Daytime TV Parody: Fuck My Sister!

{TV announcer's voice, suggestive background music}

"Welcome everybody to the Sexy Lascivious Unabashed Torrid Network. SLUT TV is proud to present our critically assailed new game show, FUCK! MY! SISTER!"

{canned applause}

"Thank you, John. Hi everybody! I'm your host, Barry Zinger, and today's contestants are competing for a chance for a very hot date with our guest's older sister Gloria Ann Youngbride."

{applause}

"But first let's meet our guest, her brother, Matt Wanderer. Hi, Matt, are you from the metropolitan area here?"

"Oh, yea, from Waterdown street, by the river. We have the family home down there. The whole family lives there."

"And what do yo do for a living?"

"I was driving a truck but I got fired for fucking the boss's daughter."

"So now you are looking for work?"

"Fuck no, man. I married the slut and now I just live off the family fortune."

[laughter, hooting from the audience}

"And tell me, Matt, why do you want someone to win a chance to fuck your sister?"

"She really needs a good fuck that's why. She's been real sad since her husband's tragic accident. She was only 32 years old when he died. She's been sad. I mean really sad, she don't do nothing anymore. Sometimes she just sits around the house playing with herself. It's bringing the rest of the family down, man. Momma says she needs to get laid and when I heard about this show I figured it's a good way to get a hard dick up in her twat to help snap her out of it."

{cheers from the audience}

"And I'm hoping the dude that wins has a horny sister I can fuck if I get lucky."

{howls from the audience}

Barry calms the audience and asks, "But aren't you married, Matt?"

"Oh, yea, but she don't watch no daytime TV so it's OK."

A woman in the audience screams, "You two timing bastard!" She begins charging toward the stage. "You told me I'm the only one you want besides your wife. Cheater!" Two security guards block her before she reaches Matt.

{the audience erupts with gasps and howls}

Stunned, Matt pleads, "But honey, I didn't know you'd be here. I was just joking with Barry, honest, baby."

The woman is even angrier. "YOU DIDN'T KNOW I'D BE HERE!! What a dirt bag excuse. You scum! You don't have to worry about where I'll be from now on. We're THROUGH!" She throws a bottle of water at him, missing, then turns and walks away, escorted by the guards.

Barry tries to get back in control. "Well, Matt, I guess we learned a little bit more about you there, didn't we? And now, let's meet your lucky sister!" A spotlight turns on to show a slightly chubby woman, five foot six or so, in a sheer white nightie over black panties and bra. She is standing next to a canopy bed. Her wavy brunette hair falls past her shoulders on to her ample D cup breasts.

{cheers and cat calls from the audience. Someone blasts an ah-ooh-ga horn}

When the ruckus dies down Barry Zinger says, "Now let's meet our three contestants. Number one is Ned Journeyman, a 45 year old electrician from Oakdaleville. And why do you want to fuck Matt's sister, Ned?"

Ned, who has a bit of a paunch and is mostly bald says, "Well, my wife is always fooling around with younger guys, see? So I figured what's good for the goose is good for the gander, get it? Only, see, the younger ladies mostly don't want me. So maybe I can win a chance with a hot young pussy on this show, ya know what I mean?"

[groaning from the audience]

"And now let's meet contestant number two, from Oldtown Village, a 22 year old student at Harper Valley College, say hello to Gary Popenov!"

{applause]

"And why do you want to fuck Matt's sister, Gary?"

Gary's disheveled shoulder length hair is topped by a baseball cap worn backwards. He is wearing a tank top and jeans. He looks down as he shyly says, "Well, like, it's hard at school with all the fraternity guys being so popular and everything and, well, like, you know, and I ain't ever done it that much hardly. You know, with girls. Kinda. And maybe she'll let me eat her pussy. Like, I ain't ever done that. I've done other things down there with a girl, like, but not that. It would be like really cool. Don't ya think?"

{applause and laughter from the audience}

"And now contestant number three, a retired stock broker from Easy Street Estates, 61 year old Chester Buckmeister!

