All Comments on 'Double or Nothing Pt. 05'

Good God this dissolved into nonsense

Excellent story. I enjoyed the whole trip, and I know about the fight against cancer - I lost my wife to Adrenal cancer after 3 years. I look forward to your future writings. Happy New Year.

I am sorry author after page 2 I can't read anymore...

I feel that this story just drifted to nowhere and this one has too many pages when I feel that this story could have ended in Part 3. I don't know what others think or I may have missed some important scenes since I didn't finished reading this but this is how I feel about the story. And I just can't get down with two wives...how can that be? Unless one is a Muslim never in the western society (except extreme Mormons) this happens.

/

To be fair with the author I won't rate this.

Vary great story made me cry so bad at part I had to stop reading at parts and come back to it. I hope you write more in the future👏

A great concept for a story line and very nicely executed. Loved it!

Loved it.

Amazing how this guy Anonymous had a negative opinion on everything!

Maybe he should stop jacking off and write a story?

Very engaging. Great plot twist. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Thank you for a wonderful story I have waited with baited breath for every new installment (jaybee186)

I find it hard to score something a perfect five 🌟 BUT that being said, this is pretty damn close.

Excellent story and waiting for the new submissions.

Great story

When Carol and Mackenzie trespassed and made contact, as his lawyer Kim should have gotten it on video to file with the court to force the forfeiture of the trust. Terry should not have allowed Mackenzie to call him anything but Mr. Other or Sir during that encounter. Once he asked Mackenzie to help tuck in her brother and sisters I stopped reading. 1 star

"I think it is a good read." - I would hope that you do! It would be kind of rude to post a story that you didn't think was a good read.

The series started well but I could not finish this part or part 4. It was too long and too much. Needs to be shortened and tightened up.

After the way Mackenzie behaved, reconciliation was a real stretch, but I think you did a convincing job of bringing them back together.

I liked that Carol lost everything at the end, particularly the relationship with her daughter. It was inevitable once Mackenzie was old enough to realise what a monster her mother truly was.

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Unfortunately the epilogue really let this down.

You can't just gloss over dramatic events like that and expect it to be a satisfying conclusion to the story. Doctor Dickhead being out of prison when he's serving a 30 year sentence made no sense at all... and how the hell was he supposed to get his hands on a gun?

-

The real problem here though is the tone changes too dramatically. We've just gone through a satisfying reconciliation with Mackenzie, the good guys are going to live happily ever after, and the villains have got their karmic rewards.

Then BAM!

The evil doctor guns down the twins, and he gets killed, presumably by cops.

It's like a dumb horror movie that tries to give the audience one last shock... but this was a romance wrapped up in a loving wives tale. There's nothing satisfying about the twins suffering permanent injuries... it's like the doctor got one last final victory before his death. What on earth possessed you to ruin a feelgood ending with this ludicrous nonsense?

I am sure that there will be those did say you should have let McKenzie die. I completely disagree even if you did not reconcile with his daughter, it's only right that I feel that if you can save a life save a life. Very good story please continue.

Thanks for the story! Looking forward to more great writing in the future!

There is some very good writing, but the plot is one that I could never accept, and thus could not enjoy the story. We should not encourage husbands with two wives, even if there are some sick societies that accept it. A physician is most unlikely to be as stupid and emotionally driven as Dr. Dickhead. I think the story could have benefited from being a bit more turned down a notch with more realistic plot.

Really a quite bizarre exercise in massaging one’s own mysoginist ego. What’s with the two ‘wives’ plot line?

Great Story and my heartfelt condolences for your friends and hope they get better.

This is a great story! However, I feel that this last chapter is a bit too wordy. Given that, the story flowed very well with only a few grammatical errors.

I go by Papatoad's "I would rather read a good story with bad grammar than a bad story with perfect grammar".

This is a good story with near perfect grammar. Thanks for writing and I hope to see more from this author in the future.

Simply outstanding! You were correct in leaving it at the birthday party, even though your further revelations are enticing and intriguing.

The daughter was a pawn, her illnes, survival, and reconnection was paramount and very well done. I cried for her as well for real father.

Such a tragic, yet heart warming story. Thank for blessing us, anyone with a heart knows this came from love and pain, and I for one am grateful you put pen to paper.

Respectfully,

Ridertaff

I rarely give out 5 stars because they actually deserve it, being almost perfect on all fronts, but this is one of the cases.

