Dead Light Camera

My phone was chirping from the floor. Tyler and Kevin were pulled over by the side of the road about a hundred yards down. I could see the cherried tail lights in the distance. I leaned over and picked up the phone.

The connection had never broken; we were still on group chat.

"... -mmit she almost bit my cock off!" Kevin was yelling.

"Holy -- you guys OK?" Tyler asked.

I took a quick mental inventory and then piped up "Yeah I think I'm OK. Gear slid a little but I think everything is OK. Got whacked in the back."

"You OK?" Kevin.

"Yeah I think so."

"Well, come on then." Tyler.

"Light's red."

"Man, fuck that light. Who the fuck puts a shit fuckin' light in the middle of goddamned nowhere? Fucking hayseeds."

Who said 'hayseed' anymore? Kevin seemed pissed. Maybe almost losing your dick does that to a guy. Probably he was pissed about getting his hummer interrupted?

"I dunno, man" I said. "This was weird."

"Yeah, it's weird, but we gotta get moving. And besides, how long is that thing gonna stay red for?"

Tyler was right. It was still red. And we were the only traffic on the road. We were the only living things around, other than the whatever it was that grew in these fields around us.

I peered up at the red light from below. It taunted me, daring me to cross the invisible line. Something wasn't right. That gut feel; that sensation that someone was watching you. That ominous feeling that came from evolution to keep you from doing something stupid, something that could get you eaten. Or worse.

Something like exactly what I was about to do.

I gently goosed the gas and crawled through the red light and made my way to the guys parked down the road.

I pulled in front of Kevin's car and got out to talk with them. My back complained a little from the gear sliding into me, but I thought I was just being a bit soft.

"Let's check real quick to see if the gear is OK," I said, swinging open the rear doors.

We didn't have time to unpack, and there wasn't much we could do in the middle of a damned Kansas field if something needed fixing. But a quick visual showed that everything looked OK and that we were in good shape.

Both the guys and girls had gotten out of the cars and stood by the roadside chatting about the surreal scene and Ronnie got a punch on the shoulder when he offered to drive, provided Mel gave him what Kevin got. I looked back at the red light staring at me.

"Yo, fuck this place," Kevin said. I turned to see him taking a piss on the side of the shoulder onto the crops growing.

"Why didn't you piss back in town?" Jake asked. "You had to piss after ten minutes?"

"I didn't hafta go then. And I wanna leave a mark on this place. You try nearly getting your dick bit cuz of some boonie cops running a traffic scam."

"I said I'm sorry!" Liv groaned.

I got back into the van and started it up. I paused for a few seconds while Danny and Ronnie pulled the cars around me and got back moving. I couldn't wait to put this place behind me.

As I got up to speed, the itch in my brain started. A compulsion. I knew I shouldn't have done it. I knew what I was going to see. Just the thought sent shivers down my spine. I tried my best to resist but in the end I was weak. I looked in the rear-view mirror to get one last look at the blooded eye I had crossed under along that straight, flat no-man's land, but there was no sign that any traffic signal was ever there.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Albuquerque. We made it without any further issues or videos from Kevin. I think Liv may have threatened to actually bite his dick off if he ever broadcast her again.

Our little roadside adventures and the long drive meant we didn't get to check into the motel ahead of time, so we went right the club and unpacked. Not that the rest of the drive went smoothly. After that little pitstop, every stop light, every brake light in front of me, even the setting sun were flame red eyes looking at me. It was a constant reminder of the dread I felt inside.

The show itself was good. The crowd was rowdy and ready for us, but we were ... so-so. We did fine. I doubt that anyone went home feeling they didn't get their money's worth. But for us, there wasn't that voltage, that oomph that had made the last week's shows so off-the-charts great. Well, it had to happen so we would just have to make it up on the next one. But throughout the show, every camera flash, every stage light transition, every door opening into a lit room seemed to leave a red afterimage in my peripheral vision, just out of focus. All of them were looking at me, and all knew my sins.

We were staying in a motel just a few blocks from the club; we had to make another big drive the next day as we doubled back towards Austin, but we had a break the day after.

Anna had messaged me that I would be single if I didn't call her after the show, so as I walked to my room, I was happy to hear her sleepy voice.

"Hey babe."

"Ohhhh, hey. How's ... Albuquerque?"

