Do You Love Me

She hugged me again and I could feel her crying into my chest.

"Jenny, I was waiting until the time was right, but I don't want to lose you." I took her hand and led her to my nightstand. "Please sit on the bed."

I opened the drawer and pulled out a small bag, which held a smaller box. She gasped when she saw the box and started sobbing when I opened it.

"Don't cry, Jenny. If it's too small I can get you a bigger diamond."

She slapped my shoulder and held out her left hand.

"Jenny, I love you with all my heart. Melody loves you, and I love Michael. Will you marry me and make our family a real family?"

I slid on the ring, and she hugged me. Then, the kisses started. She kissed my lips, my cheeks, my forehead—it was like one of those old-time movie kisses: completely silly and I loved it.

"Do you mind if we don't tell Melody yet," I asked. "I don't want to upset Sara and make it look like we rubbed it in her face."

Jenny was shocked, "Well, well, well. It looks like someone is finally treating his ex-wife like a human."

I nodded and kissed her one more time. "Can you stay tonight?"

She smiled, "No, but I will anyway."

*****

Alan was a miracle worker. I didn't know how he did it, but he found a loophole that negated many parts of the original partnership agreement. It seemed that while Chris and Ryan, were each 37.5% owners in the corporation, and I was 25%, there were certain clauses in the contract that required a four-person vote. One of those was the active member participation clause. There had to be a 3 to 1 vote and there was no provision for a lesser number of active members like the corporation agreement had. Our drummer was just a hired gun and didn't count as an active member, so he got no vote.

I was off the hook for the European tour, and wouldn't you know it, I was sent an updated partnership agreement correcting all of the flaws in the original. Who would've thought?

Well, I didn't sign it. I figured I would ride it out until the contract with the label expired. That way I could do what I agreed to do and get out. I also decided I'd never sell my share of the corporation to Chris and Ryan. It would piss them off to the ends of the Earth and would continue to give me a future revenue stream.

With all that said and done, I didn't play on the record. I took the money and let them put my name on it as they wanted to do. We weren't on speaking terms and the future wasn't looking bright at all. I was glad to have a break, yet I was afraid of the next tour. Chris and Ryan were pissed at me, and I didn't care all that much for them, so the spring/summer tour was going to be a nightmare.

I didn't have to worry about that until after the new year. In the meantime, I had a wedding coming up.

Jenny and her mom were giddy every time they talked planning. I mistakenly figured we'd get married in a courthouse and have a small party after. Jenny had none of that. She found a hotel that had a gazebo type of setup for the ceremony. After that, everyone would file inside for the reception.

Melody was excited as was Michael, but Sara took it hard. Melody told us that she cried for a few days. I didn't get that, as I barely spoke to her and avoided her for years. I couldn't see how she thought we had a reconciliation in the cards, but it was what it was.

We set the date for the following May. I knew I'd be in the middle of a tour, so I made sure my manager knew that if they scheduled any shows within three days before or after, they'd be playing without me. I'm sure my bandmates hated that. Good.

*****

I was sitting on the couch with Jenny wrapped in my arms, on New Year's Eve. The holidays went great, I even had Sara and Melody over for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Well, I shouldn't say I did. That was all Jenny. She decided to make friends with Sara, and I felt uncomfortable about it at first. I was still not one hundred percent on board with it, but it made Jenny and Melody happy. If the ladies in my life were happy, I was happy, so I went with the flow.

I had enough negativity in my life that came from Goblin Nob. My relationship with Chris and Ryan was non-existent. The last I heard, the album was recorded and was being mixed for a late January or early February release. I didn't play a note on it, but I cashed the obscene check they gave me. Fucking idiots.

My manager told me that the tour would be starting around Valentine's Day. Jenny was initially upset by that because it was still the middle of the school year, but she was confident I wouldn't need her. Me? Not so much. I feared it would be a shit show because we weren't getting along.

My phone rang around ten, and I saw it was my manager. I sighed and answered. "What's up, Stan."

"Jordan, we've got a problem. Someone leaked that you're not playing on the upcoming album."

"So?" I said, not giving a minimum requirement of shit about it. "I'm actually not on the new album."

