All Comments on 'Devil Inside'

Well, that was different. An interesting ride, though.

For someone pulling such deep cuts from philosophy you seemed to have missed all the lessons from children who's parents stayed together for their sake.

His first set of kids dont think he is a hero, whats best for teh kids is a stable home.

Not a house where the whore drops by to launder her cum stained panties, where the dad shamefully sneaks his mistress in and out in the dead of night.

He spent years reinforcing to his kids that men should allow themselves to be cheated on and disrespected

Don't leave Karen behind. Take her along as a guest, albeit one you soon forget about and don't pay attention to. Let her be the outsider looking in. The lone woman in the room next door hearing her husband banging the shit out of her replacement. Rub everything she gave up in her face, and do it politely and gently.

Turn her life into a hell full of the memories of mistakes she can never fix, and happiness she threw away.

That's why you should have her come along.

It's truly a fitting punishment for her crime, and one administered by her own hand.

Yikes...good story!

I enjoyed this! Very interesting read. Different than many of the stories on this site especially with the religious aspect of family and divorce resonating in the story. I still enjoyed your writing greatly. Looking forward to reading your other stories… thank-you. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

1 star

Way to wordy.

Too long, sometimes confusing as to what Karen is doing.

Wow. Complex and demanding. Not. For. Everyone. Your overcast of philosophy and whatever Freud left us demands introspection with every next step in Richard's life. I have never read a mirroring of infidelity of dictators reflecting marriage partner tyranny this thoughtful; worth a book, not a paragraph. I will reread this in a week and harvest many overlooked inferences. What an adult respect for children you portrayed. Thank you.

Wow that was good writing. Sad, but good im not why he stayed married but honestly I can see this happening. The saying I hear often is "The best revenge is living well" and this husband certainly did that. Thank you for the story.

man, this was so complicated given all these introspection

after reading it the one thing I thought was -- this Richard was one self-contradicting doormat.

well, yes he's not an all-through and through doormat but during that decade or more years he did nothing that can be construed as manly, just like a cuck, accepting Karen's disrespect silently introspecting life with philosophical blab. The only thing he did with much force -- was to vomit when he's around her, but at least after 10 years he finally found his spine.

/

I say Richard is one walking contradiction is that he believes in (a) God but despise the book as he surmise is just written by man. WELL, every true Christian knows one cannot know GOD without READING HIS Holy Book! for that book is a record of people who PERSONALLY MET and TALKED to GOD and these people willingly died trying to share to society who GOD really is. And then this Richard would relate his life on philosophical quotes MADE by MEN. Richard was one totally confused person. About Karen, what can I say? She's just another narcissistic, self-validating, stupid wife who will face the future in the company of a cat.

With all the fancy philosophical jargon, I think this one was well written.

But this could have been reduced to 3 pages had it not been for the long introspection.

And the one important conversation Richard and Karen would have was in the end when they should have opened up on why the marriage went downhill but sadly, the last words were only Richard's. It would have been interesting to know Karen's perspective about the vacation, the crap-storm in the office and like I said the marriage.

Tremendous if a little drawn out. Lovely style. TC Ireland.

Thanks for sharing...

Bravo! One of the best stories I’ve read for sometime in LW. You have real talent & insight into the human condition. 5* is all I can give to a work that I hope just raised the Bar.

maybe the most intelligently written story i've yet read on this site. a much enjoyed read with an interesting well thought out conclusion. you added dimensions to a LW story that no one has thought to before. thank you for this and please keep writing.

If you remain in a closed space, forced to breath your own flatulence for too long a period of time, you will render the kind of overwrought exposition witnessed in this tale. Heed this warning well, LW authors, and keep your heads away from the danger zone.

Story started OK, even with its faux intellectuality. But, by the 4th and 5th pages, I could no longer read and just resented that I had spent the time that I did in reading the story. The errors in basic law exacerbated the problem of a story that seemed to be written more as an exercise in wordsmithing than something that would interest the reader.

Í enjoyed It. Others might not. Reading this was like looking through 19th century hand rolled window glass.

Richard hás great kids. The adults in this story, not so great.

~Enkidu

Well written, loved the ending she got hers and he did not destroy himself or his family in the process.

wow is all i can say.

I loved it! One of the best stories I have read. Please keep writing.

I gave up honestly because the pseudo intellectual clap trap became insufferable. You use snippets of philosophy and religion to justify your plot and choices without adequately defending your point of view. You merely state it as fact while presenting the decision as morally superior. The word smug comes to mind.

