Delicate Touches Pt. 01

"Oh yeah, really friendly, I just wanted to get outside Australia though and see the world, but I do want to see Uluru at least once before I die."

"It's a big fucking rock in the middle of the desert," Stella reminded her.

"Yeah, but at least I could say I'd been there."

"God, I wish I'd done this shit when I was younger. I was too busy falling out of pubs and taxis to think about travelling, although it was always on my list," she pushed the phone away.

"When I was in high school I used to collect travel brochures from travel agencies, mainly because they were free and also because I had a crush on one of the women who worked there but then the booze took over, I went to law school and then started working."

"But you went to America," Evie spoke up, "I haven't been there yet."

"Los Angeles and Las Vegas," she sighed, "I was kind of sober in Los Angeles but I really hit it hard in Las Vegas, too many bars and too many women. I could have gotten married in one of those chapels. There was a woman I hooked up with for a one night stand that went on for two nights, she wanted to tie the knot and I wanted to fuck one of her girlfriends," she glanced up as the waitress drew nearer.

"So, what are we eating?"

"That," Evie pointed to a pork dish, "and the rice."

"No worries," Stella pointed to something else, "I'll have the duck and can we have some dim sims and rice to share, please?"

"Of course," the waitress gathered the menus.

"So, now you know about one of my dirty secrets," Stella propped on her palms, "what's one of your dirty secrets?"

For a moment she thought she'd gone too far but then Evie smiled crookedly.

"I collect dirty pictures."

"Of men?"

"At first but then I stumbled across women in the same forum, thousands of strip galleries, it's just women taking off their clothes. A lot of it is just silly because they always leave their high heels on but it feels different."

"In what way?"

Evie stared out the window as raindrops pelted the road.

"I can't explain it without getting into a muddle, I've been struggling with it for a while now and it's only recently I decided to put a name to it and called myself curious."

"So, I take it you've never slept with a woman before."

"Not just women," Evie wriggled in her seat, "I've never slept with anyone."

Years of being in courtrooms had steeled her against showing emotions, it was something you had to learn. Keep a poker face and don't let the opposition see they've made a point but Stella did raise her eyebrows and then she exhaled slowly as she raised her glass.

"So, what happens if you get close to a guy and he you know, tries to touch you."

"That's why I broke up with Tony. He wanted to go further and I kept talking him out of it, at first it was easy because he had a condom allergy, so he said," she smiled tightly.

"But then he finally got over his condom allergy and said he'd use one, and then I had to think of another excuse. He handed me a great excuse on a silver platter at this chicken and champagne breakfast when he started flirting with one of my girlfriends. I left the breakfast early and spent the rest of the day in town and that left him with my soon to be ex girlfriend, even though we made up in the end," she sipped her drink.

"I went to Tafe," she fiddled with her ring, "and found another guy but he was even worse, he didn't have the condom allergy at all, he even had condoms in his wallet. We were in his bedroom and I made the excuse I had my period and never contacted him again."

"So when did you start wearing the ring?"

"A few weeks after that," she replied, "my grandmother had given me the ring a couple of years beforehand. I started wearing it and at least then I could just tell my girlfriends at Tafe I was just wearing it because I liked it."

"So, what were you relationships like with girls at college? Were you attracted to them?"

"Kind of but it wasn't sexual. I was more into their company. I felt safer with them because I knew nothing would happen. It's almost like that part of me has been switched off and I can't find the switch again," she looked at her, "does that make me weird?"

"No," Stella chose her words carefully, "you're afraid of consequences, you might think too hard about what comes next, we project ahead all the time and while that's normal, too much of that can hold us back from exploring and experiencing new things."

"There might be something in that," she mused, "my dad and mum broke up when I was nine, he was having an affair and mum found out. I remember feeling totally abandoned and like it was my fault because in a way it was my fault."

"How so?"

"I um, I found a text message on his phone from some woman called Maria and when I asked about it over dinner I was just thinking it was a work thing but he turned bright red and the next thing I know, mum raced through to the living room and got his phone. Dad ran after her and I heard them fighting, he pushed her and she slapped him but he left that night and never came back."

