Discovering Lisa

Lisa appeared at the window of her apartment, she smiles and gives me a wave.

Walking towards me I notice her long legs wearing skin tight jeans and swaid knee high heel boots, and a thick wool donkey jacket, she looked just so sexy. I help her fasten the spare helmet which I had brought on my left arm. Up she climbed on the pillion wrapping her arms around my waist.

"OK here we go! Hang on tight!"

Off we roar down the main road. I turn off onto a windy country lane, snaking to the left then to the right this goes on for a few miles. I know there's a hump backed bridge coming up, this would make her squeal I thought. Just before we hit the bridge,

"Hold on!" I shout.

Then I gun the throttle making the bike leap into the air by six inches as we crest the hump. I heard Lisa scream followed by her giggling and she tightens her arms around my waist. That felt so good I thought. At a long straight section of road I open her up, the bike accelerates like a rocket ship at warp speed stretching my arms straight I hear Lisa screaming again.

"Scream if you want to go faster!" I shout.

We pull into a little cafe on top of the hill, a place frequented by bikers. We dismount and I help Lisa remove the helmet and she shakes her long hair free tumbling down her back.

Lisa attracts many admiring glances, where ever she go's. I couldn't help checking out her perfect round ass in the skin-tight jeans, I hope I'm discrete. Her bright red lipstick is a perfect contrast to her black wool waist jacket, she looks the perfect biker chic.

"That was scary but so exhilarating! I see why motorbikes are fun now." Said Lisa.

"My bum left the seat on that bridge, sorry for squeezing you for dear life."

"That's why I did it!" winking at her.

We grab a coffee and a sticky bun and sit down to chat about the party the night before. We laughed again at Marks dance and I told her that our friends were laughing more at her laughing,

"It's so infectious Lisa."

I drink my coffee peering over the cup watching her intently tearing pieces from her bun. She has perfectly manicured long finger nails, as she placed little pieces of bun into her parting bright red lips almost seductively. She catches me watching her I smile at her as we gaze at each other, that feeling in my stomach again.

I ask, "Did you manage to get Mark home OK?"

Lisa starts to laugh, "Jane and I got him to his front door but he kicked the empty milk bottles over sending them rolling down the path, made hell of a noise."

"Mark had persuaded me to run the North West last night, This is a big event which will be televised locally. I think it was the beer talking." I groaned.

"Really! You gonna do it?" Lisa looking surprised.

"Well the younger runners are keen to enter and I feel that if they do and they do well, then how possibly can I coach them or other upcoming runners if I have never raced. That would be ridiculous, I enjoy working with them and I would just loose all that. I know about ninety percent of the course I have done it many many times, so I will have a go."

Lisa places her hand on top of mine, "Can I watch you?" She says excitedly.

"It won't be very exciting."

"I don't know, all them hairy bare legs and bums in them shorts." Lisa jokes.

"I look at her with my mouth open." and laugh. "Andy, those sketches are fabulous, who are they?"

"They are my family, I done them about five years ago now."

"I wish I kept that plate now." Lisa looking sorrowful.

"Oh why is that?"

"Because you did it." Lisa smiled looking at me.

"Well Lisa, I hope I get many more chances to sketch you." I say smiling at her wishfully.

"You keep surprising me Andy." Lisa's gazing and smiling at me.

"Not as much as you surprised me, I was watching you and I wondered what the hell were you figuring out. I nearly died when you realised it was me."

Lisa giggling her infectious laugh as she said, I was blaming Mark all along. He had no idea what was going on."

We have a lovely few hours together, I gave her a few more screams on the way back. Arriving back outside her place, I remove her helmet and playfully scrabble her hair,

"See, you still look gorgeous!"

"My hair!" Lisa shrieks giggling.

My palm brushes her neck just below her left ear momentarily caressing her lower ear. Lisa tilts her head to gain more contact with my hand. That feeling again. Lisa's looking at me and asks quietly,

"You coming in?" I pause, "No sorry, I have someone I need to see." I lied.

Lisa looked a little disappointed, but she gave me a hug and thanked me for a lovely afternoon. "I really enjoyed the bike, it was fun."

I hugged her cheek to cheek giving her a little peck on the cheek as we part.