I've enjoyed this story very much, the epilogue sort of spoiled the ending for me as it just left the story on a depressing note. Look forward to more of your stories

Over done, drama in extremis to no literary end. Too many words in futile search of not enough content or meaning. This is a modern day version of the trials of Job but in this case Job being the reader for having to suffer the endless onslaught.

Thank you for the wonderful story

It is obvious that you poured your heart into this story and it is very well done. My only criticism would be the time between chapters, which you already have acknowledged. Thank you for the time and effort you put into this work and I give you a very well deserved five stars.

Would have been a 5 if the ending had included the battle at the hospital. Disappointing.

I actually would've liked to have read a little bit more about what dickhead and Carol did in that in the end. I also would've loved to have heard what the cum slut had to say? People like Carol only LOVE that you love them, they LOVE what they can get out of you. Carol definitely has no idea what love is. She LOVE money. LOVE pretending to be more than what she is. She LOVES herself. The bitch is delusional. My faucet just started leaking on us and we had to call a plumber. It's going to cost $680 to change just the faucet not the sinn. I don't understand Carol's disgust with Terry being a plumber. The prices they charge? is she stupid? How much money did this bitch need? I thought it was disgusting of her to tell him she basically bided her time to trade up. She never loved him. She wanted money, status. In her mind, he was a loser who would never give her those things. I highly doubt even if Terry won $500 million in the powerball Carol would be satisfied. Or maybe she would've. She'd get good sex and be rich... so maybe.... But who knows what goes on in a gold digging slut mind?. It hurt my head to even try.

Well done, friend! Gripping, well written, not too outlandish (even with the polyamorous marriage) and a fantastic conclusion. I look forward to more tales

Was a good journey but the end was telegraphed in chapter 1. I liked the reconciliation between father and daughter but as always it had some terminal disease as the reason. Its the easy way out and way overused. I hoped for something with more substance but I guess it would have been too hard.

This was a very good story.. the reconciliation was a nice touch as well.

Excellent ending. A definite 5 For part 6, the story has many potential paths. When Jordan turns 15 and finally meet Carol. Mackenzie bumps into Carol in a cafe and talk. Will Carol ever sit down with Terry again, to apologize and tell Terry, she finally understands, or does she still blame him? Carol writes on her death bed, asking Terry, Mackenzie, and Jordan and ask them to see her. Do they see her, and if they do, what is said? A story of Jordan's relationship with his estranged grandmother. Short story, 25 years after the fact, the three meet up again and finally a story of reconciling or hate between the three after 5-10 years.

There are many more paths and I hope OthertoOther1 or other budding or establish take the challenge for part 6

So you repeated the same pllotline from previous chapter? They happen to run into each other at hospital? He happens to have a gun? More serious injuries? He is on work release even though he is on 30 year sentence for violent crimes? Nope. The daughter having cancer felt very forced to have them reconcile. There were other ways to do that.

This series started out with promise, but then the plot was sillier each chapter. Some examples:

Why was Stephen so obsessed with him? That level of obsession would be for the offended party.

The twins was silly. One woman is fine. No need for the weird threesome you forced on us.

Lastly, cut down on the the dialog. It does not flow very well and tripled the size of the story needlessly.

The letter in the epilogue left me perplexed. Somehow, despite a decades-long sentence for attempted murder, Dickhead was on work release? And got access to a gun? And somehow conspired with Carol to try yet again to harm Terry? It was an unnecessary sack of complexities that detracted from an otherwise relatively satisfactory ending.

I enjoyed the 5 installments. The emotional roller coaster in this installment really brought tears to my eyes. I thought it was great. Thank you.

Really enjoyed the story but felt you should have just left the shooting and death of dickhead out of it. Just end it with him telling her about their grandson and how happy his life is now. I think the reconciliation with McKenzie worked and I am glad that there wasn't one for Carol. Would have been better if dickhead had died in prison as Bubba's bitch.

Loved this series. Well executed minus Dr. Dickheads death scene. Still 5* for me. Thank you.

I gave you 5 stars for a long, well thought out and executed story. I am lad you chose to have Terry save and reconcile with his daughter. Leaving the events at the hospital unsaid was fine.

You hinted dickhead went nuts and shot up the group and then a guard or somebody killed him. Also hinted that perhaps Carol did something to make it happen. She could have supplied the gun because any investigation would have discovered that.