She finished awkwardly and Stella nudged her hand.

"So, you accidentally busted your dad, it's still not your fault. You were nine years old and if he had messages from his girlfriend on the phone it's his fault he was caught out not yours."

"I know that on an intellectual level," she replied, "but there's a part of me that still blames me for what happened."

"Did your mum remarry?"

"Eventually, she had two or three boyfriends in a row and she married the fourth one, he's a nice guy and I call him my stepdad but there's still a part of me that wants to find my real dad again, he's living in Bangkok with some woman and sends a card and a present every year on my birthday but that's about it," their eyes met and she managed a timid smile.

"So, maybe I should get counselling."

"For what? Your parents' broken marriage? Your dad's affair? You're not the only person whose dad left when she was young. My dad left when I was thirteen and my mum took up with a woman who I had to call Auntie Michelle," she smiled crookedly.

"And I only found out during a violent thunderstorm when I came through to see if I could crawl into bed with mum because I was scared, but Auntie Michelle was there because she was scared of the thunder as well," she sipped her Coke.

"After that mum came out to me and said that while I could call her auntie May if I wanted to, she was my mum's girlfriend and she always slept in the same bed as mum. I just went whatever and tried to pretend I'd known all along but it was a shock to the system. I went to see my best girlfriend and she showed me her brother's porn collection, he had a bit of a lesbian fixation."

"Was that what did it for you?"

"Oddly no, I wasn't even interested in boys back at that age apart from Jon Bon Jovi but a few years later I got a boyfriend, which was okay for three weeks but when he tried to go further I yelled so loudly mum thought I was being raped and came storming through to the bedroom. He got thrown out of the house and mum sat me down for the birds and bees talk," she smiled crookedly.

"To be honest I never thought about it, Brad was just a guy from school. I was only going out with him because my girlfriend set me up on a blind date, but I know that seeing mum and Michelle together did affect me."

"In what way?"

"She was calm," Stella replied a few moments later, "when she was with dad she was always yelling at him and he yelled at her. He never raised his hands to her, at least as far as I know, but they used to argue over the stupidest things, the weather, the price of fish in China," she smirked, "if dad said the world was round she would've argued it was flat. They were two people at opposite ends of the spectrum just going for it."

"When Michelle moved in, she really was just a boarder, helping out with the rent but she brought peace to the household. To this day they still haven't fought. It was Michelle who took me to my first ever AA meeting, she knew someone in the fellowship."

"So, who was your first? Or is that the wrong question?"

"Melissa," she chuckled, "she was a honey, still is by the way. She moved to China for a few years and then hooked up with some Japanese woman in Singapore and splits her time between there and here twelve months of the year."

The conversation became a little less intimate as their meal was brought over. She learned that Evie had two sisters, both older than her. The oldest one, Mia, was married and had just given birth to her first child but Toni was living in Brisbane and working at a child support agency just like their mother.

"And what about you?"

"I'm the only child," she replied between mouthfuls, "mum said enough was enough, she did talk about adopting but the rules for gay parents were a fucking minefield. It's different now of course but she's happy with what she's got, more or less. She lives outside of Eltham on a farm and I go there to get away from shit here at least once a month, any more time and I'm going out of my mind because she keeps giving me her old clothes. She's gained a few kilos in the last couple of years and so a lot of clothes have been put in other wardrobes, including mine."

"And you don't like her old clothes?"

"On the contrary, I do like them but I've got plenty of clothes at home. At this rate I'll be using the wardrobe in the third bedroom, the second bedroom is used by my boarder, John but I'm a bit bigger in the boob department," she looked down at herself before going on.

"This blouse came from her but it was quite big on her, but I bought the suit myself."

"It's a nice suit," Evie reached out slowly and fingered the lapel.

"It's got sentimental value," she replied.

"What's the memory?"

"My first twelve months. I reached twelve months continual sobriety and I was waiting for the big bang or a voice from the sky but instead it was just another day and so I thought, fuck it I'll go out and splurge. So, this is my first year suit."

"Don't they give you a birthday cake in AA?"

"They do overseas apparently but not here, you're just told to get on with it and don't make a big deal out of it."

