Don't Use Jargon Pt. 01

Dear Faithful Readers - Let's start the New Year with a many parts story of love and adventure in the great Northwest. Follow Mickey and his women friends as they discover hard work and hard play!

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Don't Use Jargon - Part 1 - Mickey has a degree but no job

Chapter 1 - Caitlin

I was newly graduated from the University of Oregon with a B.A. in English and had the usual young writer's problem of oscillations from brilliant self-confidence to black despair. I was also hung up on the word 'dysfunctional.' This was partly because the only professor for whom I had any admiration was a bear on jargon words, and partly because my Irish family was stereotypically dysfunctional.

There were other problems. I didn't drink, which made me an outcast from my family, all of whom knew the inside of every bar in Douglas county. I didn't have love affairs that ended badly and violently. In fact, for no reason that I could discern, girls seemed to like me, and even better, went to bed with a smile, a laugh, and a fine orgasm on the end of my oversized cock. Which was hardly a problem except that I feared romance would lead me to marriage and the end of my career before I ever really learned to write.

This morning, however, there was no time for mooning over the story line for a saleable book. Sheila called while I was still in bed to report that Caitlin had disappeared again. Of the four McCullough kids, we were the youngest, and the only ones that did not fight continuously. My mother had until recently been a good Catholic, and therefore popped out babies in accordance with God's will and a lack of birth control. Caitlin had been the fourth, and the cause of Sheila's decision to quietly instruct her doctor to make damn sure the tubes were tied and no record made of the procedure.

"Mickey, I don't know what caused it this time. She gets these ideas in her head, doesn't say boo, and disappears in that rattletrap Celica."

"Mom, you are not to worry. It will bring on a migraine and you will be lying in bed in the dark for days. Let me chase after her."

My mother's family, the McIntires, passed down a tendency to migraine in the female line. She had been to the university medical clinic in Eugene several times for treatment and went home with little more than painkillers and instructions to avoid stress and a list of suspect foods.

Sheila confined to her bedroom with the shades drawn was very bad for the McCullough family. My father, Conor, a logger like his father and grandfather, was working harder for less as cutting in the Oregon forests inched toward the last of the virgin trees. My older brother Luke drove a second truck when there were trees to haul, but was working at a state highway maintenance facility on second shift to make ends meet. His girlfriend Patti was the assistant manager at a tire store and grumpy because they couldn't afford to marry and start a family.

Sheila was the glue that held us all together. The Mom with a hug and a smile. But Conor's drinking was getting worse. If Luke was around to share the whisky bottle, and the two of them got their women to drinking, the results were usually bad.

Caitlin hated all this with a passion. She hated being very smart in a family where IQ had been handed out sparingly. She hated being half the size of her dad. When she got so mad and unhappy she couldn't stand it, she would get in the broken down car and drive an hour to my attic room at school and camp there, waiting to pounce when I returned from class.

We had a deal that, for one hour only, she had free rein to physically attack me. Fortunately for my body, she usually ran down before the hour was up, and curled herself in my arms for a good cry. After that, she would attack my lips with hers and pull my hair as viciously as she could, exclaiming, "Mickey, what am I going to do? What am I going to do?"

I would take her to one of the hole in the wall restaurants that flourished in Eugene and gently attempt to convince my incredibly smart younger sister that life was not all bad. This was a losing battle, because Caitlin's list of McCullough family transgressions was very long and ever lengthening.

What my mother didn't know was that by the time she missed Caitlin, usually at night, the teenager was already in my bed. At this very moment, she was freshly showered and powdered and snuggled to my side, holding our shared cup of coffee.

My conscience clear, I lied like a fish to protect my sister. The thanks I got was to have my manhood stroked tenderly until I found an excuse to hang up on Mom, and return the attack. Caitlin had been trying to have sex with me since she was sixteen. This scared the bejesus out of me, and resulted in a recital, accompanied by hard swats to her rear, of the several ways we could receive jail terms for unlawful intercourse. For the past year or so, that argument had failed, because I was twenty-one and she was nineteen. But I was still holding her off. Something told me that if you crossed the bridge of familial sex, there wasn't any way back.