There is one glaring inconsistency that puzzles me. Why would Carol divorce the dickhead when he went to prison? That was totally out of character for the self -serving bitch as you often portrayed her . As his wife, she would have continued to be supported by the trust. That move simply made no sense.

How does a felon out on release find a gun in a country where guns are illegal? Could be a story itself. And a target rifle for our hero? Still, 5 stars.

Good story well written and a very good read thank you.

First - I'm not a writer - but I do know what I like to read - -

I thoroughly enjoyed all 5 chapters of this story - - thanks to the author for finishing the string - and I'm very glad you didn't go down the road of BTB to both ex and daughter. Unlike some of your other readers - I didn't see the daughters cancer coming - but knew that dad would donate regardless of reconcilation or not. Being a grandfather myself - I'm very glad you included this 'bonus' in the story ending. Again - great story - I wish I could rate higher than 5 !

it was well written and my compliments to your editors there were very few mistakes. I think the ending was perfect. It shows that we need to be happy with where we are but we never should stop trying to improve. Keep writing please.

@sbrooks103x

"I think it is a good read." - I would hope that you do! It would be kind of rude to post a story that you didn't think was a good read.

So YOU THINK the stories you post are a good read. How rude!

You sure are long winded for no particular reason

You were very wise to stop where you did. You have a habit in your writing of 'nailing I'd dawn and hammering it home' so the tale gets to be a bit overwrought in places. The epilogue was a mistake, the story had ended and the whole attack episode would have been gratuitous, and from a plotting point of view pointless. I get that you wanted to show that Carol still loved him but that could have been done either directly, or for a bit of pathos, Mackensie receiving the box after Carol's death.

Overall, this tale was thoroughly entertaining to read. You are a really good writer, and look forward to more stories in coming months.

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The strongest part of your story, IMHO, was the reconciliation with Mackenzie. Just so we’ll done.

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The weakest part of your story was the dynamic with Dickhead. He was just too much of a cartoon. And that final video Conf? Absurd premise.

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Obviously the fantasy of Terry finding gorgeous twins to “marry” was over the top….but once the reader accepted this feature of your world, it was well done. Frankly, if it were just one daughter and everything else was the same, the story would have been just as good. Having him bang twins added nothing to the plot….but obviously did add to the erotic fantasy desires of many readers 😎

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Finally, having Carol stay true to her deluded narcissism to the end was a smart choice. Although in the end, it as hard to decide whether she was evil or just bone dry stupid.

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Again…just well done. 5 *****

The push by others, I assume, to temper his treatment of McKenzie was well advised. The man you created would not have forever shut his daughter out of his life. She was only a teenager when the divorce occurred, anyone who holds someone to what they did at 15...WTH? You probably will lambasted about excessive wordiness, but int he end I enjoyed the journey and look forward to future stories. 5* (I had tears in my eyes in the same events as you)

Something doesn't seem to work very well in Carol head for sure.

I really enjoyed the whole story. It's always good to read overcoming stories. As for the ending, I didn't really like it, but I understand the choice. The author wanted to show that the relationship between Terry, Melody and Harmony was purely love, not porn.

And if there's anyone who would know how to write this final attack by Dr Dickhead and Carol against Terry, it's Saddletramp. I hope that Dr Dickhead's final destination is an Australian version of Hard Rock

Please let us know when this comes out in hardback. We all want a copy.

I greatly enjoyed the whole series. Thank you!

I would love to see you revisit the family at some point. With such a unique situation, there have to be interesting and intriguing things that happen. I'll continue to folllow you, and look forward to reading more from you.

Maybe part 6 could be she laid down for an afternoon nap as she always did, she pulled her keepsake box to the bed with her. It may have been her heart, it may have been diabetes for her weight. She was found by the police on a welfare check when she didn't come to work. She was laying in the bed holding certain pictures, a smile on her face...

think this my first ever comment.... thx for a good story, it hit close to home for me. as divorcie had to fight for my daughter against the system.

my x is not the major problem now days.

my daughter is much better today then 1 month ago and her will to live is rekindled.

keep up the good work and bring us more good novells /C

I had high hopes after chapter one and two…but then the story took off on a bizarre trip. It seems your wild imagination took the over and got the best of you. Remember, more isn’t always better.

Just a great story. Sure it stretched the boundaries of believability at points- but who cares. I loved it just the same. Keep up the great work!