"I Hope to see you over Christmas biker chic!" Lisa smiled raising her hand to wave me off. Selecting first gear I roar up the street.

I don't recall the journey home, my mind full of thoughts and worries. That momentary feeling in my stomach which comes on whenever Lisa's around, those lips her hair and that fit bum. Her laughter, the way she looks at me and her perfumed smell. You know this Andy you been here before, it's been a long time but you know it, you can't deny it. It's happening and your running, why you running? She's gorgeous, no! It's just pain.

Mark's words echo I don't do relationships people get hurt. People get hurt, people get hurt. Are you hitting on my sister? You know it Andy it's no use running you can't hide, hiding is denying if you live a life of denial you might as well be dead, dead. dead.

Sat at home in silence I begin to cry, my head spinning my mind racing. I calm myself and attempt to break down my thoughts into little bite size pieces.

I'm falling in love with Lisa I recognise the stomach churning feelings the heart thumps, I long to kiss those lips hold her close.

Lisa is Mark's sister, a gay man whom I've had sex with. A special friend whom I'm very fond of.

How will Mark act if I get with Lisa?

How will Lisa act when she finds out I fucked her brother?

I love Mark he feels special to me more so than a brother. I know I couldn't live as a gay man I don't really find men physically attractive. My mind has relived that night of sex many times, it still excites me.

But it's a woman's attention I lust for, that desire still burns inside me. I have learned that I'm only truly happy and content in a mutually loving relationship free of lies and cheats. I'm ready again to love I want to give my love unconditionally free of lies.

But if I hadn't of met Mark, I wouldn't of met Lisa. I wouldn't have the new friends, the running club the social life I now enjoy. It will be such a betrayal, I feel like I've used him.

If I tell Lisa the truth about Mark and I, will I ever see her again? I very much doubt it. I will most possibly fuck their relationship up too, and all three of us loose.

If I got with Lisa, I would have to tell the truth you can't start a relationship based on a lie, it always comes back to bite you in the arse. I will always be fearful Lisa would find out it would be like a loaded gun to my head.

Oh god! oh god! what a fuck up! and I had no one else to blame but myself.

Shit!

What do I do? Run and run more it's all I do, all I'm good at.

I stay away from the running club, from Mark, Lisa and go to my family for Christmas day. Bury my head in the sand like I usually do.

I spend Christmas day at my mum and dads with my two brothers and sister, it was a great distraction, catching up on each others news giving and receiving presents and generally having a laugh. I thought I hid my worries quite well, until my sister peeled me open like a tin can. Quietly sat in a corner we talk of the years events.

"You are troubled aren't you." my sister Claire asks.

"Is it obvious?" I pause, don't tell mum about this."

"I've fallen in love again, but I'm involved with someone else."

"That's great news! always follow your heart, finish with one, and go for love every time I say." said Claire.

I pause and stare downwards, "Its her brother." I reveal. Claire stops dead and looks at me in disbelief.

"You are having a gay relationship with her brother?" She asks quietly.

"Gord Andy, that's a revelation, I'm shocked." I told her the story missing the intimate details out of course.

"Oh you poor thing that's a real head fuck."

A tear escapes down my cheek,

"Its not all bad, I'm entering the North West fell running competition next month it's gonna be televised, the younger lads I have been coaching are entering, so I felt I should do too. I have many new friends.."

"So what you gonna do?" asks Claire.

"Run that's all I'm good at."

"I've told myself many times I will never be happy running away, but I just can't face destroying their relationship."

"Andy think of yourself for once!"

Claire told dad as he entered the room about my fell running competition.

"Oh god Claire, don't..."

Dad looked at me and said, "Well done! I hope you smash it with all the miles you have run in the last two years."

"I wasn't expecting that, thanks dad!!" I said.

Three weeks later I'm at the running club the lads have trained hard, they are up for it, Mark arrives,

"Hey where've you been stranger,

"Thought you dropped off the world, had a good Christmas?" Mark asks.

I felt really awkward, and Mark reads me like a book.

"Lisa's been around a few times, driving me mad asking if I've seen you, she has asked me for your phone number, should I of given it to her?"

"Mark, Can I talk to you after privately?" I sheepishly askou

"Wow! You look a bit serious Andy."

