All Comments on 'Devil Inside'

I've probably read 2 stories a day for several years now, primarily in this category and this was one of the best things I have read here. Plot holes, yes. Framing them out would just make this longer without really adding to the action. Really enjoyed the sarcasm, both the subtle and the slapstick. Can there be a more irreconcilable difference than "being near her makes me heave"?

This reminds me very strongly of Malraux's stories. Theseus and Jonas.

Time to look at another one.

Thank you. ☆☆☆☆☆

Most excellent....Those who do not understand, well -- there is the line about casting pearls before swine.

This may have been the most bored I've been while ready anything on Lit. ZZzzzzzzz......

I just read it again. It is fantastic.

long winded and missing her final reaction or perhaps an epilog with the aftermath. Still a 4.

Prose was excellent. Story seems far fetched UT is complex and entertaining. Ending was well executed. Kudos.

A very profound and complex story but seriously - "organic" hot dogs??

reread for me. liked the quotes, her steady decline from a "real" life and Richard regaining a "real" life.

Wow

TC Ireland

Great story. His complete indifference towards her was the perfect burn for Karen. She is one of LW all time bitches.

A bit odd. But different can be good. A lot of work went into this. You get credit for that.

2nd reading for me. Lot of statements and quotes made me think and for that, thank you. Ending statement about Karen being forgiven and irrelevant is perfect as he sails away with his new life.

Interesting and well worth a second read. Maybe, had you included drawings and/or pictures more Lit readers would have enjoyed it. 5 stars.

Boomerbill

An enjoyable 5* read. Glad I was led to it.

Reading this was like pulling teeth. Why tell something in ten words when a thousand will do. Jeez you drew this out to the point of boredom

Felt like I was watching a pretentious soap opera. Entirely too wordy, bogged down by incessant details and trite dialogue.

It seemed like it was written using a thesaurus picking the words with the most syllables. With constant contradictions, the writer not only hasn't experienced any of the feelings or life written about in the story but doesn't understand what they wrote about either. ie: it is beta bucks, alpha fucks not the reverse, I used that as an example because it is such a basic statement and concept that even those with very low IQ should understand it both in thought and in practice, well obviously not because this author didn't nor a plethora of the other statements and ideologies they chose to place in this long-winded waste of time.

Wanted just a bit more, but that’s me being greedy. Thanks.

Pointlessly convoluted and jumping from one moment in time to another way too fast without any transition.

At least somebody is putting their B.S. in philosophy to use. But note that simple, declarative sentences are good, too.

Outstanding

What many of the critics are actually telling you is that they can't understand or appreciate a story that doesn't begin with a strange car in the driveway.

I did like the confrontations

Pedantic.

You are one of the best writers on literotica and your stories have a rare depth of thought. The ratings do not reflect the true worth of the stories and should much higher.

Fantastic. TC Ireland

There might have been a decent 6K word story buried somewhere in this exceedingly boring, plodding, and cumbersome 18,000 words. It was obvious that this author was far more intent on impressing the readers with his superior intellect than telling a story.

too prolonged for such a Sidhartta type ending!

and way too long. *

Most excellent believable story by a top writer.

pretentious, pseudo intellectual and unrealistic treatment of marriage to either woman

This is a great story.

I love the philosophical part on page 4 as it aligns very closely with my own beliefs.

Story's great.

I have a problem with that last potshot that Lincoln "lied for power", to the extent that it knocks me out of the story. But one can at least pretend that it's just the character's opinion rather than authorial intrusion; a stupid thing to get hung up on, here, with such an ambitious and well executed p8ece of writing.

Fascist Repulsive Nonsense

The author could not help but give himself away by his vile reference to American leaders since March 16, 1861, the date of Abraham Lincoln's first inauguration. So this author is a Lost Cause white supremacist as well as an Ayn Rand-loving loser. What a horrible piece.

No matter the supposed deep philosophy and elevated thinking, it is still a fundamental cuck story, he willingly accepted for a very large portion of his life. The reason this cannot work is ther are no do overs. Why would anyone toss so much of their life if down the sewer? His kids were in no danger, they took his side and would have chosen so in any proceedings. The biblical additions and quotations were interesting. One thing the Catholics and many others always miss is that adultery is cited in scripture as a legit reason for divorce. Scripture DOES NOT require a man to forgive and suffer in all situations. Big conceptual,error.

