All Comments on 'Devasted'

on writing any stories that aren't ridiculous racist mandingo tales?

So who was devastated? Pretty emotionless piece. Gave it ***, and that was generous. I anticipate angst and get trite.

Just really awful. One star.

Racist overtones, once you go black you never go back! He wouldn’t lick her racist as he fucked her. Should he lick a white guys left overs. Story was short on details as he locks his wife out of there home after throwing her out the door nearly nude. If she calls the police he has a problem. Also no info as the divorce just happen to occur in thin air. Pretty shitty story.

The story has flow problems, you need to edit it. Also spend some time reading good stories.

I was gone at, "watching my beautiful wife riding a huge black cock had...my cock ... so hard." Enough cuck crap on this site.

Bitchy end, when it could’ve ended on a much happier note and couldn’t really get my head around taking all that time to get all that cheating evidence evidence and leaving Jo untouched ... and then shagging her in the arse without 12 layers of condoms on top of a hazmat suit is perverse at best.

Skip this one

What seen the doing for stories over in ir these days? Seems all the ir sewage is floating up in LW recently. Good old Marcus is back fo an encore.

The wife should have known her bridge was burned, but self-absorbed people seldom do. Revenge on the BBC is tempting, but seldom ends well. I'm glad you didn't go there.

Any story with the mythical BBC is an automatic 1. This is a cliche that needs to be taken out behind the barn and shot to put it out of its misery. This also had technical writing problems.

And damaging.

He's witnessed his wife getting pounded in his own home....then spends a pleasant weekend with her? WTF! Get real!

I didn't like it much, however keep on writing.

I'm not sure I have a suggestion on a fix, but I couldn't help but skim this. I never got engaged to any part of the story or action. I was scanning ahead for a confrontation, or development of revenge, but there wasn't any of either.

Revenge was throwing her out of the house partly clothed? Hmm, OK. But actual dialogue over the confrontation would've definitely helped.

I guess you had a lot to say about dispelling size queen myths. That seemed like the main idea. But, perhaps a more emotional recovery for Marcus ( of COURSE his name is Marcus)'s wife would have helped characterization. It seems that sex with him was akin to spousal rape and abuse? Probably not too likely that all it takes is the love of a medium cock white boy to heal those scars. You casually mention 3 years of new courtship? That is probably where the real meat of this story lies, but it doesn't merit any mention?

Think through best how to message story theming with plot and dialogue, but realize it is really developed chiefly through the characters themselves, more than in just the narration of what happened next.

Good Luck!

The last word in your story is devastated, so obviously you know how to spell, so it makes your story title 'Devasted' look very sloppy.

Several things come to mind trying to read this:

More cliche's per page than the law allows

Superficial

Shallow characters and badly done dialogue

The writer's poor grasp of grammar and sentence structure

Other than those deficiencies, it's bland and devoid of anything interesting. Pass this story by and find a comic book; there will be more intellectual stimulation in the comics.

Disjointed. Why did she have anything to do with Jo afterwards? How was an ex NFL player a lawyer in England?

So her boss used to be black, but isn't now? I wish that was the only error, but your story was rife with them, making it too distracting to enjoy. Please find an editor.

BBC fever, disowned by white parents... wife leaves for cheating BBC, BBC cheats on her and leaves her for next white BBC slut, white family accepts and welcomes new white husband into fold. Bad BBC destroyed. (1)

With big dicks me thinks. 3

Okay, at least I'm not the only one wondering about the title. If anything, both he and Susie are rather unemotional and methodical in their reactions. What little we get of Jo -- finally -- isn't much.

I couldn't get past the first paragraph, go back to school and learn basic English!

the second word at the beginning of the story was miss spelled lol

This story has been told on Literotica 1000 times, and much better.

Please learn when to use a period and when to use a comma.

Also, guess what? Not all black guy are named Marcus or Jamal. Some are actually named John or Robert.

Posted this story jn 2005.

The score would have been much better and the comments less brutal.

Thank you for writing this. I admit it was sometimes hard to follow.

I think I skipped or missed the part where he actually got divorced. This story didn't make me want to read the next sentence; it made me want to get to the next section and finish it.

I think you spent too much time with Suzie and not enough with the soon to be ex wife. Perhaps that was on purpose.

Thank you for submitting this.

A cousin of mine found herself in divorce court. Her husband was an attorney in the community for many years. She said she knew she would not get a fair decision when upon entering her husband was greeted by first name by the judge.

I tolerated the first dozen or so plot holes and racist sentences, but a girl can only take so much. This was pathetic. What do you imagine the title means? That's a made-up word.

Was the last paragraph.

If you ever wanted a reason why good authors avoid LW the scores given to this mess of cliches provide it. Some readers actually gave it 4's and 5's! Why on earth would a good author waste his/her effort on LW readers who are as indiscriminating as these?

