All Comments on 'Daydream Believer: The End'

Having been there my self, I can tell you for sure the pain and humiliation do not get much better and they damn sure do not fade enough to really have a life with the slut. I do believe that if I had walked in on them, some one maybe two someones would have died. We tried to stay together for the children and religious reasons, but the distrust was always present and just seem to grow with time.

Your ending may be more realistic than Chagrined's. The change in the paternity of the youngest child helps to bolster the husband's decision to divorce his unfaithful wife. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

Boyd

outstanding job.some stories can't be force to put a marriage back together.

Beermaker:

Had to go back and re-read Chagrined's original story. I must say that I like your ending much better. Considering her attitude and the length of time the affair lasted, your conclusion seems more apt. Thank You. Ronnie W.

This is so much better. I've heard it said that when one spouse actually witnesses the other spouse cheating, the odds of saving the marriage are extremely slim. Add to that the duration, Zack, humiliation with friends, and everything else, and this seems by far the most plausible outcome. I thought Chagrined tried to have it both ways by having everyone think Zack wasn't the husband's only to turn out he was. This part is actually truer to the first two parts than Chagrined's part three.

Kudos to you and kudos to Chagrined for really writing most of it, but this is the conclusion that needed to happen. Had they really gotten back together then either the husband was a total wimp and there would have been much grief and disrespect as a result, or he was less than a total wimp and there would have been much grief as he couldn't get over what his wife did. Either way, I can't see a happy ending or the marriage lasting. In Chagrined's ending, she never really did fully comprehend what she had done, so any reconcilliation was doomed from that alone.

I hope you go on and write your own versions of other otherwise excellent stories where the original author forced a reconcillation against all logic and common sense.

I do believe however that Chagrined had this type of ending in mind when he began this series. If I remember correctly, he had one more chapter planned when he abandoned the story because of the negative comments on chapter 3.

here. Your talent and practicality is akin to my and many other spouses life reality. Grevious infidelity is a selfish none caring cancer. It infests, bores through and feeds on families and marriages without reasonable consideration, concern or respect.

A whole Humpty Dumpty stands a better chance of happening than this sick spouse with 100 gallons of super glue unless the man has no eye to the future or regard for his family or himself.

It is my hope that you will continue to write about marital consequence in a way that reflects how normal people react to abnormal situations. Most fight to understand, fix if possible and or do what needs to be done in fairness and dignity to or for all including themselves. Then go about life the best way possible if they can to regain respect.

Again - thanks Author - please continue at interval to entertain us with life and justice to the degree of balanced reasonable fairness. --- With High Regard

but there are some errors which crept in.

q>"I introduced everyone and explained that Larry was here to monitor our meeting and make sure I did not beat the shit out of Steve."<Q

so now larry was at the meeting, but they act like he isn't. he punches steve out the same, and goes on to split with her, but larry just evaporates.

better ending, but the writing needed an editor....

Your ending was much more fitting. Her response to his question, "Why?", and the fact that a "love child" was involved, demanded a more stringent reaction. In fact, she and her lover were lucky to still be alive.

I was disappointed that he didn't go after Steve for past child support. Steve seemed to get off quite easily. A sock on the jaw is pretty light punishment for a decade of betrayal.

I would have included the following in his conversation: " What happens to love when your have neither trust nor faith"? "Worse yet, what happens to love when trust is replaced with distrust and pain"? "This situation may have been born on a moment of weakness but now its degenerated into an all out and utter betrayal of me, our marriage, and our children". "As for the kids they're a lot more perceptive than you give them credit. They have known about your affair for a lot longer than you know"! "They felt too conflicted and ashamed of you to come to me with this because THEY WANTED TO PROTECT ME FROM PAIN"! "They have already stated that they want to go with me when this is all over and, as you know, at their age the courts have to consider their feelings and opinions when determining custody"!

The only questionable portion of this ending was the unprovoked assault in the presence of the husband's attorney. He already has one potential assault charge hanging over his head yet he repeats another assault?! Those assaults would come back to haunt him during custody proceedings and sorely jeopardize his case. Its sad to say that just because a spouse commits adultery they do not automatically lose custody. He would be wise not to make idle threats while his soon to be lawyer ex-wife still has the playing card of his assaults on record to use against him.

