by MattressThrasher
Slow but good storyline!!! What you left out was the Revenge part???&what about Jamie Punishment??? Hope there is another chapter to this Story????
Well written but the ending was just kind of blah & not really sure about the reconciliation. I'm not totally for BTB stories but endings have to fit the characters.
Not even * 1 a if there is no ch 2
the wife was fucking whore, why would anybody want to save a marriage with a slut whore like that. Oh yeah, a cum loving cuckold.
Please stop writing if not for us, for the sake of humanity BTW. WACC = Wimp Ass Castrated Cuckold
FUCK OFF if you're only going to write wimp husbands, ENOUGH of that shit is already on here!!!!
he didn't do anything stupid, he did everything stupid
story does have holes and or not complete... waiting to see how this is WRAPPED up...
Ignore the anons. It's mostly well written and the only way to get better is with practice. I'm looking forward to the resolution, whichever way it goes.
If they were married in a church his wife took a vow an oath before witnesses and God to her husband to be faithful.
The slut’s lover took no such oath; however, castration or worse might be in order. Granted, this story is a work of fiction.
How about a story of real revenge? Why take her back and save their marriage.
Break the slut mentally, physically, and financially!
Ruin her looks and her body; disfigure her face and de-feminize her with tattoos or whatever so that in the future any man who looks at her turns away in revulsion and disgust!
Let her wake up in a filthy whorehouse chained to a bed in a foreign country.
Wimp men are women’s fantasies. Husband’s watching their wives taken by other men and enjoying it and then posting as proud husbands are women’s fantasies and women posing as men.
The other side of the coin is cheating husband who is as contemptible and deserves no different.
We really need a cheating spouse revenge section because both men and men have been cheated on.
Good story but it is left unfinished, like many of the works on lw. Too many ends and story plots are left dangling. Don't let this become a writing style norm if you continue to submit.
Overall a good story line. You need to finish it off though. There were a few grammatical errors that an editor could easily fix. Waiting for Chapter 2. Don't be discouraged by the cowards who won't post their names
The ending was rushed and loose ends were left behind. What happened to Steven? Did their marriage survive? Other than the over the phone confrontation, what was the face to face conversation like?
... at 'Hope YOUR hungry'. It was bad enough to that point, I just bailed.
You start off in present-tense, flip back to past-tense; your punctuation is random; and the plot (at least as far as I got) is at best boilerplate, at worst stupid.
Get an editor, or learn some writing skills. This was horrible.
Your writing was engaging. Good word usage and you described your characters and made them believable. Some thoughts on improving your story:
1. Your character development was good early on, but you rushed the ending.
2. Slow down! Enjoy the story and the characters.
3. Know how you want to end the story. You spent 80% of your time building the story and 20% on the conclusion. Balance these out and your story will be much better.
4. Some verb tense conflicts and misspellings; find a trusted editor with a different set of eyes.
Good job and finish the story! You owe it to your characters and your readers! Keep writing! Sorry for the anonymous comments as I am not a registered user on this site.
This had all the potential for a great story but faded. Just not possible (in my opinion) after seeing her in bed with the other guy that he would just forgive her and ask for counseling. Too wimpy. You left so many things not answered regarding the revenge of her lover. What happened??? He moved out but stated he still wants to make it work. Then the black mail movies of other women ??? Were they sent to the police?? Too man open holes. I gave you a 3 because it was very entertaining and initially well on its way to being a # 5. Keep writing.
I think you left it hanging, good story but you should add another chapter or more so that you can tell how he got revenge. also im one of the BTB crowd so I would like to see you burn her down... many ways for this to happen.. they get back together and she cheats again....he can't forgive her for first time.... she ends up hating him cuz he ruined her dream lover... etc.....anyway I enjoyed the story very much and hope to see more from you...thanks for sharing
The story needs a couple of things.(1) How they met (2) What about the other women.
(3) What about maxing out his credit cards. (4) Why go back after 3 days when he told her it would be 3 weeks. (5) How come no counseling???. The start of the story was good ,but the ending fizzled out. He should have made her confess, to her parents about the affair, instead of leaving them not, knowing what went wrong.
not bark at people who write but for the love of god this was terrible.
Why did you end the story like that? That is not an ending. That is the beginning of the confrontation after disclosure of the affair.
I want pay back for for the blackmailer.
I want groveling from the cheating slut.
I want the husband to take back control of his family.
I don't even care if they stay together or not.
Just give us and ending.