"Mom, you are not to worry about Caitlin. She is a tough little tramp and I will track her down and maybe get that car fixed up. I'll call you tonight, or sooner if I find her."

Caitlin was frenching me as hard as she could, her knee in my crotch.

"God, Mickey, I wish I could lie as well as you do. She doesn't suspect a thing."

One part I liked about these visits was the wrestling. Caitlin was small, compact and knew how to use her muscles to advantage. It always ended with her getting off on some part of my anatomy, crying out, "Cock, Mickey, I need your beautiful cock."

Sometimes she took me in her mouth, and sometimes in a towel. Sleep quickly overtook our sated bodies and held the world at bay for a few hours. Until we sat like this, sipping from a single cup of coffee, and staring at each other.

"Mickey, I have to do something with myself, and I'm not working at Burger King."

I switched her around so she could lie on my chest while I worried her chest.

"Playing with my tits isn't bringing in any money."

I let that hang out there, my hand resting on her breast and my teeth nibbling the back of her neck.

Finally, she turned over and whispered, "We have to go away somewhere. Somewhere secret. Somewhere I can have a job and you can write."

I was done with school and had to be out of my attic space by the end of the week. We got dressed and I worked on packing while Caitlin explored online job ads.

Suddenly, she shouted, "This is perfect! Come look."

A junior college in Yakima was advertising for summer help. An English instructor and an administrative assistant to help with student paperwork.

My intense sister was a dynamo of action. "There is an email drop and a phone number. We will send them resumes and then phone and say we are driving up for an interview tomorrow."

She jumped into my arms and hummed happily, showering me with kisses. "We will save up and after summer session I will find something better to do, and you will write in our cabin in the woods."

"What are we going to do about Mom and Dad? They will have a fit."

"You are the only college graduate. The fair haired son who can do no wrong. After we are offered jobs tomorrow, you will call Sheila and explain the situation."

I wondered what explanation that was, but put my arms on her shoulders and asked, "You are sure this is what you want? No more going home?"

"No more going home, Mickey. That's over. You keep telling me things aren't so bad. Well, we are going to go find out!"

Chapter 2 - Emily's Place

To my amazement, Caitlin's scheme played out exactly as she predicted. After the interviews were confirmed, the Celica was filled to overflowing and chugged out of town. I decided the route on highway 97 was the best bet for surviving the trip. The muffler had a new hole, so we announced ourselves along the way. The Columbia River crossing at Biggs Junction cemented the end of the Oregon memories we were leaving behind.

Caitlin kissed me in the middle of the bridge and said, "Goodbye old life, hello new life." Her eyes were shining and I realized that whatever else was happening, my sister was finally liberated from a miserable existence in a nearly dead logging town.

After a forgettable night in a cheap motel, we showed up at the college for our ten o'clock interview, which was with Edith Albright, the chair of the English department. She was fiftyish, neat and organized.

"You have come quite a distance for a personal interview. That's unusual. Why do you want this job?"

I was direct. "I would like to make a living with my writing. This sounds like a good way to have some income while I sort that out. I was a TA for several terms at school and enjoyed it."

She turned to Caitlin, "And you, Ms. McCullough?"

"I am Mickey's kid sister and he looks after me, even though I'm nineteen now. There is no work at home, and when I saw the two postings, I told him we should come here to convince you to hire us."

She had a winning smile and I wondered how far it would take us.

Edith smiled back and asked more questions about our resumes and whether there were any law enforcement problems. "Thank you. The interviews end today and I will call tomorrow by noon."

That was it. In and out in thirty minutes. We retreated to Starbucks and checked our email. I asked Caitlin, "What do you think?"

"She's nice. I think we have a chance. That honors degree helps. How come you learned to study someplace?"

"It was all those beatings, sis. Where are we staying tonight?"

"I've been looking at the college housing lists and have some phone numbers. Since the summer session starts next Monday, you are going to be busy preparing. I guess I will be too. We better find something today."

The first call turned out to be a summer sublet for a unit in a student housing block. Sounded grim. The second call turned out to be a faculty retiree with a guesthouse. We hurried out to take a look. Caitlin elbowed me. It was the place of her dreams. Nestled in a grove of pine trees away from the main house.

