Dead Light Camera

"Thanks, Tim," she whispered, a flat, emotionless smile slipping from pale lips.

I loved Kevin. I had lived with him before Band Hammer had been a thing. We had a history going back through shitty times with no money, shitty gigs played to five customers and shitty nights spent on the road, exhausted but still having to schlep gear and sell t-shirts. We had talked and dreamed countless nights about how we'd make a name for ourselves and be the ones who beat the odds. He was a brother, a warrior and deserving as any of us to enjoy the success which was coming our way.

But there was a mark on him now, and I had to be careful. It was unseen but my recent dreams and the lack of sleep over the past nights had oddly given me a clarity which let me know that Kevin was a lost cause.

"Give it to me, Liv. Please tell me you have it." She wore the kind of scared look of a battered spouse, waiting for the next slap to come from some imagined slight.

Kevin wheeled. "If I find out it was you that did this, I'll kill you!"

I was completely unsurprised when he produced a yellow Kansas Traffic Citation envelope before theatrically tearing it in half.

"Liv?" I practically pleaded with her. "Please."

Red rimmed eyes went moist, and, aside from Kevin's breathless ranting, I could practically hear the small drops crest over her lids to slide down her cheeks. "Our room. I'm scared."

"I know." I reached out to her hand. "Me too." So delicate and soft in mine. I pulled her to the door, and yanked my keycard as we exited. Kevin continued, not even noticing we had gone.

We went to her room, and she opened the door. My key went into the power slot, and the lights clicked on. She went to the bed. Her moans started almost instantly as she pawed at the blankets, and then the bedside table.

"No. No! Nononono!" her pleas rose in pitch to a howl, nearly matching Kevin's rants on the other side of the wall. I already knew what had happened. "Where is it?" She looked at me, pleading. Begging. She needed me to fix this. I had to help her.

"It's OK, Liv. We'll fix it. He has it. He took it with him." The abyss in me threatened to swallow us all. The mark I had seen on Kevin was now threatening Liv.

I took her by the hand again and led her out, grabbing my key. She offered very little resistance. I could've led her anywhere and she would've followed. "We need to eat, Liv, OK."

Ronnie, Mel, Jake and Tyler ate silently in the café half a block down. They eyed me when Liv and I showed up without Kevin, but no one said anything.

"Where's Danny?"

"He's taking a shower. Said he'd be along." Ronnie said, his eyes avoiding mine.

I nodded, guiding Liv to sit near the group. I stood. I was practically vibrating; I was so tense. There was so much that was unsaid in the café. My eyes went from the barely restrained anxiety of Ronnie and Mel, to a broader panic which bordered on terror of Jake and Tyler.

No one was going to volunteer, so I just said it. "Tyler, you weren't stupid enough to tear yours up again, were you?" Both, he and Jake practically jumped.

"No," he said, reaching into his inner jacket pocket and producing two yellow envelopes. "How did-"

"Go put your fines in there and mail it. Right now."

"There's a penalty."

"Pay it."

"I can't. It says I need to lose my hearing for a month."

"What?" I grabbed the ticket from him. Fuck. Written in immaculate penmanship under the 'Comments' section was 'Penalties incurred: Late payment. Fine -- loss of hearing, no less than 80%, for one month; onset date to be decided.'

This was absolutely surreal.

Jake leaned forward. "I get to lose love," he thrust the ticket at me. His penalty was 'Loss of one loving relationship' in the same hand.

"Who does that kind of thing? I've only got Tyler," he choked out, barely controlling his voice. I knew that. His parents had passed a few years ago, and he was an only child.

I fished my receipt from my pocket. At the bottom, 'Thank you for preserving our roads and highways!' in school-teacher-perfect cursive.

I was falling, spinning and tumbling into the open, yawning pit. I was lost; hopelessly overmatched by whatever it was that was tearing us apart.

But I knew one thing.

"Pay it. Do it."

"No!" Jake said softly, his face mirroring the horror I felt.

A noise from outside distracted me, and I looked out the café window to see a large auto wrecker back into the space just outside the window. The damn thing had truck nutz on the rear bumper. How could that be anything other than tasteless? Then the large red brake lights came on and stared through me.

Staring at those eyes, the eyes of the road and my own voice barely above a whisper. "Pay it. The penalty for not paying will be so much worse."