Crap, with a capital C. 1/5

Well, this was different. I got caught up in all the detail of his emotions and thinking and was amazed at his solution. Considering how his wife treated him, it is not surprising his children and Sue bought into what he was doing. In the end, they were happy and his wife was irrelevant to them as well. It is a complex, well written story. I really enjoyed it! Thanks for sharing with us.

What a great and well written story. Thank you!. Looking forward to reading some of your other works.

Very thoughtful and a pleasure to read. I enjoy stories with well read, intelligent characters who consider life through a broader lens than lust and greed! LOL. Plus, at the end Richard has used a ju-jitsu move on Karen - flipping the naratgive. Now she gets to spend her time considering her life-sins - not just against Richard, but her children and ultimately, herself.

I admit that I read here for my own amusement. Your story is very well written and has a proper and fitting end, therefore a 5 star submission ad rating. For my taste there was too much philosophy and religious content, but I did not write this. My "philosophy" is that authors must write the story their way and please themselves'. I hope you are pleased with this very different story. Kudos.

What a tangled web we weave! Far too tangled to enjoy. Boring as hell. All those philosophically inclined people that can't keep their dicks in their pants. It would have been better if it was Bubba with his six-pack. At least people would understand the story.

Conclusion: You're overwriting!

Found it to be a ok read, though came across abit to condescending and arrogant at times, it was still an interesting read if abit long.

Good lord, that is a weird story. The husband character is written as if he’s insane. Why not get a divorce? These revenge story authors sure are strange.

This was soooooooooooo borinnnnggggg😴😴😴😴.. this story was just so wordy but wasn't going anywhere. Blah blah blah. Jeez.... 5 pages of nothing. We didn't even get to hear from the skanky wife very much. I kept hoping the story would pick up but my gawd, it just was a lot of talking, a lot of quoting and a lot of crying in the beer. What baffled me was when he started puking, why didn't he divorce her then? This story was just ugh. boring!

desecration i have got to say you write brilliantly your stories are intelligent well written the are better than 1 or two pages filled with detail i have read all your stories and I am waiting your next story it is a pity they only have five stars you are worthy of more keep up the good work and keep writing stars 7+

WOW!!! Enough said. -5-

The interesting thing about tyrants is that they have to have some drive, intelligence, and a lot of cunning to get to where they were. Oh, and some luck. Yet the poor woman just comes across as one dimensional cardboard cut-out. And not very smart or cunning or driven apart from the need for her own pleasure. His behavior shows that he is a mighty cold fish with an amazing power to compartmentalize in a way that would sociopaths proud! What was the point of the school dialogue? Especially as you don’t actually allow the teacher to speak to the point of genocide as a “wake up call” that something is wrong… WTF? Are teachers just failed regurgitators of maybe useful information to help feral children be “normed” for society in your mind? If that was a foreshadowing of him doing a scorched biblical on her butt, it leaves him in the role of tyrant; is that the look / message you wanted? How can I say that? Well, genocide is meant to ERASE a group from having existed as a perceived “them.” Or, perhaps as a lesson, as to what happens if you are The Other? Reminds me of a joke—“knock knock. Who’s there? Genocide! Genocide who? Genocide everywhere!” OK, so it wasn’t a very good joke. ‘Nuff said

Well told story, well written. Love the fact that Richard just moved on. I don't understand how Karen could want to reconnect with him after carrying on her affair for 10 years and obviously having her presence making him physically ill. She doesn't notice he hasn't lived in the house with her for that same amount of time. Now she has time to consider all she's lost. Great low intensity burn.

Holy saints and martyrs. Why are you not writing professionally?

Sometimes all I can say is WOW.

Dreck

Liked it, didn't love it, so a 4, not a 5. Desecration is a very high-level writer, to say the least, and I did love the self-referential use of the word "desecration" in the story. Probably the 4 is that I don't fully understand the point he's making. As for how the plot progressed, I'm down with it to my toes. Maybe this should be a 5, after all. But then again, what's this shit about every American leader since March 16, 1861? That seems to include Abraham Lincoln. Sorry, buddy, that's unacceptably stupid.

5 pages of pure, unadulterated, incoherent psychobabble. You managed to take a decent storyline and butcher it with what can only be considered a staggeringly high level of arrogance, pretentiousness and condescension. It would seem your writing talent does NOT match your ego.

A bit long on the philosophy, and characters behaving beyond weird, but…I enjoyed reading it, so how can I not give it a good score?