This story has been done 1000 times on Literotica, and much better.

Also, not every black man is named Marcus.

To start with, it is DEVASTATED, not devasted.

1st off where is the devastation by the husband? When he sees his wife being fought by big black cock hes actually aroused not devastated..

The use of the English language and syntax tells us that the author is one of these British faggots that lows this sort of humiliation

Wrong category and simple the ravings of a lunatic. ONE STAR

I just do not believe guys come home, find cheating, betrayal and all and get all hard.

All of the bad comments

Not even close to good. 2 stars.

bloody brainless cunt

stupid slag should be working clean-up in a 2nd rate brothel

Great

If only he was an ex seal, we would have all stereotypes in one story... and nothing else.

might be to use a few coordinating conjunctions; or a semicolon, or two, too.

He trades one MudShark for another one ???? WTF !

Nothing here worth reading. VERY old overused plot. Why not do anything about the divorce? Why not put any drama in the story?

And having sex with the slut after you know she's fucking another guy? And the final scene where he's telling her to fuck off on any idea of reconciliation was just nothing. No feelings, drama, etc.

This was just plain bad How the hell it's scored so high is wonder.

I was devasted by the racist, hackneyed awfulnessof this story.

. . . he couldn’t measure up in the sack with Marcus after Marcus had fucked Jo senseless, but he then wants to fuck Susie, who had been fucking Marcus even longer?

Is the BBC a myth? I don’t know, because I never fucked a girl who had previously fucked a black guy, at least not to my knowledge. The only thing I remember is one girl I hadn’t fucked say that her biggest problem wasn’t sex with black guys, but their attitude.

But man, let’s be honest here: a lot of white men have bought into the legends! A lot of white guys don’t think that they can measure up, and if you think you’ll fail, you will.

This story was wholly boilerplate. It might have been better if I hadn’t read it a hundred times before.

Not a possibility of earning a star.

... But also nothing here that makes you want to vomit. Except, maybe, that small part where Steve genuinely entertained the idea of staying with Jo.

Even this story seems to be devoid of any original thoughts, it sure produced some weird comments. Yes, this could have been put in Interracial, but placing it in LW also makes complete sense - claiming otherwise makes you sound dumb! As dumb as the numerous racism allegations - listen, not all black men are named Marcus, cheat on their wives and go after married women... but some of them do! Hell, I never meant a Marcus in my life, but I damn well know philanderers IN MY OWN FAMILY that have tried to fuck everything that moved... So 'gotta say something I've learned a long time ago: keep calling everything racist, and all you're ultimately doing is making the word irrelevant.

Overall, I have to agree with most of what KristieBechir stated: there's absolutely nothing in this story that hasn't already been written numerous times, and by way better authors, around here. mybaby seems to have gave us here an exercise of a first draft, not a complete tale. Some of the spelling and grammatical mistakes left here are straight-up egregious, damaging the overall flow of the story. And the lack of emotional outburst from the MC, upon witnessing his wife's infidelities, makes flat-out no sense - honestly, if arousal if the only feeling he got out at watching his wife fuck another man... it makes you seriously wonder why he bother marrying her in the first place, let alone divorcing her! The only revenge scheme we read here was as tepid as it gets, none of the adulterers suffered much for their actions - especially Marcus, who seems to have taken his divorce as nothing more than a small bump in the road - and the whole thing ended up with nothing more original than the newly divorcees ending up together, and the ex-wife crawling back to her ex-cuckold, begging him to take her back...

Been there, done that... 'had a much better time on the previous rides.

Hey, nobody ever claimed it was easy to find new ways to set up a LW story... but, then again, this is probably why, more than anything else, the author(s) should have maybe added their latest effort into another category.

Either bring your A-game in Loving Wives... or expect to be devastated.

The first word is spelt wrong. And it’s downhill from there. Devasting, indeed.

This started out as a car wreck, and turned into a plane crash/train derailment/nuclear meltdown. If I could go negative on this, I would.

'Nuff said.

I do have to laugh about the black cock cliche. Here is a little science and research in the measurements of cocks..... In Western Civilization, there might be a very slight edge in size for black men on average though it is fairly negligible.

When it comes to really big ones, you are just about as likely to find one on a white man as black and the current record holder is a not very tall white man.

Height isn't much of an indicator always either. I'm average height for the U.S. and have a friend who is 6'4" and I have a friend who is 5'6". I'm above the average downstairs, my tall friend has 5' if he's lucky and the short friend has an anomaly swinging down there that eclipses 9". I'm of mixed ethnicity and my friends are both as white as you can get.