I put $20 in front of Liv and told her to order herself, Kevin and me the greasy spoon breakfast specials and walked out the door. No one asked where I was going.

I wheeled around back to the motel, and to my room. My keycard went to the lock and I swung the door open. Torn yellow tickets were on my floor.

Pounding on Kevin's door, he answered, still looking a bit lathered, but there was some reason in his eye.

"Where the fuck is Liv?"

"Where you're gonna be in about five minutes. Eating. Get your shit in gear and get over there." He eyed me, but knew now was not the time to get into it. "What room is Dan in?"

"Two down."

"OK. I'll see you there," I started walking away. He just stared at me. I held his gaze. "Now. Go!" When he didn't move, I reversed course and came back at him. I was practically at his door when he finally moved, yanking his keycard and shutting the door.

Muttering, I knocked on Danny's room. No answer. I knocked again. Then I pounded on it, calling for Danny to open the door. Nothing. I walked to the office and told them my friend was not answering his door. The desk manager's look was one of 'How is that my issue?'.

In that instant, I wanted to wipe the smug off his face. I wanted to grab him and let him know Danny was a great guy, better than some shithole motel manager would ever be. That Danny too often acted before he thought, but always more than made up for his mistakes and was always a guy you wanted on your side. I want to do all of that, but instead I bit down on my tongue so hard, I could taste blood.

"I think he may have hurt himself," I finished the thought for him. It was a lie. Danny would never harm himself.

I showed him my ID, and pointed to the Guest Register, where we had all checked in together. "Please. I'm worried." He puffed out his breath, clearly not giving a shit and popped a 'Be Right Back!' sign on the desk and came around the desk. He had a set of old-school keys on his belt that jingled.

Turns out the keys were for something else. He fished some red keycard from his breast pocket and Danny's door lock gave way.

"You need me to come in?" he asked, his voice full of 'I don't fucking care'. I gestured for him to stay put.

I stuck my head in. "Danny? You OK? We're eating at the café down the street?" I slid in through the door. The room was lit up, Danny's keycard was still in the slot, but the curtains were drawn. Clothes were in a pile at the foot of the bed. A wet towel was on the bed, and an old beat up suitcase was opened. I went back to the bathroom, where the door was almost closed, but the light shone through a crack.

"Dan?" I eased the door open. Nothing. Water on the floor. Wet shower. Toiletries on the vanity. And shreds of a yellow envelope floating in the otherwise clean toilet.

Fuck. The spinning returned.

I made my way back out. "You got cameras on these rooms?"

"Of course. Not showing them to you though." I wanted to really hurt this guy now, but Danny and the rest needed me. The coppery taste of blood in my mouth helped me focus.

"Dude, look. We're going through some shit now. We're barely holding this together. If my friend wandered off to go hurt himself and you didn't help me... I won't fail to tell that to the cops. I just need the last few minutes of video on his room."

The guy cringed as I spoke. I had bitten my tongue hard enough that blood washed over my teeth, and given the state of my own completely unhinged look, only added to my persuasiveness as a convincing sociopath. I wasn't far off at the moment.

He looked anywhere but in my eyes. "OK, but I'd appreciate you finding another motel, afterwards."

"I'll consider it."

It was the best he was gonna get. He led me to a room off the back room. More of a closet, but there was a server rack and a video display. He messed with the touchpad and a few seconds later, a video feed showing several of our rooms, including Danny's came up.

"How far back?" he asked.

I had no idea. "Ninety minutes." The video reset and began playing in high speed. The morning sun moved up to and against the door. After a few moments, Ronnie and Mel came into the scene.

"Whoa, slow down there." The video shifted back into real time. They had stopped at Danny's door and he had stuck his head out. No audio, but based on Ronnie's talk, I knew this part already. They nodded and he pulled his head back inside.

"OK, fast forward."

"Yes, your majesty," the desk manager sneered. The video resumed its triple time march. The door never opened again until I went and pounded on it. I left, and came back with the manager. Ronnie and Mel had been the only ones to see him. He was still in the room.

Except he wasn't.

I looked at the manager. "Any windows?" He shook his head, looking nonplussed despite the evidence right in front of him.

"Same layout as your room. Windows are in the front, except for a small one in the bathroom and that's nailed shut so that it only opens a crack. Your buddy looks like a big guy. He'd never fit through."

"So, where'd he go?"

"Why are you asking me?" he shrugged. "He's your friend. Closet? Under the bed?"

