Desires and Desirability Ch. 01

Note: The Desire and Desirability stories describe revival and enrichment in the sexual lives of myself (Derrick) and my beautiful and desirable young wife, Amy. I recount here how I helped Amy rediscover how sexually desirable she is, not only to me but, of special interest to me, to other attractive men. With my encouragement we began to reveal to each other our deepest sexual yearnings and to explore ways to satisfy them. I participated actively in these explorations but came mainly to play the roles of enabler, observer and supporter as Amy opened herself to new opportunities for sexual excitement and fulfillment.

CHAPTER ONE: PLANTING THE SEEDS

April

My name is Derrick Ray. I'm 32. My wife of seven years, Amy Atkins, is 28. We live in Bronxville, an upscale village 15 miles north of New York City. I am a member of a small but successful law firm serving mainly wealthy individuals and prominent organizations in our area. Amy is a highly regarded real estate agent with a firm that specializes in high end houses in and around Bronxville. Our work makes us familiar with much of what goes on socially and financially in our community.

Amy and I enjoy our work and we are comfortable with our situations. Though we both worked in Manhattan for a couple of years, me after Columbia law school and Amy after college at NYU, neither of us felt driven to stay there to maximize our economic potential. We both wanted to avoid all-consuming high stress jobs so that we could better enjoy our day to day lives together. We like being able to live in an attractive house in a bucolic setting and to mix with other friendly and successful people. We go into the city often by train to visit museums and art galleries and to enjoy other cultural events, especially modern dance. We like traveling at least once each year to Europe, usually to Italy or France, and we have been to Japan twice since we married. At this point we have no plans for children.

Like most people we know in similar circumstances our sex lives began with high passion and a sense of adventure. I recall often our especially great sexual episodes over the years , some of them while we travelled abroad. Traveling to special places where we experienced new cultures and food and art and architecture seemed to make us appreciate our good fortune and inspire us to offer each other sex that was inventive and generous. Though I'm sure that Amy recognized that our sexual excitement level had decreased over the past several years, until recently neither of us spoke of this as a matter of concern. Perhaps, I speculated, we had became too contented with ourselves and our lives. Maybe we assumed prematurely that what we had would remain just what we needed, including in our sexual relationship.

It has gradually occurred to me that we needed to reassess our assumptions and I had begun to ponder how we might do so. While I recognized that part of my incentive in this is to try to find ways to gratify my own growing sexual fantasies I also sincerely wanted us to explore how to satisfy what I perceive as Amy's own growing sexual frustration. When I first mentioned this she was not prepared even to acknowledge a problem. Fortunately, over some months, I was able to stimulate her willingness to examine her feelings. Out of our reexamination, we readjusted our sex lives and emerged with both higher self-knowledge and much greater satisfaction. I am writing down my recollections and reflections here on what have learned about ourselves, how we did that, and what might come next.

May

The immediate catalyst for change began with a question from Amy rather than myself. It started over a glass of brandy after dinner at home one evening. Amy surprised me by asking if I was becoming tired of her after seven years of marriage. "I think you are bored with me, Derrick. You don't seem to be able to generate much passion for me anymore. And I am missing knowing that you need me. And I am missing us having good sex!"

I paused to think carefully about how to answer her. While surprising coming out of the blue, Amy's comments were not entirely unexpected because, of course, she was correct. But for reasons of my own I did not want to begin by saying so. Instead, I responded, "Amy, maybe that is what you think, maybe not. But I wonder if what you are feeling really isn't just the opposite. I suspect that most of what is going on between us, even if you aren't fully conscious of it, is that you are the one who doesn't feel passionate about sex anymore and that mainly is because you aren't attracted to me as a partner anymore, at least not the way you used to be."

Amy did not respond directly regarding her own desire for me. She said, instead. "Well, I know some people would say that it is just natural for sexual desire to fade after seven years of marriage, that this almost is inevitable." I let this thought hang in the air.

