Double Helix Ch. 17

I put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Tilly reached up and put a hand over mine. "No need to tell the others, okay? It will just cause unnecessary worry. I'll get with Stan later, but I think the danger is past for now."

"Who do you think did this, though?"

"The Russians, Chinese, the Germans, our own government. Whoever it was used sophisticated methods. Not some script kiddy working from his dad's terminal."

I started to leave, but then recalled something. "SamIAm called them 'The Enemy', and something else in Latin, I think."

"Ophidia en herba," Tilly said, pulling up the window with Sam's words in it. "Snake in the grass, I think. And Carthage was Rome's chief rival and enemy for much of its history. Maybe Sam's just a history buff who likes to make analogies."

I made Tilly promise not to hole up in here all day and went back out to see what I had missed. Stansy spotted me and immediately called me over to the kitchen, meeting me with a stack of pancakes. "Don't worry if the flavor is a little weird," she said. "They're made with potato flour, but you'll get used to it." We were certainly going to be eating a lot more of it soon. Our first wheat crops would be about a month behind our first potatoes.

Most of the others had already eaten, so I got a spot at the table and dug in. Nonna had come down and Daniel had shown up with his son while I was in the den, so the place was starting to feel crowded, but I didn't mind. Everyone here was a friend and important to our lives in one way or another.

The next several hours went by in a flash. Apparently a solution was found to the turkey dilemma, because soon the whole house was filled with the delicious scent of roasting meat. We made it to early afternoon before the alcohol came out, but boy did it ever. Between what we had on hand and what Daniel and Andy had brought with them, there was beer, wine, rum, brandy, bourbon whiskey and vodka. Altogether, the liquor was probably worth even more than the turkey. I chose to drink slowly, maintaining a pleasant, warm buzz. Wendy, Stansy and Stan were far less disciplined. They kept getting louder and less coherent as the day wore on. There was a palpable sense of relief when the three of them, plus Eric, headed out the door.

Daniel was peering out the window at the four of them walking away. "Do you think it's a good idea for them to go target shooting right now?"

Everyone in the room looked at everyone else in turn, and there was kind of an implied, collective shrug. Alcohol and bullets? What could go wrong? Fortunately, everyone came back an hour later with all of their fingers and toes intact.

We had a light lunch, more of a snack, really, consisting of rare and expensive foods that would have been commonplace at a party ten years ago: summer sausage, cheese, and chips with various kinds of dip.

Nock found me nibbling at a deviled egg, one of just twenty that Abigail had made, so we were limited to one apiece. He picked one of the eggs up and took a bite from the yoke end. "Not bad," he said, "but I'm not a big fan of mustard. You want this?"

I held out my hand. "You're crazy, but I'm not gonna argue."

Reflected light flashed in the back of his eyes as he placed he precious morsel in my palm. "Hey, uh, I was thinking of taking a walk. Just feeling a little crowded, you know."

I looked around at the party. The living room, kitchen and dining area weren't much more than about 400 square feet in total, and there were close to twenty people packed into that space. It struck me as cozy, though, rather than crowded. I figured he had some other reason for wanting to get away from there with me, but I decided to indulge him. "Sure. Why don't we take a walk around the greenhouse?"

Stepping out into a stiff and chilly breeze, I was glad that I had gotten my coat from the closet next to the front door, but Nock had on only a short-sleeved shirt and slacks. Just like a man, though, he pretended it wasn't freezing as we crunched up the gravel driveway towards the greenhouse.

"So why did you really ask me out here?" I said, once we hit bare earth, a bit past the barn.

"You don't mess around," Nock said. "I've always liked that about you. I've been doing a whole lot of thinking these past few months. Re-evaluating my life, if you will. We said some pretty cruel things to each other that day, but there's one thing that stuck with me because it pissed me off so much. It was the thing that really pushed me to reveal Norm's affair. This was in the morning, before I found out about Ariana. You said she probably left me shortly after we were separated. And you said that I was manipulative and weak."

Despite the chill, my face began to burn. "Nock, I'm sorry. I was angry and shouldn't have said that."