"The band didn't want anyone to know that. Chris thinks the first engineer they used and fired leaked out a rough cut of the album. They would like you to fly out to Ryan's studio and re-record the solos so they can refute the leak as a demo."

I laughed and Jenny sat up.

"Stan, there is no way I will play a note on the album. They gave me a shit load of money and I signed a non-disclosure agreement stating I wouldn't tell anyone I didn't play. I'm not obligated nor am I under any contract requiring me to play on that album and I won't do it."

"I think that's a mistake, Jordan. How about if they pay you an additional amount?"

"Half a million. Not a penny less," I said and ended the call.

"What was that all about?" Jenny asked.

"Bad publicity for the band recording the album without me. They want me to record solos now. I told Stan I wouldn't do it for less than half a mil."

She laughed. "Nice, but you should have gone for a million."

"That's what they paid me not to play in the first place," I laughed.

*****

To my surprise, they agreed to pay me the money. All I had to do was go to Ryan's house for a week to write and record the solos. Jenny couldn't go along because of school, and neither could Melody, obviously. I was worried about a relapse like I almost had recording the other album, but I knew I'd have to suck it up, stay focused and relaxed.

I was stunned and pissed off when I got to the gate for my flight and Sara was sitting there. I stopped about ten feet away from her and she saw me.

I froze, I couldn't turn, I couldn't run, I couldn't speak. I was frozen in shock and anger.

"Jordan," she said quietly as she walked towards me, "don't be mad. Your girls, we were all worried about you. We thought someone should be nearby, just in case."

"My girls?" I snorted.

"Jenny, Melody, and me."

I shook my head. "What makes you think your presence will make me more inclined to not drink? I'd think that you being anywhere near me will make me want to down a bottle of Jack."

"Don't be like that, Jordan. I'm not here to give you grief, cause you pain, or try to steal you back. I'm here to offer you support, and Jenny and Melody are on board with that."

I was about to argue, but they called our group for boarding.

"Let me guess, you're sitting next to me on the plane, too?" I groaned.

"No," she said sadly. "I'm a couple rows back. I didn't think you'd want to be that close to me for a couple of hours with nowhere to escape."

"Wise," I said as I lined up to board the plane.

After getting seated, I sent a quick group text to Jenny and Melody. "Not happy with the ambush. We'll talk about that when I call later." I put my phone on airplane mode and put on headphones to listen to the songs for which I needed to write new solos.

The songs were mostly fine. There were two that stood out that had potential and I could tell that they spent more time working on those. I assumed they would be the singles. The guitar players they used did well enough. There was no need, except for the bad publicity, for me to re-record anything.

I made some notes, scribbled some ideas on sheet music, and fell asleep.

*****

I wasn't going to stay at Ryan's house, so I rented a car and got a room at the closest decent hotel to his house. One of my conditions to do it was that Ryan and Chris could not be present when I was in the studio. They could give me feedback on my work by email at the end of the day. I'd make any adjustments the next day, if I agreed with them.

They were pissed I was acting like a child, but I was only doing it to piss them off, so we were on the same page there. I made Stan stand guard at the door to make sure Ryan and Chris didn't forget about my conditions.

Sara and I got adjoining rooms and went about unpacking. It didn't take long for her to knock on the door with a platter of sushi.

"I thought you might like some dinner. With the traveling, I figured you'd be tired," she said.

"Thanks. I suppose you're joining me for dinner then?" I sighed.

"No. I was just gonna make a plate and eat in my room."

"Okay," I said surprising her. I knew she was hoping I'd let her eat with me. I wasn't in the mood for it.

A couple of hours after I ate, I spoke to Jenny. "You know, that was a shitty thing to do to me, this Sara business."

She sighed, "I know. We just worried about you and wanted to make sure there was someone there who loves you and has your best interests in mind. We wanted someone that cares about you to be there in case it got too bad."

"I know why you did it. I just don't want it to be her," I countered. "Look, I'll deal with it. I guess thanks for caring. I love you."

I love you, too, baby. Don't forget that."

I turned my lights off and tried to get some sleep. I was nervous about starting to write and record in the morning and my mind raced with negativity. I only hoped Sara didn't push that farther.

