Devotia Ch. 08: Confession

"And then Suul saved me. She anointed me as Devotia. The Magister of Tulla helped me exile Silas, and my family, and kept me safe. I finally had power." She concludes her story, gazing at Callie nervously.

"I don't know what to say," she tells her. "But I'm sorry you experienced it. It's horrible."

"It's okay," Junivere whispers. She looks up at Callie, an apologetic expression written across her face. "When I met you, I thought you were just throwing it all away. Devotia can do so much to help people, and you seemed like you didn't care, just because you were too shy to. I didn't know it was because you were threaded. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Callie nods sympathetically. "It's okay."

"No, it isn't," Junivere huffs. "Of all people, I should have understood what you might've been going through."

"Listen, it's fine," Callie says, gently grabbing Junivere's face with her hands. "I forgive you, I promise." Junivere flashes a look that says she doesn't believe her, so Callie tightens her grip and repeats, "I promise."

"Okay," Junivere whispers a moment later. "Thanks."

"And of course you can stay here tonight," Callie says, pulling the Devotia into another hug. She holds her there for a few minutes, letting the girl slowly steady herself. "I think I'd appreciate not being alone either."

"Gods it gets lonely," Junivere lays back down against Callie. Instinctively, Callie runs her hands through the girl's hair, gently pulling apart the small knots and tangles in the soft waves.

"Yeah," Callie sighs. She wishes Calvin could be here, but is grateful that at least she's no longer alone. They stay that way for a while, cuddled together against the door and feeling as though for a moment, all the problems of the world could fade from their minds, at least for just an evening.

Callie's eyes survey the resting Devotia, amazed this was the same woman who had intimidated her so strongly. Junivere normally seemed commanding and powerful, able to take charge of any situation in any context. But here, wrapped up in Callie's arms, she seems tiny somehow, as though all of her height and size were merely an act she could put on and take off at will. Despite being larger and older than Callie, in her arms Junivere feels like the same young and scared girl that she had been for so much of her life.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole," Callie mutters some time later, feeling guilty to have despised her so strongly before. Confused, Junivere carefully removes her head from Callie's chest and glares at her, a timid smile on her face.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole."

"At least you're a good kisser," Callie replies, the words falling out of her mouth before she could register saying them. Her eyebrows suddenly launch up her forehead and her lips part in shock. She can't figure out where those words came from inside of herself, but laughs incredulously.

"Hal Devotia!" Junivere grins, pulling back from Callie and rubbing away the tears from her eyes. Her face lights up, delighted and returning to some of her usual composure. "You horny mess."

To Callie's surprise, Junivere leans forward and places a light peck on her lips, smiling mischievously. Callie's face flushes and Junivere smirks, seemingly feeling lighter than before. "Is that why you wanted me to bless you at the Festival?" Her eyes widen. "You wanted to make out with me! And I played right into your hand!"

"I wasn't planning on it," Callie giggles. "You were supposed to do a little normal blessing. I didn't expect you to kiss me."

"But you liked it," Junivere's eyes gleam brightly, "Gods, you loved it, I could tell."

"I did," Callie says quietly, covering her own face in her hands and feeling like a wall had come down between the two of them. Suddenly, Junivere was laughing and joking like they hadn't hated each other the past week.

"But it was only because I had this stupid dream," Callie laughs, feeling her shame leave her.

"Do go on," Junivere sits next to her, leaning up against the wall.

"It was the night after the garden banquet. You got me so worked up, that night I dreamed you, Calvin, and me had a threesome."

"Oh my gods, just like you had one with Lord Dein and Lady Pendele," Junivere gasps. "Mad as I was at you, I was honestly impressed by that."

"Don't be," Callie scoffs. "Dein is a rotten lay and I think Pendele is wildly not into him."

Junivere laughs so hard she snorts, pulling Callie into laughter as well. "Tell me more about this dream, hal Devotia," Junivere says, steadying herself. She rests the side of her face against the doorframe, watching Callie eagerly.