"No, it needed to be said. I have been weak. I have manipulated people. Knowing how and where to push someone is a good skill to have in business, if you use it in a positive way, to persuade rather than to provoke. I want you to know that I've been trying to change. I've been thinking about my childhood, about all the anger I've kept under the surface. I've even thought about talking about it with Norm. He's the closest thing we have to a therapist."

I stopped walking, so that he had to stop as well, and turn to face me. "That has got to be the last thing I ever thought I would hear come out of your mouth. You, opening up to Norm about emotional trauma?"

He shrugged. "A lot has changed. I feel more at peace right now than I ever have, and I've found that I like it."

"That's great, Nock, and I mean that sincerely, but why come to me with this?"

He kicked at a stone absently. "Because you're the one I have the most to answer to for. I overheard your conversation this morning about those two guys from your past, how they betrayed your trust. What I did was no better. However you might feel about the outcome, my motivation was selfish anger and a desire to hurt you. Maybe that was why Ariana left. Maybe she saw that inside me. I can't get her back, but maybe I can make up for some of the wrong I did to you."

I shook my head. "I don't know what to say."

He took a step closer to me. "Say that we can start over. From the beginning. I don't really deserve your forgiveness, but I would do...well, I would do a lot to get it. I want to be the kind of man that can keep a woman's heart."

The overtones of what he was saying were blatantly obvious, but he was leaving it up to me how I wanted to proceed and what was on the table. I let myself consider the possibility. Could I be with this man? He was strong, masculine, and driven to succeed. Not gorgeous, but handsome enough, and I had long gotten over the strange luminance when his eyes caught the light. It was the faults in his character, that toxic anger, that had inspired disgust in me toward him, but if he could change that...

"We can start over," I said. "I believe you when you say you'll do better. But let's not beat around the bush. You think there could be something between us." His face fell at those words, but I quickly continued. "I didn't say it can't happen, but I won't say it can. There's a lot for me to sort through and process."

"I understand. I'm not expecting anything. But that's a 'maybe'?"

I tilted my head and looked at him askance. "It isn't a yes or a no. I'll need to see more of this new you first. And I don't think I'm ready to date anyone yet, you understand."

"I get that. But whatever happens, I'm here for you. As a friend." He put out his hand and I shook it.

We finished our walk with him filling me in on the latest in his efforts to secure funding for our genetics lab. He had spoken to his ex, Ariana, and she had convinced her husband to commit to a large sum of Deutschmarks, the equivalent of over $200,000, on the condition of guaranteed anonymity. I told him about my chat with Andy, and suggested he talk to Norm about it, since the PCR workstation Andy's contact was building might actually mean revising our budget estimate down a bit.

Back at the party, I sat down with Alice, Daniel, and Abigail, and was so caught up in chatting about their lives and about happenings in the outside world that I barely noticed the passage of time. From the talk in the kitchen, they were getting the turkey out of the oven. Looking around, I realized suddenly that Tilly was missing, that I hadn't seen her for hours. "Please excuse me," I said, standing up.

The den was dark except for the light coming from the terminal. Tilly was still seated there, typing away. "Hey, Nissi," she said without turning to look.

"Tilly," I said gently. "It's been hours. It's been most of the day, in fact. Don't you think you should give it a rest? The turkey is done. We're about to eat."

"That's fine," she said as she typed. "I'll come in a minute."

I moved closer until I was standing over her at the desk. "That attack earlier today really frightened you, didn't it? Has Norm even come to find you?"

She nodded. "About a half-hour after you left. I told him that I really needed to go over the whole network to make sure we don't have the same problem anywhere else, but I didn't want to ruin the party. He's come to check on me a few times and bring me food."

"And what did you find?"

"All the other nodes were patched. But then it occurred to me that with some modifications, that same packet crafting attack might actually work, even on the patched network. What we need is to rewrite the protocols to-"

"Tilly," I said, putting a hand over one of hers on the keyboard. "What you need is to come out and enjoy the company of your friends. I get it that what happened earlier was a close thing, but you can't let your fear get to you. You have time to shore up the network tomorrow. Right now, you should come have some fun."

Tilly looked ready to protest, but she nodded. "You're right. It can wait." She sighed. "I've missed a lot already, haven't I?"