She went on, "Derrick, I just don't feel attractive anymore. No wonder you don't want me often and hardly ever very strongly. I wish I could do something to feel beautiful and sexy and desirable like I used to."

Again I paused as though I was pondering what she had said. In fact, I had been waiting for her to raise this issue and for an opportunity to respond. I fully agreed that our sexual relationship needed to change and I was interested in changing it, perhaps substantially, in a way that would better satisfy both of us. I had not told her, and did not plan to reveal now, what had been going on with me as our sexual desires within our marriage had been decreasing.

Like many married men that I had read about, I had begun to be aroused less and less by making love to my wife and more and more by the dream of her taking another man — or men. I often now pictured myself watching her giving herself passionately to someone new — and I found myself hoping that if she did so it would better satisfy both our needs — hers to have passionate sex and mine to watch. I did not want to tell her this because I believed my dream would be realized only if and when she could admit to herself that she wanted to try sex with someone else — and that her admission would come about only after subtle nudging from me. She needed to believe that doing so would rekindle her passion and enjoyment and, equally important, that she would also be pleasing me in the process. I tried to initiate that process by first responding to her doubts about her desirability. I had been thinking for weeks about how to go about this.

"Amy, you are certainly still very beautiful— and very alluring, vey sexy, very desirable. There can be no doubt about that and surely you know it. But maybe you don't recognize the depth of passion you generate. Or maybe you just don't want to face the implications. I suspect that you still feel strong sexual desire yourself— but just not so much for me anymore. Maybe you feel trapped with no ready opportunity to redirect your desire. So you manufacture these excuses that you don't feel desirable and that the problem is my lack of desire for you. In any case Amy, whatever the issue is, I want to help you face it and deal with it, for us to deal with it.

"And Amy I easily can correct any impression you mistakenly have about a lack of desirability. I can tell you right now what two attractive men have said to me about you just within the past couple of weeks. And I could offer you other examples if I go back further. You know Trent Cramer, the young banker I play golf with some Saturday mornings early. He told me that you say hello to him sometimes when you see him in the fitness center at the club. He said you are there at about the same time he is several days a week. Amy, Trent is certainly one of your admirers. He raved about you to me again while we were on the golf course just last Saturday. It made a strong impression on me, thoughI was not surprised by what he said. "

'Derrick, you have the most gorgeous, sexy wife I have seen in this town in years. How do you deserve a woman like that to go to bed with every night? Even in sweaty exercise clothes she just projects sensuality. I'm not married but I would be if I could find anyone like her to marry me. You must walk around the house with a hard on all day after we finish our round of golf. If I had a wife like that I would want to stay home every night and I sure would not leave her in bed to go golfing early on a Saturday morning. But then I guess you have Saturday nights to look forward to. Amy's face is lovely to look at with her raven black hair and bright green eyes and skin that looks so soft and pale — and from what I can see of it she has a perfect body. Really so luscious. And believe me Derrick, I have looked at it a lot since I began going to that fitness center. Seeing your wife is one of the reasons I like to go. And on top of that she seems very sweet and smart. You are spoiled, Derrick.'

"That's about what he said Amy. So, if you don't think you are desirable anymore, just ask Trent Cramer the next time you see him at the club. Or better yet, just turn quickly around someday while you are exercising; I'lll bet you will catch him staring at you with hungry eyes. And then explain to me, but first of all to yourself, how that fits with your comments that you are no longer sexy and lusted after. You certainly are ravishing to Trent, and he is a smart and good looking guy."

"And more evidence, Amy. Do you remember Jared Cook from the last country club holiday party? I do because I was starting to become jealous when he asked you to dance for about the fourth time. Don't tell me you didn't understand his interest. I'm sure he wasn't talking with you about the Yankees or the Mets. You had on that red party dress cut in a way and with support that displayed your breasts so daringly. And everyone could see that Jared was enjoying the view. I watched as he kept tightening his arm around you trying to feel you pressed against him. I'll bet you do remember his touch. He was obviously feeling amorous. The two of you looked hot together, a really stunning couple. Why do you think Jared, another very handsome man who could have danced with any woman in the room, kept coming back to you? And every man in the room would have liked to have been in his place.

