Don't Kiss Me There

The marketing and sales played out exactly like Willard said it would. The book was published as fiction. Sure enough, their publicist had a few key leaks planted that seductively claimed the story was true. This caused sales to take off while the press combed through the hints looking for the real author. They were easily thrown off the trail by these false leads. The more the publisher insisted it was fiction, the more they tried. And the more the book sold.

Both Elaine and I were amazed how easy it was to manipulate a gullible press and public. The money rolled in, and the snoops stumbled all over themselves trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't.

The publicist waited until right before the paperback release to have his patsy confess that he'd made up those rumors about the story being true. The book-buying public didn't seem to care, but it caused the snooping press to move on to others scandals. Every news story has a lifespan, and eventually the controversies and media coverage onDon't Kiss Me There died down. It looked like we were in the clear.

* * *

So where did that leave Elaine and me? The sex was gloriously addictive. The time we spent together was upbeat and carefree. Even so, I always felt there was still a faint undercurrent of anxiety or discomfort from her. It was nothing like the early days, but I could never put my finger on it. I think she still worried everyone would eventually find out who she was, and that's why she resisted falling irretrievably in love with me. Was I doing the same thing? Trying to keep myself from being helplessly infatuated with a woman whom I could lose at any moment--for a reason I had no control over.

I thought about that night she opened up herself to me after I pressured her. How risky that had been, but how gratifying the outcome was. I convinced myself I should take another risk and declare my love for her. It could spook her and cause her to withdraw, but I wasn't sure I could accept the status quo much longer.

We didn't go back home at the same time for the holidays that year. Elaine wanted to keep our relationship hidden from Lisa, Stacy, and my brother. That made sense when we weren't out in the open, but why now? Lisa was just a child when Elaine was in high school. How much did she know about her ordeal? Lisa moved away with her parents shortly after Elaine ran off. She eventually ended up in the city where my brother and I grew up; that's where she met Stacy. I wondered if the parents knew about the book's content, particularly her early years in L.A.

PART FOURTEEN: The Betrayal

It was only a few months later when the cruelest betrayal happened.

The publishing house that released Elaine's book was not a stand-alone company. It was part of a large entertainment conglomerate--along with a major motion picture studio. Willard told her the studio was exercising its option to make a movie fromDon't Kiss Me There.

"There's a clause buried in the thick publishing contract I signed," she explained. "It gives the parent company the rights to a film adaptation. The studio plans to distribute it through their specialty division and hire Willard as producer. He claims he didn't know the clause was in there."

Was he lying? Did he intentionally plant this trap so he could produce the film without needing her approval? Didn't she realize Willard's company might have goals that conflicted with hers? Elaine had been working in the industry for years but never thought to hire another attorney to review the contract from her position.

"I feel more numb than angry," Elaine said quietly. "I know I've lost control of the project. With no way to fight back."

The book publicist's deceptions had effectively insulated her from the snooping so far, but the movie could start that up again. She declined the offer of an executive producer credit under her pseudonym and some gross profit points, but Willard gave them to her anyway.

It pained me greatly to see her blindsided like that. Such an undeserved setback in her quest to rebuild her emotional health! She had always been candid in saying she would have to go underground if she was exposed. Alone.

This put a huge kink in my plan to bare my true feelings to her--profess my deepest love. I was holding back that last little bit of abandon I needed to tell her how I felt in case she bolted. It was truly a dilemma.

* * *

Elaine had a natural curiosity when they selected the actress to play her. She was from England and had caught the attention of American casting agents based on her notable role in a BBC Television costume drama. Willard would get some British investment by choosing talent from the UK.

I'd never heard of her, but Elaine gave me a rundown: "She doesn't look anything like me--maybe that's good. She's much shorter, prettier... and has bigger boobs. She's in her twenties but could easily play younger."

Elaine finally got to see a draft of the script several months later. I'd never read the book or her original manuscript, so I declined her offer to read it.

"The part of my mother has been expanded considerably. They want to attract a name actress for that role. It'll come down to who's well established as a reliable box office draw in the overseas territories. That's where a lot of the production financing comes from: pre-selling to the foreign markets."

