Double or Nothing Pt. 05

"They were my dreams, but when I woke up, the bitch that I had become woke up with me, and suddenly I was Mrs. Stephen Morrison, and Terry again needed to be destroyed. So, Stephen fed that mindset, and at the time, I didn't know that it was me moaning out loud in my dreams that made him snap."

I had little sympathy for her, and she knew there would never be any reconciliation. But I must admit it did resolve a few questions as to why. "So, you're divorced and living in a unit in Maitland. It still doesn't explain why you are here?" I asked.

"Well, as I said, I knew that we had destroyed any chance at a relationship with you, and after the divorce from Stephen, I had to stop Mackenzie several times from trying to contact you, or she would lose that trust fund. It was helping us pay for the apartment while I had an admin job for a local real estate firm. Moneywise we were ok, not great, but like when we were married, we were doing okay together as mother and daughter. We came to accept that this was our life and perhaps may have never talked to you again, however about six months ago, Mackenzie started getting tired. She would come home and pretty much collapse. After a few doctors' visits, we found out that she has a rare form of bone cancer..."

She stopped there, letting it sink in.

"The same as mum did?" I asked, starting to grind my teeth.

"Yes, Terry, we didn't know at the time, but yes, the same as your mother. We ended up at the same specialist that Josephine did, and about three months ago, he figured out that you were Mackenzie's biological father."

Mackenzie was looking at me with fear in her eyes. She knew that she was sitting with me but didn't know how to speak to me. She needed something.

"So, what is it you need, Carol, Mackenzie? Is it more money that you're after?" I said, getting angry. Despite the horrendous nature of cancer and watching my mother waste away, I was upset that everything came back to money with these two.

Harmony put a hand on my arm before I could lay into them, "No Baby, for once, I don't think it's money they're after this time. On the contrary, I think it's you they need."

"Me?" I asked of my wife. I noticed that Carol nodded as I looked at Harmony, a questioning look on my face.

Harmony put two and two together, "Yes, Terry, when Josephine was in her final days, if you recall, they were looking at a new treatment for this type of cancer that included a bone marrow transplant and a series of plasma injections that could help fight cancer alongside traditional chemotherapy. Am I right, Carol?"

"Yes, Harmony, is it?" Carol asked, her voice quiet. Harmony nodded, "Your're right. While our budget for Mackenzie's care is tight, we can manage, and after everything we put you through, you may think I'm a cruel bitch. But Mackenzie would not let me ask you for money. I would not ask if we didn't desperately need it but for the procedure, we wanted to ask you if you would consent to formal testing to see if you are a match to donate bone marrow for Mackenzie's treatment?"

There it was, my daughter, one of my betrayers, needed my help. There was a chance that I could save her life. I looked at Mackenzie, and she stared back at me. There was still a lot of fear behind those eyes. She was justifiably scared that I would say no to the test. But there was also fear that I would reject her as a person again. She was likely worried I would never accept her after everything she had done. Me, I didn't know.

The silence stretched a few minutes as we all again retreated into our own thoughts. Melody moved her fingers, her thumb stroking the back of my hand. Harmony just held me, letting her strength flow into my being.

"Kim," I looked to my sister, "Would you be able to take Carol and Mackenzie inside for a few minutes? I need to talk with my wives for a little bit."

"Sure, little brother, Carol and Mackenzie, come with me." And she led them inside.

"Well, My Loves, what do you think?" I asked when the screen door closed.

"Mackenzie is unwell, that is for sure." Harmony said, looking at them retreating inside. "Her skin is pale, and she looks a little malnourished. She does show the signs of someone with cancer. And it looks similar to your mum." She delivered the statement with a grimace, knowing that would be hard to hear.

"Yes, from the last time I saw her, she doesn't look well. But what I meant is what do you think I should do?" I asked

"Baby," Melody said, "I get it. They both hurt you badly, and to be honest. I wanted to crawl over the table just now and scratch your ex-wife's face off as she talked. But, for fucks sake, she's still holding a torch for you." She growled, then she sighed, "But your little girl is sick, and no matter what she has done to you, there is a chance that you could save her life. Would you deny her that chance just because of your feelings?"