FINISH THE DAMN STORY.
So he does all this skulking around and all the intrigue with the friends of friends and all the money spent and what does he accomplish? Screwing up the guys checking and credit cards? WOW, that had to hurt. It was a pretty pathetic revenge. And erasing the guy's blackmail movies, what does that accomplish? The women don't know they are gone. All the jerk has to do is pretend he still has them.
And then, he leaves with the kids for a few days and forces his wife to go to counseling. Again WOW. What a nothing burger.
This guy was a marine. He KNOWS what it means to accomplish something. They don't get glory for showing up to chow. He has to KNOW that everything he did was meaningless and he still has un unfaithful and untrustworthy wife.
Did you run out out of ideas for an ending? Because you were going along at a nice pace and then - BOOM! It was over. And not in a good way. Far too little information at the end. It felt like your printer broke mid-sentence. And a good editor could have helped with some of your sections and grammatical errors that, if they had been cleaned up, would have made for a better read. Again - not too bad for a start, but you need an end.
The ending was terrible--no revenge and no resolution. The spelling and choice of words was juvenile--almost like a kid would write--why do so many of the writers on this site seen semi-literate? Get a good editor, one that knows language. I almost stopped reading several times as nearly every paragraph contained errors. That is why a 2 (also the ending)
#1@BigJohn601 He wasn't an officer, there was no reference to his being an NCO or any rank at all, Therefore he was a Gomer. Gomers are a dime a dozen, they do all the grunt work and get beat on by the Gunny and the SFB Butterbar on a daily basis, The fact that he can put together a plan and carry it out speaks volumes for his OPSEC and discipline. Please read carefully next time.
@pussy 1 wimp Are you pissed off that he didn't emulate you when you stupidly charged in and tried to beat up the ugly black dude who looked surprisingly like Mike Tyson that was porking your wife? Didn't the protracted stay in the hospital and the fact that you need to drop your pants to eat these days teach you anything?
As for the rest of the naysayers calling him a WIMP, it's been said several times he'd like to put the SOB in an early grave but he doesn't want to go to jail.
Instead he's, in a very workmanlike way, gathering evidence, looting bank accounts, destroying Steve's credit and a number of other things that will return to bite him in the ass. I fully expect to read in the next chapter that somewhere down the line a carefully placed package of remotely detonated Semtex will take Steve out with due prejudice.
You really didn't have a ending, unless you plan on continuing the story (which I hope you will) and simply didn't note that fact. As it is it stops where a possible ending might begin.
Don't be put off by the ANONs screaming for someone to die. However, you did need a better ending.
Unless you are a cuck, and I have no problem with that either if that's your bag, when you see your wife with another man, your love dies. Period. It is gone, evaporated, poof. You don't want to stay with her. A woman is different, but that is how it works in real life with men.
The old line, once a cheater always a cheater, is true. When you stay with a cheater after all the tears and promises are over, they cheat again. It is who and what they are. Always always always cut a cheater loose.
Felt like several pages were missing on the end. Why would he state his game plan to the cheating wife? Is that all the revenge you are going to give the man? What is the road to reconciliation like? ( GaryAPB is a master at this). You need to finish the story.
Cause it is not done as a story. You cut it off just when we were getting to the really interesting stuff.
An I wanna watch those videos with them. Did she suck and swallow? Lick his ass? Take it up the ass? Do a gangbang? Lick pussy? Lick him clean after he had it up her poop chute? It is implied she did some nasty. I wanna watch those videos with them. An I wanna know his reaction as he kisses her after knowing where those lips have been.
Writing was pretty good and will improve I am sure.
Hopefully you will continue this story. And I agree that he should do a whole lot more than just take her back!
I couldn't put this down until I had finished. Too bad you stopped when you did. The conclusion of what became of Steve and the marriage would have rounded this story out to its logical conclusion. I don't think you could pick it up as a chapter two and still have it work.
Why forgive her? Why take her back? She had a long-term affair and showed him and her daughters no respect at all.
I've seen it before where the Litiots in charge of this site cut a tale off just as it's getting interesting. They've done it to plenty of authors already, including me. JPB was another victim of it, as well as a few others too.