This started out as a very good story, until the ending. Sue had just graduated and he already had a son in college, So how much older was he than her? It just more of the some ole same ole. Girl cheats. Hubby leaves her in the dirt and finds the best girl in the world.

Well, you made me read it all, waiting for the usual BTB. Some obvious flaws in your story. IF he spends 10 years sleeping in the boathouse was his wife sleeping in the house and was, she so callouses she never cared or asked where he was? How did he set a better example of a Dad or family to his kids and Sue's 3 kids? Like some of the legal stuff and Philosophy quotes, etc.

A fairly good plot ruined with more filler than substance.

i liked the wisdom in it but was a bit hard er u typed that thing "gotten" in narration form lol its "received". really liked the legal btb part

Leave the shit behind and sail away

Why would anyone trust any leaders (they're all about themselves) be they religious, political or any other, they are most likely corrupt, bought and paid for by the 1 percenters (in other words the rich assholes who think of everyone else as their servants) how about when a conflict comes up we send the so-called leaders off to war to fight and die since it their fault anyway.

I can see why the author published his abomination on Literotica. It is nothing but pseudo-philosophical porn.

Yeah, this guy has more false notions and gross misunderstandings than I can count. A few examples:

Love requires jealousy

Psychotherapy has caused more mental illness than anything

Psychiatrists don’t know anything beyond their esoteric book learning

Not trusting any American leaders since 1861.

It’s better to set up a whole parallel life than to confront a betraying spouse and divorce her.

Good God, where does he come up with such maladaptive shit?

Great story. Had me diving through philosophy texts trying to bring his thoughts into my understanding. 5 stars and a wish that all Lit stories were so lucid and stimulating. Thanks to DESECRATION for this!!!

Good writing, but way too esoteric for my taste. And how in the world did she not know he lived in the boathouse for over 10 years??

This is not a story for everyone as proved by the comments. It is deep. It requires one to dig deeply. It is unconventional, but from the beginning the author set that tone. The rating scale is a "like/dislike" scale. If the story were rated on the communicating skills of the author, there would be a wide range of ratings.

On the other hand if we rate the story on the resourcefulness of the author, the complexity of the plot, etc. the only fare rating is a 5. One commentator said 'I can't believe the rating is so low.' Since it takes a certain type of reader to appreciate what the author is doing....

The Hoary Cleric

The perfect BTB. Perfect in every way. He played the long game. 3D chess to her tic-tac-toe. If you can't get that from this story, then stop reading. 'Cuz you hopeless, foo'!

I am gobsmacked that your stories are not rated higher. 5*

So he lived a mutual cuckold life he could have ended years priuor.

Enjoyable. Somewhat difficult to read. Could benefit from some simplification.

Ed

This tale was a mighty effort that did not get there. The main character was written as being a philosophical heir to Ayn Rand’s puerile world view, clear eyed and so on, but then his stoicism vanished in his repeated vomiting. The same thing happened with his secretary, she was sure of her mission until he said he loved her, then she ran away like an overly emotional 5 year old. The two of them appeared in this reader's mind as an old timey actor and actress, each with the back of their right hand held against each of their respective foreheads, moving painfully away from each other, forcefully and greatly exaggerating their woeful emotional crisis. Overall, this was a failed effort that sought to be more than it was, which, while striving for depth, instead floundered upon characters that did not read as real people.

I always find revenge a strange one he said it isn’t but it clearly is he could of sailed off without anyones knowledge an would if he really didn’t care, to put so much effort into revenge just shows how much power u give the person ure getting revenge on as ure proving they’re still number 1 in ure life. But having said that good story

I tried my damn best to get into this story, but failed. It is full of references to people and events i never heard of, nor could care less. All they added were words to make the story longer. I could not get passed a little into the 4th page, i assume he divorced the bitch, which he should have done way earlier. He and he alone, put himself thru all that long misery. She was an ass, he was weak.

I really enjoyed the story. It sort of had a different twist. I felt Richard gave the best revenge of sorts. Thanks for writing.

Excellent story. It would have been even better, with more dialogue, conversations that helped Richard through his ordeals. The meeting between Sue and the minister was good, the story needed more of that. His kids must have asked more questions or offered help to Richard, those conversations would have been good, as well as some with Richard’s lawyer, and Richard and Sue discussing their relationship as it evolved.