She tried to put on a brave face. "It's changed a lot, but it's not my project anymore. Mine was the book. The film belongs to the director and the screenwriter now."

Once Willard got his name actress to commit, all the financing fell into place. Principal photography began shortly afterward in Canada. Elaine tried to keep focused on the other projects she was developing, but the fear of being found out was never far from her mind.

The film was ready the next year. They stayed with the book's original title since it was a known (and controversial) quantity in the marketplace. Elaine started talking again about going underground as Willard submitted the film to the festival circuit. The talk became serious sooner than she expected when it was a runner-up for the People's Choice award at the Toronto International Film Festival. I could tell Elaine was growing more distant as she prepared for the worst.

Willard set up some private industry screenings ofDon't Kiss Me There in L.A. Neither of us wanted to see it, particularly Elaine, but she asked me to go anyway so I could report back to her how it was.

Elaine was right: a lot of the focus of the movie had been shifted to the mother. The British actress did an excellent job as "Elaine". She had been de-glamorized considerably which was brave of her. Her American accent was spot on.

Several key points had been left out of the screenplay, and others apparently were made up altogether. Some details of the sexual violence had been changed from what Elaine had told me, but I still expected the same controversies to flare up again once the film was released.

I had never gotten the courage to read the various versions of her story, so I wasn't sure what changes Elaine had made herself and what had been done by the screenwriter. It was very hard watching the movie, particularly when it showed her early years in L.A. It made me realize why Elaine would still be haunted by those memories. Their depiction was truly unsettling even though she was portrayed as more of a victim than a willing participant. I wondered what I would have thought about the film if I had come into it with no prior knowledge--not to mention having an ongoing sexual relationship with the woman depicted in the movie.

Maybe we'd get lucky, and the interest would die down again. That was probably wishful thinking. Movies can reach a larger audience than books, and they have much more staying power and longevity in the public consciousness. The film was released in December in New York and Los Angeles for Academy Award consideration and went wide in North America a month later.

PART FIFTEEN: Making Her Move

The day I dreaded finally came. Elaine called and asked me to come over; she said she'd explain once I got there. That's never a good sign.

When she opened the door, I was shocked to see she had dyed her hair blonde--very professionally done, though. It was cut shorter into a sleek page boy that curved below her chin. I couldn't help but think about Faye Dunaway inBonnie & Clyde. All she needed was a beret.

"Oh, I forgot you haven't seen my new hairdo. Do you like it?"

"Wow, Elaine, it's a surprise. But it looks good--real sexy."

"Thanks. It's something I needed to do." She had a troubled look on her face. "Jay, sit down. I want you to take a look at this."

She handed me several photocopies that had been stapled together. They had theVanity Fair magazine logo on them.

"Willard's spies got a pre-publication copy of this article."

I read slowly. It was an investigative journalism piece about how Hollywood creates its own reality when adapting true stories. The author talked about various deceptions that were foisted on the public in order to make the adapted movies more popular.

I felt a dizzying, hot flash sweep through me when I saw the author wrote a sidebar to the main article titled "Don't Kiss Me There: I Can Prove It's True." He claimed that all the back and forth that concluded the book was fiction--was fiction itself. A clever marketing ploy to sell books and conceal the identity of the author. While doing a completely unrelated investigation, he had stumbled onto someone in Texas who remembered details about an actual case with similarities to the one in the book.

I looked up at Elaine. She was fidgeting and trembling. "Keep reading," she said.

He found a former nurse who was at the hospital where the victim was treated. This led to a clerk who worked in the courthouse at the time of the trial. He also talked to a retired teacher who had information on both the victim and the perpetrators.

The girl had left town years ago and had not been heard from since. He had a lead on the parents, but hadn't been able to locate them yet. An update was promised on their website once he had more information. Elaine had one more bit of irony to add.

"That article is coming out in their 'Hollywood' issue in two weeks. The British actress that played 'me' is one of the young stars in the Annie Leibovitz group photo on the cover foldout.