I'll wait until the whole thing is posted before I rate it. It is interesting so far, though.
if the cuck wanted to save his marriage, how come he didnt expend a single calorie of effort trying to do so? the ONLY thing he did was, in his words, "get evidence against her." what's the dumbass going to do? blackmail her into staying with him? "dont leave me or i'll put these videos on the internet so you can have me arrested!"
thats gonna work.
why do LW authors always make the protagonist so stupid and inconsistent? yet successful at business?
when your wife tells you she's not happy that you're never home, it's not TRUST that make you ignore her complaints, it's contempt. grown-ups know this. you know, some of us readers are actually adults with common sense. for once, how about you quit writing for trolls who still live with their mothers and have never had a relationsip? up to the challenge?
why would he want to salvage this marriage its in the tank. why even contact a divorce lawyer if you have no intention of divorcing her. what a wimp ,a shit stories a total waste of time. try again but this time try being a man.what man could still love his wife after watching her fucking another man
Is something missing, like the end or maybe "continued?" It just came to a stop with no resolution or anything else.
Also, why would he want to save this marriage?
BTB!! Story makes no sense. He was told not to be stupid, but he sure was. Freakin' wimp! Better luck with your next tale - if there is one.
why save a marriage? Get revenge and hurt them both. Story ended badly should be continued.
The story was well crafted. I look forward to the next chapter.
Unfortunately the spelling problems had a seriously negative impact on the story. Spell check won't help as 'saver' is a word but is distracting when used instead of 'safer'. There are a lot more similar word problems.
Good start to a story that still lacks an ending. Need more on the consequences for Jamie and Stephen.
also...some of you guys are truly disturbed...or disturbing...not sure which ones are worse
Where's the ending....you just stopped the story. No payback? No nothing? No vote.......yet
Where is the revenge on Steve? What will he do to Jamie? Remember the title; Don't do anything stupid. And remember Mark who got 5 years for doing something stupid and lost his kids. Apart from that a good story.
A good start,, hope this wasn't the end. One thing that you should consider is her side of the revenge,, my self personally I wouldn't have had him,, and his girls camped out in a motel room,, she would have been told to pack some clothes and find some place to stay,, possibly with her parents,, after filling her parents in to some extent as to what the problem is,, let her expain to them why she was in Vegas,, and why it took so long for her to contact anyone.... Just sayin
Lot of plot going on, but that makes it challenging to keep it consistent and logical.
For starters, you tell us what Frank saw, then you tell us again what Frank saw when he talks with the husband. No need for the repetition. Frank got the guy's auto license number, so that should have enabled the husband to get the name right up front. The early return from a business trip was too complicated, Had you made the trip a 6 hour drive from home, he could have driven home.
Rather than the husband keeping what he was planning from the reader, I think it would have worked better to include the reader. Your way didn't build much of any suspense which was presumably the reason for doing what you did.
The revenge bit was unbelievable because involved too many people. Besides if he could set the cameras up and such, searching the apartment would have been easy. Likely the wife had a key he could have copied.
Lastly, you have him forgiving her over the phone before they had a face to face, did I get that right? Why on earth would he not have kept her hanging? At that point he had no idea how long she had been fucking the guy. Hard to believe they didn't e mail one another. Anyway, you tossed away a chance for a dramatic conversation.
With all of the above aside, not a bad story, and I see in it the talent to write better ones.
Chilley
After reading some of the comments, I have to question whether the commenter read the story or just skimmed through to the end. The teaser for this story states the revenge will be on the lover, not the wife (did you miss that?). As for the revenge, taking all the money in the lover's bank account, maxing his credit cards and removing his source of income (Blackmail items) seems to fit that criteria. As for an ending, if you didn't catch it, he takes his wife back. All this information was in the story and should have been noted.
I agree with the comment concerning not trusting the Spell Checker. I found a couple of times when the word "save" was used when the correct word would have been "safe". That is only one example of an incorrect word being used (there were others).
A good story, but needs improvement in the word usage area.
You could use a good editor. Lots of typos and words used incorrectly. The dialog was a little stilted and the plot was without much color. However, I could tell you were trying hard and had your heart in it...I expect your work to get better with practice. Keep it up!
This was poorly thought out. Why didn't he call when the guy was over his house and tell his wife he got done sooner than expected and he'd be home shortly? Then, at least he wouldn't have to sleep in the same bed as his wife and lover. Why did he not cancel the credit cards while they were still in Vegas so he would have trouble paying for his hotel room? He could have made so much more trouble for them than he did.
What about the GPS devices? What were they used for?
No, sorry, this was not well thought out at all. There were also quite a few technical mistakes but that minor in comparison.
A very tough audience for you MattressThrasher!! The fact you have sooo many
comments is a very good thing!
I will be looking forward to more from you. Along with many others.
