Don't Kiss Me There

There was disappointment in her voice. The mood in the room had changed. I pressed on anyway.

"I can understand there might have been some bad experiences from the past that make you feel this way. I wanted to take the chance that maybe we could talk it through. So you could have the pleasure from that act of intimacy."

She remained silent.

"I think most men would be afraid to discuss this, particularly when they sense resistance from their partner. It's a no-win situation for them. Why get into unpleasantries? If things are going well otherwise, why rock the boat?

"Elaine, I've known you long enough now. I think you're worth taking the risk to bring this up. I want you to grab this one chance to fix whatever is making you avoid this potentially enjoyable act. I promise I won't mention it again. This will be the first, last, and only time."

The conversation was uncomfortably one-sided. I kept babbling on, digging a deeper hole. Might as well get graphic about it. Make sure there's no ambiguity about what I was offering.

"Here's how we could approach it. I'd be on my back. You'd be on top. Straddling me and sitting on my face. You would be in control. You could have as much or as little sensation as you want. You could direct me verbally as to what feels best.

"Elaine, you've got many more years of sexual enjoyment ahead of you. Don't pass up this one-time chance to make it better."

Elaine was quiet for an awkwardly long time. She was still turned away from me. Had she fallen asleep?

"Elaine? Talk to me." I reached out and caressed her shoulder.

She finally turned over on her back and pulled the covers up to her chin. Elaine grasped the edge of the bedspread and stared blankly at the ceiling. There was another long pause.

"You may be sorry you asked about this."

"No, I won't."

Actually, I wasn't so sure about that. She was using her quavering, scary voice--the one I hadn't heard since we reconnected.

* * *

For those readers who are wondering what happened to the dark content, it starts now. If you've enjoyed the first section on its own and are concerned about where the story might go, you could stop here. But then you can jump to the last page and vote or comment. And favorite the story if you liked it up to this point. For those brave and/or curious souls, please continue on.

[All characters engaging in sexual activity, past or present, are eighteen or older.]

PART NINE: Elaine's Sad Story

"Jay, you only know me from your sister-in-law's friendship with Lisa. You don't know about our family life or upbringing. For starters, Lisa is my half-sister, eleven years younger. She has little knowledge of my life growing up with Mom's first husband Burt, my dad... and that's a good thing.

"Our home situation was bad. We were poor. I had a worthless, cruel father and a sad, broken-down mother. He drank a lot, never could keep a job, was abusive to my mother. Beat her up when he got really drunk. Mom started drinking herself to numb the pain, emotional and physical.

"Stop me if you've heard this one before," she said sarcastically.

"Elaine, I've heard similar, but I haven't heard your story. Go ahead."

"When I was nine, he died. Car crash, that's all I was told. I wasn't allowed to attend the funeral. There were rumors that Burt had drunkenly smashed his car into a light pole. The car burst into flames, and two pedestrians were seriously injured. The life insurance company didn't want to pay because they said it was suicide.

"I'd been held back a grade because I missed a lot of school due to my parents' alcoholism. We lived too far out to walk. The sight of the school bus pulling away without me became all too common.

"I was already older than everyone else in my class--there're always those kids who turn seven soon after the first grade starts. But it was still hard to keep up academically since I was traumatized by my mother's beatings. I didn't have a safe place to do homework. Wondering when he was going to start in on me, too. He made it clear he had really wanted a boy, and I ruined those plans.

"Needless to say, I was an outcast at school. The only one who failed a grade. The one that came to class in dirty clothes. A lot of times with nothing to eat for lunch. Guess whose house no one wanted to come over and play at? It's a whole lot of shit to be dumping on a little girl.

"I don't know what would have happened to the two of us if my stepfather hadn't come along. Mom eventually eased off on the drinking, and we had some peace and stability for the first time. Then the next thing you know, I had a baby sister.

"Junior high school had its full measure of teenage agony. I was an ugly duckling, never acknowledged by any of the popular girls. I was too tall for most of the boys and never had a date. Didn't get much in the way of boobs--still short on that account. But at least I had a few friends and a place to come home to that didn't frighten me.