This was an excellent conclusion to an excellent series! Well done, sir.

a stand alone story of what happened after chapter 5

It was a huge effort, that should be acknowledged. I hope you acquire the writing skills to match your energy. I don't even know where to begin to suggest improvements. It was a great idea for a plot, but my God, SO overdone, lame, inane, silly, and tedious. Lots and lots of subplots and details and rabbit trails. But the underlying foundation to the plot was that Terry married a sociopath and didn't know it until she pulled the trigger on her suicide vest. Sure, she thought it was an escape vest, but it ended up totally destroying her world and everything around her. She was a heartless soulless selfish arrogant cruel monster, and the man who lived with her everyday for 15 years had no clue, no instinct, no discernment. He got what he married in Carol, so he deserved what he got.

I suspect others will give you more details about the total wreck your dialogues, temporizing, and pointless dithering and contemplation was. I had to skip So Much just to get past the drivel and the preaching and the virtue signalling. It was dreadful. You realize you repeated the entire introduction of Carol showing up, several paragraphs, in at least 3 chapters of the story? It seemed odd that you thought that scene was so pivotal and important to remember, every detail, in order to understand succeeding chapters. I thought you simply forgot that you had already told us that part of the story. Very puzzling.

Overall a lot of time and effort. I hope you learn to improve on the substance and realism. Thanks for the effort.

Hi Everyone and thank you so much for all the feedback on my Double or Nothing Series. For the most part I have loved everyone's comments, the majority of them have been really positive or in some cases constructive. As a first time writer and jumping right into a long series, I really enjoyed the process and I think we can all see that my story telling is evolving :)

I've read through all five parts overnight and I can see mistakes that I was making in Part I that we're not there in Part V. But I also see how some of the raw emotion shone through brighter in Part I. I am not going to update Part I at this point, but let my evolution as a writer continue to show.

Now that I'm done with the core story I wanted to put a couple of notes from comments overnight as well as a couple of theme's that came through in regards to comments and feedback.

First up, Melody and Harmony - When I first thought of the series I am not sure why but I wanted to try something with Twins, and a few weeks before I had been talking with one of those people that has 'two wives' he has multiple kids with each and so I let the story write itself that way. Did it detract from the overall tale, some say yes, others no. Ultimately it was a challenge to see if I could do it respectful so I gave it a go. I don't think I will try this particular plot line again though so those of you who didn't like it can breathe a sigh of relief.

Second and the big one, Mackenzie - From the beginning this was a story about father and daughter and how Carol betrayed them all. In my original plot line, Mackenzie was never to reconcile with Terry, Terry would provide the marrow and Mackenzie would have to watch from afar regretfully as Terry kept his loving family. Mackenzie was always going to fall away from her mother, Carol was always going to burn. But when our friends lost their daughter to cancer, something in me broke for the Character of Mackenzie as I was writing Part III and I wanted to reconcile Terry and Mackenzie. Part V was as much of their reconciliation as it was everything else.

Stephen (aka Dr Dickhead) - Yeah he was a one reader said, a mustache twirling bad guy and as another said you could find some of these characters in a Disney movie. He was always supposed to be a supporting character, so he kind of evolved into the evil mofo. To me he was also the henchman to Carols villain against Terry in my head, so that’s how he evolved.

Part IV - The unwritten scene in a Sydney hospital. When I finished the story with Mackenzie's birthday I had outlines for another three parts to the story. However I wanted to put Double or Nothing on the shelf and move on with a couple of other stories. So I ended with the letter to Carol, hinting to the events which would have occurred perhaps a year after Mackenzie's birthday party. I had an outline in my head, but I figured that if I gave a few hints to other writers they might desire to have a go knowing what the high points of plot and ending result might be. I may come back to that in a while but I have another few stories and another series I am writing now so Part IV or any other plot-lines for Double or Nothing won't happen any time soon.

(And last but not least) Drama and Length - While I get a lot of compliments on the story, I also note a lot of people saying that its overlong and I'm using five words when I could use two. For the most part your right, I could shorten the length of my writing a lot. However it's not how I am writing right now. For me creating these stories like 'Double or Nothing', 'Forced Perspective', or upcoming stories like 'The Nuclear Family', 'On The Streets', and my new series 'The Long Road Home' are all like therapy for me. I write them long because they help me to process emotion. I publish them because I hope they help other people. (By the way thank you to the two readers that messaged me saying how much the story touched them). I like to write long, that’s not going to change. I'm also always going to write my characters as over dramatic, we all know it wouldn't happen in real life that way. But that’s the point of writing for therapy, it's not real life. Like I have said a few times, if you're not into drama and long stories then I am not likely the author you want to read a lot on.