Congratulations on your first effort look forward to reading more of your stories if they are as good as this one

Originally, Chagrined’s story was supposed to end as it did. Readers’ objections were related to the oxymoron that the title of the last part had the word “consequences” when the story didn’t appear to have them. If you re-read the story, you’ll discover that there were consequences, however minimal. The bat on the mantle symbolized Our Hero’s use of it on Steve and Jeanne. The dog was there to bite Steve if he came back. Of course, Jeanne could meet Steve anywhere else with impunity.

Chagrined has said that, as the story progressed, he was going to write a fourth part where Jeanne went back to cheating. He would then show the final consequences, whatever they might be.

Perhaps readers overreacted to the word “consequences” or maybe we expect punishment to be a lot more severe and long lasting. Perhaps Chagrined overreacted to the readers’ responses. In any event, it’s shame that he didn’t finish the story. It’s a tribute to his writing skill and creative mind that readers were so engrossed in the story that we reacted so strongly in disappointment. There have been few stories here that have generated such strong interest.

Chagrined is one of a very few authors that have showed the real reason why most cheating wives cheat. Some women have psychological problems from childhood. Some women meet an alpha male and can’t help themselves. I’ve seen it, it’s true. These two categories make up a minority of reasons to cheat. The primary reason is that most husbands emotionally take too much from the wife and give too little in return. So, another man gives emotionally to the wife and she bonds with him. Any woman is potentially sexually vulnerable to a man she bonds with. Jeanne was bonded to Steve. He was “almost a member of the family.” He asked, she agreed. Case closed. It's a tribute to the innate decency of most women that they don't cheat. I've talked with any number of them as I must be a good listener. Their dissatisfaction is palpable and they just spew it out, almost wistfully. They so wish their husbands would be better at relating to them.

This ending is excellent but I really wish Chagrined would finish his own story. He is such a good writer.

Anyway, thanks for an enjoyable read.

Phil

A GOOD FINISH TO A SAD STORY.While this is not the end of this story,it does tell a real result to a wife's lying,cheating adultry and its impact on a family.It is great to read an author who will write a very factual account of the results of a cheating slut wife.

quit now while you are ahead. Taking someone else's story and using it almost verbatim except for a few changes and them passing it off as your story is not writing. All you did was add more anger to the story but you did not improve it. I can say that as an author on this site it really bothers me when someone tries to pass off someone else's work as if it was their own. If you want to be a writer be original. Come up with your own story. I think most other authors would be offended by what you have done here.

You appear to believe that the courts pay attention to things like marital fidelity when it comes to granting divorce terms. You are deluded. Our courts are a system of land mines designed to inflict maximum damage on all involved. Factors such as those brought up in this story would result in the hisband losing just about everything, including custody, unless the wife's lawyer was grossly incompetent.

Hi all,

I see that a lot of people liked the ending because it ends with her out on the street, sad and miserable. The only thing is that I liked the original ending because it was more complex (and I liked the flourish with the cricket bat--the juxtaposition with baseball throughout the original story was fun).

Also, this: "Jeanne, when you did this, you broke our marriage contract. You betrayed me and our family."

Yes, absolutely true, but it does not give hubby the right to divorce her (if one actually took those vows with due seriousness). After all, in good times and bad--this is a bad time. In the old days, she and Steve would have been stoned--but the husband would not have gotten a divorce. If they were married in a sacred ceremony that God joind them in, then only God can draw them apart. Not humans. As chagrined told us: "[Her] parents had insisted on a proper Catholic wedding." So if hubby divorces her, he also breaks the marriage contract. And that makes him as flawed and wrong (even if sympathetically so) as she is. Remember what chargrined actually said originally: "Jeanne, when you did this, you betrayed our vows, me, our family and yourself. I can't make it any plainer than that."

That is why I liked the first story--the husband offers to her the option of further sundering the contract by divorcing him. He is staying true to his vows, even if she isn't. Believe me, I feel sympathetic to those who think he should divorce her cheating arse, but the reality is that he is a man of his word. And he behaves in a consistent manner (hence all the original build-up in the first chapter of the first story--to make that part of things really clear.

I guess that is a general weay of saying--be careful who you marry. In the eyes of the Church, it is forever. I don't remember Jesus ever coming out in favour of divorce...

Excellent Story. Real characters and emotions. What a nice change from some of the junk in this section lately.

good effort. Its very hard to write an ending for a story the also wrote a ending. You did a good job expalining you point of view in the story

Oh, how it greaves me to say but this was excellent! Better than mine! This was the way I should have written it. Maybe I was too close to the story to at the time to see this. But, I do take a little credit that the orignal was enough to prompt you to write this.

