Dormant Desires Pt. 02

Dormant Desires * Part 2 of 3

It's been well over a decade since I last took a shot of hard alcohol, and yet just looking at this tiny glass of clear liquid, I can already feel that horrible, involuntary shudder that is sure to come as soon as I swallow it. It's obviously not an enjoyable sensation, and clearly one of the main reasons why despite drinking somewhat regularly, I would never normally choose to take a shot of anything. But after the reaction this dorm room full of boys just gave me simply for agreeing to take it, there's no way I would ever back down now from drinking it.

Raj (holding two full shot glasses to my one): "You ready?"

Me: "As ready as I'll ever be."

Raj gently moves one of his shots of Jack over to clink my shot of Tito's, and then the two of us take our drinks, with him gulping his pair down in rapid succession. Sure enough, once the vodka has cleared my throat, I give off a shake and a mostly stifled gag. The room cheers like crazy.

Chris (I'm sure noticing my reaction): "How long has it been since you took a shot like that?"

Me: "Probably since my early twenties, as I'm sure you could tell. But anyway, do you think I could get like a normal drink now?"

I see a number of boys in the room have started making themselves mixed drinks from the three large bottles of alcohol I supplied for this seemingly impromptu dorm party. Chris asks me what'd I like and lists out the somewhat limited options of mixers, and I decide on a vodka lemonade. I politely ask him not to make it too strong, and I can see that he follows through, adding a very reasonable amount of liquor to my drink. He hands me the plastic cup and then asks if I'd like ice, and when I say I would love some, he hustles out of the room and comes back with a cup full of ice for me to add. To say that he's a polite kid is an understatement, and I have to say that his exceptional manners just make me want to fuck him even more.

I've never been someone who's attracted to the bad boy or asshole type of guy. You can see that in my almost-certainly-soon-to-be-ex-husband Gary, as he's the exact opposite of an asshole and the only man I've been with over the last two decades. To be clear, his niceness was certainly not the reason our marriage fell apart. But my attraction to someone who's eager to please feels stronger now than it's ever been, probably because I'm so badly craving some sexual attention. After never getting any of that from my husband, it's all I want to get tonight. And so with every polite gesture this college freshman makes to me, I rationalize it as even more evidence that it's only a matter of time before he ends up with his head between my thighs, asking me if I'd like him to keep licking away, while I respond by simply pulling his face back into my vagina.

But anyway, as I begin sipping on my Tito's and lemonade, the party starts to kick into gear, as at this point I'm pretty sure everyone has a drink in their hand. I'm sitting on the one couch they have in their dorm room, and Raj comes down and sits next to me.

Me (looking at Raj's shirt again): "So what is the story with your shirt? Why does it say BALLS DEEP?"

Raj: "Oh it's just a dumb shirt from my old tennis team in high school. It was something our coach would always say when he wanted us to aim for the opponent's baseline. So we ended up making these shirts."

Me: "Ah, you used to play tennis?"

Raj: "Still do. I'm actually on the team here."

Me (speaking to Raj but looking over at Chris now):

"Oh wow. Is Chris also on the team?"

Chris (joining the conversation): "I'm actually on the soccer team."

Me: "Oh, double wow."

I hadn't realized it, but apparently I've been hanging out with a bunch of Division 1 athletes this whole time. No wonder they all appear to be in ridiculously great shape! I then look over and see Trevor, who I had briefly met before, and is a hulking black specimen of a man-child.

Me: "Trevor, I assume you're on the football team then?"

Trevor (just polite as can be): "Yes, ma'am."

Me (to Chris's roommate): "And what about you, Ethan? Do you play a sport too?"

This other kid whose name I don't know: "Ethan's not an athlete, he's a Mathlete!"

Ethan (annoyed): "Shut the fuck up, Dave. I'm not a Mathlete."

Kid whose name is apparently Dave: "Sure you are. All you engineers are basically Mathletes, don't be embarrassed."

Ethan: "Mathletes are an actual thing, like people who do mathematics competitions and quiz bowls and shit like that. I've never done a math competition in my life. Just because you dumb fucks always come to me for help with your high school level calculus homework, that doesn't make me a Mathlete."

Me (smiling): "You tell 'em Ethan."

Ethan (very politely to me now): "Anyway Becca, to answer your question, no I don't play any organized sports, but I do run pretty regularly. Dave doesn't do any sports either, in case you were wondering."

