Ditched

If she'd only know it was the last time she'd have memorised every second. Around 7 months of secret fun, flirting, fingering, grinding, sexual tension and sucking... over!

That feeling that he gave her that made her legs feel like jelly and pussy sopping wet still remains.

Every time she sees him, everytime she looks at photos.

The sting of rejection hits hard, shattering her heart into a million pieces. She needs to hold herself together, get a grip but its hard.

No explanation, just the cold slap of reality. The realisation that you were never gonna be good enough. Never gonna be worthy of a relationship, never gonna be pretty enough.

The awful feeling that floods her body as the opportunity to play comes and goes. The feeling of abandonment and sadness hits her like a wave as he puts his biking gear on as fast as he can. Almost putting a physical barrier between them before he changes his mind. A clear sign that is it over, she's on her own.

He's disconnected, shut down from that part of their friendship, the switch has been made in his mind.

Like it didn't mean anything to him at all, she didn't mean anything to him at all.

For her moving on will take a little longer. It meant more to her...she wished it didn't.

The ache in her heart and the anxiety that rushes over her at the thought of it being over. That she will never be intimate with him again. Never get to touch him and arouse him ever again.

She knows its for the best, the way he played with her feelings, tapped into her insecurities and used them against her.

Filled her head with compliments of other girls, all while using puns and humour to destroy any confidence in her appearance, her intelligence, her abilities.

Its like he kind of wanted her but didn't feel she was enough. Loving the fun then using hurtful words and actions to make sure she stayed at arms length.

He didn't want her falling for him, didn't want her thinking she had a chance with him. He liked her, she could sense that but she knew deep down she wasn't enough. That she never would be.

It didn't stop the feelings, controlling them was another matter. It fucking hurts. Her heart fucking hurts.

She needs a disconnect but instead feels her pussy grow and flutter as she remembers the fun they had. The way his hands and mouth made her body swell, drip and jitter.

His heavy breathing on her neck as she caressed his cock through his trousers. Feeling him swell and grow at her touch. Releasing him from his fabric confines and watching him grow in her hands.

His pre-cum dripping from his tip, how sweet he tasted. She missed tasting him, missed holding and caressing him.

That cock, the cock she can't get out of her head! The cock that turned her into a blowjob lover!

Its smooth head, perfect girth and delicious taste.

His cheeky laugh as they fondle each other.

Sensing his happiness at being lusted after, wanted, needed in that moment. That made her smile. She wanted him to be happy, she wanted to be the one to make him happy.

She will miss them eyes gazing up at her, slightly wild as he sucked on her huge nipple. Blue, bright and filled with wildness as he sucked and fed like a baby.

Fuck that was hot and so beyond her usual vanilla sexual experiences.

Picturing it in her mind makes her eyes fill with tears. It's stupid, it's like she's grieving for something that was never hers. Something that was only real to her. It hurts like hell.

How his fingers knew her body better than anyone ever had. Confident, controlled, experienced.

Making her body feel sensations it never had. She was desperate to feel that again. Desperate to feel wanted by him again.

The dirty words that spilled with ease from his mouth that made her wild.

The secret looks between them. The knowing looks, with a hint of lust behind them. Their little secret, like being in each others mind, even just for a second.

Gone. Finished. Over...Rejected.

He'd changed her. Opened up her mind to options.

Made her feel comfortable partially clothed around him. Like he accepted her as she was, that her body was enough to excite and thrill him.

Teaching her to try new things, sexual things. Kinky things!

Helping her realise she had needs that weren't being fullfilled.

Needs that she now needed in her life.

Now that she no longer had him in her life.

She needs to move on but how do you move on from someone you can't bare to loose?