She was correct; I wouldn't let my feelings get in the way of saving a life. I sighed, "No, I wouldn't, I looked at her, and all I saw was my little girl, scared and in pain. I had thought my feelings for her dead, but they weren't." I put an arm around both of my wives. "But I can't do this without both of you... I'm not strong enough."

"We are here for you, our love," Harmony told us, "Neither Melody nor I want you to face this alone. But I think you need to do one thing first."

"What's that, I asked?"

"I think you and Mackenzie need to talk, just the two of you." Melody finished for her sister. Harmony nodded.

I felt panic. This was not something I wanted to do, at least not yet. "No, I can't... I mean... I don't know if I can deal with that!"

"Terry, My Love," Melody cooed, hugging me, "We know you can. You need this more than anything."

"What about Carol?" I asked, trying to change the topic.

"Fuck Carol," Melody sneered, all trace of caring suddenly gone. "That bitch deserves everything she gets for what she did to you." Then, her face softened, "But Mackenzie, no matter what, is your flesh and blood. I don't know if you can ever forgive her for what she did. But you may be able to help her survive cancer that killed your mother, shouldn't you at least try?"

I looked at her and sighed. "That's playing dirty, Melody, bringing mum into this."

She blushed slightly but shrugged, "I may not like Mackenzie very much. That one time talking to her on the phone assured me of that. But that doesn't mean I want to see her waste away and die."

"A valid point. Harmony?" I looked at my other wife. "I take it you agree with your sister?"

She nodded, "I do, Baby, and you should talk with Mackenzie first. You got something like closure with Carol that day outside court, but never with Mackenzie. Honestly, I don't think either of you had the chance to talk."

We sat for a few minutes, nothing said, But I thought there was no time like the present. "Ok, would you girls ask her to come out and sit with me?"

Both rose kissed me, and I watched their sexy MILF asses swaying as they walked into the house. Finally, I stood up, drained the rest of my drink, then dragged two chairs over to the verandah's edge, sat back down and contemplated what would happen next, while overlooking the backyard.

A few minutes later, I heard the back door open again, and soft footsteps came up behind me, then Mackenzie sat down beside me. I looked over, and she held out a drink for me.

"Kraken and coke, Melody, I think it was, told me to give this to you. She said your other one would be empty." I took it and thanked her. In her hand, she had a juice.

"You don't drink?" I asked.

"Not anymore. I can't with the medication that I am taking. Once I was eighteen, though, I got into drinking rum and coke like you, though I mostly drank Bundy as I couldn't afford Kraken."

I snorted and looked back out at the gardens, "Rum, eh?"

She sighed, "I know this sounds offensive after everything I did to you, but I knew you liked rum, and while at first, I hated the taste, I drank it because, in my own way, I felt like there was at least one part of me that had a connection to you when I had a rum."

I took a sip of my own rum, savouring the flavor of the Kraken, she took a sip of her juice, and we sat in silence. It was awkward, but we were both lost in our individual thoughts.

I broke the stalemate, "So what are you studying at university?" I asked.

She waited a moment before replying. "I had to pull out this year due to the treatment schedule, but I was studying an applied mathematics degree. I had hoped to get a job doing crypto or data modelling in the IT space. Applications of blockchains and those types of things."

For the first time in several years, I laughed at something she said, not as a rebuke to something she had done, "You know I have very little idea of what you just said."

She laughed in return. It was shallow and followed up by a cough that rattled in her chest much as it had with mum.

She looked at me, her gaze questioning. Then, she took a deep breath like she was summoning courage. "I really fucked everything up, didn't I Dad?"

I winced at the use of her term dad. My heart was beating a mile a minute, just talking to her. My head was telling me to ignore my feelings and play it cool.

Before I thought about it too much, I replied, "Yes, Pumpkin, you really did!"

The tears she had been holding back were released, and she sobbed. The last time I called her pumpkin was the morning they both left me. I just sat there as she wept. I sipped my rum, looking out over the backyard, inside; my heart was breaking, but outside was stoic. After a few minutes, Mackenzie recovered somewhat, wiping tears from her eyes and pushing her hair back behind her ears.