Dave: "Not true my friend. I enjoy hunting pussy, which is the world's oldest sport."

Chris (laughing): "Oh god, don't ever use the phrase 'hunting pussy' ever again. That's god awful enough on its own, but even worse considering someone's mom is here!"

Dave (making a buzzer sound with his mouth): "Eeeerrrrrr. Becca's not a mom. She's a milf. Big difference!"

Me (laughing): "Ha, I'm very flattered, Dave, but that term will always just make me think of Stifler's Mom."

Dave (looking confused): "Who's Stifler? And who's his mom?"

Me (realizing all of the sudden just how young these college freshman actually are, or more accurately, how old I really am): "Oh my god, really? Stifler? From American Pie? The movie?"

Raj (to Dave): "You don't know who Stifler's mom is?!?"

Dave (getting defensive): "No. I don't know. I've never seen that movie. Who is she?"

Raj (making me feel better than at least someone here knows what I'm talking about): "She's the chick from White Lotus."

Dave: "Oh. The one with the humongous titties? The Euphoria girl?"

Raj: "No, dumbass. Stifler's mom is the original milf, so it wouldn't be her."

Dave (still confused): "White Lotus. Hmmm. Oh is it the chick who was also in the first season of True Detective? She's got magnificent tits, too."

Raj (annoyed now): "No, it's the old chick. The crazy billionaire lady."

Dave (finally understanding): "Ahhhhhhhh... okay. But oh my god, Becca. You're waaaaaay hotter than that woman. I would never compare you to her!"

Me (smiling at the absurdity of this whole misunderstanding): "Thanks, Dave. Yeah the reference doesn't make nearly as much sense now compared to like 25 years ago."

Chris: "Dave, how have you never seen American Pie?!? You're literally the horniest guy I've ever known, and the whole plot of that movie is just a group of high school friends that are trying to lose their virginity."

Dave: "Oh wow, is Ethan in the movie? That's basically his life story!"

Ethan (kind of angry, but not 100% upset): "Fuck you, Dave."

Me (curious if Dave's putdown is actually true): "Ethan, are you a virgin? It's obviously totally fine if you are. I was definitely a late bloomer myself."

Dave (before Ethan even has a chance to answer):

"Ethan hasn't had pussy since pussy had him."

Me (replaying in my head what Dave just said trying to comprehend it): "What did you just say?"

Ethan (still annoyed at Dave): "You really need to find a new line, you use that one way too often."

Dave (clarifying to me): "I said, Ethan hasn't had pussy. Since the time pussy had Ethan."

Me (thinking I actually understand it now): "Oh gross. Is that a reference to Ethan's mom giving birth to him?"

Dave (giving me a sly wink and a smile): "Ding ding ding."

Me: "Dave, a little advice. Speaking as someone who actually has given birth, and had to push a nine pound baby down her birth canal, you should try and not bring that image to mind if you can avoid it. It's not good."

Yet another kid who's in the room but I haven't met yet: "So Becca, what is your son's name? He goes to school here, right?"

At this point, I take a look down at my vodka lemonade and see that it's practically empty. I shake the ice around before taking the last sip of the drink. Now, I had told these boys that my son goes to school here. In fact my whole ruse to start up a conversation with them was that I was trying to find him, but was lost. The truth is I really do have an 18-year-old son, but he goes to a different college, not this school. And while it'd probably be easiest to just make up a fake name for my son, I definitely would rather avoid any disclosure whatsoever.

Me (to the kid who just asked me about my son): "Sorry sweetie, what's your name?"

The kid: "I'm Brad."

Me: "Brad, I kinda have a dilemma here. I feel like I wanna have another drink, but if I do, I don't think you guys knowing who my son is will be the best idea. You know what I mean?"

Brad: "Why wouldn't you want us to know who your son is?"

Me (thinking about the best way to phrase this): "Honestly? Because I'm having a great time right now, but if I have too good of a time, then I could make things really weird for my son. That is assuming you know who he is."

Brad (I can see the wheels spinning in his head): "Okaaaaaaaay, I think I understand."

Me: "So would you rather me tell you my son's name, or would you rather I stay for another drink?"

Chris (stepping in and politely taking my empty cup out of my hand): "Becca, I think I speak for everyone in this room when I say, I would love to get you a refill."