"You were commanding the whole thing," Callie recounts, trying not to meet her gaze, "Telling Calvin exactly what to do to me. You kept asking me questions, trying to get me to tell you everything I wanted him to do to me, in explicit detail. Oh, and it was all happening on the dance floor of the garden while the crowd watched."

"No!" Junivere shrieks with delight.

"Yes," Callie says quietly, face feeling warm. "I was riding him, and you made me tell the crowd I wanted you to bless me as I finished. I woke up right as you kissed me."

"Oh boring," Junivere giggles. "I barely get to be part of the action. That's hardly a threesome."

"I woke up with cum in my sheets," Callie retorts. "It was plenty exciting enough. I think I even somehow blessed myself from the dream."

"Oh gods, that's happened to me before," Junivere smiles. "Not often, but once or twice I've woken up shivering and racing to the next person I can find to fuck them."

Callie grins, "That's how I ended up with Mira in the hallway."

"Lucky girl," Junivere mewls. She thinks for a quick moment, then adds, "I'm impressed Callie, you're so much more comfortable about this stuff when we first met. Maybe me being an asshole was the push you needed."

"Shut it," Callie rolls her eyes, though lets a smile decorate her face. "But thanks. I don't feel like it most of the time. I'm still working up the courage to bless someone other than one of my friends."

"I could help you," Junivere offers. "Get more comfortable with it, I mean. I guess that's why they brought me here in the first place."

"Help me how? Push me at any random person who comes my way?"

"Oh no," the Devotia giggles. "You're nowhere near ready for that. But who's to say we can't get you some more practice at night?" She leans in closer to Callie, "When there's no one around to steal away my attention?"

Callie pushes her away, knowing her face must be burning red. "The worst part of comforting a crying woman is when she offers you sex right after."

"You're saying this isn't working for you?" Junivere sniffles smugly, flirtatiously running a hand through her matted and unkempt hair. "I didn't mean right now, idiot," she adds a moment later.

"Oh," Callie shifts, trying to shove away the strange pang of disappointment that accompanies it. "What... what would we practice?"

"Gods you're dense," Junivere flashes her a proud look. "Clearly, in the dream, you liked the ways I forced you to confront your desires, right?"

"I guess so," Callie suppresses the fluttering memory of the dream inside her, but as she feels her lap twitch slightly, she knows it's a losing battle.

"So we focus on that. We have sex until it feels completely normal to you."

"Oh," Callie breathes out, feeling her pulse quicken and her skin tingle. "Wouldn't it be better to help me learn how to pass out blessings, non-sexually?" she coughs as she imagines Junivere pinning her down and crawling over her, kissing her neck and dropping a hand to...

Junivere sits up, facing Callie with a self-assured smirk in her eyes, still slightly pink from crying. "Callie," the Devotia sighs, almost pouting slightly, though Callie can see hidden in her face it's an act, "are you saying you don't want to have sex with me?"

Callie's mind drifts to the feeling of Junivere's chest pressing into hers, her soft thighs brushing against Callie's hips, her tongue sliding into her mouth, twirling against her own as Junivere pulls a soft moan from her lips.

"You're helpless." Junivere's laugh brings Callie back to focus. "That Knight-Commander has really got you all worked up."

What would Calvin say if he knew you were having these feelings? Callie wonders, a grim feeling building inside. You've spent so long telling him you only wanted him...

Callie pulls her knees up to her chest, ignoring the mildly discomfort as her panties struggle against the erection she wanted to pretend wasn't real. "What do I say to him?" She asks quietly.

"About what?"

"I told him I only want him." She drops her head into her hands. "Honestly I feel like I can't stop telling him that."

"He knows you're a Devotia," Junivere's hand gently rests on one of her knees, giving it a light squeeze. "He's known that from the start."

"But now I also want..." Callie closes her eyes, taking a breath and forcing the words out of her mouth. "I also want you." She sighs, feeling lighter after finally letting herself admit it. "Gods, that's embarrassing."