Interesting way of payback....

Keep it up

Good work here. Selfish people get burned, should happen more often. I think the Jordan Baker/Nick Carraway dialogue early on applies to all short sighted and selfish liberals everywhere. Especially including ForensicFossil who saw something that that pricked his wittle feelings. Grip the wheel and pay attention to the road FF.

Deep but very good

Fantastic story, and great writing.

Wow. This author is pissed at just about everybody.

As a parent you ALWAYS put the children first. That being said wouldn’t the best outcome for the children be divorce? More children are ruined deeper through mismatched parents than divorced and platonic parents.

Right-wing bullshit pretending to be deep and thoughtful. We got the March 16, 1861 Lost Cause reference. Really a vile piece of work.

One more thing... I would like to echo some earlier comments.... This one screams for a second installment to satisfy our addiction to your first story train... I feel like my grandaughter when I take her to Braums for a hot fudge sunday.... She always asks me: "Please Pa Pa can I have summore..???!!! So here goes...Please desecration...can we have summore..???!!! (chuckle...)

First of all, this was a cut above. Kudos to the author. A comment was made:

"While his solution to his problem was shall we say novel and either some perhaps not acceptable I think it was the only course of action you had absent divorcing the woman and having his life financially With the absolute result fate have been unable to take care of his children."

I don't see how a divorce would be ruinous to either party OR the children. A divorce between spouses at their income levels really isn't a financial hardship for either spouse.

So how would that leave him unable to care for his children?

Outstanding. This one is done so well and the characterization is so rich and in depth that each one contributes fascinating complexity that augments the story line progression. What is particularly gratifying is the authors use of nuance and multiple meaning layers to reveal and immediately hide what is occurring on deeper levels. We have seen this delayed btb before but this author does such a masterful job of hiding his intent in plain sight through carefully selected and thoroughly parsimonious revelations.

I simply cannot express how thoroughly I enjoyed reading this tale. It is like a fine glass of brandy. Sip slowly and let the myriad of authorial flavors contained in this tale satisfy your jaded palate.

Of course 5 stars…

Excellent telling of a well worn theme, made better than virtually all other related stories due to elevated writing and philosophizing. Though placed in the USA, it reads quite British: lots of withheld emotions and stiff upper lips, etc. one of my nits to pick is that so much time seemed to have passed between the various stages of the decaying marriage. The wife of course is portrayed in a very shallow fashion: who would not notice changes in her children and the home environment? Finally, I don’t think the financial ruin BTB maneuvering were necessary. He got what he wanted and didn’t need to wreck the rest of her livelihood.

Great story with a perfect burn of the bitch and her lover. No way this man is a cuckold. He didn’t sit home and cry over the cheating whore, he played the long game and beat her at every turn. He had a separate family right under her arrogant nose. A really fun story to read.

Excellent story. I'd love to give you 215 stars but how about 5BIG FAT STARS instead? lol Loved this story. Amazing the level of revenge if you just keep your cool! Following you now!

I wanted to add a post note to what I've just entered..

Some of the commentators below accused the man of being a cuckold And in this case I am fantically disagree. Had he sought divorce from this woman she would have financially destroyed him bright him and thus his capacity to take care of his children.

It was abundantly clear that she could have cared less about her children And the children knew that they had been abandoned by her but they also knew that their father was totally therefore them and always was And would be.

Was it hard in the children of course.

While his solution to his problem was shall we say novel and either some perhaps not acceptable I think it was the only course of action you had absent divorcing the woman and having his life financially With the absolute result fate have been unable to take care of his children.

I ask you where would the children be if that scenario had come to pass. For the critics what are their options would you offer?

I stand on my previous comment that this is really a brilliant piece of writing and I enjoyed it enormously. Yes as with all writing there are a few things that I had didn't care for but in the main it was a wonderful story and I have accompanied it and put it into a bound volume and I'm keeping of some of the best stories I've seen in literatica.

I simply have no words except to tell you this is absolutely brilliant writing.

There were some aspects that,in my opinion,rivaled the works of Hemingway in its quality.

Thanks for time and everyone this it was a pleasure to read.

One true cuck that used his children as an excuse to be a perpetual whining victim... he probably damaged them far more by living in a loveless, lifeless, unresponsive marriage and then ending up doing what his faithless wife did... cheat... what a lesson to teach his kids... I'm sure they have grown to really respect marriage, honor, and fidelity... as for him and his wife, not even the eternal fires of hell would be enough justice.

