All Comments on 'Do you like Piña Coladas?'

Congrats on your first story here. It was nicely written and was very short (not a complaint!), touching on the basics of the song. However, it didn't really explore beyond the basic song or even beyond some earlier story takes on the song that have been presented here (which is a bit of a complaint as hopefully constructive criticism). Because the song is famous and other story takes have been done, a deeper exploration would have been welcomed and might have made this really stand out instead of just being another treatment of the original. For instance, how did they come to the point of placing and responding to the personal ad? Okay, that part was touched upon, a little, but how'd they deal with their own betrayal that each must have soon realized, on their own (which, again, was very briefly recognized) and that of their partner? Where do they go from there to reconcile beyond making love in the dunes on the cape so they can really find their escape and hopefully long-term success together? That leaves lots of possibilities if you want to continue this to explore further.

You left too much out. They can’t walk out hand in hand and everything be ok? They are both cheaters.

@anonymous

Thank you for the feedback, yes short but that was very intentional. I have some longer stories in mind that I need to flesh out and I just felt the need to post something to get started.

I have not read any stories on here that explored the song so I cannot compare. I had not considered exploring the relationship beyond what I had written but yours and BH76 comments have inspired me a bit to wrote a sequel and/or prequel. We will need to see what happens.

@BH76

Thank you for your comment, I am not sure if you are familiar with the song but it is the same theme, two people cheating on each other. The song also finishes on that unresolved note. That said, I am considering a sequel to flesh it out some more.

D.

5 stars.

I like this story. I have always liked that song.

However, you should have used her comment when she sees him in the bar - 'Oh, it's you.'