Don't let your English teacher give you any shit. Don't let the commenters give you any shit. They will be jealous. Your effort was as good as any story ever posted on this site. You are talented and anything I can do to develop that talent is well worth it. Now, what you need to do is try something orignial. This place can use more stories by insightful people such as yourself.

Again, BRAVO! And I look forward to your next effort!

With kind regards and respect,

I remain,

Chagrined

... just plain stupid and mis-informed.

And I'm glad the original author liked it too. The one thing that confused me by the original author was that while the husband pointed out all the problems he would have with the marriage continuing, he still stayed in it. He pointed out valid points and concerns and totally ignored all of them to stay married. That didn't make sense to me. Those demons where there was a possibly child concieved, adultry for 10 years, all of the family and friend knowing, and cheating in their bed (and on their anniverary) while the kids were home wouldn't have been so easy to banish so easy in only 4 months. It didn't seem to make sense because there were so many problems. On one hand he was so enraged he didn't know what to do but get out of the marriage, but then by the end of the story he decides to continue the marriage? Well at least the orinial author liked it and gave it their blessing.

And to the Anon poster about how only "God" can break a marriage and that we have to forgive and forget regardless of what our mate might have done. Get real and go back and read your bible if your going to start spouting stuff like that, so at least you can get it right. The bible says the "only" grounds for divorce that God "DOES" recognize is adultry. Period. Before that, often in hebrew times the only thing, a man often did, give the wife a writ of divorce to dismiss a wife he didn't want any longer and that was it. She was dismissed to fend for herself, often given nothing to take with her. Didn't matter why or what it was for, but if she displeased her husband in any way that's what most of them did. But later it was stated, in the bible again, that while God does "hates" a divorcing, that "adultry" is the only grounds that he'll recognize that allows someone to be free to remarry "in the eyes of the Lord" and not be committing any sin in his eyes. If your going to spout this half knowledge off at least get it right. No where in the bible does it say its a sin to be divorced on the grounds of adultry.

I think thats why alot of folks are against divorce in most of these types of stories, to me it seems to come from something that they heard or half forgotten knowledge that may not be quite right.

Sorry for my tirad, I just hate wrong information. If it was their personal opinion fine, we're all entitled to that, but get it right if your going to start handing out quotes.

But as far as the story was concerned it was good, a tiny bit harsh at times, but I think that was to show the the state of mind of the character in the story. 10 "years" of adultry with your best friend isn't something that you forget and forgive in 4 months.

While I have to admit that I like the original authors story right up till the end. Then it seemed detached somehow. Like the author went 2+2+2+2 = 50, and the rest of us were left going "say what?!?!"

-Risq

I hesitated commenting on this, but was spurred to do so after reading another's comment with which I tend to agree. I thought that the original story was excellent even though I couldn't buy the ending - the betrayal was too devastating. Her adultery was long lasting and extremely hurtful.

But,given that, having another rewrite an original story bothers me a bit. It might be different if the author had begun a brand new tale, perhaps using the same theme and showing how infidelity could lead to a different conclusion, would be more acceptable. Using a story as a jump off by just changing a few things doesn't seem exactly proper, despite the talent displayed by the author. While this ending may be more satisfying, the toying with the story does give me pause. I would encourage the author to continue to write as he does seem to have the talent to do so.

bothered me from the original. Number one was in the second story, the best friend's wife said that "everyone knew about the infidelity." And no one said anything? What crappy friends! I would have dumped everyone of them. And number two was when she said, "Because I could." That phrase and the fact that the affair had lasted 10 years would have been enough to get a divorce. To me, Zachary could have been his and it wouldn't have changed a thing about getting a divorce. She obviously betrayed him and just as obviously couldn't understand how he could be so hurt.

Great ending and with the approval of the original author.

I rated your story high because I did like the ending. I felt that after that many years of betrayal and especially her comment earlier "because I could" there was really no chance for a real marriage here anyway.

What disturbed me here though beermaker was commented on by both K.K. and Blue88. Ninety five percent of this story was in fact almost word for word from the original story. You added very little new to the story except the parentage of Zach and a different finale to the marriage.

To be considered a good writer on this site you will need to develop your own story and take it from start to finish. Then get the comments you deserve favorable or not favorable.

Chagrined said he liked it. He was kind to you. He in reality could have been pissed that 95% of his work was passed off as yours.

I look forward to what you might do in the future. Don't give up.

Charleybear

I thank the folks for all the great comments about the original and for coming to my literary defense. :-) But, let me come to Beefmaker's defense a bit here.