Again thank you to everyone for reading and engaging with my first attempt at a service in 'Double or Nothing'. Ultimately I hope that you all take something away from the reading that impacts you in a positive way.

See you in the next story

Regards

John Other

I really liked this story and you have a bright future writing

WOW GREAT READ WELL DONE !

Good ending!

5

Needless to say, I was getting a bit giddy waiting for chapter 5 to be published. This has been the best story I've read on Lit so far, as far as Loving Wives goes. Thank you so much for a beautiful story.

'Wildbill

I give each and every part 5 stars. This was a well-told tale.

I would love to read the event where "The Dickhead" died - what an insufferable prick.

Well done, author!

Yes John, I totally enjoyed your story! Loved every word of it. I was married to someone like Carol once upon a time, lol. I'd like to rate this with 25 stars but you'll have to settle for 5 BIG FAT STARS! Looking forward to your next story. Thank you for being an excellent author!

Wonderful story, both plot and execution. Congratulations from a fellow Aussie!

I just wish there were more than 5 stars to give

Riveting

way too much dialogue. especially the ex wife. really drags the story. the confrontation with dickhead was laughably bad. overall the characters spent way too much time talking about MCs sexual prowess. it got repetitive, I think now that all 5 parts are out it becomes much more apparant in a single read through

I cannot say anything that other reviewers have not said - 5 stars a super GREAT story line. I really want to and look forward to reading more stories from you.

This last part just waffled on. Saw the cancer coming last chapter.

I actually found myself skim reading this last few pages.

Whilst I really like a story wrapping everything up, you definitely dragged it out.

So great! I couldn't wait for each episode! Feeling even "sad" that it just ended but best stories need an end!

Thanks!!

That was a very good. You are an excellent storyteller and I understand we don't all have the same opinion but some of the negative comments are beyond belief. The story had a good flow, great depth of characters and was very entertaining. Of course it's not like real life it is a fictional tale, although like some others i wouldn't have bothered with the melodramatic events of the letter to finish this. I look forward to more from you. 5*

You hit a home run on your first at-bat!!! One of the best stories in months here. Now you have your own shoes to fill on your next submission.

I love long stories, and with yours I was well served.

I wouldn't judge the quality of the writing because I don't have any skills.

on the other hand, I can share with you my feelings as a simple reader.

I really liked the plot: the betrayal, the separation, the reconstruction and the evolution of his life.

on the other hand, I was disturbed by situations, dialogues, behaviors that I found very childish.

At times your characters seemed very immature to me and not like 30/40/50 or 60 year old adults.

Also, Stephen's character is too caricatural: I understand that he can be selfish, vain, full of himself...but certainly not a poor fool. Except that's how it appears.

I would advise you to put more nuances in your characters: not all nice, not all bad...because no one is all nice, or all bad.

By modifying the characters, you will make them more human.

@tralan, why is it rude for brooks to think that his stories are a good read? You obviously disagree with him, that might make him wrong, but that's not rude.

Need more of Terry and the redheads!

Allow me to express my congratulations, Mr. Other. I've been following this tale quite closely and despite some concerns with certain parts of the story, I had faith you would finish this on a high note. I'm glad to see my faith was not misplaced. Even though I'm a big BTB/revenge story kinda guy, this was an amazing story that had something I don't see often in most stories: heart. Also, I think this installment wrapped everything up in a nice little bow. A daughter redeemed, a bitch burnt to the ground, an asshole dead, and a life being well lived.

I look forward to more of your stories. You show a lot of promise here.

5-stars! (And 4.5-stars overall, some parts I still kinda take issue with)

-JMFC

Author, Author, Bravo, Bravo!!! While i started reading these stories trying to get clued in as to weather my wife was slutting around, i've stayed for the stories. while some are not well written these aren't on the times best seller list. It takes courage to write anything. Well done on keeping the story true to the start and the characters.

Great story and wonderful series. Can't wait for your next attempt

Great story, 5 stars for the journey. but.........there is always a but isn't there. A constant threat from the two idiots that was ignored and never dealt with. He is almost killed by the asshole. Now up until this point there was no reason to take action. They had no reason to think he would go that far. But, just like in the movies when they are attacked by and don't finish the person off. They are destined to be hurt by the same person later (usually an innocent person to the drama is the victim). All because they want to feel that they didn't "cross a line" or risk the "loss of their humanity". All bullshit platitudes to justify not being able to do what needs to done.