"OK mate, cheer up you look sad." Mark said smiling.

"Do you want to go in the bar or follow me back to my place?"

"Can we go back to yours?"

"Blimey! It must be serious, OK."

We do the training and finalise the logistical arrangements getting the lads up to the event.

I'm dreading talking to Mark, but I've gone over this in my head a thousand times since Christmas. There can only be one way forward. We pull up outside Mark's house and go inside. Mark put the kettle on for a brew.

"God Andy you look like you're waiting for the executioner."

"Just bear with me, let me get it all out what I need to say Mark. I begin,

"Mark, I met you and we had a beautiful night together, a night that I have relived in my head several times, a beautiful memory. You have introduced me into your social circle and now your friends are my friends. You have said many kind and flattering things about me, you have enriched my life. I have become very fond of you I regard you as a special friend more so than a brother we have a lot in common we share good banter and we look out for each other. Mark, I now know I'm not gay or bisexual, I am not physically attracted to men, I am attracted to women."

"You said to me once you don't do relationships, I believe you do, like me you have been hurt. Mathew was your love, you told me the story it was beautiful and very moving. I believe, you, just like all of us want a loving relationship and you will find that one day, because you are a beautiful person."

"With your help my head has become clear again, I too feel I'm ready for a loving relationship, but it will be with a woman. I am falling in love Mark, I am falling in love with Lisa, she has been on my mind constantly for the last four weeks."

I feel I have betrayed you and used you, I hope you don't feel I have, but I have to be true and follow my heart. I have to pursue what will make me happy. I don't want to sneak about, lie to you I have far too much respect for you."

"I have not seen Lisa since the day after my party she doesn't know how I feel, but I now want it to change I want a second chance of love. I'm sorry Mark but I can't help my feelings no more than you can help yours."

Mark had a tear sliding down his cheek. He remained silent for several moments. Then he started to speak,

"I am not surprised Andy, I have noticed you looking at her and i know how she feels too. You have said some very kind things about me Andy and you have me choked. I have always known you're not gay or even bisexual, but I can't deny I wish you was because I love you, by that I mean I'm not in love with you, but I love you."

"You are a very honest and caring man, and I agree you must follow what makes you happy, follow your heart. I don't agree that you have used me, we both enjoyed each other. As for Lisa, I shouldn't tell you this, she is mad for you, I have never seen her like this about a guy before, she has drove me mad over Christmas I nearly gave her your number, just so I would get some peace."

"I love my sister dearly Andy, I won't have her hurt in any way. I will give my full blessing only if you are sure this is what you want. You two are the two people I hold most dear if I had a brother I would hope he would be like you."

"Have I come to a mutual appreciation society?" I joke.

"You were never my type anyway!" Mark flippantly remarked.

"So you're not going to kick my head in then?" I nervously ask.

"No Andy not this time. Go and make her happy very happy."

I look at Mark I walk over to him, Mark stands, I grip his hand in a shake pull him to me and kiss him on the lips, your a beautiful man Mark you will always be a special person to me, and I mean that in the most sincerest way, thank you."

We both smile, "Are we good for next weekend?" Mark asks.

"You bet!" I say.

I turn to leave. My drive home is a much happier one.

It's Fell race day, I take three of the young runners up to the event in my car, Mark will collect and bring up the other two lads in his car. I arrive at the Coniston start point to get us all registered. It's busy, some two hundred participants. I try to give the lads a bit of a pep talk.

"Its televised lads so big smiles best behaviour and no swearing. Wave to your mums or your grans but remember stay focused on the land 10 metres in front, don't get distracted or you will go down. There are eight check points which you must pass through, it's a timed event not an outright race. If you pass a competitor do so carefully give them and yourself room. There are some of the countries best here, in my mind you lads are every bit amongst them."

"The most important thing to remember, its the taking part, the personal challenge both physically and mentally, it's not all about winning. Good luck lads, enjoy it oh and if you pass me give me some encouragement."

"Yeh right, you'll be long gone." the lads laugh.

I turn and stop in my tracks.

"Mark whispers I couldn't keep her away."

"Lisa!"

A great big grin on my face my heart thumps a beat.