"Well, we still have dinner and Wendy's birthday party. She's 47, and we have to all give her hell for that."

She smiled distantly, as though distracted by a thought. "Nissi, there's something-"

A cheer went up from the other room, loud enough to get our attention, but I quickly dismissed it and turned back to Tilly. "What is it?"

She shook her head, looking embarrassed. "Never mind, it's nothing."

When we got back to the living room, I found that Andy had claimed my spot next to Abigail, so I leaned against the sofa arm. Tilly stood next to me. Daniel looked over at me for a moment, then peered past me before pointing. "Isn't that mistletoe?" he asked. The conversation didn't die, exactly, but it grew suddenly quieter as people looked in my direction.

I looked up and saw that, just as he had said, one of the sprigs of plastic mistletoe had been hung on the wall above me. I scanned those around me quickly, half-expecting Daniel to be the one to claim a kiss from me. I spotted Norm across the room in the kitchen and met his gaze. He quickly pretended to be occupied with the meal preparation. Nock stood frozen four paces away, staring at the mistletoe. He looked at me consideringly for a moment and then took a step forward.

It was the person next to me, however, who reached for me first. A pair of arms slipped around my waist, crossing behind my slim figure. A sweet face gazed up at me wonderingly, if a touch fearfully. "Tilly," I breathed. The soft warmth of her body pressed against mine.

My eyes drooped closed, seemingly of their own volition, and I bent my neck. Her lips touched mine and sparks flew, a rush of heat and light running down my neck. Her lips parted ever-so-slightly, prompting me to do the same. Our breath mingled. I caught the scent of strawberries, perhaps from her hair. A questing tongue touched my lips and I reacted instinctively, opening wider to allow it inside. Tilly's tongue delicately caressed my own, but it felt like my head had been stuffed with cotton. My heart skipped a beat as the bottom dropped out of my stomach. I had to clutch at her to keep from losing my balance.

I couldn't have said how long the kiss went on, but it must have only been seconds. She withdrew slowly, lingering at the threshold, her lips pulling at my bottom lip before letting go completely. She blinked a few times, as it suddenly realizing where she was. My pulse pounded in my ears and the space between my thighs tingled. I stood unmoving, too shocked to know how to react.

Daniel chuckled softly. "Wow. That was unexpected." This got a laugh from several of the others in the room and it was like a spell was broken. Tilly stepped back, half-turning away from me as if nothing unusual had occurred. The rest of the room quickly settled back into the rhythm of laughing and conversation with the notable exceptions of Norm and Nock. The former kept stealing glances at me, as if afraid of what I might do. The latter stared right through me for several seconds. Then he shook his head slowly, smiled as though realizing that he were the butt of some cosmic joke, and headed down the hallway.

I was still feeling a little unsteady on my feet, so I went to the kitchen and poured myself a shot of bourbon. The shock of the liquid burning down my throat helped to clear my head a little. I had kissed girls before, and even gone to bed with a couple of them after a few drinks, but the passion I had just felt, standing there in the middle of a crowded room, was more than all of those combined.

I looked over at Norm carving the turkey, meticulously avoiding meeting my gaze while chatting with those nearby. Had he seen something in that kiss? I scanned the room for Tilly and found her sitting with Wendy and the kids, playing a game of cards. Had she felt the things I had felt? Or had it just been an impulsive stunt for her? The question answered itself on a moment's reflection. She could sense what I was feeling, so she already knew how it had affected me.

My face burned crimson and I poured myself another shot. Knowing Tilly, she had picked up every detail, including how much it had turned me on. That had to be a little confusing for her. It had certainly confused me. I liked Tilly, a lot, but did I like her, in that way? What if she told Norm about the way it had affected me? And what of my little speech to Nock, about my taking it slowly when it came to relationships?

"Dinner is served," Norm announced. "Kids, why don't you come sit at the table and everyone else will have to take a seat wherever you can find one."

A line quickly formed around one side of the table as Alice's kids and Zach were seated on the opposite side.I got my plate and piled it with turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, and various vegetables. The seats in the living room were all taken, so I sat against the wall to eat, balancing my plate on my arched knees. Whatever Norm and the others had done to cook the turkey, it had worked beautifully. It was moist and flavorful, and I finished it before I even thought to touch the other food on my plate.