I've also had a lot of experience with women and talked to many candidly about sex. A really big one is just a curiosity at best for most women and certainly isn't an indicator of a good sexual experience, though you did touch on that subject in your story by your illustration of two women who did enjoy it but that didn't preclude either from loving sex with an average man as well.

Some women don't enjoy big ones at all, some women do as long as the guy is a good lover and some are size queens who get their minds blown.

All that aside, I really enjoy your writing and storytelling. I'm not into willing cucks, I have enjoyed some swinging or sharing stories but they have to have some realistic environments and reactions.

Looking forward to more of your stories and thank you!

Well at least you found out, before you had kids. Marcus opened up a whole new experience for you to tap your wife's ass. For a minute I thought you might change your mind.

I can't imagine a bro calling a little white girl a ruddy cow. The saying I heard goes, Once you go black you can't come back. I don't think you considered this before you married Suzanne.

I read this for entertainment and was entertained. I notice lots of negativity and have to believe a whole lot of people didn't get laid this morning. Fuck them and forget them sir because they think this is nobel prize shit rather than just entertaining writing. I frankly have stopped posting here because everybody thinks they are Mark Twain or something.

Thanks for postingl

Not one iota of originality in the entire story.

Devasted? Really?

anonjerry

First off, it is a turnoff for a writer to try and pretend he/she is from another country. There are a thousand tells which gets in the way of the story! Just go with our own country and be proud of it, or do a lot of careful research and get it right okay?

For example, there is about as much chance in the US for a divorce to take 3 months even uncontested as you are to find a "giant" cock. Also, even if you have "evidence" almost every state is a no fault state and evidence does not matter at all. All assets including his business will be divided down the middle, whether she has to give him a portion of her future earnings depends on the state. Also, we don't have solicitors here. We have lawyers (lay person term) or attorneys (the sobs who have the degree call each other that in public). All of them have Doctorate in Law, then have to pass a bar exam to practice as trial attorneys otherwise they can be aids, or clerks, stuff like that.

Another reviewer pointed out that "BBC" is as statistically likely for black and whites. Remember that to this day the largest cock in porn is a red headed skinny guy named John Holmes. There are a few who try to claim the titles but I don't know of any who actually beat him without mechanical assistance or Viagra which does not count.

Otherwise your story is boiler plate, your style is good, work on the plot development and try to come up with a twist once in a while.

but some of the comments are hilarious. Clever, cutting and hilarious.

Whatever happened to the week-long seminar for which Hubby was leaving when he discovered Sweetie’s betrayal? That event seemed to have a good chance to improve his bottom line. Did he forget about it because of the pain he got from getting so hard from perving on Sweetie and her Bull?

The consistency of the telling continued to suck swamp water. Glad he upgraded from no poop-chute action to reasonable chocolate alley, but the seduction by Bull as well as Hubby’s early episodes with Sweetie2 went from none to weak as distilled water!

Got to give baby some credit. It left up the comments and is taking a lot of heat for this ir garbage. The other two big ir stories both disabled comments. Just common troll posts, that can't deal with not being loved by the readers.

you lost me in the first page, story did not flow

I found the ending lacking. I thought it was a good story, too good to just end with a quip like that. Actually would have preferred more substance to her suffering for truly ruining their marriage.

Why are there no consequences for the male assholes?

What did Steve do for a living ,it isn't mention,just one of the many weak points in this story.

As you are still writing, will we see Ch 3 of Revenge?

I would never date a woman who had sex with a black guy. I've asked women before any serious dating if they have ever slept with a black guy before and if the answer is yes, that's the last date.They get all pissy about it but it's a matter of choice. Sort of an unspoken agreement between many of my friends.Hey, live your dreams, but don't expect people to live your dream.

I know many white guys that feel the same, that' it is deal breaker when it comes to a relationship. Just as a white woman has a choice to fuck black men, white men have the choice to avoid those same women. We don't want them a wives. A baby's head is about as round as a 2 liter bottle of soda. If a woman needs that size to fulfill her sexual needs, she should go for it. It's a matter of choice.

You always write stories about males who can only think with their dicks. Wonder why??

I was waiting for the confrontation and it wasn’t there....till the very end.

Skate Save

Once you have white, you know you done right!

I liked this story, had it all including a great ending.

I love the anonymous racists that comment here. They make all white people proud to feel sick.

once you go black we dont want ya back

...a silly story *

I stopped reading when you had the husband fuck the cheating whore. 1 star

Agree😁

When you can't even spell the title correctly, you don't deserve further comment.

I liked it. Five stars, "Just because."

I hate it, especially with the continual references to extremely large black cock. It matters not one whit what color the cock is black, brown, yellow, red or green who cares as long as it works and size does not matter as long as both human brains are fully engaged in their mutual sexual pleasure.

