All Comments on 'Designated Driver'

You had far too many unclear references to who has what relationship with the "point of view". In addition, writing in first person present tense seldom works well. The story concept isn't bad; it's just that the story is difficult to read.

-- KVK

Much better than the average stories found at this site. It was closer to something like real life.

Very good. Early on, I was ready to give you top rating and might have except for a couple of little goofs in grammer and the feeling that there is to be more but you did not designate this "Chapter One". (Forgive me; I am "old school" and hard to please.) Overall, again very, very good. I was looking for a story that had a climax and an ending without a sense of "more to follow". I think that the first thing that wrapped me into the story was the authenticity. I will now read your other stories.

Thanks for writing it and keep on.

I think they meant 'grammar'.

:-)

LOL

This story had it all. A plot, character development, some angst, romance and well crafted naughty bits. lol. I'm hoping to see further developments to this story. Kepp up the good work.

I disagree with KVK. There is no need to lay everything out in a straight line; in fact that rarely works in the 1st person. I enjoyed the somewhat oblique references to his divorce which made the ending feel like he had turned the corner before our eyes.

Really enjoyed this one. Liked the balance of detail where it mattered and vague references for the sake of moving things along at a good pace. Your details are very hot.

Everything about this story was just right. Arousing my curiosity in the beginning, then eventually explaining the south pole bit when the crowd of people gathered to hear the story but the narrator wanted to have Mia alone with him. Having a chance to drive Mia home, but again having the crowd dumped on him again. And the drunken Joanne -- she kept popping into the scene, even in his dreams, a diversion but a gorgeous one. Oh, I almost forgot -- the backseat blowjob. What an inspired sideshow that was!

The only downside I see is that by pulling out all the stops in this tale, you may have left very little in your storehouse of ideas for subsequent ones. So now I've got to read all of your stories to find out how you deal with that problem!

The only reason I gave this a five is that they wouldn't let me give it a ten.

I could see myself as I read, wish that I could experienced a similar happening when I was a young man. Keep Writing.

I'm sorry, this just feels abrupt. More is needed for me. Had it ended with just walking away and hoping, that would be one thing. But the discussion about more and if and buts just clouded it greatly.

But can't tell you why it's not a 10...

It has nothing to do with where you ended... Maybe, though I think he's likely a good guy, I just don't have enough of a feel for who he is - and I want to... And face it, we know almost nothing about Mia - again, something I want...

Kind of like you wrote a pretty good two-hour pilot for a TV series and now could delve more into your characters to keep me interested...

Enjoyed it though...

Loved it.

I totally disagree with KVK. You did the relationships beautifully. If you'd spelled out all the relatinships we'd have been wasting energy trying to keep track, instead of enjoying the story.

The key relationships points stood out: His flatmate Amanda who's trying to matchmake him with Mia (Dan, the other flatmate, and apparently Amanda's partner, is somewhat peripheral), Kurt and Linda who get very amorous when drunk and Mia's best friend Joann who's just broken up with Brent (who's also somewhat peripheral to the story). Rachel and Steve appear as memories of his and Mia's ex-partners, with Steve somewhat peripheral, but Rachel more important because we're in his head. I probably couldn't have kept track of these key players easily if I'd had a whole lot of other connections thrown at me.

It's amusing how you set it up so that we don't get to know "his" name, and I didn't even notice until I was writing this comment.

I love the small touches like Mia sharing his drink and him being naked when Joann dashes to the bathroom to throw up. Plus the little touches that show how he's one of the good guys, even if a year without sex, and seeing Joann's breasts has made his mind a bit naughty.

Definitely warrants a CHAPTER 2, especially after Mia showing him Joann's perfect breasts. I realise that after this long a chapter 2 is unlikely, and considering the story's free I don't have a right to expect a chapter 2, but I'd really love it if you wrote one.

1

There is that 3:37 clock thing again.

Where did the author go, this is another great story but it was written decades ago. I hope the author is still writing, a talent like this should always express itself. Five stars.

typical. girl admits she is attracted to him, he is a good guy, but can't right now because of her friend. Female BS talk. make some casual dates for all 3 of them, not hard to do

After a second read I still find this is very good, very caring story, well put together and quite entertaining, makes a nice change that the lead man wasn’t a super stud, really enjoyed it.