Devotia Ch. 13: Justification

"Why won't you just answer my question?" Callie places the drink on the nearest table, standing and lightly stomping her foot. "I told you that honesty was a term of this conversation."

"And you will receive honesty when you sit, drink some tea, and use your head," the mage chides.

Seething quietly, Callie plops back into her chair, hastily taking a sip of tea. The scent of ginger and turmeric fill her nostrils, and after a few moments she forces herself to relax.

"I intend to be your ally," Dynasa speaks as Callie settles. "However, I am not willing to risk my alliance on impulsive decisions. There is too much at stake for that type of selfishness."

"You sound like Magister Velena," Callie mutters.

"She is just as adept at the game as I am. You would be wise to try and keep up." She waits for Callie to take another long drink, and continues. "There is currently a Magewitch of the college, Professor Limens. He is old, unimaginative, dull, and overcautious."

"You want me to convince him to step down," Callie completes.

"Indeed," Dynasa confirms. "Shortly thereafter, a selection process begins to name a replacement. I am confident in my ability to succeed in being appointed, I simply need someone to create the vacancy."

"How do I convince him? What do you know that might help me?"

Dynasa looks as though she wants to answer but bites her tongue. She purses her lips, replying, "I... believe this could be an important test for you."

"You won't help me?"

"I am helping you," she corrects. "Ambition without skill will bring you ruin."

"Okay," Callie sighs. She looks down at her legs, crossed at the knees, and wonders just how old is too old to be seduced.

- - -

It doesn't take long for Callie to receive her opportunity to meet Professor Limens. Two days after her visit with Dynasa, Callie accepts an invitation to a banquet at the newly dedicated library in the Hill District, the location of most of her appearances these days. Professor Limens, having contributed significantly to the designs for the threadstone in the project, was set to make an appearance.

"You seem.... Distracted?" Junivere murmurs as they promenade towards the library. "No, that's not it. I can't read you right now."

"No, distracted is right," Callie whispers back, careful that the the knights surrounding them couldn't listen in. Callie had made the difficult decision not to tell Junivere about Dynasa's request, hoping to test her own skills instead of relying on her fellow Devotia's advice.

"Is this about Calvin?" Junivere ventures, giving her a raised eyebrow.

"Surprisingly not," Callie laughs lightly. "He probably won't be here this afternoon anyway. You know he hates these things."

"He does," Junivere grins with her.

"What about you? You also seem..." Callie giggles, "I can't think of a word besides 'distracted' now."

"It's probably also correct for me," she muses.

"What's on your mind?"

"I..." Junivere looks over her shoulders, a rare expression of insecurity decorating her face. "I might be meeting someone here today," she says quietly.

Callie's eyes widen, one part concern, one part amusement. "Who?"

Junivere shakes her head, cheeks blushing timidly. "I don't think I should say. He probably won't even come."

"Did you invite him?"

"Sort of," the Devotia sighs. "It's nothing."

Callie rolls her eyes, "Keep your secrets then. I'll want details later."

"Of course you will, hal Devotia."

They arrive at the wide new building, complete with marble floors, tiled roofs, and a dashingly large and ravenous crowd of nobles.

"After you, hal Devotia."

- - -

As always, Callie finds the first hour of the banquet to be fairly unremarkable and tame. She spends the time engaging in endless amounts of small talk, desperately attempting to remember tiny details to make the crowd gawk at her memory and charm. But today, she feels off of her game; distracted by small tremors of rage, knowing that her role could be so different from what it was. As much as she loves being Devotia, the inevitable and instaitible question of "What if?" consumes her mind, seeking out any and all opportunities to assert itself.

She notices Professor Limens once again, chattering away with a gaggle of enraptured listeners. He's a tall man, with brisk short gray hair and a firm jawline. His body is solid and rigid, with squared shoulders and large hands. He's not exactly imposing, his neck hunches slightly and his face isn't up to the task of maintaining scorn, he's simply large and structured. Callie had made a point of greeting him early, exchanging quick pleasantries before moving on. Later, after he'd had a few drinks and settled into the flow of the party, she'd return and learn more.