Chilleywilley

Although well written it was too verbose, could have done with paring down.

A pleasant change though to actually read a piece that has been thoroughly proofread.

Keep writing!

This story is one of the most brilliant and dazzling pieces of fiction I have ever read! The insights into the "human condition", and marriage are startling, and ring absolutely true. The closest comparisons to the work of this author I have encountered were written by Lawrence Durrell in The Alexandria Quartet, and Robert Heinlein in his later works such as Time Enough to Love. Thank you, and please keep sharing with us. I would happily buy anything published by the author.

Interesting, but it seemed more complicated than it needed to be. Divorce and living in neighboring homes, or him continuing to live in the boat house, seems simpler and just as effective. Although, getting all her money was a nice act of revenge.

The first 3 pages were really good but the lat 2 dropped the score from a 5 to a 4.

His living in the boathouse was ludicrous and the time frame was very strange.

Oh brother, I feel like I just read the sequel to 'Gone With the Wind Meets War and Peace'! After this philosophical monolog I expect my Doctor of Philosophy diploma to be mailed to me post-haste! This made me tired... - TANSTAAFL

Great story. Thank you

Loved it!

WOW

Burn baby burn.

She crucified herself. He warned her, enabled her, set her up, and let her impala herself. Damn, wow.

Well done. It was telegraphed very early on, but your protagonist recognized that, and set the legal trap.

She was unacceptably in-observant, overly naive, and lacked any common sense. Totally impossible, but your story, your universe, your fantasy. Loved it!

Thank you for this!

5⭐️s!

What a long boring read; could only finish a few pages. I enjoyed going to the dentist more than reading this babel.

Your Richard was unable to speak directly to his wife before she screwed her boss. He knew she was going to do it. He knew when she said she was going for the weekend. I believe he owed her that. I guess he thought that if he did it, the family would be destroyed. But it was messed up anyway. Dunno if what the kids got was better or not. D

Complete but perhaps too complex.

Same, same as your typical BTB story, it just is more well written, more grammatically correct, and more pompously expressed. More importantly it took too much of my time to reach a much too contrived conclusion.

Hopelessly too wordy. There psychology was most incorrect. Richard was a complete idiot. You only have one life-are you really going to spend years of it hiding from your own mind?

A really excellent story and well worth five stars.

Appreciated the quotes, Napoleon's on not interrupting an enemy making a mistake was excellent. She really was his enemy, re: cuckold reading.

blah blah words and more words, politics, right wing talking points, ad nauseum.

bleh

A bit slow and wordy (I.e., philosophical) most of the way through this story, but it was original and an excellent BTB tale that makes me hopeful that a good father won’t always lose to the wife due to the extreme bias in most divorce courts. I’m not an attorney and am unsure Richard would make out this well in real life, but as a story, it made me feel good that Karen got what she deserved. I don’t often give five stars but I did for this one. Thanks for writing.

FASNASTIC story!!! Really well written!!!! Congratulations!

Well written.

Your Theology has holes in.

But your understanding of purple haired feminism seems close.

What most people don't understand is the shift in the balance between sexes was enable because thinking had changed.

No electricity and the internal combustion engine, followed by the information age.

Gave women power feminists just use their doctrines to justify the abuse of it.

True marriage means the two become one.

And walk together through life.

It was never easy past present or future.

Cheers

indifference

Easily a 5. Well done overall. The theology is a muddle but the only people who would object to the March 16, 1861, reference are those who have been taught and believe a sanitized, deceitful account of certain events and a certain president. I do think that Grover Cleveland should have been excepted ;-)

Who talks like that? It was more like a lecture than a story.

Was this a parody? If not, awful

“ Fuck Hitler and fuck Stalin, too, and anyone who lied for power, including all American leaders since March 16, 1861.” You damn betcha. Five stars.

5 stars. Very unique story. Well written.

To the anon who doesn't understand the flawed outcome of the Civil War (and therefore Lincoln's greatness) - it was just the same old Catch-22 human dilemma.

The great evil of slavery was ended. The equal evil that was intellectual educated "scientific" racism was not. That didn't even start being ended until 1942 and the publication of the first scientific book arguing against the consensus science of Eugenics racism - "Man's Most Dangerous Myth: the Fallacy of Race" by Ashley Montagu.

But also the dream of a limited power Federal Government died right along with slavery during the Civil War. From that point forward the Federal Government grew ever more powerful and more tyrannical.

