All Comments on 'Detention Surprise'

Needs more build up to "the event." More description of how they both felt, more detail about everything. The transitions were too abrupt. A girl doesn't simply climb on and get a dick in her. There is fumbling, and lining up, pushing and pulling, and working your way in. All of this leads to build up, which we need for a fulfilling story. Keep writing.

you switch from her and she to you. break up the dialogue. and there's not a lot of build up

Will do!