All Comments on 'Destiny at Mollie's Brothel'

Too much exposition about the mechanics of panty handling, etc. And the characters are still not nuanced enough, they are not revealed enough, and so are not as interesting as they could be. I still suggest you read "The Secret Sharer" and "The Scapegoat" see how Conrad and Du Maurier achieve their characterization skill.

It is not easy, I don't pretend that it is.

But still, you chose an interesting premise, and I think that speaks well for you. You will choose other interesting premises. Many writers don't.

Your writing can improve a lot. That's sincerely meant as a compliment. Many writers will not improve. You will, I think, if you want to and have the time and inclination to work at it. You may not, and of course that's fine too, life is so short, there are so many things to do! Good luck to you.

your choice for a close was good.

but consider this sentence:

" And as it turned out, she never had to go fetch water ever again."?

or

"As it turned out, she never fetched water again."

or

"She never had to fetch water again"

or

"Never to fetch water again"

"Now, others fetched the water"

"Now her sisters did the fetching".

etc.

Unfortunately, there are millions of poor women who have no choice but sell their body to survive. Interesting essay, keep up the good work. There has to be a sequel to the fourth story in this series.

Jim, this story took me back to the fond memories of the LBFM's of South East Asia, Philippines, Okinawa, and Japan. As a young marine I fucked every one I could afford at my small pay scale. Loved them all, each one of those ladies was unique, and I remember them all. Thank you for this one. Five stars!

PS: Little Brown Fucking Machines, just in case readers don't know.

Rather a nasty little story, really. I'm not commenting on the author, but Jim Grinsted the character in the story seems to get off on humiliating women and ordering them around. Not nice at all.

As a piece of writing it's not great, but it's not bad and definitely a street ahead of most on this site. The writing made me give it 4 stars. The idea and the plot are no more than 3.