Junivere smiles, "You fall so easily, Callie. It makes a girl think you've never been in love before."

"Well..."

"Not once?" Junivere's eyes bulge, glittering with wonder and scandal.

"It's not like I'd never done anything before I was Devotia," she explains, "but it wasn't very much. My hometown was super strict about everything, and before I was threaded it never really felt... right?"

"I guess that makes sense. But it still doesn't explain why you're so caught up about wanting multiple things."

"I'm supposed to be faithful to him," Callie says, quite suddenly feeling like she was dropped back into her old city streets, listening to a preacher's lecture. She exhales a somber breath, "That's what I was raised on, anyway."

"You're not in... wherever you're from anymore, Callie."

"Rookwell," Callie supplies.

"Gods, really? What a dump," Junivere laughs, bringing a small smile to Callie's face. "You're not in Rookwell anymore. This is Suul's domain, the rules are different."

"I guess it just sticks with me more than I thought it did."

"Yeah," Junivere rubs her hand on Callie's knee comfortingly. "Look, I know it's hard to outgrow home, but you can be different here. Calvin was born and raised in Solva, I promise you that he doesn't feel a need for you to only want him, especially since you're the Devotia."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure," Junivere grins. "I'll bet he even finds the idea of you with certain people quite attractive."

"Just not Lord Dein," Callie smirks, eliciting another snort from Junivere.

"Definitely not."

Callie takes a deep breath, pushing the air out slowly through a small gap in her lips and letting the tension inside of her dissipate. She was amazed at how perceptive Junivere was, how she always seemed to know what to say to her; either in comfort, or in ridicule. For the first time, Callie feels like she can see her fellow Devotia as a friend and as a mentor, not just a frustrating rival.

"So," Callie resets. "If I'm going to get better at being Devotia, and you're going to help me, can you finally show me how to do those effortless blessings you do?"

"In time," Junivere says mischievously, but then smiles gently. It was almost as though she had to remind herself they were getting along now, and she should be a little kinder. "It took me a couple years to pick it up," she explains, "It was a lot of trial-and-error."

"Great, so I'm stuck in this position for years."

Junivere stares at Callie for a long moment, eyes analyzing her and seemingly scanning for some unknown details. It's mildly disconcerting to be under Junivere's gaze, though another part of Callie finds it frustratingly arousing, knowing that anything could be going through the Devotia's mind.

"What are you doing...?" Callie asks as a quiet minute passes by.

"I think..." Junivere says after a few seconds, bringing a hand to gently rub against her jaw, "I think that the reason you're struggling to give out blessings is because you aren't accepting yourself."

"I'm already threaded, I think I've done a lot of accepting mys-,"

"Not that," Junivere smiles softly. "I think you're enjoying this role more than you let yourself believe."

"It isn't as horrible as it seemed when I started, I guess."

Junivere shifts her weight onto her legs, bringing them underneath her and holding out two of her hands, "I think you've got two options in front of you."

"Okay..."

"Option one," Junivere raises her left palm slightly higher, "we spend months and months scrambling to dissect your thoughts and psyche, trying to come up with a way to doll out blessings like nothing," she snaps her finger to accent her point. "I spent so long being other people's servant that now when people serve me, it's easy to bless them. That's how I do it."

Callie's almost scared to ask, but she ventures, "...What's option two?"

Junivere lowers her left hand and raises her right, and Callie could swear the Devotia's face turned slightly red. "Option two: you admit that you like the sex."

Callie's heart skips in her chest. "T-that can't be the better option. You saw it yourself what happened at the banquet. You saw how mad Velena was."

"The problem at the banquet was that you were letting an idiot use you and make you look like a fool," Junivere's brow furrows slightly. "And Velena doesn't control you. At some point, you need to decide what kind of Devotia you're going to be."

"Option one," Callie says quickly. "Let's figure out option one."