When he contacted me about doing his version of the ending I insisted on 3 things: proper English, credit for the original, and that he not have the characters do anything out of the already defined personality traits. In fairness I think he did this. Granted, upon sober reflection, maybe he should have had a bit more of his own story but, hey, how does one improve upon perfection? (Just kidding, put away the poison pens!)

Anyway, I would like to see more of HIS writing. In the interest of all concerned, perhaps I should write my Part 4 as I promised. What do you all think?

Regards,

C

i liked your ending ... orginal was good but i liked this ending better ..nothing again you chargained ..i really like your stuff also ...but i liked this ending

As others have indicated (and as you yourself stated) alot of this was from the original story. But what changed was fairly significant. I prefered this ending, in the other the wife really didn't suffer much in the way of consequences.

I'd love to see the part 4 from the original author at some time.

Ditto Chargrin's comments. Your ending was better. And credible - I went through a similar situation IRL, only it was not one person but several... I did get custody pretty much the way you outlined. Good ending.

I agree with Blue88, and Charleybear you did a very good job but a lot is taken away by the amount of Chagrined’s story line used. It was a delight to go back and read all three chapters of Chagrined’s story.

My main problem with the original was her lack of any understanding the devastation she caused and the fact she was belittling her husband and truly enjoyed it consciously or not. She appeared to have no real regret. She was still taken back and forgiven with out us hearing how she come to understand her selfishness or had changed.

Your version does give the ultimate betrayal of having another mans child and still going on with the treachery. That is more an act of contempt boarding on hate for the husband. Her excuse is because she could, in other words she wanted to and shit on him and their kids, she comes first. Your ending is more then probable.

Chagrined is an excellent Author and I’m looking forward to you turning into one in your future efforts as you grow your craft or hobby.

Again very well perceived.

Thank you

PS Chagrined writing his own chapter 4 is a wonderful idea if he feels there is a story there to be told.

I thought I made it clear from the beginning that this story was written from my prospective and I used Chargined's words and phases.

Unless I missed something, I thought I made it clear this is not an orginal story from ME.

+++++++++

This is from Page 1.

After reading all 3 Daydream Believer stories by Chargrined, I felt the need to write the 3rd story from my perspective. This is my first attempt at writing; I'm still trying to figure out why!

As much as I hate to write, I felt compelled to write this story. Boy, would my English teachers be surprised to find me writing for fun.

I recommend you read the first 2 Daydream Believer stories in this series by Chargrined before you read this story.

If you read the 3rd story, you will notice I used some of his words and phases. I kept them in because I didn't see any reason to change them plus I agreed with him.

+++++++

So I don't understand the attacks I'm getting on stealing his story. If you don't like my version then say so.

Thank you Charginded for inspiring me to take the time to write. I now know and understand the amount of time and energy it takes you to write. I too would like to see you write a 4th part.

I was not prepared for the WRATH from Authors!

BeerMaker

Author - your work is appreciated - it showed talent and rationality which was expressed quite succinctly.

Having read "blue's" and "k's" comments then noticing their dramatically different tone and contrast to Chargrined's, I felt that the author shouldn't be alone in defending his position or work.

I don't think either negative comment has any value or basis in fact and I am surprised of their total disregard for Chargrind's comments as the original author. He has graciously defended the author twice - perhaps you should go to his school awhile to learn the art of rational respect.

In taking your position of watchdog for one who doesn't need one, you sacrifice a bit of yourself and your credibility. To what purpose - To what end???

It is recommended that you quietly make your apologies or peace privately to both authors and lets go on without what almost appears to be professional jealousy which I am almost sure it isn't.

Author - nice work and I assure you this isn't the normal face of this site. Please give thought to additional work as this was quite good. With High Regard

Nicely done. I loved how you handled this. This is my kind of happy ending.

Well I am amazed, first off by this story and then by the basic confines of writing that appear to have been ignored.

The story which is nothing more than a rewrite of the original ending put forth by Chagrinned, was… ok… at best. Your ideas and the ending you conceived were at least plausible… to that end congrats.

If it was a new writer that has posted this I have to say for the few lines of original writing, comprising less than 15% of new information put forth in this story--- it is plain and simple plagiarism. Whether you have the author’s permission to use the story or not, it’s either identified in the title as their story or it’s a plagiarism. In college as in all other professional publishing it would be considered an improper submission, then quickly pulled from consideration and or removed from print.