*****

D-Day arrived, and I was setting up my equipment when the recording engineer brought me a page of notes from Chris and Ryan. I glanced at them, laughed, and tossed them in the garbage. They wanted me to copy some of the things the other players did note for note. I was not going to do that. I was going to do the songs on my terms, and I was going to try to have fun.

I knew it would happen, and I wasn't let down, when a photographer popped in and started taking pictures. They would need some evidence of me being in the studio and once I started playing, some video as well. I didn't mind; I figured it was part of the deal and I was okay with that. At least I got to play on the record.

I was about to record the first solo when Sara walked in. I was distracted by her beauty as she walked in the door, bathed in sunlight. My mind jumped back a couple of decades and I smiled reflexively. She always was beautiful. If she only could have kept her legs closed, we'd still be together and happy. Oh well.

I decided to work on the two tracks that I thought were the best first. The engineer agreed that they were the songs Chris and Ryan put the most effort into and would be the singles. It didn't benefit me to mess anything up, so I put as much heart and soul into the songs as I could. I wasn't going to go in there and sabotage anything.

I managed to write and record solos for both songs and the engineer and I both loved them. There were no issues with anxiety or frustration, and everything went smoothly. The only thing left was for Ryan and Christ to listen to them later. I'd get their feedback in the morning.

Sara, unbeknownst to me, recorded the entire day. Every minute of it. She said it was for Melody, but I knew Melody would edit them together for her YouTube page. I was okay with that. I didn't care if Chris and Ryan were.

Sara ordered dinner in again and we ate separately. We were getting along, mostly because I was avoiding her, but when we were together, we mostly talked about Melody. We agreed on most everything related to our teenager, so that was easy conversation and I tried to have as much of it as possible.

*****

I woke to an email from the guys with their feedback on my solos. They liked them but wanted me to redo one part that sounded muddy. I laughed and decided to do it just to keep them out of my hair. The last line of their email pissed me off. In all caps it read, "SIGN THE DAMN CONTRACT!"

Nah, that didn't motivate me to do it.

Sara knocked on the inner door. "Come in, it's open," I said.

She was showered and dressed for the day. I had barely woken up in contrast. "What's up, Sara?"

"I wanted to see what kind of feedback you got from the band."

She seemed nervous, which was not unusual for her demeanor around me. It gave me a small hint of satisfaction, but that was waning more and more as time went on.

"It was fine. They liked it and wanted me to redo one part. No problem."

She released a deep breath. "Thank God. I was worried."

I laughed and said, "It's no big deal. Look, I'm gonna take a shower and then head over thereb okay?"

"Can we get some breakfast first? I can have it delivered while you're showering."

"No. I want to try that place we passed on the way to the studio. Chuck the engineer said they have a great breakfast burrito."

She smiled. "You want to eat with me? At a restaurant?"

"For Christ's sake, Sara. I'm not asking you to suck my dick. It's just breakfast."

I turned and walked to the bathroom and could swear I heard her whisper, "I wish you would." I ignored it and carried on.

*****

"Jordan, thank you for being nice to me while I'm here. It means a lot," she said as I took a bite of my burrito. Chuck was right, it was amazing.

I eyed her carefully and swallowed, "Sara, I'm over the past. I realized I can't go on with that kind of negativity. It's crushing my soul. I know it hurts Melody, as well, and I don't want that for her anymore, either."

"Well, whatever the reason, thank you. I'm just sorry you can't find it in your heart to take me back."

I laughed and she frowned. "Sara, come on. There is zero chance that will happen. I'm happy with Jenny. You must understand, you blew it. You fucked us up, not me."

A tear fell down her cheek. "I know, my love. I know. I'll be happy that we can sit like this and talk."

Somehow, I didn't believe her.

*****

Day two went better than the day before and I was able to get solos cut for four more songs. Things were going so well, when we got back to the hotel, I asked Sara to go home.

"No way," was her curt response, she typed into her phone and tossed it onto the bed. "We only have a few more days and things are going too well. Let's not mess up what is working."

Jenny called before I could continue to argue. "Jordan, let her stay. It will make us at home feel better."