Her voice was low, and she started talking to herself more than me. I had to strain to hear her. "I must be one of the stupidest fucking daughters that ever lived. I threw away so many years to be with a mother who only cared for what clothes she wore and a fucking dickhead of a man that cared nothing more for me than using me as a trophy to his success."

She looked at me, noticing me looking at her and raised her voice a little so I could hear her.

"And look what it got me, a one-way ticket to misery, I haven't been happy in years, and now that I need my father, my real father, not some dickhead wanna be, he wants absolutely nothing to do with me."

I looked at her and chuckled. She chuckled back as a pure reaction to my laugh.

"What's so funny?" she asked, then paled. I laughed as we both recalled the last time, she asked me that question.

"Mackenzie, I never stopped loving you, though I will admit it felt like I had at times. There were so many layers of hurt, so many things that you and your mother did and said that made me wonder if you were even my biological daughter."

Despite being sick, she looked like she might sprint away from me at that comment. I raised my hand in a wait gesture.

"But I always loved you. So right now, Mackenzie, I'm scared. I'm scared that if I move to open up my heart to you, you'll throw it down, stomp on it and light it on fire like you did that day so many years ago."

"Then why are you laughing?" she asked, her voice again quiet, her eyes downcast.

"Because you called him dickhead. Very rarely does his real name pass any lips in this house, and if the kids aren't around, that name is what we call him the most."

She laughed, a new light coming into her eyes. But the eyes got serious.

"Did he really try to kill you?"

I nodded and took another sip of my drink. "So even after that day in court, your mother never told you what happened?"

She shook her head, "No, I asked, but she refused. But honestly, I don't think she knows the full story even now, and I believe she holds herself accountable for at least part of it."

"So, she should," I said forcefully, then sighed, "I really don't like your mother at all, Mackenzie, and what I am going to tell you may make you hate me again, but I have never lied to you, and I'm not going to start now, okay?"

She nodded, somewhat scared again, "Okay, Dad."

I looked at her, looked at my daughter's face and saw her eyes for the first time in years, they were brown like mine, but there was now a slight grey tinge to them, likely cancer or its treatment, perhaps both. I sighed yet again.

"Mackenzie, If I am honest, I don't know that your mother ever truly loved me, and I don't know if she even knows what real love is. Sure, she says she does, but I don't see that she gets what it means to love someone.

"When we got together in high school, we had so much fun that it was obvious to everyone that we would end up sleeping together. And we did. You were the result, so we ended up getting married. I'm not sure that was the wisest move."

Mackenzie looked at me, a puzzled expression on her face.

"See, I was always going to be a plumber. It was in my blood. I was raised on the job site, and even now at Delotiz I manage to get out and help the team here and there. Your mother knew this, I thought she loved me as I loved her, but then the Dickhead happened.

"Badda-bing, Badda-boom, I'm no longer good enough, and she trades up without a second thought to me. And to make matters worse, she takes you along for the ride. So love... no, I don't think she has a clue."

I looked at Mackenzie, then back out over the gardens and took a sip of my drink. "But your mother and I did have fifteen good years together. At that time, I loved her with everything I had. But it didn't work because she didn't understand what love was and always held something back."

"What do you mean Dad, what did she hold back?"

I didn't hesitate, "Her acceptance," Mackenzie looked at me. I explained, "I never knew what that meant until I met Melody and Harmony. You see, my girls accepted me for who I was, every part of me, the good, the bad, everything. When I was happy, they laughed with me. When I was upset in those early days, they held me tight. When I was horny well...." I smirked

"Too much info!" Mackenzie said but smiled back.

"But with your mother, she never accepted me. Oh, I think she cared about me in some weird way where I fit into her neat compartmentalized life when it suited her, but she never accepted me. I could have been a lawyer like Kim or owned a big business, and I still think we would have divorced because she couldn't be happy with what we had."

"When I got home that fateful day, I thought about ending it once I saw what you had both done. I could accept that Carol was leaving, that hurt me, but you had left me and asked me to let you have someone else as your father." I teared up but took a breath-holding it in against the memory.