Meanwhile Junivere also floats between groups, occasionally brushing past Callie and giving her a light squeeze on the shoulder for good luck. Something seems off about her; her charisma that typically seems effortless and irresistable feels a bit forced, and her eyes flick around the room, even a little noticeable to Callie. She wonders who Junivere would be meeting, and how they'd gotten her this worked up. A small part of Callie is jealous, knowing that previously she'd been one of the few who'd make her fellow Devotia feel this way.

A throat clears to Callie's left, and she hears a familiar voice softly say, "Hal Devotia, I wondered if I might have a moment of your time."

Callie's heart flutters helplessly in an instant, turning to see Calvin adorned in his ceremonial armor - a few shining plates over fancy robes. He looks uncomfortable in it, clearly missing his dull, practical armor that fits like an old boot, but Callie can't deny that he looks dashing regardless.

"Of course, Knight-Commander," she inclines her head, offering a quick farewell to her group.

Calvin leads her a few steps away, leaning up against a heavy wooden bookshelf, careful to be completely in view of everyone else.

"You came," Callie says sweetly. "I didn't think you would."

He scratches the back of his neck, shifting a little nervously in place. "You didn't summon me last... since I last saw you. I, uh, I wanted to see you."

"I'm glad you did," she smiles, wishing she could take his hand and squeeze it to comfort him. She leans in close, giddily whispering, "I wish I could kiss you right now."

Calvin's face blushes softly, and he looks away as though to make sure no one else heard her. "I wish you would."

"And your beard is growing out," Callie notices, seeing his normal stubble slowly evolve into something more like a proper beard.

"Do you like it?'

"I don't dislike it," she smiles, sharing a sweet moment with him before letting a little seriousness creep into her tone. "I wanted to apologize," she looks down at the ground, feeling the little jitters of guilt flush forward inside. "I don't know what came over me last time-,"

"It's okay," he smiles. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have put you in that position."

Callie nods, appreciative. "Why didn't you just come talk to me?"

"I got in my head," he sighs. "Gellen and I used to be close... I... I do miss him."

"He's your brother, of course you do."

"Thanks," Calvin smiles quickly, before softening his face again. "I don't know how to do any of this."

"You say that as if I do," she smirks.

Calvin snorts, "Your first two weeks here I wouldn't have thought that... these days you're so much more confident. Being around you feels like you could solve all the problems in the world."

Callie giggles, a little louder than she expected to. "Gods, you must really like me. I guarantee no one else thinks that about me."

"I guess so," he shakes his head, leaning it back against the thick wood. "Anyway, I don't want to end things anymore. I want to keep being able to see you."

"Hoping I'll boss you around some more?"

His brow furrows. "I'm being serious."

"Of course, sorry-," her sentence drifts off as she notices Cirene entering the gala. She's beaming, face lit up brightly and adorned in a stunning pink sungown. She looks ecstatic, clearly delighted to make such a public appearance; and from the first seconds of the crowd taking her in, it's clear she's made an impression.

"Is... is that..." Calvin squints, following Callie's gaze towards the girl.

"Formerly Lord Ciron," Callie answers, voice flat, "Now Lady Cirene."

"She looks stunning," Calvin smiles, thrilled to see her have a moment of everyone's attention. "I can't believe it. Did you have something to do with this?"

"Mm-hmm," Callie grunts, feeling her chest tighten.

A hundred years ago, Devotia could marry, Dynasa's words bounce in her head as a small, frantic power bubbles inside of Callie. Her fingers flick together, anxiously releasing her tension, watching Calvin continue to stare at Cirene who basks in her grand entrance.

"She thinks you're cute," Callie blurts out, a pressure building in her temples.

Calvin laughs politely. "I can't imagine that coming up in the threading process," he turns back to Callie. "She was always so shy, however did you get that information out of her?"

You can't have him, a little voice taunts. You can't have him.

"She was very talkative after a blessing," she replies quickly, facing away from him and grabbing her elbows in her hands, crossing her arms.

Calvin pauses for a moment, staring at Callie thoughtfully. "You seem upset about something. Do you want to talk-,"

"I'm not upset," she cuts back.

"Callie..." he whispers quietly, face softening as he takes in her nervous presence.

"I'm not."

Devotia could marry but you can't have a boyfriend.

"You know I understand that you're a Devotia," Calvin's voice rumbles softly in her ears, "I'm not jealous that you have to be with other people."

"I'm with them a lot," she snipes.

He'll never belong with you.

"I know that."