"When I passed Jared in a restaurant a few weeks ago he asked me, 'Derrick, how is your gorgeous wife. I often think of her and of how much I liked dancing with her at that party at the club and that red dress she had on that showed her off so invitingly. I hope I don't offend you by saying that, but I still can't get that picture of her out of my head. You can tell her that I told you this and that I think about her often. Maybe she will dance with me again next time.'

"So I am just sharing with you now Amy proof that there is one more attractive successful guy who can't get you out of his mind. If Trent and Jared were here neither would hesitate to tell you to your face that he finds you now, right now, a highly desirable woman. Just think about that.

"Amy, I don't know how often you look at yourself in the mirror when you are naked, but I suggest you do that more often and say to yourself, 'Men find me enticing and arousing and they would die to be with me intimately anytime I would accept them. Trent and Jared would love being able to see me like this and would want to kiss me and hold me and touch me and make passionate love to me.'

"Wouldn't that excite you, Amy? Maybe you could not resist touching yourself when you think about how much they desire you, how men lust for you. It would certainly excite me to know that it turned you on.

"Amy, I suspect that we have just reached a time in our relationship when maybe we both need to be a bit more imaginative and a bit more daring in our sexual lives. What do you think, Amy?"

After all these comments from me, Amy finally spoke, but hesitantly. "Well Derrick, maybe there is something to that. Part of what I am feeling is that I just don't know how to excite you anymore. But I don't know how to excite myself either. And I don't quite know where to turn — or what we could try to reignite the the fire we used to feel when we wanted sex so often and it satisfied us so fully."

"Amy, I think we should both think about this on our own for a couple of weeks and then talk again."

June

So we began to search for things we could try. At least I began; I was not certain how open Amy was yet to exploration. About ten days after we had first talked about our desires and her desirability, I told Amy one night that I wanted to share with her some fantasies that I have been having, that these might surprise her but might help her understand what I have been feeling. And I told her that if she had anything similar to share we should begin to talk about that too, that maybe we could learn to be more creative in what we talked about when having sex rather than avoiding talking at all as had been the case. I wanted to see most of all how she would react to images of her having sex with other men.

I asked Amy just to lie back and relax and listen. "Amy, recently I have fantasized often about watching you have sex with other men. Thinking about that possibility excites me, and I want to explain this to you. In one of these fantasies, as an example, I imagine going on a vacation to Jamaica with you and staying at an exclusive couples resort where most of the guests spend their days sunning and talking and walking and playing on the resort's nude beach. And I like fantasizing about being with you there as you begin to notice how many other men are looking at you as they walk by, the same way I think Trent and Jared look at you. It excites me to envision you being naked on a beach for the first time and gradually learning to relax and enjoy the admiration you are inspiring with your beauty and sensuality.

In my fantasy you begin to be receptive to, in fact excited by, naked men who stop to flirt with you — and I can tell that behind your sunglasses you are checking out their looks, their bodies, their cocks hanging down in front of you. Some of the men that you attract are white, mostly other guests. But others are black men from Jamaica. And if you haven't already known this, I have explained to you on our flight down there that there is a long tradition of white women coming to Jamaica on vacation to engage with the sexually gifted local men. In my fantasy I am next to you as are talking with a black stranger who has come up to stand in front of you, and I see you begin to notice that his long cock is starting to harden as you are chatting with him. You feel his eyes roving over your body and you are thinking about what you have heard about the ease in Jamaica of arranging to have sex with black men with long cocks and lots of experience in pleasuring white wives. And when that man asked you if he could come to see you in our cabin in the late evening, you had looked at me and I had nodded yes and so you turned to him and did the same."