I looked at Sara who smirked pointing at her phone indicating she texted Jenny telling her what we were talking about.

"All right, Jenny. For you."

"For us, love. For us."

I rolled my eyes as we ended the call. "You win, Sara. It's dirty pool texting my fiancée though."

"I'm sorry, Jordan. I didn't mean to overstep boundaries, but that's how committed we all are to making sure you have the support you need. How many fiancées would send the ex-wife who still carries a torch for her man across the country with him for a week?"

"I get it, I really do. Okay."

The rest of the week went by with only small issues. Nothing I couldn't manage, and I finished a day early with a good feeling about the work I did. I thought it was light years better than the original session player attempts, but whatever.

*****

Someone thought it would be great marketing to release the album and start the tour on the same day. Valentine's Day. Jenny wasn't happy, I wasn't happy, and I bitched Chris and Ryan out over it. They didn't care. We were one of the biggest rock bands in the world again and their egos were taking separate private planes because their heads wouldn't fit on the same one with us.

I was, of course, outvoted on it, and the tour went on. I did get a week around my wedding off, so I took that as a big victory.

To my surprise, the record debuted at number one. We were making more money than we did in the old days, and I made sure that my business manager and accountants weren't screwing me over again. Alan was a huge help with the lawyerly stuff. He was like a pit bull against anyone that slighted me, and he made sure that the people managing my money were on the straight and narrow.

I didn't write any songs on the new record, so I wasn't making as much as Chris and Ryan, and they would throw little digs out at me over it. It was like working with a couple of high school bullies. I was careful though. I didn't do anything to cause a fight. I showed up on time. I went to all of the meetings and soundchecks, I even did radio interviews to promote the tour and record. I was a regular team player.

That all changed the week before my wedding.

We were playing a show in Chicago, and they wanted to have a meeting before soundcheck. Steve, the manager, started by saying, "We just got a slot on the hottest late night talk show. This is going to open us up to a new audience and could get the record back in the top ten again."

Ryan and Chris were smiling but didn't ask any questions. I knew then it was an ambush.

"When?" I asked.

"Friday," Steve said.

I didn't respond. I stood and walked out of the dressing room. I made my way down the maze of hallways to the exit and found our limo driver taking a nap.

"Get me to the hotel please," I said. He jumped and asked about the show.

"I'm not playing it," I said. I was done. I was not going to do a talk show the day before my wedding. There was no way I was going to upset Jenny like that, and they knew it. They had to know I'd walk out over it, and I think they were hoping I would. They didn't even try to stop me as I left the room. I knew that was the end of our reunion.

I called Alan immediately and told him what happened. I told him to prepare for a battle in the press. I had a feeling they were going to start a load of shit in the media, and I was going to be made out to be the bad guy. I also feared a breach of contract lawsuit.

It didn't take long. I was served with the lawsuit the morning of my wedding, after not showing up for the talk show taping the day before. Alan told me he was going to have fun making them pay for trying to ruin my wedding day. If I cared at all, it may have, but I didn't, so fuck them.

They replaced me with the guy that was playing in the band before I rejoined. He was already there when we had the meeting I walked out of. I saw him as I passed one of the side rooms. I didn't think much of it at the time, but it showed their expectation of my reaction. Alan said he could use that as a bullet in our gun for the counter suit of mental cruelty.

Their biggest piece of the lawsuit against me was my refusal to sign the new band agreement. As far as Alan was concerned, the original contract was still valid due to something in it called a severability clause. That meant that even if parts were invalid, the rest of the contract was still valid. I didn't care. I let him have his fun.

I didn't tell Jenny about the lawsuit until after the wedding. I didn't want to upset her on her day, and it was a beautiful day.

I stood and watched as she walked the aisle to the violin quartet playing the wedding march—a tear escaped my eye. Her shimmering white gown was stunning, it was form fitting and had a teasing slit up the leg, ending just before her garter. The top was v-cut and stopped midway between her breasts showing a lovely bit of her cleavage. She didn't wear a face covering, but her veil was lacy and resplendent. She was the perfect bride, and I was lucky she loved me.