Started great, then started to drift, logic got muddled (who really believes Freud is sacred?), then just went off the rails, what with silly, stupid parallels that made no sense historically, metaphorically, or rationally. Change your meds.

Well written, too long and honestly, written like a whiny little man.

No amount of decent writing can or would hide that fact that your male fragility sits right out in the open.

If you are going to make us sit through 6 pages of a subtext filled with male victimhood at least lighten it up a bit. I hate sighing so loudly the neighbors hear it.

Might have been good but in the end it gets a solid 2.

Very Interesting story!

5

Heavy, heavy. Heavy duty, full time. Keep it coming, man, it is needed. Gonna take a while for the regulars here to adjust. No round and round, no LW freeze, no deadening delays, no repeated morphing back and forth. Gonna take a while to let go. Your reflections upon broader social issues will always discomfit some and, for many, either glimmer like moonlight on the San Jacinto or sink beneath their wisdom like a stone.

Thank you for endeavoring to persevere.

LWlurker

Well, that was confusing, and it just plain didn't fit. He wanted to 'keep the marriage together for the kids'?? The marriage was broken completely, with both parents living 2 completely separate lives and cheating on each other. Not a good role model for the kids. Very commendable to stay together for the kids, but they didn't.

You won't believe this. I was chastising you for ripping off another author who recently posted a very very similar plot, and when I went to find the other story, "Second Life," I also find YOU are the author! So what the fuck? "Second Life" is much more readable, enjoyable, understandable, and logical. This story was miserably too long, convoluted, and Way Too pretentious. Sidhartha? Can't believe you didn't throw in some Casteneda; bet he's pissed.

The MC in this story is pathetic and repugnant. And it appears to me you have a very perverted or NO idea what it is to be a father. Or a mother for that matter. In both stories you imply that parenting is just some side line to your main career, and that as children age they just need to be fed and checked on once in a while. Possible I guess, but pathetic, and a complete failure. Children are the most important, challenging, and Time Consuming profession anyone will ever have, if you apply yourself to the potential and the challenge. And any parent who bails out on the marriage and the parenting has the same affect on the family as when your body loses an arm or a leg. An adult doesn't just limp along, but gets a replacement, as soon as possible.

My take away from this and the other story is that I truly hope this is all the product of a perverse imagination, and that you have never suffered a family life or a marriage that included any of this pain, humiliation, and self denigration. There is no winner in these stories, and the children are to be pitied. What a fucked up existence.

Thanks for the effort.

MAC LAPU...Play attention stupid There is no God. And never has been.. Christ is a myth never really existed and only stupid people who are morons without any critical thinking skills still believe in this crap

COMPLICATED STORY .... with over the top philosophy constantly inserted.

.

I think I get what the author is trying to do here.. Many LW authorso try to do this by showing the husband detaching himself from the wife but we're but working on the family and the kids trying to provide a stable home. But in this case have the husband moved out of the house And into another structure on the property without the wife noticing is just ridiculous nonsense.

If it is not possible that over the course of 10 years the wife never noticed that the husband had moved to another structure on the property.

You have here an author who writes a story where the husband is vomiting every time hes in the presence of his cheating wife. This goes on for weeks and months or perhaps years?? And the wife never asks a question about it.

..

And people think this is a good story. There are a lot of really stupid fucking people out there

Page 2

Good story so far if you can ignore the crazy disjointed comments and details surrounding the core story.

Page 3

Like the puking. Love the boat metaphor. How is it Daniel spits out a bunch of chick flicks to explain their family situation? Like he's named Danielle or something.

Well told but wordy to the point of losing the plot. The author can write but in the last few chapters this became a pulpit for the author to agrandise himself and HIS intellect which he believes superior to those of his readers. It would appear that the attitude of Karen (the main character's wife} was written from the author's own self examination? Just lose the over long wordy sermons intended to highlight just how 'deep' the author feels his intellect is.

Page 4,

Costco Dr. Pepper? Hmmm.

You do understand "by faith alone" and "we have to make ourselves right" are exactly opposite things that you wrote in as if they were the same? It's like all the rest of the leaves on this story tree, completely fucking bizarre. And yet you keep the story line moving smoothly while surrounding it in contradictory descriptions written as if they were not bizarrely dissonant. Chevy Chase would play the main character in the screen adaptation going through the lines as if nothing was odd.

Maybe you are trying to add to the feeling the whole story is someone's dream we are watching so it doesn't all have to make any sense?

Damn sure original and unique.

And yes Father Mueller needs the services of a competent mental health professional.