"Then my stepfather moved us so he could be closer to his business. Same county but a smaller town and a different school district. That summer I had a transformation from a gawky teen to a younger version of what I look like now. No one knew about my shitty childhood. Yeah, I had the discomfort of being the new kid that didn't know anybody, but I got a clean slate, a fresh start. That was my sophomore year.

"My life changed dramatically when a junior football player took an interest in me during the spring semester. He was the star fullback. His name was Cameron Little. Once we started dating, I found myself part of the in-crowd at high school. That was a life I'd never experienced before. I didn't have the skills to negotiate that world. It was alien to me but seductive.

"All of a sudden I was one of the 'cool' girls. But it was based on who I was dating, not because of who I was as a person. I thought the world was making it up to me for all the bad things that had happened in my old life. I was young and didn't know any better.

"Cameron was a cocky, arrogant jock, but he had the stats on the field to back it up. He had been held back a grade like me, but he never said why. It gave him a big size advantage over the other players in the junior class.

"He liked to drink. All his football buddies had fake IDs or stole liquor from their parents. Some of the grownups even provided the booze for them, thinking they could control it better if it wasn't being done on the sly.

"He seemed nice at first. I got to eat in fancy restaurants for the first time and go to dances at a country club. But he was domineering and had a sadistic streak that didn't show itself until later. He and his jock buddies were contemptuous of anyone who wasn't an athlete.

"The football team had finished with their best record that year, getting all the way to the state finals for the first time. Several of the players found themselves on the radar of college scouts. They were only losing a few seniors, so Cameron was looking at a bright future the following season.

"Being with the in-crowd for the first time in my life was enticing, but I was reminded too often of their casual cruelty to those they scorned. Two of Cameron's buddies--I'll just call them High and Low--never accepted me. They were cousins. One was a basketball star, and the other was the shortstop on the varsity baseball team.

"High and Low were from super-rich, snobby families--like Cameron's. They said nasty things behind my back and sometimes to my face: 'Cameron, why are you dating that skinny bitch?' They called me names like 'poor white' and made fun of my parents.

"My virginity was definitely at risk in that environment. Cameron pressured me relentlessly. I held him off--barely--due to my age. I had envisioned a romantic deflowering when I celebrated my eighteenth birthday. It was anything but that. He was drunk and aggressive. He pushed himself in me before I was ready. It was excruciatingly painful. I think he liked hearing me cry and scream--it turned him on.

"Mom could tell without my saying anything. She quietly got me a prescription for the pill. She was disappointed, but she also was a realist.

'Elaine, I don't approve of what you're doing. But even more so, I don't want you ending up with Cameronor his baby. Especially not as a single mother. Honey, I've got a bad feeling about him. I know you're caught up in that jock and cheerleader social scene at school that seems fun and different from what you've had before, but why can't you go out with some of those boys at church?'

"My stepfather was worried, too. Other 'nice guys' tried to ask me out, but I blew them off. The condescension from the crowd I was running with had started to rub off on me.

"Sex with Cameron was rough and selfish. I never came, but he did--quickly. I learned to fake orgasms, otherwise he'd get angry and accuse me of being frigid. I had to rely on doing myself later to get off. There wasn't anything wrong with me physically. He was such a brute. If he had been just a little more considerate..."

Elaine turned to look at me for the first time since she started her story. What I had heard so far was bad enough, but I was worried about the things she hadn't mentioned yet. I squeezed her hand and gave her a sympathetic smile and nodded at her to continue.

"Things started unraveling Cameron's senior year. He got hurt badly from a dirty hit in a game against a team the school had never played before. The other player was thrown out of the game, but the damage had been done. Cameron had to be carried off the field on a gurney.

"He ended up in a wheelchair. You've probably seen injured athletes suit up with a cast on and hobble around the bench on crutches, cheering on their teammates, but he couldn't do that. He was too ashamed to come sit on the sidelines in a wheelchair like some cripple.