Your protagonist could have explored his options regarding his wife to a much greater degree,but this is okay for a first effort. Enjoyed very much bringing others
into the story.He didn't know everything so got help from others.
I like this writer and am going to look at the rest of his stories.
AMerryMan
Good effort - get yourself an editor to tidy up your typos!
She misses the girls as much as she misses him?! That's not too much then!
She hasn't had sex with him in over a month - how many times has she screwed her boyfriend in that time?
very weak ending. Its the interplay between characters AFTER the confrontation that makes LW stories interesting. Here there was nothing between Dave and Steve; and the interaction between Dave and Jamie was almost clinical. Its like the story was cut short to meet either a page limit or a publishing deadline.
Other than for TARGET PRACTICE that is. ))
How could you ever TRUST her again?
She's shown you she is capable of lying to you & deceiving you TO YOUR FACE.
If she could do it once, why not again?
Next time she won't be nearly so obvious.
Like the others have said "please finish the story" as it can't be over, in th description for the story it says he gets revenge on the lover! You have told us what part of the revenge will be, but he hasn't HAD the revenge yet!!
There is no ending and it looks like you were in a hurry to end this story. It also looks like you didn't proof read it as there are many typos and unfinished thoughts. The most glaring was that he never got revenge with "Steven." At least it wasn't discussed in detail.
Another unfinished item was that his friend copied down the license number of the boyfriend but there was no discussion of giving the number to the protagonist.
If you don't have one, get an editor. If you do have one, get someone else.
Bill1104
I agree with most of the other comments. This had a very weak ending and what there was left much of the story unfinished.There was no reason for the hubby to forgive his wife as she showed no remorse until caught.After all that I do hope you refine your stories and continue to address "loving wives". Thank you for posting.
wait ... thats the end of the story? Just like that?
is the author a retard?
SECOND ... he forgives his wife over the PHONE?? come one really?
has that ever happened?
THIRD and the worst part ... the author has the Husband spending most of his time talking to other men and tech talk than about what he as a man and a husband is going through.
Shocked over the ending. I think it is clear it is to be continued. Wish you would have given us a heads up about that. An intriguing storyline. I look forward to the rest.
The "ending" was poor and rushed, she had done nothing to earn forgiveness and yet he forgave her over the phone, just like that.
Where was the revenge ?
Why was there no confrontation ?
Seriously, you need to find an editor, spell check alone is not enough.
There are too many wrong words and redundant words.
Even with the way the last paragraph was written, the lack of chapter number implies this is a complete story. If this was supposed to be the first chapter USE A FUCKING CHAPTER NUMBER! If it's only chapter 1, it sucks. If this is a complete story, it sucks.
Suck ass story no man in his right mind would take a cheating whore like Jamie back. Why would any man want used tainted possibly venereal disease ridden goods. I d divorce the slut and do my best to bankrupt her too. tHe shold be pissed at the fuck head screwing his slut wife, but has to remember she went looking for strange cock to fill her belly with sperm. If she had not given the other guy the come on and or refused his advances most likely he would have gone elsewhere. No sir this is all Jamie's fault
I think i would like to see how things go. nothing is set in stone he could forgive and he could go for a Divorce with custody of the Children. So I am saying bring on Chapter 2.
Why save the marriage, he has enough to get custody. Why let her back in so easily. That was not a short affair , so what he had to travel every couple of weeks. So lonely she hooked up with a con man and was about to find out what made him really tick. A lot of unanswered questions plus you didn't stop her phone and credit cards and did not freeze the bank account or move any money , makes a lot of errors in this story. Hope you write a better part two. You moved it to fast . He answered all his doubts about her behavior ,so he doesn't have to worry about the kids and no sex for months. Something is not right here.
First of all this site does not need any more wimps, and it certainly does not need anymore non-man bitch writers.
I would like to suggest that you stop writing now, and start testosterone replacement therapy as soon as possible.
There is no need for you to try and become a better writer, as wimps are never good writers no matter how hard they try.
So stop now and go away.
So wait she gets off completely and he has to watch a video with her of her getting fucked by her lover so she "knows" it happened??! Way to try and slip a cuck story under the radar asshole. Stealing stolen money and videos from a douchebag who will simply start over is bot revenge. Let me guess the next chapter wil'll include him sucking her newest lover's jizz out of her while gloating about his revenge. I'd have given this a half decent score for trying but you get shir for scamming.