The other plausible possibility is that Chagrined himself rewrote the ending to please either his critics or himself. But why as a different pen name why not as Himself?

I am more appalled at the beating of his own drum that Chagrined has undertaking in both of his post on this story. That and that alone is a major factor in my leaning towards a new pen name.

Speaking to the Anonymous commentator directly below this post. The new information contained in this story is slightly different from the writing in Chargined’s original trilogy or other stories. But there isn’t enough new writing to get a real feel for whether this is someone new or the original author making slight changes to his style. So Blue88 and KK’s comments are still valid until proven otherwise.

As for the rational respect, if you are referring to the author of the first three stories, then it is a ludicrous comment.

Over all there are too many inconsistencies in the story and its posting and I for one will look else where in the future.

Papabear49

straight forward, not too many "emotional outbursts" on the man's part,,, just getting ready for the next chapter of his life but in the mean time taking care of his children, first and last,,,

good ending

and reading Papabear49's comment, I am inclined to agree with him.

I did a file compare and it shows fairly conclusively that this story is an edit of Chagrined's third chapter. Look at a sample sentence:

Chagrin:

I, on the other hand, shrugged and went back to my computer game.

beermaker:

I, on the other hand, laughed and went back to reading my book.

This is about the difference I would wind up with if I took one of my stories and extensively edited it published it under a new ID.

Interesting!

Regards, DJ

I thought I made it clear from the beginning that this story was written from my prospective and I used Chargined's words and phases.

Unless I missed something, I made it clear this is not an orginal story from ME.

+++++++++

This is from Page 1.

After reading all 3 Daydream Believer stories by Chargrined, I felt the need to write the 3rd story from my perspective. This is my first attempt at writing; I'm still trying to figure out why!

As much as I hate to write, I felt compelled to write this story. Boy, would my English teachers be surprised to find me writing for fun.

I recommend you read the first 2 Daydream Believer stories in this series by Chargrined before you read this story.

If you read the 3rd story, you will notice I used some of his words and phases. I kept them in because I didn't see any reason to change them plus I agreed with him.

+++++++

So I don't understand the attacks I'm getting on stealing his story. If you don't like my version then say so.

Thank you Charginded for inspiring me to take the time to write. I now know and understand the amount of time and energy it takes you to write. I too would like to see you write a 4th part.

I was not prepared for the WRATH from Authors!

BeerMaker

You need to go to Preggoman.com, or KristenArchives.com and read some of my stories under the authorship of Dr.T. You have a very sick, sick mind inasmuch as even tho your wife fucked another and got impregnated by him, you deserved it for having such a closed, holier-than-thou-art mindset. You are indeed a poor example of the human race. That illegitimate son of your wife's even calls you "Daddy" and respects you as such, so why the Hell couldn't you forgive your wife and buddy with whom she made that illegitimate son. You are indeed a sick, son-of-a-bitch! May you rot in Hell!

This was a good read. You, beermaker, have posted a good story and have given credit where credit was due. Only an idiot would not recognize that fact. Papabear must be sniffing something other than roses.

First, I am not Beermaker. I do not post under any other name. I publish under another but I don't post under any other nome de plume here. So, you can forego the conspiracy theories.

Second, This was published long ago! Why are you busting peoples balls now? as for Beermakers take on the story, he asked my permission, as he should, and I granted it. He write HIS take. Originally I was going to publish a sequel to this story depicting that once a cheat, always a cheat but with this going on it seems pointless.

If I don't care why should some of you? Go find some other shit to rag on and leave Beermaker alone. He writes better that a shit load of other folks here!

Your comments only show how ignorant you really are. Thank you beermaker for making a good story even better. I hope you have other stories in your mind that will end up being posted here.

Beerman I thought you did an excellent job. These protests are from the few who will always find Fault (see chargrind's commnets`) Why is these readers cannot accept the fact that it is the author's story and not theirs

I hope I will find more of your tales in the future. The two listed are just a teaser

Finally, a non-wimp husband story. Take note & learn how to properly create a realistic-meaningful story Ohio & JPB!

need to wake up and hear the people.strong and fair men.you writing these sissyboy stories and the people want more.your fans are smarter and being used not the way they want to go without a fight.common sense is all they ask and this writer give this.who with any common sense would stay married to this nut of a woman.when a writer writes stupid the fan knows and looks that writer as a dumby.the wimpy writer had its' place,but now the worm has turn.strong male in your plots and as a american male that what i want to see.now this a country boy,who can't write,but enjoy a good common sense story.

Much better non wimp ending.