{applause}

"Chester, tell us why you want to fuck Matt's sister."

Chester, wearing a custom tailored blue suit with impeccably combed salt and pepper hair, says, "I never got married, Barry. Oh, I have had girl friends and they've been nice to me and some of them could fuck like the devil. But they only liked my dick for my money. None of them liked it more than it took to get their baubles and gold from me. I just want to fuck a pussy that needs it and wants it real bad and I can give her cunt a big orgasm and have her tell me how much she likes it when I spew cum wherever she wants it most. Is that too much to want?"

{sustained applause and cheers from the audience}

Barry takes over when the audience settles down. "Now, Matt you get to ask each of our contestants one question and after you've heard their answers you'll vote on which one gets to fuck your sister. What is your question?"

Matt thinks for a few seconds and says, "I know it's against the rules to ask how big their dicks are so I want to know what's their favorite position they like to satisfy a lady? And do they have any horny sisters?"

"You only get one question Matt. Audience, what do you think? Is how do they satisfy a woman a good question?"

{thunderous applause from the audience}

"OK. Ned, what is your favorite way to satisfy a lady?"

"I like to fuck them hard until I feel like my balls getting off then pull my cock out and slap it on their bellies and cum all over their tits. They always like that and it feels real good."

{groaning and a few boos from the audience}

"OK. And how are you going to satisfy Gloria if you are the winner Gary?"

Gary blushes a little and looks at his feet as he answers. "Well, gee, like I'd, you know, eat her out or something and then fuck her in her vagina. Real hard, you know, like in the videos. And then she'd say those dirty things about how much she wants it like they do, you know. Until I get off in her and make her happy, like that. That would be like really cool."

{muted applause from the audience, from the back a call to pick the virgin}

"All right then. And you, Chester?"

"I'd start with some kissing and then fingering her pussy a little. When she's ready I'd tease her clit with my tongue. When that gets her even hotter I'd slip it in her vagina then tongue fuck her until she begs for my cock. I'd slide it up and down on her slit before plunging it in and pumping her brains out until her body a shaking in delight and pleasure. I'd get as deep in her as I can and let her have my whole load."

While Chester is talking Gloria is visibly aroused, her nipples get hard, and she starts gently caressing one of her shapely tits.

{wild applause from the audience}

"Matt, it's time for you to pick who gets to fuck your sister, Ned, Gary, or Chester? The audience has made their choice clear. Who do you think it should be and why?"

"Gee, Barry. It does sound like Chester could do a real good job. But I'm really hoping Gary has a sister he can hook me up with cause I need a new girlfriend so I pick him."

{boos and a few cheers from the audience}

"We have a tie! That means, Matt, that your sister gets to break the tie - right after this commercial break."

{commercial break}

"We're back and now we'll find out who gets to fuck Matt's sister. Will it be Ned, Gary, or Chester? Gloria this is the moment."

{dramtic pause}

"Who makes you horniest? Who do you want to fuck?"

"They say every girl's crazy for a well dressed man and it's true. I pick Chester!" She holds her arms out towards him and he walks toward her.

{pandemonium ensues. confetti falls from the ceiling.}

Barry leads Chester over to the bed and introduces him to Gloria. Several women rush the stage, raising their hands and shouting to Matt, "I'm somebody's sister!" One stands off at the side blowing Gary kisses and beckoning to him with her finger. Chester and Gloria hug and kiss as a circular curtain is drawn around the bed.

Things quiet down and Barry says, "For playing our game today Matt's sister Gloria is going on an all expense paid vacation for two in Hawaii! And she also wins a year's supply of condoms AND a free sexy lingerie shopping spree! We have consolation gifts for our other two contestants. For you, Gary, and for Matt, this "Fleshlight masturbator that is sure to please any time any where. And for you Ned a one month subscription to the porn site of your choice."

"That's all for today everyone. Thanks for joining us and be sure to stay tuned right now for another great new game show, "SCREW! MY! BROTHER!"

As the credits roll and Ravel's Bolero plays in the background panting and grunting and cries of pleasure can be heard coming from behind the curtain.