Me (smiling at the adorable soccer player who is still my personal favorite among all these freshman boys): "Why thank you, Chris. The first one you made me was perfect, so feel free to make the next one just like it."

Dave (turning to Ethan): "Brad really needs to get a clue. Do you think his IQ is even lower than mine?"

It seems like kind of a mean comment, even with Dave's history of ragging on people in the brief time I've been here. I mean Brad's question about my son's name wasn't ridiculous by any means.

Ethan (kind of grinning and turning to Chris): "Did he really think I'd fall for that?"

Chris (immediately turns and says to Raj): "What time is it?"

What? Fall for what? I have no idea what they're talking about anymore.

Raj (turns and asks Dave): "How many times now have you hooked up with that fat chick?"

Dave (shakes his head as if he's annoyed Raj asked that, but then calls out across the room): "Hey Trevor, for real, how big is your cock??"

I am so confused. Suddenly, everyone is just spouting out questions to one another and no one is answering any of them! But I don't even know why they're asking these questions in the first place, as they all seem totally random and unrelated to anything.

Trevor (who seemed like he wasn't paying super close attention but did hear that last question from Dave): "Dave, you know first hand that it's three inches. Three inches longer than the back of your throat!"

Dave (screaming and pointing): "Aaaaaah!! Drink fucker! That was an IQ question. Finish your drink, bitch!"

Trevor (looking down at his drink): "Fucking goddamnnit."

Me (still very confused): "Can someone explain to me what the hell is going on?"

Ethan: "It's this game we play, called IQ, which stands for Infinite Questions. The game starts if anyone at any point asks someone else a question with 'IQ' in it. It can be anything, like 'What's your IQ?' or anything at all really. And then from that point on, whoever got asked the question has to ask a different person a different question. Anything else, like if you answer the question or don't respond in time, means you lose and you have to finish your drink."

Me (still not quite following): "Oh so it's like a drinking game?"

Dave: "Exactly. I was the one who started the game by asking Ethan a question about Brad's IQ. I was hoping he wouldn't realize I had triggered the game, but Ethan was on it. Apparently everyone had realized the game had started, except Trevor. Ha."

Trevor: "In my defense, Dave is always goddamn asking me about my cock, so how the fuck was I supposed to know it was a round of IQ?"

Dave: "Trevor, it comes from a place of immense jealousy, so you should be honored."

So apparently I've just learned two things. The first is that they play some sort of asking questions drinking game where the loser has to finish their drink. And secondly, that Trevor must have a huge penis. Which considering he's black, like 6'3" and is 250 lbs of solid muscle, seems like a pretty obvious foregone conclusion. But considering I've never been with or even seen a black guy naked in real life before, I can't say I have any personal expertise as to whether there's truth to that stereotype or not. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that after hearing that, I instantly started paying much closer attention to those mesh shorts of his trying to get a glimpse of an outline. I mean how big could it really be??

Ethan (apparently reading my mind): "Becca, I can't believe I'm actually going to ask you this, but how important is penis size really to girls... er women? Like do they talk about it as much as we talk about it?"

Dave: "Ooooh... great question, man. I like the direction this conversation is going right now."

At this point, it's clear everybody has had a fair amount to drink, including me. And while there had been plenty of side conversations and jokes going on between various pairs or sets of people, it seems like with that question, everyone immediately turned their entire attention towards me.

I'm still sitting on their couch, while Raj, the Indian tennis player, is sitting right next to me. Ethan, the tall, deep-voiced, virgin engineering student, is sitting in a desk chair opposite of Raj. Chris, the gorgeous but preppy soccer player with the most amazingly strong legs, is sitting on what I'm actually guessing is Ethan's bed, right next to Ethan. Trevor, the enormous black football player, who also comes across as a gentle giant of a sweetheart, is standing on the other side of the room. Next to him is Dave, who even in this short amount of time, has clearly demonstrated himself to be the horniest of all the boys, but also somewhat of a prankster. After Dave is Brad, who to be honest is probably the least physically attractive of the boys in here. And while he is a little overweight, in his defense he's in a room full of legitimate athletes, so it's certainly a tough comparison. And then finally off in the corner, there's one other kid whose name I don't know yet because I haven't talked to him, but who is definitely a cutie himself. He just seems like he might be kind of reserved and quiet.