That away beermaker i Heartly agree with your side of marriage and vows in marriage Jeanne got what she desrved its to bad Mac didnt smack her her ass with the cricket bat like steve got she would have a better view of what pain is like too you.

Pat M.

Atlanta,Ga.

beerman great job.now to the other writers,stop and think with common sense there is consequences to pay when you fuck over someone.a man not going to stand and watch you fuck his wife and take her back.you writers are beginning to believe the cockold shit you write.here a clue to the writers who are weak,easy glue in the vaseline container,pictures to lovers wife and family,put them on internet or run them around the hood without clothes.you writer need to get real.

A Great Job indeed a much better ending let the cheating wife know how it feels to be cheated on

Atlanta,Ga

but i like the end result of this story better ....i still dont think jeanne and stev got what they deserved ...but in this world most dont...so maybe they got enough ...i think she got hurt more than he did but the hubby should be fucking all those women ....i feel he needs 15 years of pay back .....steve i hope he gets aids and dies with friends like that who needs enemies

I think I might have liked a .17 cal air pellet in the buttocks.. Just like Forest, no real permanent damage but one hell of a sore ass for some time.. But then, it's whatever is handy, too.. Apparently, Jean has been a lawyer too long, and is removed from reality.. All evidence can be disproven or belittled.. Well, it don't work like that in the marriage.. I read this twice and never did comment., I think it is well written; especially for a first-timer.. Good work, Beermaker.

Well done, author and thank you for your efforts. Obviously, this ending represents a much-more realistic ending to that "so-called" marriage and it balances out the pain that both parties would feel. Appreciate your hard work!

... but nothing achieved. I agree with K.K. You have great difficulties to write your own story or sequel. Your affluent use of many original phrases proves my opinion. What you've done is the plentyful use of the slut-word. You changed Mac's characteristics to come to your conclusion. The one who speaks in this story is you as the author, not Mac. That's a major fault to writers.

<p>Sincere regards</p>

<b>Nucleus</b>

Revisiting a classic: you just don't read new stories like this one here anymore... One of the best depictions I have read of the typical traits of a cheating spouse. Don't miss.

Should have killed the bitch and the asshole. Divorce is just for pathetic wimps who haven't got the guts to do what's really needed.

Much better than Chagrined's original ending. Thanks for cleaning up that mess.

plot and characters without messing them up. The ending is logically and emotionally correct. The wife simply has no idea of what marriage is. The real problem is that the kids knowing somethings that were going on had the mother as a very poor role model. I fear I would have moved far enough away that direct contact with her would be impossible because as you said they would redevelop a relationship with her and that again would provide a very poor role model. Will say he was much nicer to the asshole and the slut than I would have been, correction was. I even offered to give my ex half of everything, and she knew I had a saw that would do that.

You wrote a well thought through story, thanks! I especially liked the dialog concerning love and sex. Your divorce scenario was weak though. I believe that all states today have no-fault divorce. Also, a cheating wife usually gets custody unless the husband can show that she is unfit (takes drugs in front of the kids, etc.) On the other hand, older kids often have the option to choose which parent they prefer to stay with, so that would have been my suggestion for you.

steve's financial responsibility? the two were taken care of as they could, under the circumstances.

While I agree with your character's actions more than that written in the original, you changed the story to much to be a new ending. I am glad you started writing your own, rather than changing other works.

this was a far better ending. so many of these stories have the husband working it out and continuing their marriage .Bull .90% of the men i know wouldnt!!!

Please do not do this again. His was much better. I feel like I wasted my time reading this.

Perhaps I have a hair up my ..... but I find it highly irritating to have people dumping on our authors and telling them not to try writing any more. Constructive criticisms of style, structure yes, complaints about, er, plot holes and inconsistencies, yes.

<P>

In this case we have the same story with an almost reconciliation ending and with a revenge ending. It was amazing how very few alterations permitted it to be another story altogether. The original plot line done by Chagrined was nice and Beermaker's suggestion that all the neighbors knew what was going on sort of throws a bucket of cold water on staying together. I do get the feeling that her job as a US Attorney would take some flack.

<P>

But the important thing here is that neither of these two interesting authors are posting here anymore. The list of creative writers that are no longer writing for us is very long and I would suggest that many of us are making a very negative contribution to the board. At least if it isn't incest or BDMS! People complain about wasting bandwith but that is ridiculous.

