All Comments on 'Discovery - 01'

First, it's written in second person. That is the worst possible choice for fiction writing. Second, the "large cock" thing is the kiss of death. Third, you posted in the wrong category for the kind of story you're writing. Any other category would be better. No one is going to read second person stories, where one of the characters is the audience. This is a terribly conceived idea.

Liked it. Well written and looking forward to see where it goes. Does Alicia's husband find out? Does he get involved? 4 stars

I’m sorry but I couldn’t get past the use of second person. Maybe that works for some people.

As soon as I saw this was in second person, I stopped reading...1*

Keep up the writing. The more "practice" the better you will become. The only issue I have is with the continuiety of the story. The husband goes for a swim, wearing his shorts. When he emerges and walks up the beach, it is implied that he is either naked or has an erection. (as per when he was naked earlier in the day and was seen by Alicia.) It was only as you lay down that you, mentally retarded as you are!, notice that the women are topless. Really? You hadn't noticed as you lay next to them?

When you are asked to turn over, then you definitely are naked as your wife starts playing with your cock. When exactly did you remove your shorts?

So except for those "gaps" in the story, it was fine. You might want to reconsider writing from the Point of View (POV) of a narrator and actually relate the story itself and let it flow. The narrator aspect has many limitations. Good luck and keep writing. Cheers.

I did all of that with you? Second person is never good. Multiple chapters and tens of thousands of words in second person is a complete disater.

Average and wordy. I read it because you're new, not sure I'll read anymore.

It's too late now, but my feedback would have been for your first story or stories be complete rather than open-ended.

Writing to "you" quickly wears out the reader by alienating him or her. This was a style that gained popularity in the early days on Compuserv and USE-Net and somehow became associated with erotica writing. 2/5.

instant boner

Loved the natural way the two women got along, and the sense of complicity BETWEEN THEM. Indeed, as you were swimming the second time, they surely were getting each other hornier and hornier to each other, using you as the fulcrum.

I will be waiting next story.

Cheers, Jorge

And the cuck tsunami continues….

Sorry, don't care for this one. 1*

Second person stories suck.

2nd person is hard to pull off. Then it is an open-ended story too? Nope. Better luck next time.

I hope for the author he realizes in time that his crap is not good and saves himself the trouble of putting something on paper! Waste of your time. For me, your story ended here! When I want to deal with idiots, I hear political news!

I love how our pathetic little troll, Impo64/26thNC/iameasel couldn’t take the time to read this, yet took the time to comment. That takes a special kind of asshole. And to the idiot already commenting on this being in the wrong category, it’s chapter 1. How do you know the wife isn’t going to have sex with someone else? You don’t, so maybe shut the fuck up for once.

Well this certainly wasnt a hot and smoldering pile of stupid. It flowed like a colon living with a cheese diet.

No wonder you are up to 21000 words. Over written, second person.

Great writing! The flow of the prose is beautiful, descriptive, and unique. This is hands-down some of the best writing I’ve found on here, and I’ve been reading here a decade at least. I hope you keep writing & publishing here.

Thats a long road to a wank he could’ve done himself. I hope in subsequent chapters our intrepid couple are going to threesome our landlady many times.

You have a distinct style, or are trying to achieve one. But take care: too sweet can be cloying. In the first chapter, you might want to use "assent" instead of your "ascent." Don't worry, I'm still eager to read more.

Well written and a good read. I look forward to the continuation.

One point that irks me somewhat, the beaches of the Spanish Islands are predominantly clothing optional, nudity is widely accepted in non built up areas.

So why are they so cagey about going topless or stripping off, especially on an apparently deserted beach?

Sorry I'm with Impo and others. I couldn't get past the 2nd person POV and didn't continueto read.

One actually called this well written and a good read. Apparently he hasn't read many stories in this category, especially the higher rated ones. No accounting for taste. Found this story rater boring so far written in a style that's irritating. 3* for effort. Don't think I'll bother reading any further.

I'm easel is some times almost poetic in his comments.