"Shame," she let go of the lapel, "it's something to celebrate."

"It looks like the rain has eased off," Stella changed the subject.

"So where were we?"

"AA birthdays and clothes," she eyed the remains of the meal on her plate, "so now that I'm paying for this meal and then driving you home, where's home?"

"I rent a room in Nunawading from a woman I know through my stepfather, she's a cop," Evie stared at her phone as it beeped.

"And how is it with her?"

"Huh?" Evie glanced up, "um, it's cool. She's got a girlfriend but it's complicated."

"Define complicated."

"Her girlfriend is married, to a guy. He's an airline pilot doing the Melbourne to Los Angeles route so she sees her once or twice a week."

"Okay," Stella winced, "that is certainly complicated."

"Diane is nice though, she's really nice and while I haven't said it to her, I reckon she's wasting her time with this woman. If she's had an affair behind her husband's back, what's to stop her having an affair if she moves in with Diane?"

"Exactly but to each their own, I've been down that road once, when I was drinking and at the time I thought I could handle it but looking back it's amazing her husband didn't bash me. He was one of those outlaw bikies and if he'd found out what his girlfriend was doing behind his back he would have bashed her and me in turn."

"The things you do when you're drinking," Evie murmured, "I've heard a few stories from uncle Peter but my mum tells me he was a wild man, he once cleared the entire bar at the Prince of Wales in Fitzroy Street and spent six weeks on remand in Pentridge."

"Tell me about it," Stella pushed her cuff back to show her watch, "so, do you want to make a move or would you like to order dessert?"

"Um, perhaps we'll head home," she pulled Stella's hand closer, "you've spent enough money on me and I've only got twenty five dollars to give you for petrol, I love that watch though, was that your second year present to yourself?"

"That was Michelle's Christmas present last year, mum bought me the cuff links," she turned the cuff to reveal the silver cufflink, "they're actually five year AA cufflinks that you buy from the States."

"Huh?" Evie leaned closer, "well that's worth a picture, can I?"

"Sure," she turned the other cuff around to show the cufflink and leaned on the table while Evie took a picture, "just don't use my real name if you post it on Instagram."

"It won't be going there," she replied, "but uncle Peter would love to see them, he's got one of those medallions you hang around your neck, it's from America as well I think."

"Most of these things are," she took out her purse, "I'll go pay the bill, do you want the rest in a doggy bag?"

"No, that's cool, take it yourself if you want, you paid for it."

Her generosity impressed Stella as she paid the bill and had the remains put into containers, in her situation she might have taken the offer. How much money could she be making anyway? It was a question she didn't ask however as they made their way back to the office block she called her second home. Evie's eyes widened when the Charger's brake lights flashed in the underground carpark.

"Wow, this is a classic," she opened the door, "you see them at car shows."

"It's pretty much standard," she slotted her phone into the dashboard holder, "but I put in a stereo with bluetooth capability and it runs on LPG most of the time."

"I love it," Evie ran her hand over the dashboard, "this is an Instagram moment."

Stella chuckled at that as she started the V8 engine and revved it. Evie was taking a picture of the instruments as Stella backed out.

"Light the fires," she planted her foot and the tyres screamed as they fought for grip, a moment later they found it and she shot forward.

"How long have you had it?"

"Three and a half years, I bought it off an AA member, well kind of. He wanted my Commodore and I wanted his Charger so we swapped cars and put our own price on the papers. What the bloody RTA doesn't know can't hurt them," she swung the wheel and headed up the ramp, "but don't go saying that on your post."

"Never," she promised her, "and they've got too much money anyway."

Evie was relatively silent for part of the journey until they drove past a petrol station and she craned her head to look at it.

"You drove past it."

"Too expensive here, we'll go further out."

Nevertheless, they drove past three more before she finally pulled into one on Whitehorse Road, Evie headed inside to buy some milk and dog food while Stella put gas in the tank. When she came inside Evie was talking animatedly with the attendant who had a name that Stella didn't even bother trying to pronounce. Evie paid for the gas and as they headed back out she half turned and waved at him.

"He's studying law," she told her a minute later as she put on her seatbelt.