Amy was silent as she listened but I could hear her breathing began to deepen and I noticed that she had placed her right hand over her sex — though I thought she was not yet stroking herself.

I went on to describe a scene where the man knocked softly on the door of our cabin and I opened the door and invited him to come in, telling him that my wife is waiting for him.

"And Amy you are sitting on the bed. Only one light is on, very low. And the man comes to stand by you, and you reach up to unfasten his shorts and discover that he has nothing on under them. And you see again, but this time closer, how very large he is."

And then I slowed and asked her, "What are you thinking about, Amy? Right now. Do my fantasies please you?"

She was silent.

"Did you like thinking about men on the beach seeing you naked, obviously unable resist looking at you, desiring your body?"

"Yes Derrick."

"And about a black man on a beach getting hard right in front of you?"

"Yes, Derrick."

"Do you like thinking about a black man coming to our room?"

She spoke shyly, very softly. "Yes. Derrick, I am surprised by your fantasy. But it turns me on to imagine what you are describing. Doesn't that upset you?"

Amy, it makes me happy to offer you a fantasy that you are enjoying, that excites you, that makes you want to touch yourself. I know you do and I want you to. It is very exciting for me to offer you something stimulating. And, I like to think about you having sex with another man. Sometimes I believe I would like to share you with another man if you would let me. The thought of it really turns me on."

"Oh, Derrick. I didn't know that. Do you really feel that way? I am starting to believe you."

I did not respond directly. I went on, "Amy, tell me about the man in Jamaica who has just come into your room and now is standing next to you. What are you doing?"

She was not ready to share what she was thinking.

So I continued, "Amy, are you picturing him? Are you staring at his cock right in front of you. Are you putting your hand on it? Is that what you want?"

I wanted to lead her toward saying out loud what I was almost sure she was feeling so that she would become more comfortable speaking more frankly about her sexual feelings. I I reached over and took her left hand and placed it on my dick to show her my reaction to talking like this with her.

"Derrick.I like picturing that. And from what you just told me, you like hearing me say it. And is that what is making you get hard? For me to tell you that? Yes, I like thinking about his cock and what he wants to do with it. I know he would like for me to suck him and to let him fuck my pussy. Is that what you like hearing, Derrick."

"Amy, I really like hearing you say these kinds things. I get harder listening to you."

We were touching each other then and she was unusually responsive to my fingers. She asked me to tell her more of my fantasies. While I was very pleased to hear her say that, I treated this as an opportunity to take the conversation in a new direction. I felt that we had accomplished a lot already that night

I said, "Amy, I'm glad you enjoyed this fantasy. Let's stop for now. Maybe you will be thinking about it some more and you will tell me how you would like for things to evolve from where we left it. Or if you can't do that, I will continue it for you.


"But now I want you to tell me about seeing Trent at the fitness center. I know you have seen him there since I told you what he said about finding you so sexy. Have you seen Trent at the club? "

"Yes, I have seen him."

"And did you notice him watching you"

"Yes. Several times."

"And you liked it?"

"Yes. "

I told her then that at golf last Saturday Trent had mentioned seeing her again.

"Trent told me again that he could not stop looking at you at the fitness center, and he mentioned that you must have bought a couple of new exercise outfits. He noticed that when you are jogging on the treadmill now he can better see the shape of your breasts, that he thought you had dispensed with a sports bra, and he also said he appreciated that your new shorts were shorter and tighter. He said he was turned on especially watching you move from behind when you could not see him. 'I go out of my mind watching your wife, Derrick,' he said. 'She is exquisite!'"

I had noticed a couple of weeks before that she had bought several new more revealing exercise outfits but I had not mentioned it to her. Now, while I was touching her, I asked her about it. I wanted her to feel she could admit to her actions and her motives regarding another man without upsetting me.

"Amy, doesn't it excite you for me to tell you what more Trent had to say about how he watches you and thinks about you?"