and would make the coolest story ever.

German accent sexy? Well that's original.

Good story. Lots of originality and just a slice of life. Well done.

First two pages are OK even though you keep on changing exposition from POV to narrative while also inconsistently changing narrators, all of that is just contributing to the loss of focus. Pages 3-6 are just sugary melodrama with quite predictable outcome so you lost any suspense you had in the beginning.

All-in-all not much and although the plot was promising in the beginning you ended it with a rebound stereotype.

3 stars is generous.

A great well written storey.

Thank you.

Cheers

Well, it was good, albeit a bit too long and repetitive. The best part was about Emma expecting twins, I can relate to that by experience. On a side note: German accent is NOT at all sexy, period! I know it, because I'm living there!!!

I was onboard for most of the story but a KTM? Really, lol not really it was an interesting read and a good story. As much as I like sex stories I needed a break. Thank you. Eric D.

To the extent possible, the players need to carry the action with dialogue or thoughts. Imagine a stage play where a narrator tells We-The-Readers (oops, Audience) most of what is happening! Subset … the thoughts of a player are ALWAYS true, or at least what that player believes at the time. Their dialogue may be a whopper lie, but not their unspoken thoughts.

One caution about this offering … platitudes about how people should interact are repeated excessively, IMHO. It gets insulting to WTR to assume we cannot remember key points for more than a few paragraphs.

5*

Not bad, not a lot of emotion, though. And you could use an editor - lots of obvious factual errors on the life of an ER doctor that made it harder to get into the story at the beginning. He shouldn't be burned out at 31 - he's only been practicing a couple of years. ER doctors work defined shifts, they aren't "on call" except perhaps in very remote areas (not Albany). Etc. etc. etc. - write about things you know, and you'll do better.

That was nice . I'm a sucker for any good writing I guess . You did a good job making a short story filled with a different type of adventure . It was good to see David stick to his guns about Dianne . Many men would have caved . Emma had a lot to do with that . And yes a woman with a German accent is a turn on . Well done .

Your frank and straightforward intro already had you are 3-stars. In a good way, that foreshadowed your excellent wiriting. Kudos for your giving us just the exact, right amount of backstory. You nailed it, with the lines, 'But you don't really give-a-shit about that, do you? What you want to know is what about my wife at the Hilton Hotel. You want to know what I'm going to do about her. Well, it's about to happen.' Too many Literotica stories fall flat when the readers' interest is piqued by a compelling plot but that interest is bludgeoned and wanes when the seemingly obligatory 10K backstory (e.g. ...and on our first date, we ate at Luby's, where I had the meatloaf, fresh mashed potatoes...) is inserted. Damn, you're at 5-stars, and we haven't even seen the action and climax, yet! The realism of David's travel in Africa, along with the incorporation of the nuance of NY's divorce laws into the story give this work an authentic, realistic feel that's uncommon for this site. ANON will be very butthurt and call you names because your fictional character didn't 'burn' Darrin, but that stuff happens in real life. Again, more doses of abject realism in your story. GREAT storytelling. VERY good writing! The tiniest of quibbles: the word 'very' is good but can be overused. Lots of good adverbs and descriptive nouns make good writing even better.

.

Keep 'em comin', just like this one!!! 5+++/5!!

KALIMAXOS.... of course blame the husband..... for the wife 2 year affair. You are stupid shallow vile and ignorant.

.

If the wife had made some sort of comment or effort to get the husband to change his work schedule And cut back his work hours and spend more time with her..... and IF the husband rejected that idea idea and ignored her Concerns... then you would have a rational argument to make.

.

Of course that is not what happened in this story but when you're stupid professional cunt ... facts dont matter.

Well done

Emma doing an extended ride by herself rather dumb she could get molested at any time. Meets David and they fuck first night, dumb. They then venture off to Africa seeing some wonderful and not so wonderful sites. This trip has taken months and are fucking regular. Time arrives and they have to leave Africa for home. This when we find out that she is pregnant.. This is a woman not a kid, suppose to be smart although she has sex first night she meets him and continues to have sex for months and the ends up PG just before leaving for home. Gonna tell me she ran out of PC pills , if so don't screw. Emma nat as smart as we thought.

Loved it. 7 stars. The Bear approves. For those who thought it was too long, old joke: The Paris to Dakar race was going to be canceled one year. Seems there were bad guys robbing, kidnapping, and killing foreigners. The organizing committee approached the major manufacturers about canceling. Peugeot said that sounded good to them, to be safe, Fiat agreed, and Renault thought the same thing.

They went to Mercedes Benz and asked them what they thought."Well, we can put the turrets and machine guns back in, and upgrade the armor plate. I don't see a reason to cancel.

The BEAR

A beautifully told story that was easy to empathize with. I especially liked your travel report!

Very nicely done -- well written, with a lot of originality. Loved announcing his death as a husband, and the cycle trip in Africa was nicely done, and though I'd dispute that it's as safe as anywhere else, at least in a number of places, it's certainly true that most there are very much just living their lives same as anywhere else. There are a few places where I'd have liked you to linger a bit more, and it was pretty obvious what Emma's news was going to be, but this story was always less about the destination and more about the journey. I look forward to your next offering!

Good story, but far too much of an ‘African Travel Guide’ which made it too long. But it’s your story and it is DIFFERENT!

Keep writing………cd

I was trying to think what it was about this story that was so frustrating and I think it was the fact that reader is never really engaged emotionally to anything that's happening in the story? The narrative reads like a journal excerpt it's all so clinical and sanitized that you end up just not giving a shit about anyone in the story.

Excellent story about life.

One complaint…. Africa?? Got a death wish. Trump was somewhat correct about the state of some other countries.

Like Me most guys here have not written a story here .. I gave this Story 5 stars . I thought you did really well . Did you make some mistakes ?? Yes but that be cut down as you write more . My wife also cheated on Me for almost 2 years . Maybe her and Diane should get together and see who can have the most guys in 1 Month .. I am betting heavy on my Ex