A hit and a miss.

Again some fertile ideas

and interesting sub plots from desecration.

The comment on one true Christian made me smile,

though some might not.

But the main plot was faulty.

The writer only looked at the story from our guy's perspective.

He wanted to live with his children.

Nothing wrong with that.

But in doing it this way, he made the home a toxic environment

for his children.

A home mostly without parents.

Then our guy got a new partner.

That wonderful woman became a mistress, in the eyes of the world.

And how healthy environment did their children get?

The children of a married man and his mistress.

The plot made our guy a selfish bastard.

And a cuckold.

An unwilling cuckold, but still a cuckold, whatever he thinks.

A more caring father (and lover) would've divorced the slut.

She was an unfit wife and an unfit mother.

He would most likely have gotten custody of their children

and a chance of raising them in a healthy home.

That fault in the plot drags my ratings

down to 3 out of 5.

Oho, someone's definitely waded out of the pretty lies, grasped at the reactionary pole and seen the death of meaning on the horizon. Previous fictions made me think it, but this dispels my doubts. And that sentence "they were conspirators now in an errand of hope". Adroitly penned, sir desecration, I thought I was reading Houellebecq - although your prose isn't as deceptively sharp as his.

The article left a bad taste in his mouth. Written by some purple-haired sprout of a person with a masculine face "and wild eyes with three sides of white showing behind her thick glasses, the article took a jubilant tone. Men, it said, had killed women for ages, enslaved them, and controlled them. It was time to strike back, by taking out the nice ones apparently. It reveled in manipulation and belittling. At this point Richard realized how truly dead and gone his marriage was, because no one who loved him would treat him that way" lol almost as if some old white republican wrote this drivel.. get a grip dude.. your wife may read this stupid shit someday.

Very well written and very different than most other cheating wife stories. I liked that the dad took over the raising of the kids. I also liked the ending where Jeb lost everything as well as Karen. Keep up the good work!

Intense read, talented author.

Do revenge, and you dig two graves. The downside is that you have soiled your soul. That's it.

The best is to turn and walk away, and forgive. Then love that once was becomes indifference, you can sleep better and wake up each day with renewed determination to do right to others.

5*

An epilogue would be interesting. What does Karens mother say now? What about Jeb? And finally how does Karen see herself now?

You wrote a different LW cheater story.

A very entertaining story that includes religion and philosophy,

Regardless of technical issues about law, and uncharacteristic stupidity of the intelligent wife. This was a fun read that never slowed down and always was interesting 😐😲🙂.

Would have liked some more background about Sue but it wasn't necessary . Very good 😀👏.

Gave you 5⭐s. And a cookie, it's around here somewhere 👀🔎,lol...

I'm

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AMerryman

Crappy cuck story

The political subtext of this "story" is vile. I assume the reference to March 16, 1861 is to the inauguration of Abraham Lincoln. The reference claims American leaders have lied ever since that date. I further assume anyone who believes Abraham Lincoln, the man who saved the Union and who tops every historian's list of best presidents, was a habitual lier, is a Lost Cause apologist or some kind of libertarian/fascist wack job. In either case...no thanks.

Ignore the so-called critics who label your story "verbose"...what they mean is that you used too many words and didn't focus on the jerk-off sections. This was a thinking reader's story, not a lazy reader's story. If your other tales are of this standard, keep them coming. Just sayin, is all......

Once of the best extensively narrated stories in LW. And I have strong feelings about an author using the characters’ conversations and thoughts do the heavy lifting. When Desecration has the characters express themselves, it is usually a significant contribution, which takes some of the sting out of the paucity of such events.

5* by the thinest hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!

P.S. I did not see how seeing Sue’s boy-friend/ballet teacher do a balancing act got Hubby excited! Was it a pang of jealousy?

Unique adaption of a tried and oft-used LW trope. It moves along fairly well in spite of the wordiness the author uses for reason way beyond my ability to comprehend. It appears to be exceedingly pretentious. Possibly this author is smarter than the rest of us mere mortals and is demonstrating it here, or possibly it is a mediocre mind and over-blown ego trying desperately to appear otherwise. In either case I found the entire thing boring as fuck.