I enjoyed the HAPPY ENDING much more than original "more wimpy" ending. Sorry about the anonymous comment back in '06, I have been reading this site since '99 and it took over eight years of frustrating "whorror" wimp stories for me to break down and get a user account. Since I never read anonymous comments I felt it only fair to put a moniker and e-mail out there, so authors can insult me back (and they have).

Just another revenge story without the guts of the original. Call her names make yourself an asshole trying to hurt her. Ho Hum. I expected better when I read the intro. Very disappointing. It was not a good change to have Zack be the biological son of Steve. The other was more in keeping with the intrinsic revenge I like.

Not well done at all.

but, you seem to have tied up all of the loose ends quite nicely. I do think you let her off too easily. I would have put her through the second option.

Much better than chargined version, which is typical gutless Brit story of a consummate wimp.

5 stars for this excellent writ !

Just more anger and "torch the bitch" is not worth reading an alternate ending. Chagrined led the story to a hard but believable reconciliation - without creating a wimp! That made his story unique...

I did read about two people who totally lacked ethics, responsibility, and loyalty, and a loving father that tried to handle a situation he did not cause/

MORE + more = MORE 2X

I do not understand this woman why she thinks amy reconcilation after 10 years long affair with 1 not DNA test proof child??? How many has the IQ of this woman 35 or 20?

He got the children custody I thnk this is the biggest revenge against a mother at all ! Naturaly 5 stars.

What a pity beermaker stopped writing more stories!

No way; no how could he get custody.

on the other side of the fence. Even the loco weed looks and smells good, but the after stench is unbearable. TK U MLJ LV NV

So much better than that gutless Pomy wimp "chargined" ! It looks like Brits love to slurp cream pies of other men. Typical!

Where reality cannot intrude; only hate for police and gays apparently - truly a sad tool

Unoriginality, rife in this category, is particularly acute in the case of this author. The absence of your own ideas does not make it okay to just reword someone else's.

She was an attorney, a lawyer for goodness sake. And I was wondering how she could do what she did if she loved her husband even a little bit. 10 years of fucking around on him. She "liked" Steve and the sex was great, thought of him as a second husband, as family but she loved Mac? She had the scrupples of a lawyer. Wait, this is where I came in.

can't anybody cut the clit off the bitch?, now that would be a payback reminder

Prerequisite for being an internet hard man is not having a working cock. Commentboy below fits the bill. Guess being a eunuch makes him want to see others similarly disfigured. Sad little sack of shit.

Larry the lawyer sits idly by while Mac punches Steve, OK perhaps a true sympathizer can turn a blind eye? But Larry then disappears during the conversation after Steve leaves only to mysteriously reappear once he and Mac leave together? Then there's the omission regarding the paternity test that will be used as evidence in the divorce, because catching them at it itself won't hold up in court...

The flow of the story is good and well organized. The biggest problem is it seems unrealistic:

He beats he wife and best friend enough to put them in the hospital for at least several days. I am really suprised the police are not involved in this. Even if they did not report the hospital would had certainly reported it.

Ok. I can see his wife possibly going back to the house but his best friend by himself - no way. He would had brought company. In a neutral location, like a restaurant, possibly.

No lawyer in his right mind would have a divorce conference outside his outside or a neutral site. Too risky

I think the children would look at their father differently after seeing the bruises on their mother's face. Despite what she did they still love her and would not wish that on her.

Better than the original ending. More punishment for the cheating accomplices. A decent story by both authors.

rudely buggered cornhole, lustily smoked meaty cock, betrayed!

I would have posted all the information to her work, family, and friends. Then divorced her ass and left her with nothing.

how the children can continue to see their "mother". I know I couldn't, given the circumstances. I wish the story had gone a different way concerning that.

when I found them in bed I would have shot and killed both of them right there.

What is funny is that a foolish, vacant guy, betrayed or not, is depicted as the "good guy"; himself a guy with a colifower at the place of his brain...socially unfitted, really! What an awful guy!

@ semofuncpl3 You would have gone to prison for 20 years.

Dragged not drug

No room for understanding at all here - not that any is required heh

The kids will need their mother - her stupidity affected them but she most likely never intended harm she just failed to get it - some people simply do not understand why what they do affects others differently than they want it to -

Of course if you treat them the way they treat others is often gets very different -

The story was great but flawed. Jeanne never was appropriately punished for her behavior neither was Steve. They both deserved the worst of life's woes. The children should never have had any contact unsupervised with their skank pig mother. Jeanne was a classic whore/skank prepared with an adjustable rule nook on life suitable to her whim. I've encountered people like Jeanne and they always want to be treated like first class citizens when they act like trailer park trash. Continuing this relationship over ten year period resulting in a bastard child is criminal beyond and immoral. Men or women, who humiliate their partners or friends in such a manner should be noted in order to be avoided by all respectable people.