"You said it yourself. He's too big. Won't fit. I just checked, anyways. Remember?"

"I dunno. Not my problem. Now, if you don't mind? I got a place to run."

Dismissed, I realized my fight was not with this asshole. I went back to the café, where a cooling plate of food awaited me. As expected, there was a silence in the group, tired faces and no Danny.

"You OK?" Tyler asked.

"Peachy," I flashed a wan smile. I didn't fool anyone. But that wasn't my intention either. I sat, and just pulled my plate in close, shoveling the food into my mouth. My intuition, which was becoming annoyingly prescient, told me it was going to be a long day and I might not get too many chances to eat.

"Any one seen Danny?" Ronnie asked. "I told him to meet us here."

No one said anything. Kevin was particularly subdued. I kept my head down. I couldn't bear to see the mark on him.

"What are the plans today?" I asked, deflecting the subject.

"Big show tonight," Ronnie said. "We gonna crush it?"

"Yeah, you bet!" A little life from Kevin.

"Need to do some errands," Tyler said. I could hear him aiming the comment at me. I just nodded. "Probably rest a bit. I'm feeling tired."

"Errands?" Kevin asked. "Here?"

"Yeah. Need to take care of something. Is that a problem?" Tyler's tone was both anguished and angered.

"No. Calm down. Sheesh," Kevin soothed. "Just weird, is all."

"Oh, for all that's happened in the last week, this one thing is 'weird'?" Tyler stood, dropped money on the table and walked out, not waiting for Jake. Jake sighed, ate a last bite, then rose to follow Jake out the door.

"What about you guys?" I nodded to Ronnie.

"Um, probably rest up. I'd like to go over a few things with you before we head to the club," Ronnie said. I knew what the score was.

"OK, I'll be by in a bit." Mel and Ronnie exited, leaving me with the elephant in the room.

"Jeez," Kevin said. "Everybody's acting so weird."

My head was down the whole time, but I finally looked up at Liv. I dropped my fork, seeing a reddish veil marking her. I blinked, snapping my eyes back down to the well-worn café china, smeared with egg yolk and some peppers left over from the home fries.

"Yeah?" I gulped. "Well, there's been some weird shit going on." I couldn't handle this. Not Liv. She never did anything, other than love one of my best friends. "Or hadn't you noticed?"

"Come on, man," Kevin leaned back in his chair. It squeaked on the old linoleum floor. "We're this close to making our dreams come true. We've been on the road. We've done the miles. We've paid our dues."

Not all of them, I thought.

"This is our time!" he continued. "I can't do this by myself, man. I need you. You're the glue for this to happen!"

"Sure, man. You know I'm with you. You too, Liv." I dared a look at her, only to dart away, dying a little to see her with that goddamned veil. "Look, we should get ready for the show together. I want to hang with you guys for a while if that's OK."

Now it was Kevin's turn to be a little surprised. "Um, sure man. Of course."

My phone rang. Danny.

The sigh of relief I breathed was palpable. I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. I cursed myself for my paranoia.

I answered on speaker. "Yo, what's up? Where are you?"

At first, I could barely hear the phone; it sounded like music. I leaned in, while my abyss started opening again.

"Danny? You there?"

It was music. A lead guitar, staccato picking with minimal effects on it. Rhythm guitar was a palm-muted, choppy riff. A subtle bass beat in the background propelled the music forwards. It was a simple repeating riff, the first measure ascending, then the second measure descending. I knew this riff. I grew up with this music. Fuck, who was it?

I knew it and couldn't place it. It was on the tip of my tongue. It was deathly important.

"Yo, Dan," Kevin leaned over on me. I felt claustrophobic with him on me. "What up? We're eating! Join us!"

I shushed him, moving him out of the way, as I grabbed his phone and swiped his screen.

"Hey, man. That's --"

"Shhhhh!"

Danny's call continued on. The music slowly throbbing. Not getting faster, or slower. Just working its way to the inexorable end. I knew I had to get this soon.

My thumbs jittered as I swiped, swiped, swiped. How can one asshole have so many useless apps on his fucking phone? I panicked. Then I saw it. Soundhound. I stabbed the screen. Thankfully it opened quickly.

I placed Kev's phone near the speaker of mine, trying to get the volume as loud as I could. I prayed that this would work, before the song ended. I needed to know. Danny's call faded down, with the song finishing in deep rumblings which could not be produced by the phone's tiny speaker, but which I heard like thunder in my ears.