"Yeah, we're here. It's ... OK. Altitude makes me feel a bit funny when I'm trying to sing for a while, but it's not bad" I let myself into the room, set my duffle bag down and put the keycard into the power outlet to turn the lights on. I walked into the small room and looked around. A yellow envelope was on the bed. I made my way over to lay down.

"How was the show?" I looked down. My blood froze.

Sitting on my bed was a traffic ticket. I was suddenly very dizzy. "Ummm, not that great." Anna was a million miles away. I stood there looking down at the yellow envelope like it was the first alien contact. I felt that unsettled.

"Oh?" she seemed sleepy still. "What happened?" I bent over, moving to touch the envelope. There was that itching in my brain again, telling me not to do what I was about to do.

"Hey, love? I just got in my room. Can I call you back in five?"

"Um, yeah. Sure. Is everything OK?"

"No." It was wrong to say it, but I couldn't lie at the moment. I didn't give her time to get worked up, and I hung up on her. It itching got stronger.

I picked up the ticket. I was an ordinary traffic citation, with my van plate number and description and a $100 fine for running a red light. The penmanship was immaculate. The return address was some P.O. box in Kansas. There was a description of penalties for not complying including loss of license but I didn't read the rest because the room was tilting. Or maybe it was me.

I grabbed my key and went to Kevin's room next door.

He opened the door. I walked in past him. "Wanna beer?"

"Hey Liv." She sat in the bed, texting.

"Hey Tim."

I turned to Kev. "Did you get a -- "

There were two yellow envelopes next to the crappy TV that was playing some reality family show. I went over and picked it up with two fingers like it was on fire. It was filled in with all of Kevin's vehicle information. $350. His was an extra $250 for public indecency. Hope that piss was worth it. I picked up the other. Liv's. $250 for lewd and lascivious behavior, both in that flowing handwriting. But instead of a vehicle, the information was her home address.

I held them up to him.

"Dude," he said "What the fuck is with that nonsense?"

I held up mine.

"Ha! You got one too!"

This was all wrong. This was really bad. He snatched my ticket from my hand. "Hey, what the fuck? Why's yours only a hundred?"

Did he not see what was wrong?

I took mine back from him and walked past Danny's room to Tyler's. Jake answered but I repeated the same scene, walking past him. I surveyed the room looking for ...

Oh fuck. I found the tickets still sitting on his bed. Or what were the tickets. There were four pieces on the bed. I picked them up, but I already knew what it said.

"What's that?" Tyler came out from the bathroom to find me holding up the pieces of their tickets. I pieced them together, and it was just like I thought.

"A traffic ticket."

"What did you do?"

I looked at him. Was I surrounded by idiots? "It's yours. It was on your bed. You each got one." I handed the pieces over to him. And Jake's. I looked at it as I handed it to him. $100 for aiding in the commission of a crime. Jake's address was on the ticket.

"Oh, is that what that was?" Jake seemed uninterested. "I thought it was some gag novelty menu from a local restaurant." He looked at it. "I just tore them up. Why? Should I not have done that?"

It took a second but Tyler got it. At least I think he did.

"What the fuck is this? Are you pulling some kind of joke?"

I frowned. "Where would I get a stack of State of Kansas Moving Violation tickets? And why would I give myself one?" I held mine up.

He examined it again. Eyes wide. He was getting it.

"Come on." I walked out the door with Tyler, and Jake following as we headed for Kevin's room. Liv let us in, as Danny was standing talking to Kevin. Both of them were holding tickets.

"- ain't no way I'm going back there anyways," Danny was saying. I drew in my breath in a sharp hiss. Fuck. Danny was holding pieces of a ticket.

"Hey, cool, we all got them," Kevin said. "Awesome."

I wasn't feeling awesome, unless today was the day where awesome had become a synonym for 'terrified'.

Before I could do anything to stop him, Kevin tore his ticket in half. And then tore it again.

"No! Nononononono!" I screamed. Everyone looked at me.

"Dude, chill."

"What the fuck have you done?" I felt the flecks of foam on the corners of my mouth.

"Relax man. It's like Danny said, we're never going back there anyways," Kevin rolled his eyes at me. His 'bro' act was wearing thin.

"Kevin, they know where we are! They know who we are!" Liv looked up from the bed. Jake shuffled nervously looking at his own ticket pieces. "Whoever issued these, they followed us through all of Kansas, through Oklahoma and Texas into Albuquerque. For a traffic ticket. Who does that?"