Thanks for the offering.

again not even close to enough payback.

... I liked this ending much more; it "rang" truer to me. I liked the dialog where Mac spells it out to Jeanne, "Let me see if I understand your view of love. First, you decide it's OK to fuck Steve on our anniversary, because you're upset I'm out of town on business. The sex was great so you continued to fuck him. You had a child by him, and you still didn't stop. Diane divorced Steve because of your affair, and you still didn't stop fucking Steve. You continued to fuck Steve over 10 years when I traveled. To make things worse, you wouldn't take time off from work to be with me the husband you 'love' but instead scheduled time off to fuck Steve, your fuck buddy. You call this love. I call it being shit on. This is the type of love I can live without!" That is a just perfect. If that doesn't penetrate the brain, then only a bullet would. Panther Fan.

When they divorced the exciting sex disapeared from the cheater's brain. I read a comment from a poster, who wrote he divorced his wife and they met five years later. The ex wife told him the free sex coused less pleasure as the secret cheating, so a lot of cheating wives feel less pleasure from the sex after the freedom. Interesting the divorce decreases the sex pleasure. Against the freedom Jeanne and Steve lost their exciting feeling in the common sex. Attention betrayed husbands a newer fact against being wimp and why is good to choose the divorce, because the divorce decreases the sex pleasure at a lot of cheating wives!!!!!!!!

Not nearly enough retaliation.....and the kids rebuilding their relationship......BS.

The past tense of drag, is dragged! Not drug - you drug someone when you medicate them, generally without consent!!

Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh!

You really made that dumb woman real and the husband sharp and clear as to why she was a disgusting slut.

He back her into a corner so even she couldn't excuse her way out of in the end.

I am not sure about how the divorce results would really have worked out. It seems family court judges tend to give the kids to the mother, even if she is a cheating slut. There was also no mention of the assault charges for the beating he gave them. He put two people in the hospital and he didn't get any time? Confusing. The fact that she was a lawyer, makes it very understandable that she couldn't understand the meaning of love.

First was Georgia where the bastard production is criminal fraud!

First State in USA is Georgia where SERIAL CHEATER SPOUSE (here the wife) LOSES THE CHILDREN CUSTODY ACCORDING TO THE FAMILY LAW!

If I know well Beermaker origines from Georgia!

In Europe the wives get the children custody in 99.9%, but in USA the rate is better a little.

I read in a comment an exhusband wrote he earned the children custody in Missouri.

His wife (now exwife) had sex with the lover in the next room to the playing kids!

Yes the court gives the kids to wife in the most cases in USA, but the rate is better than in Europe.

and by now I don't really remember the ending to the original but I like this ending very much. More realistic. I'm sure that most women know who the father of their children is so I knew the youngest was Steve's. Also, the way he acted entitled at the wedding you had to know that something was going to happen later on. But you do have to trust your spouse and yout friends especially if you travel or are away from home for periods of time. Doesn't make you stupid or weak, but it does sometimes make you a cuckold, I guess. As for why the wife was a slut, easy peasy. She was attracted to Steve all along and since she was a sandwich and chips she felt entitled to have the best, which just happened, in her mind, to be the professional athlete. Evidently just being a good man and a good provider isn't enough for some women. I know a woman who, in her late sixties, told her husband that if she had met him first she would have chosen one of their friends over her husband and that if she had she would have been in better shape financially than she was with her husband. This from a wife who was not contributing anything money wise to the family and the "friends" wife had worked one and two jobs their entire marriage to get them where they were. And was still working. You don't have to be a lawyer to have an overblown sense of entitlement. Just a giant ego.

As for not getting enough revenge on the wife, anyone who doesn't even understand that she did anything seriously wrong can't be caused any pain, other than physical pain and our intrepid hero didn't seem to want to hurt her that way. So you have to take what you get when you limit your retribution that way. To me that attitude of hers after he caught them was worse, almost, than her entire marriage probably, affair with some really sorry lowlife that he trusted with his wife and his family. But again, it was very well written and just had a natural flow to it that was enjoyable and pleasing to read.

I find it hard to believe that the kids' friends knew and never said anything.

First, I don't know how the friends would have found out, and second, kids being kids, SOMEONE would have razzed them about it!