"What a nice surprise." giving her a big hug.

I look at Mark, mouthing thank you. He gives me a wink. The event has started each runner starts at one minute intervals and timed through the eight check points in the twenty mile course. The lads are due to set off twenty minutes prior to me. They all have there starting orders and leave at one minute intervals.

I look to Lisa standing watching us off, she treats me to that ice melting smile and blows me a kiss for good luck. I thought god she's beautiful. Mark stood next to her he too has that gorgeous smile which I witnessed when I first met him. Two peas in a pod them two.

My turn to start, the buzzer sounds and I'm off sprinting through the up hill field. The team managers will now go into the local hall where TV screens show the live feed and commentary from the check point cameras and the helicopters above.

The run is going well I'm ahead of my usual pace, after an hour I have already caught up and passed three of our lads, I'm going for it. My mind is focused, I feel good my head is in the best place for months, dare I say I'm happy. Climbing to the summit of Scafel, England's tallest mountain is tough but seems easier than on many previous occasions.

I'm approaching my fourth check point, the helicopter is a constant distraction, I hate it. I am told my pace is eight minutes above average, careful Andy don't overcook it and burn yourself out I thought. I pass the other two of our lads at just over half way point,

"You're doing well lads, hold your pace." I shout.

The downhill stretches are very difficult on this terrain, you have to tap dance the rocks as Mark once said, "like a tap dancing Gazelle." I'm flying, I pass several runners, the helicopter is on top of me again, then drops directly in front of me sideways on. The camera man filming the line of runners descending the mountain. The down draught feels like I'm being pile driven in the ground, I stumble nearly fall, I curse the chopper in my head.

I recover my pace passing more runners, I think there may be about 25 runners in front. I come to check point six, I'm stamped in and told I'm the fastest runner so far to this point. I am shocked. Taking on water as I run this flat smooth stretch, then I sprint to the next and last peak. This is the stretch I haven't done before. I pace myself up the peak passing five more runners then down again tap dancing away. The choppers seem to be with me constantly, I'm thinking fuck off before you kill me!

A see a runner fall badly a hundred metres in front. The two runners to my front carry on without checking he's alright. I close in on the fallen runner I notice he's hurt bad he has lots of blood on his leg. I stop I see he has snapped his tibia and the bone has come through. There's lots of blood and the poor chap is in agony. I remove my shirt and try and use it as a tourniquet. The helicopter hovering above making hell of a racket I can't speak to the runner to try and reassure him,

I can't be heard, runners run past, why is no one stopping to help. I look up to the chopper and signal for him to be airlifted, moments later an air ambulance chopper appears, thank god! It lands and two medics climb up the rocky trail with a stretcher. Eventually, they reach the poor chap and the medics take over. I remove my race number from my shirt wrapped around the lads leg and continue the run.

I can't believe these people, just running past an injured man, so bloody selfish. Several runners have passed me, I don't feel in the mood now I'm saddened how people think winning a race is more important than helping that poor guy.

I approach the seventh check point, they nearly disqualifying me as I'm not displaying my number. I had it in my hands, my bare chest and hands are splashed with blood. So far your position is eleventh, the camera man on the ground is in my face. The choppers in front of me, I'm starting to get angry with it all.

Three miles to go and I'm gonna leg it. I pass those uncaring bastards that ran past the injured guy and I carry on as fast as I dared only a few miles to go, I see a number seventeen in my sights, this guy never even looked at the injured guy when he fell just in front of him.

I'm gonna have him I thought, he is not getting a better time than me. My lungs are bursting my head feels like it's gonna explode but I'm catching him, that fucking chopper in my face again, just another fifty meters, I'm gonna bury him.

I pass him and keep going, I'm now within site of the finishing field, a quarter of a mile, can I make it at this pace the last hundred meters my lungs are ripping, the screams and shouts the clapping of the spectators, never had this before, I cross the line and hand my number to an official seconds before I throw up on the grass.

The chopper drowns out the spectators clapping, a medic comes over my head feels like its going through a melt down, that poor mans blood all over my hands and chest. The medics laying me flat, they're looking for a wound I can't speak I wave my hand, no it's not me they look puzzled. Eventually I calm so I can speak,