Sighing contentedly, I looked up and caught Tilly, seated on the floor with her back to the sofa, looking at me. I watched as her gaze slid slowly downward from my face. It felt a ghostly touch as it alighted on my breasts and lingered there a moment before roving lower, across my belly and down below my waist. My pussy squeezed involuntarily as her half-lidded gaze touched my body there as well, probing the darkness beneath my dress. I had to resist the urge to either squirm or to spread my knees wider. As her gaze lifted once more to my face, I knew, and by her expression, I could see that she knew as well.

The kiss had not been a prank or a mistake. It was what she had been trying to tell me all day. I looked down at my food, only to give me an excuse to tear my gaze from hers. My body was singing, every nerve vibrating with excitement and need. I licked my lips and swore that I could still taste her there. When I looked up again, her attention was elsewhere, and I couldn't tell if the release of tension I felt was relief or disappointment.

I could barely remember the words when it came time to sing "Happy Birthday" to Wendy. I took a small piece of cake but didn't really taste it. I think there may have been chocolate in it. I did focus long enough to watch Wendy open her presents. Norm had to buy everything in town for us, of course, but we had given him requests. I had gotten her two new dresses, picked out from the store's online catalogue in the "petite" section, that I hoped would fit her four-foot figure.

When I saw that Daniel had gotten her a gift, I winced inwardly, worried that he had picked out a doll or some other children's toy. Wendy would thank him for it regardless, but I knew that privately, such a thoughtless choice would crush her. I was pleasantly surprised, then, when I saw that he had gotten her a diamond necklace and matching earrings. Nothing outlandishly expensive, but it wasn't cheap either. She bounced happily to her feet and threw her arms around his neck, laughing and kissing both his cheeks.

My delight faded a moment later as reality caught up to me. However Wendy might wish to experience the companionship of a romantic partner, it simply was not possible. She would remain in the body of a ten-year-old, physically and emotionally stunted while knowing, intellectually, about the life that she was missing. I had often thought that it was ironic that the Peter and Wendy models were one the first to be developed, when they represented perhaps the most egregious example of how our sense of ethics could be challenged by genetic engineering.

How is it any different, the old argument went, than someone who might rather remain in the bliss of youth and innocence but is forced to grow up? The answer to that query came to me as I watched Wendy put on her jewelry, happy to pretend for a moment that she was a grown woman. To grow up is to be human. Wendy, then, and those like her, were something else. Their humanity had been taken from them. Perhaps even stolen.

Except that to be human also meant to grow old and to die. I, along with every genemod to be born since the first gens, would not. Did that mean that none of us were truly human?

I was roused from these dark thoughts when Daniel announced that he needed to get on his way back to Portland. I gave him and his son a hug and we all got a promise from them to return next week for New Years Eve.

Andy and his family were next, and the rest of us sat around drinking and chatting until Alice took her kids to bed. Wendy and Nonna left together, and since Nock had not come back, that left me in the room with Stan, Stansy, Norm and Tilly. My body was still on fire from that kiss, but even more so from Tilly's lascivious gaze on my body, and I was determined to find out what it all meant.

Tilly and Norm were cuddled on the sofa as Stansy sat on the chair in Stan's lap. I sat on one of the dining room chairs just apart from them. When the latter couple excused themselves a half-hour later, Norm glanced at me and leaned close to Tilly to whisper to her. Then, giving her a peck on the lips, he stood and mounted the stairs.

I waited until I heard the bedroom door upstairs close, then waited some more.

"So," Tilly said at last. "I guess you probably have some questions for me."

I stood and crossed the distance separating us to take the seat next to her. Not touching, but close enough to feel the warmth of her next to me. "I do," I said. "I guess the first one is, are you serious about this? Is this just a fling for you, an experiment, or is it something more?"

Tilly drew a deep breath and huffed it out. "It's not something I came to on a whim. I've been thinking about this for a few months. I've been trying to figure out my own feelings. I finally talked to Norm about it yesterday."