All Comments on 'Doing Robby's Chores...And Mom'

Somewhat interesting short story, but the massive number of misspellings and incorrect words such as "picture of lemonade" it's a 'pitcher' . . etc made it difficult to enjoy

you should not run one person's dialog into the other person's dialog.

but you need to be aware of the grammatical errors you made. Other than that, it's a good start to a story that many expect to hear more of.

Don't get the bad comments get to you, just keep at it and check your work. Either that or get an editor to help you.

Keep it up!

If you want readers to read your drivel, don't announce that the story is true - that you are presently enrolled at State - then in three short paragraphs demonstrate that you lack the writing skills of a high school freshman. Now there is nothing wrong with being a high school freshman; we've all been there. What immediately jumps out from the story are all the wrong things though - mispelled words and poor punctuation - just to mention two. And, you didn't help yourself by claiming to be packing what in your own mind is the common, everyday 9 inch schlong. Metric, son; you're obviously using the metric system. Those little marks are not inches. You would know these things if you had completed your high school English and Math. But don't give up. Stay at it. The fifty points is for having the ability to get the story posted. But again, remember that Literotica will post most crap if it meets the censorship rules. Punctuation, sentence structure and paragraph organization are not evaluated. Nevertheless, keep at it. You may want to buckle down on that math course though. Also, if the school is offering a class on ethics, take it. It will be helpful throughout life as you discern between truth and fiction. This will benefit you for you will never have some young girl say: "Damn, that's the shortest 9 inches I've ever had!" Gayle

Your story is to short. Not enough about the mom. Maybe use a little force next time? Don't give up writing.

RH, I give myself no points for in reading again what I submitted, pow, my misspelled word jumped out at me. And, wouldn't you know it, it was the word 'misspelled.' There is no excuse for either of us. We should both use the word processor and often. Gayle

As far as the mispellings. It is clear to me this was your rough draft. For a rough draft this would be great. You just let the story flow from you. Before putting this on the site, you might ask someone else to edit it for you.

When we edit our own work it is often hard to see the errors because our brain reads what it thinks should be there.

Keep at it. Keep writing and let each time be a learning experience!

I want to comment to the jerks. I dated a man that was packing close to 11 inches in his pants. So don't assume that he isn't well-endowed just because you haven't seen anyone like that before.

A great story with just a few mistakes that can be corrected with out any major problems.I do think that you should give a little more background on the characters to make them more believable. Other than a few little things that seemed a little over the edge, unless you do indeed have a 9" cock, and the woman truly is a slut. I would have thought that you would have had to sweet talk her a little more to get her to suck your cock. Thanks for the post....Rich

I think he'll know the difference between metric and inches...besides my ex-boyfriend owned a 9 inche cock so I know they exist...Your probably just average and don't like the fact that someone younger than you is probably most likely bigger than you...

Seriously it is a good story and has tonns of potential...apply on the forum for an editor for your stories just to clean it up alittle...There's nothing wrong with it...could do with a bit more description in some areas but via getting a good editor you can ask for their opinion with things in the story...

Keep on writing...

I hope you see it the positive way. I enjoyed reading overall although there were mistakes. But that story is rather short and I think too you'd do good to give more description to fill the built-up and to strengthen the erotic density. The mom should have played with him more like returning into the house after she brought the lemonade to come back and strip off her robe and pose on the sun chair while he keeps on working letting him watch her rubbing sun tan lotion, going into the pool, rubbing dry, etc. All along with peeks on accidential flashing of skin or hidden gestures and movements to drive him wild. Also the description of her body was rather short. What did her pussy looked like? A boy of his age would have scanned every square millimeter. Was her pubic hair turning grey, was it shaved around her labias, were her lips dark, thick and long? Did that all just happen or how much of the most thrilling adventure had it been to a boy of 19 who originally was just up for a swim? What would he think at the moment he had his tongue at the pucker of his best friend mom that before was this kind and respectable mother remembering last when he was invited for supper with all her family at the table? There's more to come, you wrote at the end of that story. I sure hope so!