Callie glares over at Professor Limens again, chatting away contentedly with an older group, quite possibly old friends of his. If she could get him to step down and Dynasa to take his place... what if things could change?

You can't have him.

"Do you think Cirene is cute?" She asks him quickly.

"This doesn't work unless you talk to me, Callie," Calvin sighs.

"Do you think she's cute?" She asks again, slower.

"She looks gorgeous," he says, waving away the idea. "Can you and I talk?"

Callie ignores him, consumed by the whirlpool of thoughts racing around her head. In one spiral, she's convinced it will all work out and one day she and Calvin could be together. In the next, there's no possibility she'll ever have that option. All of the lessons she learned about herself in Rookwell flood her senses - she's a monster, a pervert, a misguided fool, an abuser of magic. No one would ever, should ever, love her as she is, not until she comes to her senses.

"I'm going to get a drink," she says suddenly, feeling a headache slowly take form in her head.

"I am more than happy to fetch one for yo-,"

"Stay here," she orders, "I'll only be a moment."

Callie strolls away, pushing away the frenzied emotions in her gut and locking them behind a heavy wall of stoicism and polite niceties. She exchanges a few kind words, witty remarks, and thoughtful comments as she pursues a glass, finally taking one from a servant on the far side of the hall. She stares at him for a long moment, eyes narrowing as she observes him.

"Is there something I can help you with, hal Devotia?" He asks nervously.

"No," she concludes, shaking her head.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to meet a Devotia down there?

Taking a long gulp from the drink and feeling a timid buzz follow soon after, she hovers in place for a second, gazing across the room to see Calvin nervously leaning against the same bookshelf. He remains on his own, seldom speaking to anyone, far less concerned with the opinions of the people in the room.

"Hal Devotia!" Cirene squeaks happily, bouncing over to hug her.

Callie returns the hug cautiously, stepping back and taking in the presence of the precious girl. In the short time since Callie had last seen her, Cirene has clearly stepped into herself even more, sporting delicate makeup and immaculate posture. She moves with a natural elegance that even Callie envies, and for one of the first times as Devotia she feels like more eyes are on someone other than her.

"Lady Cirene," she inclines her head.

"This... this is spectacular," the girl grins, beaming as she soaks in the room around her. Her eyes carry a childlike sense of wonder, as though everything was a hundred times more beautiful than before.

"It sure is," Callie smiles politely. "You look radiant."

"Thanks to you," she giggles. "Can you believe all of this is real!?" Her hands wave down towards her dress, gesturing across her whole self. "I never knew I could feel this happy!"

"That's wonderful, Cirene," she replies. She aches to share Cirene's innocent bliss, but her mind continues to race with what feels like a thousand different thoughts.

"You have no idea how much makeup is on my neck just to conceal the hickies you gave me, hal Devotia."

Callie smirks, fondly recalling their time together, but Cirenes next question quickly pushes away the warm feeling.

"And did I see you speaking with the Knight-Commander?" Cirene ventures quietly, rising to the tips of her toes. "Did... did he say anything about me?"

"He said you look gorgeous," Callie confirms.

You can't have him.

Cirene clenches her hands tightly, trying to control her excitement. She dances in place a little bit, bobbing up and down while her face flashes a bright pink. "Would you introduce us? Pleeeeease?"

"I would be honored to, Lady Cirene," Callie extends her hand, encouraging Cirene to take her elbow. Callie escorts her across the hall once more, weaving through the crowd to return to Calvin standing alone in the corner.

"Knight-Commander Calvin," she announces, striding up to him, "Allow me to introduce you to the lovely Lady Cirene."

"It's a pleasure," Calvin says politely, bowing and placing a kiss onto Cirene's extended hand. She practically shivers with delight at his touch.

"It's wonderful to meet you," Cirene squeaks. "Well, re-meet you."

"Indeed," Calvin nods, smiling with as much nicety as he can muster. "Congratulations on your threading."

"Call-," Cirene clears her throat, "Hal Devotia assisted me. I've actually taken the mage who performed it on as my patronage," she beams, dropping her voice a little lower and excitedly whispering. "Callie and I share the same threader!"

"Mykah is here?"

A small part of Callie bubbles happily that Calvin remembers his name. She'd talked about Mykah with him a few times, but even Junivere required reminders before she met the mage.

