All Comments on 'Derby Ch. 01'

These creeps attract females who no man would go near

The whole point of this story is that the guy was wounded by his ex, and now doesn't trust anyone. He feels like he was used, and he's decided to use in return. Sure, he's a miserable prick, and he victimizes this girl. That's why it has the tag that it does. Read in the context of "non-consent/reluctance," the story makes perfect sense. The guy is definitely an anti-hero, and I hope some day someone cuts his balls off and stuffs them down his throat. In the mean time, though, I want to see what happens next.

On a positive note, this is a well-written tale. And I know you have prefaced the story by explaining that Derby is damaged goods. But I'm sorry, I hate him. He has absolutely no redeeming quality that I can find. And I guess if you can make me feel that way about a fictional character, then you've done a really good job. I will keep reading your new chapters, just to see if Derby gets his due.

girls who were insecure enough and naive enough to allow him to sweet-talk them into bed quickly and who also were too insecure to attempt to hold onto him when he wanted to move on.

That's all girls

While there's a bit of deception going on, I see neither lack of consent nor reluctance on either party's side. There's no reveal, no Big Fight over said deception, nothing.

Technically adequate, and for the above commentors: it's fiction, you're not required to like every character in it. They are, however, required to be interesting. Darby seems a tad too cardboard-cutout for my tastes.

The title typo was on purpose.... What a little bitch. He's not man enough to deal with the cheating whore and supposed best friend. He's just the kind of punk to fake a suicide like a little teased teenage girl. AND then he had to start targeting girls he won't have to be afraid of confronting him afterwards. Most authors have the sense to make their protagonists loved, liked our at the very least engaging. Debby just makes a reader wish to watch the whiny little bitch cut his wrists and bleed out his worthless life.... Or is that just me?

Anyone who could draw out such tenderness, concern and forwardness from a beautiful, vulnerable, giving young lady and not respond with true, heartfelt warmth and desire to make her happy, rather than the heartbreaking rejection he intentionally plans, is a worse, mean-spirited cad than the two bastards who cheated on him.

To meanly and carelessly fuck a hapless young lady without regard for her pleasure, leaving her feeling used and repulsed, is heartless and selfish. But that is what stories present as the stereotypical, frat college immature boy. Bad enough.

But to do what Derby is doing, is worse. To lure a young gal whom he has chosen as a vulnerable prey, then to delude her with fake love and tenderness, so that he exploits, not only her body, but also her heart -- all to callously dump her, intentionally breaking her heart -- this is almost beyond despicable. I suppose only rapists, torturers, and murderers are worse.

To think that after she responds to him so lovingly and sacrificially, giving him the best sex of his life, that even that does not break his hard-hearted resolve to intentionally misuse a susceptible girl (after meeting her parents, no less!) -- it makes the frat boys novices in the game of misusing coeds.

I hope that by the time this series is over, Derby comes to his senses, appreciates a young lady (whom he does not deserve) for who she is, and becomes a decent, unselfish boyfriend and lover, who, after apologizing to the others he has mistreated, has the potential for being a loving husband and caring father.

For the author to build a character such as Derby to pull so forcefully on our heartstrings, shows consummate skill.

Paul in Oklahoma