Kevin just looked at me. I looked at everyone else. Danny looked angry and the rest were just as nervous. "We didn't check into the motel until after the show. How did the cops know we were staying here?"

"How were these on our beds, waiting for us, if they didn't know where we're staying?" Tyler finished my thought.

Tyler left the room while the rest of us talked and compared ticket details except for Kevin. Ronny and Mel joined us. All of us were holding tickets of some sort or another. Liv and Kevin had the worst fines but all of us had something.

Tyler came back. "The manager says that no one has been in the rooms since midday when the maid service changed them over. He's been on a twelve-hour shift so he's seen everyone come and go. No one was asking about us or near these rooms. The cops usually notify him when they need to ask about guests."

"Let me guess?" I asked. "No cops came by today?" Tyler nodded.

"Fuck." Ronnie said.

"Fuck 'em" Kevin said, reaching over to Liv's ticket and tore it too. This time, all of us screamed at him.

My phone buzzed. Anna.

It was if the air had been let out of me. I was suddenly exhausted and had enough for the day. As I walked out the door, I called over my shoulder. "No one else do anything stupid. We'll talk about this in the morning."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dreams of smothering and of the dreaded weight of expectations of others to save them gave way to me waking wrapped in a sweat-soaked sheet, sideways across the bed. Those housekeepers really jam those sheets in place so dislodging one takes some effort. I had been active the night before.

We met for breakfast at the diner across from the motel before we set out. I had a quick chore to see to before I headed over, but I was in luck that it didn't take long.

Danny was seated already when I got there, but we were the only two there. By the time my eggs and bacon arrived, everyone except Kevin and Liv had joined us. We were a somber crew, despite all that was going in our favor. Last night had really spooked us.

Kevin and Liv rolled in. "Hey! What's with the faces?" Gotta admit, the guy had energy. He was getting into the rock'n'roll lifestyle. Liv looked great, as usual, if a bit sad.

They sat at a small two-top next to me. He leaned in close, actually being discreet. "What was up with you last night? You've freaked everybody out, man. We're on the verge of something big! Now's not the time to fall apart. I need to you, man. We all need you. If there's something you need to talk about, I'm here for ya."

I just nodded. "It's fine. We're fine."

"Really?"

"I'm fine." I looked him in the eye. God, I couldn't vouch for anyone else, but I prayed I was telling the truth.

What I was, was exhausted. My call with Anna the night before was less than spectacular. I skirted around what had happened; there was just no way I could put into words the feeling of a chill constantly running down my spine. For what? A simple traffic ticket? Or that I was seeing red eyes everywhere. How could I explain that? So, I chickened out. I told her I was feeling low, and how I missed her taking care of me.

She told me she'd drop everything and rejoin us, if that would make me happy. She said there was something in my voice, and that she knew there was more to it. She even guessed that Kevin might be wearing on me. I laughed and asked how she knew. But then I told her, no matter what, I wanted her as far away from this tour as possible. I told her I loved her more than anything before I hung up to let her sleep. I hoped she had better dreams than I did. I doubt she could've had worse.

In the diner, there was light conversation, but the topic of last night was avoided. We were moving forwards only. At one point, Kevin got up and went to the restroom. Liv watched him go, before looking at me. Her eyes were tired and she looked upset, something I hadn't noticed before. It didn't make her less attractive, just a different kind of beauty.

"We're gonna be OK, aren't we?" Her voice was just above a whisper, but I'd heard the urgency. I'd never seen her like this. I realized how my behavior had affected her. I let my own fears infect the others. I was responsible.

I didn't ask her to clarify what exactly she meant. With a sense surety I didn't have, I reached over and gently squeezed her hand. "Of course," I smiled. "We're gonna be the next big thing."

When Kevin came back, I got up and paid my bill. We had a long drive ahead of us, and I wanted to prep the van. The walk across the parking lot consisted of me jumping at shadows and seeing every red illuminated sign, light and signal as some kind of eye watching me.

Ronnie came out and met me on the way across the parking lot.

"Dude, what the fuck is this?" he asked, looking like I felt. He held up his intact ticket. This clearly was wearing on him too.