Emily Nordhouse, the widowed owner, was sweet and said we could have it today with a check for the first month's rent that she would not cash until next week. I explained that the jobs were still up in the air, and she smiled. "Edith is a friend of mine. I will call."

Another very stiff elbow from Caitlin. I said, "I guess I know where I'm getting my orders from. What about the car? It has to go."

"Buy me some lunch and I will check craigslist."

Her good fortune continued. A down on his luck dealer was closing out the lot and wanted to move everything. There was a five year old Toyota pickup in forest green with almost a hundred thousand miles on it. Caitlin whispered that Toyotas run forever and we should take it.

I said to the dealer, "We might both have jobs tomorrow. Today, we don't have money and you won't find a credit rating."

I was getting used to the smiles in this farming town. "Clean out that wreck and come back in the morning with a note saying you have the job and I'll take it for a downpayment."

We emptied our wallets for some groceries and went back to Emily's place. She came out with the key to our little house, "I can't say a thing, but you should relax and think about teaching on Tuesday."

Caitlin pushed me down on the squeaky bed and sat on my chest. "See. I knew this was the right thing to do."

I pulled her down for a kiss and a tickle. "You always cry after beating me."

She squirmed and pulled my hair. "No more crying. I will clean up and work on dinner. You go see Emily and offer to do some chores. She is all by herself now."

Emily was pleased to have the offer. "Mickey, that is very kind of you. I am down to my last few sticks of firewood. There are dry rounds in the back. After that long drive, you could probably use the exercise. Split some for your stove too."

By five o'clock, Emily's woodbox was nearly full, and ours was getting there. When I wandered in from the shower, Cait pressed a drink in my hand. "It will help your sore muscles."

"I don't drink."

"This is your new life, Mickey. There is fresh lime juice in that and moderate alcohol is good for your health."

I stared at her and took a big swallow. "You are corrupting me."

"Have more and think about teaching. Sit on the porch. Dinner is almost ready."

In a few minutes, she came out and folded into my lap. "Are you happy?"

"Very. Are you pleased to be several hundred miles away from home?"

"Very. I suppose we have to call Mom. She will wonder what happened to last night's call."

"Before or after dinner?"

"Let's get it over with. Here's my cell."

Sheila answered on the first ring. "Where are you? Why didn't you call?"

"I was too busy tracking Caitlin down to call. I have her in custody, and she is behaving."

"When are you coming home? I'm putting her over my knee."

The hand between my legs squeezed. I licked her ear.

"I don't think that is possible at the moment. We have decided to get summer jobs together. I think it will be good for her to spend some time away from home, and to have income of her own."

"Where on earth are you going to find two jobs close together? Aren't you trying to be a writer?"

"I need to make some money myself. Writing may have to wait. As soon as we find work, I will call."

"Mickey, I miss you. It's not the same when you are gone. Conor and Luke are raising hell all the time."

"Mom, Conor has to decide whether chasing a dying business is what he wants to do. I know it is tough at forty-six to give up your independence as a hauler, but times are changing and the trees don't support people the way they used to."

"Damn, at least I've got one child who is intelligent. You take care of yourself and that smart aleck of a girl, and call me even if you don't have news." Click.

Smart aleck was crying. "She doesn't understand, does she?"

"She never will. Maybe when you find the right guy, and have a house and babies and a decent income, she will recognize what a great person and daughter you are."

She dragged me to the kitchen, swearing a blue streak. "Mickey, in the new life, we don't call home all the time."

Caitlin had a grim look on her face. "I'm not having anything to do with her until I am independent and on my own."

After a few bites of dinner, I said, "Remember Shakespeare? 'The quality of mercy is not strained.' She is an unhappy woman and strikes out at you without thinking. Show her as much love as you can, and ignore the insults."

The dark eyes weren't teary anymore. "You will help me with that? It's hard, you know."

I pressed her hand across the table. "We are a team. We need each other right now."

Trying to read course materials after dinner was a failure. Cait poked me and said, "Bed for you." I never felt her climb in.

We'd driven almost due north to Yakima and the June sun was earlier than Eugene and very bright. When I turned over, her eyes were open and staring at me.

"What?"

"I want you."