So here we are, seven 18 and 19-year old boys and one very recently separated 39-year old woman desperately craving their attention, all crammed into one tiny dorm room. We're all drinking, and personally, there's no doubt I'm starting to feel the effects from my lovely vodka lemonades. And perhaps it's the alcohol, actually scratch that, I'm sure it's the alcohol, but as I look around the room, I realize I'm not just here for Chris anymore. Originally sure, he was adorable, sweet and flirtatious, and the first one of these boys I got to know. And when I came back up here after buying the liquor, I had a clear plan in my mind to end up having sex with him. With Chris.

But now, I want more. I've fantasized about a ton of things over the years. Being an avid reader of Literotica while being trapped in a sexless marriage will do that to you. But as crazy as it sounds, I can honestly say I've never once fantasized about having sex with multiple guys at a time. For lack of a better term, a gang bang shall we say.

I've just never thought of it as very appealing. I think maybe it's because my connotation with gang bangs is always one of degradation and mistreatment. I mean even the name of it sounds awful. But regardless, the idea of a whole bunch of guys getting together to seemingly abuse and take their own pleasure from one single woman, is not appealing or a turn on in the least, at least to me.

But as I look around this room at these sweet, funny, adorable and curious boys, who clearly are not yet men, I don't see anything that could possibly resemble my understanding of what a gang bang would typically be. And so instead of the idea being a turnoff, in this case I feel almost the exact opposite. I see these boys, and I don't want to have sex with just Chris. I want to have sex with all of them. And while part of it is that I want the variety of experiencing each one of them individually, there's no doubt another part of the appeal is the group aspect. Seeing these friends interacting with one another is highly entertaining without sex involved, I can't even imagine how much fun it would be if all of us were naked, too.

But enough about the state of my ridiculously horny mind right now, I should probably focus on actually answering Ethan's question that sent me down this rabbit hole.

Me (to Ethan): "I think more than anything, all women are different. Some women may think penis size is super important, some may not care at all. Some women may actually prefer smaller penises! You just never know."

Dave (with a smile): "I'm sorry, I missed the part where you said which category you fall under?"

Me: "Ha, fair enough. I'd say I fall into the category where I care much more about who's attached to the penis, rather than the penis itself."

Brad (kind of out of nowhere): "Do you masturbate?"

Chris: "C'mon guys, let's show a little restraint here and not bombard her with such super personal questions."

Me (looking at Chris): "You're just the sweetest. But I have to be honest, I'm actually kind of enjoying these questions!"

Chris (with a pleasantly surprised expression): "Oh, in that case then by all means, proceed."

Me: "Brad, I definitely masturbate fairly often. Part of it is my soon-to-be ex-husband and I stopped having sex a few years ago, so masturbation has been my only source of physical pleasure."

Raj: "Did you stop having sex with him, or did he stop having sex with you?"

Me: "Definitely the later. He never really enjoyed it, even from the beginning, and eventually he just began flat out refusing."

Chris: "What a fucking idiot. I'm so sorry, Becca. I literally cannot imagine being forty years old or however old he is and not wanting to have sex with you!"

Ethan: "This is not intended as a joke, but is actually a serious question. Is it possible he's gay?"

Me (laughing): "I'm sure it's possible, and you definitely aren't the first person to suggest that. But who knows, it's all in the past now."

Dave: "So when you masturbate, do you watch porn?"

Me: "No, not really. I do read a lot of erotica, though."

Ethan: "Oh wow. Like erotic stories?"

Me: "Yeah, online. I'll read stories that random people write and submit. Some are pretty bad, others are amazing. A lot are just okay, but still entertaining. But I spend a lot of time reading them and it helps satisfy my sexual curiosity."

Dave: "What's your favorite genre of these stories??"

Me (taking a pause to smile before answering): "I probably shouldn't admit to this, but I really enjoy stories with age differences. Like someone older with someone younger."

Chris: "Oh my god. Like older guys and younger girls, or older women and younger boys?"

Me (smiling even bigger now): "Definitely both, but especially the second one you mentioned."

Dave (while repositioning himself): "Don't mind me while I tuck myself into my waistband after that comment."

Trevor (to Dave): "Dude, you probably can't even reach your waistband."

Dave: "That's funny. Crystal didn't have any complaints about my cock last night!"

Trevor (shaking his head): "You do realize that if you really did try, and I say try, because you would never actually succeed. But if you ever did try to hook up with my girl, that would flat out be the end of you. You know that right?"