Mackenzie looked at me then shook her head. She also appeared back on the verge of tears. She shook her head. "It's no excuse, Dad. There is no excuse for what we did to you. My only reason is that I was fifteen years old and doing what I was told. But fifteen is still old enough to know what I was doing was wrong and could have questioned it, even though I didn't."

She didn't cry, but I could feel shame radiating out from her as she hung her head and continued.

"When mum and Dickhead," she stopped and smiled, "when mum and Dickhead, first told me about going to live with him, I was upset. I didn't understand how I could live with him and still have you as my dad. Over a period of weeks, they both told me all about how exciting it would be, that you would be fine. They kept telling me that you would be better even without us there. And we would have lots of new clothes and jewellery. Mum told me I needed to keep it a secret until it happened, so I did. I liked shiny things, but they weren't everything to me then. I stupidly trusted Mum. Once we moved out, I asked Mum and Dickhead to take me to see you, but after a couple of weeks stonewalling me, they told me I couldn't see you until Dickhead had adopted me. "

She was struggling, wringing her hands together, but kept talking. I just kept sipping my drink and looking out over the gardens.

"I may have been a little naive, but even I knew something was wrong. But Mum and Dickhead kept buying me things. They bought me new clothes and jewellery to try and fill the gap not seeing you created. They took me out and showed me city sights I had never seen before. I got three trips to Sydney in the first six months as they tried to appease me. At night in my room, I missed you and cried when I thought you didn't want me."

My armour was cracking hearing her talk, but there was a subtle anger building in me too, a renewed anger towards Carol and Dickhead. I let my emotions soften only towards Mackenzie as I replied, "Oh pumpkin, that was never the case. I wasn't allowed to see you. That restraining order said I had to keep away from Dickhead, your mother and you. I would have been thrown in jail if I had violated it knowingly. I thought you didn't want me. Your mother...."

We sat in silence as I let that thought trail off.

"Mackenzie, I'm trying to put this together. This is the first time we have talked, I mean, really talked since before this all started years ago."

I sat and thought, I was pulling pieces of information, conversations and documents I had read over the years together, and it felt like some things were finally making sense. "Do you mind if I ask something? If you don't want to answer, it's okay."

"Dad. If you need to know, no matter how much it hurts, I'll tell you if I can." She replied, her voice almost pleading.

"A few months after I left, I came back to see your grandmother. You didn't know, but she had just had her first cancer treatment. You saw me in Maitland Central." Mackenzie bowed her head, embarrassment written all over her features.

"What happened? If you were so devastated, why did you treat me like that?"

It took a minute or so before she responded. There was a lot of disgrace and pain, but surprisingly some anger directed at me. Finally, she took a breath and settled herself. I was getting there was going to be a lot of that in this conversation.

"When I first saw you, you were laughing at something on your phone. It had been months since I had seen you. If you think back to the day we came to you after the divorce and before you left for here." I nodded, "Well, we saw you by your truck that day, and you let both Mum and I have it." I nodded again. "Well, I cried for days after because I couldn't understand why you didn't want me to be your daughter. In some ways, I was coming to understand that I had done this to you and driven you away. But I was upset because you just left." I wanted to reply, but Mackenzie saw me take a breath, then took a page out of my book and held up her hand.

She shook her head, "I know now that you went away because of how bad we hurt you. Just like Mum said earlier, and to my eternal shame, the three of us had done our best to destroy you. Each of us for a different reason, but we all did. Something in me broke when you hit the side of your truck, telling me how much I had hurt you. When you just up and left, it never got fixed. Honestly Dad, it's still broken today.

"But when I saw you in the café that morning, you laughed like you were happy again. Watching you, it felt like I never meant anything to you. So, to me, it wasn't fair, you were happy, and I wasn't."

She looked and cocked her head at me, "I know it doesn't matter, but can you tell me what you were laughing at that day?"

I smirked, "Sure," I pulled out my phone and went to my photos. I scrolled through till I found the picture of the girls. "Melody and Harmony had been looking after me, helping me recover from an accident... I'll tell you about it later... but by the time they sent me this photo, they had both decided that both wanted me and sent me this photo flirting with me." I showed Mackenzie the photo of my girls smiling in the picture with nothing but a sheet coving them.