"I have to make my move now. My plan is in place. Lisa is going to come out and clean out my apartment and sell whatever she can."

It caught me by surprise even though she had always talked about it candidly. Why couldn't we have worked something out before now? She never said "us" when talking about going underground. We sat at the table where we had our first morning-after breakfast. Elaine spoke with a deep sadness in her voice.

"Jay, you were right. Back at the beginning. You said 'let it lie.' I amso sorry for not listening to you.

"I'm still proud of the book I wrote. I spilled my guts on those pages. Even though it got changed around a lot, it's still my story. And I'm convinced it helped a lot of other girls confront the demons from the horrible things that have happened to them. The stories I've heard--it would make you weep. The evil and cruelty that men inflict on women."

Elaine fought back the urge to cry as she wiped a tear from her cheek.

"I work in the movie business. You'd think I'd know better--how people lose control of their lives when they let others get involved in telling their story. People that think only of money and their careers, not how it affects the real person."

The emotion of the moment finally got the best of her. Tears streamed down her face and her shoulders heaved with bursts of sobbing.

"You know what I feel like now? I've got a lot more money than I ever thought I'd have, but it doesn't feel good... it feels like shit! It feels like I took the hush money back in high school from Cameron's parents."

My heart was breaking.

* * *

We had sex once more the night before she left. It was glorious and bittersweet at the same time. We threw everything into the mix we could--our sexual repertoire was impressive. After more than an hour Elaine was worn out, but she asked me to bring the leather ottoman in from the living room for the final round. Her last request.

As I headed back with the ottoman, I wondered how she'd get by without it. Would she take it with her? I brushed away those thoughts as quickly as I could. It wasextremely toxic to go there.

I set the ottoman down next to her bed, and she positioned herself on it.

"Fuck me, Jay. Fuck me hard until you come inside me."

I slipped my cock into her sopping kitty and started to thrust. She raised her head and began to moan loudly. She quickly reached that orgasmic state where she can keep going almost indefinitely. I was getting close. I wanted to enjoy the feel of her sweet pussy around my cock a little longer if I could. Yes, for the last time, maybe, but those thoughts faded as my lust reached a peak.

"Oh, Jay, I can feel your balls slapping against me. It's so sexy, honey. Are you going to come in me? Please do it. I want to feel your load in my pussy. All hot and wet. Please, Jay. Do it now."

That's all I needed. Her dirty talk pushed me past the point of inevitability. The hot glow of my climax burned all through my body as I pumped my cum deep inside her.

"Elaine, I'm fucking you. Coming in your pussy. Oh, god, you're good. Oh, Elaine!"

Her head flopped down on the ottoman. She hugged it even tighter and groaned loudly as she felt my semen flood into her. Usually she eases off after I come, but that night was different. She kept going--she was like an animal: grunting, slamming back against me, fast and hard. Was she reaching beyond her normal plateau orgasm?

"Don't stop yet, Jay. Don't stop, please." She pushed her pussy back aggressively against my thrusts. "Harder! Harder! Keep going, Jay. Oh my god, oh my god!"

Elaine's body shuddered and bucked like I'd never seen before. A dry, hoarse scream left her lips. It startled me. Her body twisted and shook, finally falling limp across the ottoman. I was feeling very light-headed, so I pulled free and slipped down to the floor and onto my back. Elaine peered down at me with a crazed look in her eyes. She finally spoke.

"What the fuck wasthat? I'venever had an orgasm like that before. Like one big explosion. I was afraid you'd need to call an ambulance for me. Mmm, exceptional. That'll be stuck in my consciousness for along time. Thank you, Jay, thank you."

Elaine slowly slipped off the ottoman and collapsed on top of me. I loved feeling her weight, her closeness--and our combined wetness on my thigh as it leaked from her pussy. But before I could fall asleep, it hit me--out of nowhere: a sharp, hot pang of jealousy cutting through my body, curdling my stomach.

