All Comments on 'Divine Intervention'

A well written version of an old story, legend, fable, whatever. Nice characters, with most of the story revolving around the lovers and not too many others to confuse the reader. It was a nice twist to have the ladies at the strip club ready to become priestesses for Aphrodite. Not sure exactly what they will be selling, but probably not the version of love I grew up with?

Billy is a great catch. When they are together, and Becky strips him of his clothes, I imagine a darkly-haired chest on that sexy young man Billy! Keep writing and keep them loving!

Say the conversations you write out loud. You’ll find some sound stilted and funny as written. By doing this, you’ll be able to rewrite them into something more natural sounding.

The punctuation, particularly with the quotes, needs serious work.

You may wish to use an editor.

4*

Good luck.

A good story which unfortunately felt a little rushed. Take the advice in the comments and I'm sure that your writing will improve.

Story itself was a little mad but enjoyable and I liked the idea.

I enjoyed this. The story was straightforward, with the title and play on names giving great hints as to the identities of the two beings (when Ms. DeMilo took off her dress, I must admit to saying, “Yay! Arms!”).

That said, it did feel a little rushed and somewhat predictable as a result of the above. I also agree with Anonymous 1/24’s comments. While, good, it could be improved with those suggestions.