"Arrived a few weeks ago," Callie replies quietly.

"That's great," Calvin smiles. "You kept wishing he could be here with you."

Callie resists the urge to touch a hand to her lips, remembering the way Mykah's had slowly parted from her, yet another thing that could never be for her. She isn't even sure she'd want it to work out like that with him.

"He's an incredibly talented mage," Cirene gushes sweetly, "So friendly and intelligent. I'm setting him up to attend the college."

"He'll do great there," Calvin nods. "I'm not sure if you have any control of it, Lady Cirene, but see if you can introduce him to Professor Kelmero, she'd be a phenomenal advisor for him."

"I'll do that," Cirene smiles, trying to hide her blush.

Callie looks away, taking another long sip from her drink. She hunts for Junivere, seeing her white dress flash in the gaps between the nobles surrounding her. She wonders if Junivere's mystery guest has arrived yet.

"Did you study at the college?" Cirene asks Calvin. "I know some paladins do."

"For a little while," he confirms, his voice friendly and polite. "When I made the leap from Knight to Paladin, I made sure to have some basic magic skills. They've become invaluable now that I'm Knight-Commander."

Callie finds Professor Limens once more, noticing the crowd beside him dwindling. She sighs, looking back between Calvin and Cirene and wondering how long it would take for him to care about Cirene the way he cared for her. Maybe he just has a special interest in threaded girls...

"I would've thought you would use less magic now that you have rank," Cirene muses. Despite being such an easily flustered woman, Cirene is far less shy than prior to her transition; conversation seems to come much more easily now.

"Honestly I use it more," Calvin acknowledges. "I feel like it's my sword arm that's getting rusty nowadays."

Cirene giggles and a small part of Callie wishes she was more like her. Now extricated from her aunt's home and in a body that felt right, Cirene was carefree and enthusiastic, eagerly making up for lost time. Callie had so quickly been thrust into the role of Devotia after her threading... and now, her life was beginning to feel like one complicated puzzle where no matter what piece she places down, it never fits right.

"If you'll excuse me," Callie mutters as last, finishing her drink, "I believe Professor Limens was hoping to have a word."

"Of course, hal Devotia," Cirene curtsies.

"I'd still love to finish our conversation," Calvin calls after her, "hal Devotia."

Callie doesn't answer, weaving her way back into the crowded main room and striding towards the old professor. Up close, his cheeks are decorated with pleasant laugh lines and soft wrinkles, showing him as a gentle man no older than sixty.

"Hal Devotia," his low and booming voice greets. "You honor us."

"Professor Limens," she replies, plastering a delighted smile upon her face. "I was hoping to speak with you before you departed this afternoon."

"Why, of course," Limens nods, and the small group of his colleagues politely excuse themselves. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I was hoping to continue learning more about the college," she tells him, placing her hands behind her back and trying to seem sweet and friendly. "I'm still so new to Solva, I haven't really gleaned much about it at all."

"I would be delighted to tell you," his square jaw sets comfortably, moving to the resting place of a scholar preparing to lecture. "Is there anything in particular you would like to enquire about?"

"There is," she smiles. "I'm beginning to become more familiar with the basic positions that govern it; professors, arch-mages, and apprenticers. However, I've heard unfortunately little about the position I hear you hold. College Magister, is it not?"

"Magewitch," he gently corrects, a polite laugh puffing in his cheeks. "Not quite so prestigious as a Magister."

"Magewitch," Callie confirms, as though finally recognizing the word. "I've heard so little about it. What does a Magewitch do?"

"Hmm," he looks upwards slightly, searching for the proper words. She wonders if he's looking for the simplest explanation, already fooled into thinking she knows nothing at all. "Think about it as an arcane researcher," he says at last. "Or, more accurately, the governor of arcane research."

"So you oversee study?"

"Very nearly," Limens nods. "On my own, I conduct research into the study of the arcane, seeking to uncover new boundaries and hidden rules in its systems. However, I also help set the standards for student's research."

"What sort of standards?" She flutters her eyelashes thoughtfully, trying to seem innocently engaged. Callie steals a brief glance behind her shoulder as Limens' head tilts up to think once more, seeing Cirene and Calvin still chatting. She laughs at something he says, timidly placing a hand on his upper arm to steady herself, and Callie's chest tightens.