Too many cliches. The cock, the pairing off with the cock's innocent wife, etc. And as FishinCaptain pointed out, a mis-spelled title. Didn't hate it, so gave it a 2.

You get 2 blahs for this mess.

I am not too sure the title is wrong! Our Hubby Hero thought his own wedding tackle was impressive until he saw Marcus Dumbodick. Hubby then was convinced he was De-Vast-ed by Marcus AND Sweetie1. That took Hubby from Vast to Half-Vast! (hint, say it fast!)

Another of the things that are disappointing about this offering is that Sweetie1 only gets to say anything to Hubby on three occasions. The rest are narrated by Hubby!

Nothing new or interesting but same old crap without any development.

a search on the internet produced the following facts - 95% of the human male population on this planet has a cock that is between 5.7 and 6.3 inches. That leaves 2.5% below and 2.5% above that range. Thankfully, I am in the upper 2.5% (great sigh of relief) and the other fact - less than .1% have a cock over 8 inches long. If any woman out there is looking for a foot long dong you best be considering an EQUINE lover. hahaha

Lol you got the reason men view the women as tainted wrong. It has nothing to do with insecurity and everything to do with the fact that the women who do are batshit crazy 100% of the time and that is always a major red flag about her personality. Additionally, it’s utterly disgusting due to the fact that most black men lack the most basic of all hygiene practices, are generally quite dumb, and it’s really seen as a white woman lowering herself to sleep with a feral ape.

Yes, I’m saying it out loud. White men don’t say these things because they are absolutely racist and sexist but these are true the vast majority of the time.

As for dick size, it’s a myth perpetuated by the porn industry. In reality whites generally are the biggest (all data from Africa is self reported, which means it is hilariously wrong while all data is measured from Europe and North America).

I know you wrote this story with only one hand but next time do a little research before writing.

Slamnuke you are a foul disgrace

Typical load of shit, he watches his wife shagging, gets a hard on, takes a few photos, goes and finds the wife of the shagger ,who happens to have all the money in the marriage but is desperate to sample his average size cock, they both get divorced but the cheating wife regrets it . Load of fucking shit

Women, not woman. For Christ's sake, it's the second word of the story!

Then . . .

' ex black American football player '

So, he's white now is he?

Try black ex American football player.

Liked it until the last paragraph. Yrs you were hurt, cheated on,I got that, understand that.

But you wanted to save her reputation if possible and you did.

So why lower yourself, your attitude, to slam her?

Marrying the BBC whore? No bueno. Points off also for such a lame cliche

Black guys do not have larger than normal penises.... In fact, if you wanna be real about this, Northern Scandinavian men have the largest average in the world.... It's just a trope they use for porn, and they find the black dudes who are packing... If they wanted to, they could find white guys packing that much too... Seriously, guys. Enough with the stupidity.

Like you keep tagging these revenge, and there really isn't any. Also you seem to have this obsession where women need huge dicks, but then are like omg a smaller dick amazing. It all feels very forced.

I am so bloody fed up with racist BS myth of the all powerful big black man with a huge dick portrayed as the most irresistible fucks a woman have. It's just crap and over racist comparatively.

Also, videotaping them in action, leaving covertly, leaving town, pur theater, provide time see a layer, have her served the same day he briefs the dudes wife.

No renciliation. No contact. The complete ditch the bitch and focus ALL the attention resources to restore him. [Pre-nup for ANY man getting married. Updated annually.

Be upfront, proactively so, family members, friends. Take time off from work.

CRITICAL POINT. When the planes going down eject and can do..whatever.

Lost some stars when you had him getting turned on watching his wife with another man. He's a cuck at that point.

Didn't read it. The title was spelled wrong. Not wasting my time.

I agree with ScorpioJJ.

Why do so many writers make the husbands have cuck characteristics?

Also, where was the confrontation? I think that was needed after she was served. Why did she do it?

Still 4 stars.

The barbs at the end weren't as stinging as they could/should have been. otherwise there was a lot to enjoy. thanks

Great story, great ending, well written.

Thank you 🙏

Interesting.

”Normally I would have gone down on her at this time, spending an age teasing her panties off and bringing her to orgasm before climbing on board, on this occasion I really didn't fancy licking her pussy after a big black cock had been up her.".

So I take it you'd be okay then eating cum from her pussy so long as it came from a little white dick. Racist bullshit. But good to know racist guys like to eat cum from other white guys.... Making a note of that little data point....

And her parents disowning her for marrying a black guy?

They knew nothing about him but obviously he's a philanderer and out to steal their money.

And what's with him getting off watching his wife cheating on him? So weird...

But otherwise a pretty shit story...

Pile of porn without literary redemption.

The bbc trope has already been done to death, what is it with the fascination American authors seem to have with bbc?

Exactly Pinto931, they do seem to have a sick fixation.