I held my phone in a death grip, as the search completed. The screen taunted me.

'Match found: Nine Inch Nails -- 'Help Me I Am In Hell''

I fled from the café, screaming Dan's name as I ran down the street as fast as my legs could carry me, while red eyes looked at me from every direction.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Yo, what the fuck is up with you?" Kevin and Liv had finally returned. I leaned against their motel room door, my knees against my chest. The cooler autumn air swirled, making the sun a welcome warmth and shield against the cold I felt inside me.

"Nothing. Everything," I said. Kevin harrumphed, offering me his hand, and pulling me to a standing position.

"Gotta get your shit together man," he said, opening the room. He gestured for me to enter. I studiously avoided looking either of them in the face.

The stakes of this game were now posted. I knew what was coming and what was to be done. While I was relatively sure that the slip of paper I had in my pocket would ward me against certain evils, the burden of knowing, the burden of seeing it happen was almost as gruesome.

There was a single armchair in the room that I flopped onto.

Liv went into the bath, while Kevin reclined on the bed.

"You OK with the set list for tonight?" he asked.

I was glad for the diversion. We reverted to Band Hammer mode and were able to converse in a common language which had no words for the macabre shit that we had stepped into. Liv came out and joined Kevin on the bed.

I had to look at them. It was maybe the most surreal thing that had happened to that point, and like so much of what happened.

Kevin excused himself and went to the toilet.

I averted my eyes for the moment.

"You can see it, can't you?" she said.

I simply nodded. I felt the tear slide out and down my cheek, and I looked at her. Proud, brave little Liv. Her cheeks were wet, her eyes red; a beautiful mess. I couldn't love her more at that moment. She knew that there was an awful end waiting for her, but she was not running.

"Just stay with us, will you Tim?" she said, even and clear. "I need you to stay with me."

"Of course," I said.

Kevin walked out; King Oblivious. "I miss something?" He looked at his girlfriend, the one he had dragged into this with him.

"Aw c'mon, honey. It doesn't smell that bad!" he chuckled.

Liv wiped her face and lay down, curling away from us.

We talked for a few more hours, finishing up our pre-show talk, and discussing our choices for the A&R guys. We thought we had a bit of leverage and could maybe push back on the offer a bit, to get us a better deal. While that talk was all fantasy for me, it was deadly serious for Kev. He was plotting our future, one where we were on top.

I knew there would be no deal. I knew Band Hammer wouldn't make it through the tour. Fuck, I doubted we'd make it through the night, let alone the rest of the week. But I needed this distraction. I needed it so badly. Just for a little while, I needed to have some faith in the world; that there was a reason for why things happened. I needed to sit and be normal with one of my best friends, and his girlfriend, who I had loved from afar and up close for as long as I had known her. Her, who I would do anything I could to protect her and keep her safe, except that I knew none of it would matter, not anymore. Because whatever we had done, there was nothing any of us could do now that the pieces were in motion.

I called Anna. She sounded concerned for me. I thanked her, telling her I loved her and would be coming home soon.

"Make sure your boyfriends are gone by then."

She chuckled. "Girlfriends, baby. I save all my cock needs for you." A pause. "You know I love you, babe."

"How could I forget, honey? You remind me of it every other sentence."

"Well, you're so far away, and I can't help but feel there are others out there who might not honor our commitment to each other." She had no idea how right she was, just that those 'others' likely weren't romantically interested.

"Honey," I said, "There's no one I depend on more than you. There's things happening here that we need to talk about."

"Of course. You know you can talk to me about anything."

"I know, but this... Honey, this is not the stuff I can talk about here, over the phone. But if I call you and need you to do something, you have to trust me. Please just do it. Don't ask questions. I'll need you to trust me and then I will explain."

"All right? Now you're freaking me out. Tim, what's going on? Are you guys in trouble?"

"Honey, what did I just say? I can't talk about this here. I just can't. I need you to swear, you'll do what I ask, no questions. Please?"

She paused. I knew her. She was like a terrier, always wanting to dig into things, and I just put the fattest mouse into a burrow and forbade her from going after it. She would hate me. But I didn't care at the moment. I'd face those repercussions later. For now, I just needed her to be my failsafe and to have her in position.

"OK. But only because I love you."