I sighed; grateful he didn't destroy his. "Pay it. Mail it. Now. If you don't have cash, I've-"

"No, no. I got it. Mel's too. Just mail the cash? Isn't that illegal?"

"No, it's not illegal. It's just stupid. Like all the rest of this. But it gets it done and over with and ..." I didn't need to finish the thought. I don't think Ronnie was as far down the rabbit hole as I was, but he was definitely in with me. Caffeine was unnecessary, as jittery as I was.

"Thanks man. Are we OK?"

"I'm not sure why everyone keeps asking me, but, um ... I sure as shit hope so."

Mel came up behind us as Ronnie gave me a hug. "I know you'll watch out for us." He slid his arm around her and went back to his room. I continued my inventory of the van wondering if I was actually paranoid, or not paranoid enough.

Once we got on the road, the driving teams mixed a bit, with Danny riding with Ronnie and Mel and Tyler and Jake with Kevin and Liv. I was back in the van. We had a good twelve hours to get to the motel we'd be staying at, near the club.

This ride was much calmer, in the sense that the traps set by random traffic lights gave us a pass. Still we watched our speed and were careful about watching our positions in traffic. From my position in the van, a bit elevated in traffic, I silently watched every red light I saw everywhere. Or, they were watching me. Tough to tell which but by the time we made each rest stop I took a well-earned rest and when we finally pulled into the motel, I was exhausted.

I pulled my duffel from the passenger seat and turned to find Jake behind me. I jumped.

"You OK?" he asked, looking me up and down. I always liked Jake, so I knew there was nothing but goodwill in the question.

"Fine. What's up?"

"You look like shit. You losing weight?" I turned to the side mirror of the van. I had bags under my eyes, the eyes themselves were bloodshot and my pale complexion was a shade or two darker than "corpse white". I looked like shit.

"I'm fine. I think." I jostled my fingers and the ring I kept on my right hand, a gift from Anna; it almost slid off. That only happened when I've lost about ten pounds or so. I just nodded to Jake.

"We're counting on you," he finished, walking away.

There it was again. People counting on me. I locked the van down and checked in. I called Anna, almost as a talisman for me to enter my room. The sun had long set, and the door way to the room was in shadow. What was hiding in there for me? My stomach roiled as acids churned.

She picked up on the third ring. "Hey babe, how's Austin?"

Just hearing her voice put some steel into my spine. "It's good. Cooler. What're you doing?"

I had reached the door and put my duffel down, as she told me about her day. Now or never. I bumped the keycard against the lock and the soft click told me to enter. I swung the door open and ...

Nothing. I put the keycard into the power switch and the lights came on, bathing the empty room in cheap fluorescence. Still talking to Anna, I made my way in, checking the closet, the bed, the bath ... for what I didn't know. But whatever it was, it wasn't there. I sighed, the tension leaving in the breath. She heard it.

"Are you OK?" I closed the door, and threw the seemingly sturdy deadbolt.

"Yeah," I answered. "Just a long day. Tired." We chatted a while longer, but the weight was off my shoulders. I was exhausted and we had a big series of shows coming up. I was ready for bed as soon as we hung up. I crawled in between the stiff, over-laundered sheets and was asleep in minutes.

The disturbing trend of nightmarish dreaming continued. I was alone and couldn't get out from the office building I was trapped in. There was no one answering my calls for help or even around. I was heart-breakingly alone, except for the red-lensed cameras which were on every wall, and every ceiling. All stared and judged me. It seemed like the dreams went on and on, with that near wakeful sense subtext underneath it of 'It's a dream, it will all be over soon', yet it was forever until I woke in sweat-soaked sheets again.

As bad as those dreams were, it was better than the bottomless abyss which opened in my gut after I woke to find the receipt for my traffic citation on the pillow next to my head.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The pounding on my room door began before I could really get myself calmed down. I threw on the night-before's clothes and let a furious Kevin into my room. I knew what he would say, before he said it.

"What the fuck is this shit?" he yelled in my face. "Which one of you assholes are fucking with me on this?" He stormed in, almost slamming the door in Liv's face. The door bounced her backwards, but she just recovered and joined him inside my room.

"Is it you? Huh?"

I ignored him; not even giving him the courtesy of a response.

"You OK, Liv?" I asked softly, ignoring Kevin as he ranted in my room, gesturing wildly. Her head was lowered, but she nodded, looking up from her downcast focus.