It was like sitting at a bonfire and watching marshmallows melt while listening to a Plain White T's album: painful and boring.

What a clever writer you are , I had to check and make sure I wasn’t reading a Michener novel or a Clancy ! Fantastic storyline , gripping intensity and flawless delivery ! 5 well earned ones

and another SWAMP DONKEY joins the herd! HEE-HAW.... HEE-HAW

Life story with TOO much talk.

Did get a little preachy at times. I think it's better to show the characters' philosophy by their actions and their thoughts, not by narration. ("I will show you my faith by my works." -- St. James) I also wish we knew more of Karen's thoughts about her mother after her parents' divorce.

This story is so well done and written on a level above many here. However, I can’t get over the thought that this marriage was in danger, Richard sensed it and did nothing. He watches her slip away to infidelity and says nothing, but comes up with an elaborate plan to stay married for the kids but lives separately, meanwhile starting another family on the sly. Be a man, confront her and divorce or reconcile. God only knows what the kids learned from this mess.

Terrible, just terrible.

Too much psychology bullshit! Unecessary! Why should everyone suffer for so many years?

Five stars are just not enough. The stars of the Galaxy would not be enough. Thank you for debunking religion(s), politics, psycho(bubble) etc., etc. Even though an atheist at heart, I have a deep respect for Jesus and his ways. While I and Gibbs also agree with the therapeutic aspects of wooden boat building, the practical aspects of an inflatable catamaran are overwhelming. About thirty years ago I took my little Albatros cat in two bags on a plane to Cairo, from there on a thousand km train ride to Aswan and from there on a week long voyage down the Nile to Luxor. Try doing that with a wooden boat. The 12 ft. Albatros long since replaced by a 16 ft. Prostor, I'm looking forward to my lifelong dream of sailing to Ireland. Erin go bragh! Ahoy the Redheads! Donegal, here I come.

Had great potential, but was overdone and pretentious. I was quite disappointed

Fools bitch, cry, scream and wail when in a story the wife's cheating cannot be attributed or explained, and then when an author dares to explain, using accepted theory and principles, the same bitching, crying, screaming and wailing fools are unhappy with that and spew forth exponentially. Since 95% of those who are not happy with either course have never written anything on this site, maybe they should either try writing the perfect story, or admitting they can't and be happy they can read something this well-written...... for free.

I came here for a little soft-core porn and ended up in a political philosophy dissertation with a side trip to Costco for some Mr. Pibb. Interesting way to wrap your worldview into a cheating wife story Ayndrew Rand, I mean desecration. I like your stuff but maybe next time use small moves here and there, you can get your point across by spreading it over your entire body of work instead of working everything into one simple story and making that bloated.

"Karen is here," began Richard slowly, then shifted course. "My wife discovered that for the past decade I have been living with another woman in our backyard and have fathered three children by her."

"Holy shit," said Dr. Winslow, then recovered his professional mien. "And you didn't tell her this, because...?"

"She was busy and didn't notice," said Richard.

Absolutely wonderful - I laughed out loud when I read this. Well done Desecration!

@dark2donut2,

And what is your excuse

too much non-sense

almost the perfect person but u gave him delusions of religion, then had him say he isnt a cuckold. he was a cuckold and stayed that way for 10 years. unless he meant the fetish definition of the word. yeah he was a cuckold and i mean that as the Webster definition of the word. anyway enjoyed the story might be a little bit too intellectually insightful for a porn sight though lol

THIS: 'The anger flickered briefly. Fuck her, he thought. Fuck Hitler and fuck Stalin, too, and anyone who lied for power, including all American leaders since March 16, 1861.' Your writing is at another level. Your plots bend time and space. You're the Jules Verne of Loving Wives, with the the occasional stylistic flair of the post-shooting certitude of Tarentino's Jules Winfield! 5+++++++++++/5!

There's a fair amount of good writing here, but it's bogged down in (sorry, I can't resist) a boatload of philosophical justification for the main character's actions and approach that becomes fairly tedious at times. It ends up being the author showing off, and also telling instead of showing. The whole vomiting thing was pretty ham-handed -- gee, she's so disgusting she makes him puke, how subtle -- and leaving it out and still having her still ignore his fleeing to and parallel life in the boatshed would be far more damning.

I like the story overall, and scored it high, but it definitely felt ungainly at times.