What a horrible ending. Sit your butt back down and finish this story. Letting Jamie off with a slap on the wrist just doesn't sound like Dave's mind set. You are the author and this is your story. However, your readers deserve a better ending than "they lived happily ever after." You left a lot of lose ends. What happened to Steven? When did Dave call the hacker and max out the CC. How about a confrontation between Dave and Steven over the blackmail? Your the author. WRITE! Don't squander this opportunity to tell your story.
I have to agree with others. There wasn't any consequence for her action except some awkwardness and emotional discomfort for three days. Wow, bet she takes it serious...and is more careful next time. Oh yeah, she divorces his weak ass the day after the youngest graduates.
What could have been a great story turned into a whiny "Woe Is Me"story. So he sneaks around in the house while she is screwing her boyfriend. Ballsy....but so what.She obviously thinks he's a nut-less wonder (I mean,REALLY! To bang a guy in HIS bed.) and so does everyone who read this story. First off, NO Marine would trust an enemy in his camp. Getting back together with her after hitting her with proof of her infidelity would be tantamount to that.Maybe he'll seem like less of a pansy if if you continue it in a way a MARINE would handle the situation....Intel. Location of enemy. Battle plan. Attack. It wouldn't have to be a direct physical attack...could be Psych Ops. He would need to do SOMETHING to recover his self respect and confidence. Just make him seem more like a member of the Corps,and less like a loser Girl Scout. - BGunns
now my favorite author. 6 stars for sure. Read my comments again on April 1st. Then go cuck, cuck, cuck in the mirror until it shatters! Did your husband come home early causing you to end this drivel in 30 seconds?
For a first story attempt IMO it was very good. Well written with a reasonable plot. Not different from what has been on her before !
Is English a second language for you? Did you sleep through high school English? Are you challenged so typing is difficult? If so, I am sorry.
In any case, the grammar, word usage and/or spelling detracts from the story a great deal.
Sorry to be critical, but an editor or, at least a grammar/spell check program, would help you a lot.
This feels like "Part 1". I really enjoyed 3/4 of the story, but the ending seemed rushed. The daughter getting injured was an interesting device, and I guess it eliminated whatever revenge he was planning, but the result was an unsatisfying, unresolved ending. I normally don't demand the neat endings some readers do, but I am left with so many questions that I wasn't able to enjoy the story. What was left in their cars? What happened to what was left in their cars? What happened to Steven? What happened to Dave and Jamie? Why was she so cold?
For all that, however, you write well, and I look forward to reading more from you.
A typical cardboard story where the wronged hubby just so happens to have military experience, an 'anti-cheat' team consisting of ex-cons and other wronged hubbys as well as hi-tech spy equipment to "hook, line & sinker" the wayward wife. Strangely he still "loves" her and needs the evidence to catch her if she denies everything; if this is so, surely his love for his wife is not all that its cracked up to be and the lack of trust enough to signal this marriage is on life-support.
Jamie was wrong for the affair. But that doesn't give Dave the right to issue threats to take the kids away. No good judge would do that since she is a good mother. Dave spent less time with the kids since he was away every couple weeks on work trips. I know he was doing it to take care of his family but he need to see that his many business trips was wrecking havoc on his marriage. That's no excuse for Jamie to cheat but she did try to let him know it was affecting them.
I think marriage counseling is needed so both of them can understand how their marriage got to be broken.
Was not marked part 1 or ch 1 so I have rate it as I would a complete story. Too much left up in the air. Since you have only submitted a few stories, I will give a "keep writing" 3*.
Too many comments to read especially when they are repeated from story to story.
Really his approach sounded more like, "I want to try to keep the kids in the divorce", rather than, " I want my marriage back". If the latter were the case he should have requested a leave of absence and tried to reconquest her. Personally I would have shown her Steve's file and stated that I wanted more access to children than normal after the divorce. I loved the way he screwed up Steve's racket.
The ending was rushed...
I want to save my marriage. Are you kidding me! She committed total betrayal with her selfish cheating. Only a wimp would want that Cunt back. And not telling her parents what a cheating Cunt she is or the daughters is just more proof that he is a wimp. Sorry but no way can you ever trust the back stabbing cunt again. She showed how little the husband or marriage matters to her. Only when she got caught did she try to pile some bullshit on the wimp. The only thing she wants to save is her way of life and that means she will get better at cheating because all she is is a heartless Cunt. But other then that I have no real feelings about this story.
Too many loose ends left the reader hanging. A sequel is needed to finish the story up and bring it all together.