"He started to drink more. Cameron's name dropped from the college scouts' reports. His big dreams of a scholarship faded along with his hopes of a pro career. He turned into a self-pitying, nasty drunk. He got rougher with me, but I thought that was normal behavior--based on my upbringing.

"I tried to think of a way to leave him, but I was too afraid of what he and his friends might do to me or any other guy I dated, particularly High and Low. I'd been hoping his going off to college in another state would have saved me, but that was out.

"He was a little better once the season ended, but he relapsed after the holidays. The cold winter weather and constant rain didn't help. Cameron was finally able to get around on crutches, but he had a bad habit of using them to poke at me. He was humiliated by being a senior letterman having to be driven around by a junior girl in her mom's shitty car.

"One night we were supposed to go out to dinner and a movie. I drove over to his house to pick him up. He made me come in. His parents weren't there, but High and Low were. I immediately got a bad feeling from them."

Elaine closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. I felt a wave of nausea, dreading what I was going to hear next.

"Cameron had gotten into his parents' booze. All three were shit-faced drunk. He took me back to the rec room and shut the door. We hadn't been able to have sex since his injury. Cameron couldn't get it up, and he refused to do anything for me. He figured that if he wasn't getting any then I certainly didn't deserve it.

"He ordered me to take my clothes off in front of all three of them. I refused, and he got really angry. High and Low started to rub their crotches and call me dirty names. Cameron said they had a surprise. He wanted to watch them fuck me, both at once. One in my pussy while I sucked the other one--then switch.

"I couldn't believe he'd asked me to do that! High and Low grabbed me and tore at my clothing. I screamed and put up as much of a fight as I could. They smacked me around, but they were so drunk I was able to fend them off for a while. Until Cameron knocked the wind out of me with a strong blow from his crutch, right in my stomach.

"High and Low each held an arm and a leg and lifted me up on the pool table. Cameron stumbled over and threatened me: 'I'll teach you to defy me, bitch.' That was the nicest name he called me. I wasn't sure what he was going to do since he still had his clothes on. He tried to undo his belt, but he was so drunk that he slumped to his knees.

"Cameron pushed my skirt up and stuck his head between my legs. He tried using his mouth on me--but not in a good way. High and Low both looked scared. They thought he was only going to rape me, but they still held me tight. I writhed around as best I could.

"My panties were still on, so he got me mostly on my thighs. But there's a very critical artery down in that area. Even a little wound can bleed a lot. Things were so chaotic that they never heard his parents pull in the driveway or come into the room.

"High and Low saw them first and released their grip. Cameron's mother screamed, and his dad grabbed him and pulled him off me. They called an ambulance as I went into shock.

"The cousins tried to run out, but Cameron's mother stopped them. Said they were fleeing the scene of a crime. I don't know what happened at the house after they took me away. Someone must have called the police, maybe the ambulance driver.

"I needed stitches in some very tender areas. And I was really banged up from the struggle. A woman from the rape crisis center and a female cop came into my room and took DNA evidence. I told them there was no semen to collect, just saliva. They were surprised at that. And shocked at the depravity of the attack.

"I was too groggy on pain pills to give a statement, so they came back the next day. I told them everything. I broke down crying so often, even they were sobbing."

Man, oh, man! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was worse than I could have imagined. I thought about telling her to stop, but she kept going before I could say anything.

"I had no info on what had happened to the three boys until Cameron's father came to the hospital to offer his condolences and to apologize for his son's shameful behavior. He was so soothing and sympathetic that I didn't realize at first he was trying to make me drop the charges.

"He said all three had been expelled and were in a continuation school for troubled students. His dad claimed Cameron's life was already ruined by his football injury. Did I really want to have to relive the horror again in court and stain their records with a criminal sex conviction? I started to cry and told him to leave.

"Cameron's mother came a few days later. I could tell she was really conflicted and didn't want to be there. She spoke very plainly.

'What those boys did to you was appalling. It makes me sick to think the main culprit was the baby that came from my own womb.'

"She said I had two choices. I could stay on the current course with the police and the courts. But she proposed another option.