Seems like a long life in the boathouse. You sure he didn't go through the wardrobe closet?

Must be a helluva boathouse. Maybe if wifey comes back they can be sister wives. 🤣

The vegetable suffered...

Ok that was funny.

Took her long enough to figure it out. You'd think she was an LW husband.

I think Tangleweed summed this offering up in the most fitting fashion when suggesting that perhaps the author had been in an enclosed space and having to breathe his own farts to a critical level. Obviously to the author / philosopher these would have smelt like cherry blossoms hence the lack of oxygen might have contributed to the arrogant, pompous, self promotion that this story devolved into. I have rarely encountered such a solid lump of self superior claptrap that was the last couple of chapters. It is as though Literotica was paying by the word!

She was busy and didn't notice...

People are staring. I need to stop laughing.

Well I'm not sure correlation is causality in the case of mental illness frequency and mental health industry growth, but my biases like the way you think on this one.

...legendary lingual skills..

Exactly.

...cursory body cavity search...

You are either insane or a comic genius. Or both.

Should have run the business details past a businessman, cpa or lawyer.

I think politicians lied for power before 1861 too.

Again, that was damn sure different. Many wtf moments but the story thread always remained.

Reads more like a history textbook. I'm surprised I lasted thru the cursory read I managed to give it.

It's a sleeper for insomniacs!

Beautiful. And brilliant.

We knew early on, of course, that he would salve his wounds with Sue, but what a creative way to have him do it. Keep writing, and many of us will keep reading.

That used to be an academic / theoretical approach to the problem of infidelity! I have to admit that the story is told in an excellent way for me and for the claim I made on this site. Nevertheless, there are too many empty phrases for me that I do not agree with. That makes it difficult to evaluate. The course of action is easy to understand, but the solution is only possible for people who have the financial basis. Nevertheless, I give it 4 * although the story is worth 5 * without any empty phrases!

Date which Sam Houston, was expelled from the office of Governor of Texas for refusing to take a loyalty oath to the Confederacy when Texas seceded against his wishes.

I think the author was using hyperbole that US politicians would rather save their political butts rather stand for what is right. I'm pretty sure he would agree there are exceptions.

BTW, what is the difference between a congressional session and a cesspool? The cesspool doesn't smell as bad. 😁

I lost it on the first page with author driveling his juvenile "philosophy." Whoever uses "Sidartha" quotes is not older than 18. And the bullshit political ideas to go with nonsense.

Dude, before you engage yourself in delivering your worldviews make sure you know that most of the people don't need this type of proselytizing drivel. If can write a story do it, if not get a high school job and drill the teenagers with your "philosophy."

I had mixed feelings about this one.

The basic plot was good: Self-centred wife lets her career go to her head, then embarks on a decade-long affair and abandons her family. Husband retaliates by starting a family with his mistress, while protecting the marital assets from the ex-wife with some trust shenanigans.

Karen betrayed him and treated him with contempt, so Richard took care of his kids and his own long-term happiness, while planning to utterly destroy her in the process. Awesome!

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Where it fell short was in the dialogue between the primary characters. Too much of their interactions were narrated rather than handled as scenes with dialogue, which made it hard to care much about the declining marriage. Then the dialogue was also stilted and weird between Richard and Sue when they started their affair. Do you know people that actually talk like that?

-

Finally this needed a but more focus on the aftermath. Richard had destroyed Karen's relationship with Jeb, spectacularly ended her career and made his wife unemployable. Her four kids had no relationship with Karen because she abandoned them 10 years ago, which leaves her rattling around alone in a big empty house. It would've been interesting to see how she handled her bleak and lonely future.

Brilliant. I am in awe! 5 stars.

I enjoyed it, a true pleasure to read. Thanks for posting. I may not agree with his choice to remain in the house for as long as he did, but that was his choice to make; it was his way to put the kids first. His wife was a real loser, she'll spend the rest of her life struggling to climb back up to zero.

Many of us "get" the story and appreciate the way it's written: so fear not that you're casting your pearls before swine. Most of us enjoy your writing and look forward to many more, we're just not quite as noisy as your detractors. Thanks again.

This author always goes against the foolish trope of the long suffering husband and I love it. There is no reward to suffering a cheating wife. You're just cheating yourself out of happiness. This guy took responsibility of his own happiness and was better off for it

Certainly high-brow thinking compared to most other stories here, and some pieces are not very believable, least of which wife not questioning his vomiting and moving out of the house.