"You know I am not available. There are going to be lots of young guys here. I bet you meet some today. Smart, sexy and richer than your brother, the starving writer."

"Asshole." She climbed out of bed and wiggled her rear at me as she walked to the bathroom.

I was on the porch working on cereal and coffee when she came to my side and said, "I'm sorry. That conversation last night meant finding my own guy, didn't it? That's part of being independent?"

"Yes. You are a very attractive young woman who needs to expand her horizons." I tickled her ribs and asked, "Are you on birth control?"

She slapped my head, "Damn, Mickey, you've got me in somebody's bed already."

We emptied and cleaned the ancient sedan, waiting for the call that would launch us into a summer career in Yakima. It wasn't even nine when Edith was on my phone, saying she was pleased to offer both of us the jobs we had applied for, and could we come to the office immediately.

Cait was still giving me dirty looks as we drove to work. "Just trying to pimp me out..."

"You will have to stand at your desk after I finish with your bottom."

I liked the pushback. She really was a new woman. About to report to her first real job. Giving big brother a hard time. I grabbed her hand and kissed fingertips.

"Stop that. I am supposed to be mad at you." She leaned over the console and tried to kiss my cheek. I noticed and twisted my head to catch her lips with mine. She pulled back, laughing, "You are going to crash us."

Chapter 3 - Margo

Edith was waiting with paperwork. "Mickey, you are in office 221 upstairs. Caitlin, I will take you to the admin office. Fill out these forms and take them to Personnel any time this morning."

After dealing with the forms, I was digging into the course syllabus when the door opened and a blond head followed by a tall female body entered.

"Hi, you must be Mickey McCullough. I am your officemate, Margo Halstrom. We are both teaching sections of the summer English course."

I stood up and found myself in a hug. "I hope you like hugs. In my family that is how we say hello."

I wrapped my arms and squeezed. "I believe in hugs too, especially when they are delivered by tall blond strangers with incredible bodies."

After sorting the office arrangements for a few minutes, she said, "Let's go find a latte and talk."

The student center had a coffee place and a sunny patio. She began, "Edith tells me you just finished Eugene in English."

"Yes, which means I couldn't be greener about teaching."

She laughed and tossed her long hair. "Relax. This is my second year and I am your source for pedagogy, keeping discipline, handing out grades, and other necessaries."

I smiled and asked, "What about my novel? I need a story line and a good start."

"Ask me out and we can talk about that too. I'm almost over thinking I can write the next great American novel myself."

"With your looks, there have to be guys hovering nearby."

"I could say the same about you. Except you don't look like a gay."

"I think you need to come to dinner tonight. My sister is with me and is a terrific cook. She also makes a mean margarita and can give you a candid opinion on how gay I am."

"Edith tells me you are staying in Emily Nordhouse's guesthouse. You know who she is, don't you?"

"I know she is very nice to penniless teachers."

"Edith is the coach and Emily is the trainer for women's athletics at this college. Their girls win all sorts of medals. I played soccer at UW and am the assistant coach and assistant trainer." She had an infectious smile.

"You are on a long leash?"

"Yes. If you really mean that invitation for dinner, I'll tell you stories."

At that moment, Caitlin poked her head in. "Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm Mickey's sister."

"Hi, I'm Margo, and teaching the other section of English with him. He has asked me to dinner without consulting you."

There was an instant hug and giggle. "He's like that. We specialize in embarrassing moments. Dinner sounds wonderful. Should we do barbeque? You are not vegan, are you?"

After a few moments of conversation, Cait extracted me for a visit with the car dealer, saying she had an employment note to give him. She also showed me a check for $2,000, which was an advance on salary.

I was driving, and hoping the clunker made the mile to the dealer's lot. Caitlin gave me a sideways look and said, "She's awfully pretty. Have you asked her out yet?"

"She asked me, and please see if you can let your brother have a pleasant first date."

"I may have to pretend to be the totally bratty teenage sister."

"You keep risking having your naked bum over my knee."

At the car dealer, I signed my life away, and became the owner of a deep green Toyota Tacoma pickup. I hugged Caitlin and told her to drive. The sparkling look in her smiling eyes told me the newly independent existence was agreeing with her. We did a grocery run, gathered our stuff at the college, and headed to Emily's.