'The three families are willing to set up a trust fund to cover 100% of your potential college expenses: full private university tuition, room and board, an allowance for books and fees, travel, clothing--all of it. In exchange for this, you go to the police and drop the charges. And you sign an agreement that you will never discuss anything to anybody--ever--about this proposal. Not your sister, not the police, not your friends, the press, strangers--no one. It's called a non-disclosure agreement. If you talk, the money goes away.

'I know you want to see justice done. All of them will be punished--some way, somehow--but it may not be in court now. Think of your future. This is a lot of money, and it could change your life. Our attorney has discussed a detailed outline of the deal with your parents. It's your decision, Elaine. Let us know as soon as possible, definitely before they go to trial.'

"It was tempting. My parents hadn't saved much for my education. It would be a stretch even if I went two years to the local junior college. They said they'd back whatever decision I made, but I could count on them to support me if I said no.

"The state had arranged for me to be homeschooled by a tutor. My parents and the school agreed that it was best that I go that route instead of trying to return too soon. It took me weeks before I could get up and walk around without hurting. I decided to turn down the money and didn't drop the charges.

"The trial was traumatic. There were a lot of students and other people who blamed me somehow: those were fine, young athletes--that kind of crap. Their lawyers got a plea bargain down to misdemeanor battery to avoid the risk of having a sex crime on their record. The only saving grace was I didn't have to testify.

"I broke down crying when I heard about the light wrist-slap they got. The judge was good friends of all three sets of parents. High and Low got short probations. Cameron was supposed to go to jail for two months, but he managed to weasel out of even that laughably light sentence.

"His lawyer got a sweetheart deal from the judge: house arrest with electronic monitoring and community service. He was barely inconvenienced since there were so many exceptions: attending his continuation school, performing the community service, meeting with his lawyer, rehab from his doctors. And church, which he never went to before the trial.

"Many people still resented my pressing charges, ruining their lives just for some teenage hijinks. Everything was already worked out before we got in the courtroom, so most people didn't know what really happened. All they heard was that no one had actually put their prick in me, so what's the big deal?"

She started to cry.

"Elaine, you can stop. I've heard enough. You don't have to put yourself through this again."

"Oh, but you haven't heard the 'punch line' yet.

"I'd been sinking into a depression since I couldn't go to school and was missing out on all the activities and friendships. None of the girls in the jock clique ever called or came by. Just a few old friends from junior high school.

"I was stunned when Cameron called just before the end of the school year. He begged me to go to the senior prom with him like I had promised. I was horrified he would even ask. Wasn't he expelled anyway?

"He sobbed and said he was sorry, he was too drunk that night, didn't know what he was doing, the frustrations from his injury. I don't know why I agreed. I was thinking more about how isolated and friendless I had become, and I wanted to show everyone that I had survived and was OK. And I wanted to feel pretty and dress up, try to get back some sense of normalcy.

"My parents were strongly against this. They were right as it turned out. I was just a traumatized high school girl who couldn't think straight.

"Cameron said he couldn't bear to come up to the house. He was afraid of my stepfather. So he honked, and I ran out. My mother was crying. I was shocked to see Cameron driving a new Corvette convertible. He said it was a 'back on your feet' graduation gift.

"Can you believe that fucking shit? The car was purchased with the hush money I didn't accept! I was dizzy with anger as he sped away. It was unseasonably cold, but he wouldn't put the top up. He was having trouble working the pedals with his still recovering leg.

"When we got to the prom, I could hear a distinct murmur shoot through the crowd when we walked in--even though the music was playing. Every eye was on us. All the jock girlfriends that I used to hang out with shunned me. It was a disaster. I had to leave immediately, or I would have had a breakdown.

"The faculty chaperones pulled Cameron aside and said he wasn't supposed to be there. He started arguing with them, so I slipped out to call my parents to come get me. But I didn't have any change for the pay phone. By the time I borrowed some, Cameron found me in the phone booth as he was being chased out. Right away he figured out I was trying to ditch him.