"You learned that while I was putting gas in the car? You should be a cop."

"He was reading a law text book and I just asked the question, he's from India but he's going back once he finishes his degree."

"Like I said, you should be a cop."

"I'd be a terrible copper," she replied, "I hate conflict, every time I see Diane in uniform I get the heebie geebies, I mean she looks cool but I just see the handcuffs and baton and everything goes cold inside me."

Evie's home was a typical triple-fronted brick veneer in a quiet Nunawading street. The porch light came on as they pulled into the driveway but Evie told her it was set off by motion sensors.

"There's one in front of the garage."

"Is that your car or Diane's?" Stella looked up in the mirror at the car parked in the street.

"Mine, Diane is at work, she's just pulled a double shift so she'll be back sometime tomorrow morning."

"Does she text you when she's going to be late home?"

"Nope, except tonight, which is why I had to buy food for Satan."

"Satan?"

"Her rottie," she glanced at the house as a dog started barking, "she called him Satan because her ex girlfriend had a dog called Jesus, weird sense of humour I know."

"Yeah, it takes all sorts."

"Sure does," Evie leaned back against the headrest, "so, do you wanna come in for a coffee?"

"Um, I shouldn't, I have to work tomorrow."

"Of course, sorry."

"But maybe one won't hurt," she fiddled with her keys, "famous last words and it's a long drive back to Elwood, is the dog okay?"

"Satan?" Evie grinned, "he'd lick you to death but he makes a racket when he sees a new car in the driveway or someone walking past or a piece of paper blowing past the house."

She wasn't joking about the Rottweiler, he took one look at Evie and bounded across the floor to greet her and then sniffed Stella all over.

"He smells my cat on me."

"You have a cat?"

"Hermione," she patted his head, "okay, I had a crush on Hermione."

"That's another thing we have in common, I think that's where it started for me, grab the couch and I'll make the coffee. I'd give you the guided tour but it's just another house."

"I do have to use the loo though."

"Through that door and third on the left," she pointed, "the bathroom is next door to it, the second door on the left."

Stella went through her options as she washed her hands a few minutes later. It was true she had to work but it wasn't until later, she was due in court at eleven. It was still a half decent run into the centre of Melbourne if she took the freeway and left early enough.

Stop it, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, you're projecting again. Have coffee, talk some more and then go home, she turned the tap off and reached for the towel hanging from a hoop.

And don't drink, she finished.

Satan was nowhere to be seen when she returned but she could hear him eating in the kitchen, Evie was just carrying a tray of Anzac biscuits and coffee cups through on a tray.

"Do you take milk and sugar?"

"Just strong black coffee," she sat down on the couch.

"Like your women, huh?"

"To be honest I've never had sex with a black woman let alone a strong one."

"Sorry, shitty joke."

"It's a funny joke," she leaned forward to take the coffee, "but it is an old joke."

"My turn to go for a piss," she moved past her, "be right back."

The text from Janine came through a few seconds later.

Janine: How'd you get on?

Stella: Still going and it's not what you think, strong black coffee in Nunawading.

Janine: So there's still hope yet.

Stella: Maybe, trying not to project.

Janine: Just go with the flow, if it happens it happens and if not there's always a next time. The important thing is you're where you should be right now.

Stella: Yeah, with a virgin and a dog called Satan.

Janine:???

Stella: The dog's called Satan, friendliest and loudest rottie I've ever seen.

Janine: No, the other thing.

Stella: She's an actual virgin.

Janine: Fuck me, not me as in me but you know what I mean.

Stella glanced up as she heard the toilet flushing.

Stella: Well, wish me luck, fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Janine: Just don't drink! Nightie night.

Evie came back into the living room a few minutes later after presumably going to her bedroom because she'd shed the jacket and shoes, donning a pair of moccasins and a white cardigan.

"Sorry, it's a bit bogan," she looked down at the sheepskin moccasins.

"I've got a grey pair at home, best shoes for ducking out to the shops."

"That's another thing we have in common," Evie leaned over to pick the plate of Anzac biscuits, "fancy a bickie? They're home made, I cook dinner and make cakes, and in return Diane reduces my rent by a quarter."