I thought about Elaine's future without me, fucking someone else. New men she would meet. Down on her knees like tonight, surrendering to another man's cock as he gave her pleasure like I just did. It hurt so much thinking about that. Mercifully, my fatigue dulled the pain. Sleep eventually closed my eyes.

* * *

We woke up on the floor in each other's arms late the next morning. Elaine had forgotten to set the alarm. I guess it was that mind-blowing super orgasm she had. We only had thirty minutes before the taxi was due to pick her up.

Into the shower we went. Quickly! We didn't have time for sex. No coffee, nothing from the bakery.

Just before she pulled on her underwear, she looked at the clock.

"OK, we're good. We have just enough time for those goodbye kisses that you can't do in front of the taxi driver."

Elaine sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled me closer to her. She dipped her head down and took my cock deep into her mouth. Her head bobbed slowly as she looked up at me and fondled my balls. A delicious swirl of her tongue around the tip with a final a kiss to top it off.

"Now you," she giggled, leaning back and grabbing her ankles.

I kneeled down and pushed her legs open wider and let my wet tongue slide over the folds of her pussy. I made sure I covered every spot. Plus a few gentle sucks and a final kiss on her clit.

We were both smirking as we quickly pulled on our clothes. Elaine threw the last few things into her big suitcase and closed it up. She had two others that I carried out to the front.

Elaine finally emerged with her suitcase and a carry-on bag. She looked a bit disheveled. I was still adjusting to seeing her as a blonde.

I watched her lock the door and slip her key under the mat. Not the most original hiding place, but...

We hugged tightly as our final minutes ticked away. The words "I love you" had never crossed our lips, but that's what I felt surging through me right then. It was too late for that.

"Oh, shit. I wanted to give you this. For your library." She pulled a hardback copy ofDon't Kiss Me There out of her bag. "First edition," she boasted as she flipped open to the title page. "Damn! Do you have a pen?"

I handed one to her, and she started an inscription. I saw the taxi turn onto her street in the distance. She stopped writing for a moment and looked at me. It seemed she was just about to sign it before she hesitated. We both realized that words would be pitifully inadequate at a moment like that. Even so, when Elaine looked down at the book, she added two more--then a big, swirly "E".

"Here you go, book and pen."

The driver was already hefting her suitcases into the trunk. She tossed her carry-on bag onto the seat and slid in. Elaine kissed her fingertips and held them up toward me. I did the same and stepped forward to touch hers.

"Bye, Jay."

"Good luck, Elaine."

The driver made sure her skirt was in all the way before he closed the door. As he drove off, I watched to see if Elaine was going to look back and wave. She didn't.

I stood there frozen for a long time. I opened up the book and found her inscription. The last two words she added drove a knife into my heart.

You opened the door

That changed my life

From darkness into light.

Always grateful.

Always yours.

E

PART SIXTEEN: The Letter

I got a call from Lisa several weeks later. She had finished clearing out all of Elaine's belongings and was cleaning up the apartment.

"I got everything out, but she left something for you. And she wanted me to give you a letter."

I said I could come over right away and asked if she wanted to go to lunch afterward.

"I'd love to, but I have to fly back this afternoon. I'll get something at the airport."

"I'll be right over. Less than thirty minutes."

It was hard to focus on my driving as I headed over to her place one last time. I missed Elaine--terribly. Regrets about not expressing my love for her overwhelmed me. Would I ever see her again? Or even hear from her? Would she rethink our relationship down the road once the publicity about the film and the book had faded? What if thatVanity Fair writer was successful in outing her and her family? Would that close the door on everything for good?

I parked and walked up to Elaine's apartment. The front door was open.

"Knock, knock. It's Jay."

"Hey, that was quick." Lisa gave me a brief hug. "It's back this way."

She started down the hallway to Elaine's old bedroom. Right where the whole saga ofDon't Kiss Me There was revealed to me for the first time. It was a little strange following her little sister down the same path to the room where Elaine had given me so much sexual pleasure.

Lisa pointed near where the bed used to be. "I don't know what this is doing back in the bedroom, but she sent me a note saying you wanted it."