WAKE THE FUCK, UP!!!!! Someone comes after you with the intent to hurt or kill you or someone you love. You don't leave the threat to be handled by the legal system and stupidly trust them to ensure that they are no longer a threat. I mean really, Have you seen how "COMPETENT" our legal system is. You don't leave the safety of your family in the hands of these useless assholes. You remove the threat permanently. By what ever means necessary. Then you never have to look over your shoulder.

Quit being a dog with no teeth, no one is really worried about a dogs bark if there are no teeth to worry about.

You can be the nicest most humble individual most of the time. But, if people don't know the repercussions that you are capable of then they will use you and abuse you without worry of retaliation. Asshole would have died in prison. The incident you mentioned in the hospital would have never happened. Hell, Melody and Harmony have more balls then Terry. And they are ones who had take brunt of his inaction and lack of follow through. The threats he made toward Melody when he attacked you in the hospital would have signed his death warrant. Yet you recovered and just moved on.

So, while a really good story on 95% of it. The conference call would have never happened. You don't have to deal with a sociopath more than once if you treat it the way you should.

Dead people can't come back and attack you again.

If someone comes at me or my family, attacks one of us or makes threats to do them harm. No matter what legal action the courts take against this idiot (If they are still alive to go to jail). Justice will be handed out and the threat will permanently cease to exist.

And yes there is world of difference in legal action and justice. The one thing our legal system is useless for delivering justice. You can hire the best lawyer in the world, you can have endless funds to hide from the consequences of the legal system. You can think that you are above the law. But, You self entitled individuals will never be above or protected from the justice you deserve if comes to my family or loved ones.

Masterful. You should be proud, the storyline was excellent, and the writing didn’t suffer from the awkwardness of many first time writers. I look forward to reading your next stories.

First time writers should not attempt to write something that is nearly 1/5 the size of war and peace.

It's preposterous

Good story arc, good writing style. Didn't care for the epilogue (dickhead shooting up the family when he happens to be there on MacKenzie's final appt). Just too wrapped up

I don't usually give five stars, but in this case it is really well deserved.

It takes a really, REALLY good story to keep me engrossed for that long but you pulled it off.

A lot longer than I usually like, but that detracts nothing from the enjoyment I got from reading your tale... Thankyou.

Great story. Very well done.👏👍

I enjoyed the story, as over the top as it was. Can’t say I liked the epilogue, however.

I really liked this story and cried a lot. But it had one bing problem.

Terry wasn’t the man he thought he was or that you portrayed. A real man would have worked to keep Carol, even as evil as she was, in her daughters life and would have taken her to the treatments with them. Yes she was selfish but he proved to be as selfish as her by excluding her.

That is the only disappointment that I had with the story.

Please no more of this over the top drivel.

This is definatly a well written and interesting story with a bit of everything from love to hate to compassion and even some mystery I am glad I had the opportunity to read it from start to finish and it elicited all if the feelings from the reader full range from laughter to tears

I have always been a reader but do not do comments often as I am definatly not a writer but this was great and I hope you continue to submit more stories and i have now checked the follow box for this author

Can't wait to see more from you, thoughtful, emotional and well thoughtout people in these stories. Keep going, keep'm comming!

Thank you for writing this. I read the whole story and was truly entertained. Please keep writing, you are talented. Thank you once again. Amazing story.

I enjoyed the whole story. I hope you do fill in the rest of the story!

This is one of my favorite stories that I've read a couple times. I am looking forward to Future stories that you write.

Fantastic the story got me near tears several times.Especially the lsat chapter I have a friend who lives in the area and I have visited that hospital so between your words and my minds visualso I was great

A good but not great story. I liked most of your decisions on events ând characters. I did not givwrte you 5 stars because many scenes were too long- winded and repetitive. I did not read chaper 3 and don't feel I missed much..

Please keep writing but engage an editor who is capable of signicant shortening of your length.

Excellent story, excellent ending.

Anonymous, who wrote " A real man would have worked to keep Carol, even as evil as she was, in her daughters life and would have taken her to the treatments with them." didn't read the story very carefully. He was prepared to take Carol to Sidney with him and Mackenzie, but Carol kept coming up with bullshit, selfish excuses why she could (would) not go along.

***Thanks for the long read!!

Fantastic storey, a bit long winded in places, but overall very good. Look forward to reading more off your storeys.