- Incest/Taboo
- Down the Hall
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My name is Dan, I am 18 and I am sharing a room with my sister Ellie who is also 18. We were sharing a room a couple of rooms down from our parents. I made a fake snapchat account and pretended to be a guy called Zack. I knew my step sister was single at the time and was getting back out there. So at 10:30pm I started a general chat, asking where she was from and what she liked. Eventually, the chat went sexual after messaging until 11:00pm.
After a few messages about how hot she was, I sent a picture of the top of my boxers (previously saved pictures as I was sitting meters from her). she replied with saved pictures as well of her bra and thong. I was getting so hard I had to go into the bathroom to reply to her. Once on the toilet, I sent a picture of my dick and she replied with damn that would be the bigger than my exs. I came instantly, straight into the toilet. She then messaged that she would send some pics later in the shower as she was sharing a room with her brother. Once I sat back down, I started to ask her about her brother. She said that he was a year older. I walked back from the bathroom to bed and I asked the dangerous question "Do you have any fantasies?" She opened the message but didn't reply. I thought I'd blown my cover. Eventually, she did reply at 11:26pm. she said, "One time I had a dream that he kicked my ex off me and fucked me himself." This felt like an opportunity.
She got up from her bed and went for a shower and sent a lovely nude picture, waist up, in the mirror. I then asked if her brother had seen her naked. she said "I think he's seen my boobs once, when I came out of the bathroom." Which was true, she had beautiful small tits and now I have a saved picture of them. I tried to get her to flash over snapchat again, but then I heard the bathroom door open. She walked back to her bed and I said I was going to shower now.
While in the shower, I sent her some dick pics, which she liked, and she replied with videos of her fingering herself with her pajamas pulled down. However, in one of the pics I sent, there is a body wash bottle, which she ended up recognising.
She knocked lightly on the door. In my excitement I forgot to lock the door and she walked in. I stood in the middle of the shower with a fully erect penis. She opens the glass door and says "are you Zach?" She had an angry look on her face, so I answered yes. She flashed my her tits and said "Well, Zach. Is this what you wanted?" I was speechless. "Take a picture ZACH, it will last longer," I raised my phone and took several pictures of her. "Hump" she grunted as she put her shirt back and walked out of the bathroom
I followed shortly after and saw she was in bed, I got into my own bed. At 12:14am, she messaged me on the Zack account and said, "Can I sleep in your bed tonight?" Of course, I said yes. It was dark and I didnt see her coming. But she climbed into my bed and pushed her ass into my erect dick. I slowly slid my hand down her soft arm, when I got to her thigh I noticed she was naked. I pulled out my dick and put it between her thighs.
She adjusted herself around but couldn't get it in, So she reached around and grabbed my dick and put it inside her. "Maybe this is what you wanted, Zach?" she said slowly grinding on my penis. I just let her do it, stunned. She didn't seem amused I wasn't helping much. She rolled me onto my back and got on top of me. She slowly slid down on my penis and sat there. I was still too shocked to do anything. She got out her phone and took a selfie. My phone went off and I checked it "is this what you wanted ZACH?" She sent me through the fake snapchat account. It was the picture of her on my dick. My phone dinged again. "Take a video it will last longer ZACH!" This time it was a picture of me looking at my phone.
I switch the the camera app and start recording, The light is set on so I can see her. She starts riding me, my dick is throbbing. She keeps switching positions, on her knees, leaning forward, leaning back, bouncing and grinding. My favorite was when she was up squating on my dick. It was so hot I stopped the recording and snap chat her saying "I'm gonna cum." She sat squated on my dick and wrote to me "Where does ZACH want to cum?"
"On your face," I replied quickly. She read the message and rode me a bit longer, she could feel me clawing at her to stop cause I was close. She got off me and snap chat me again. "You get one shot at this zach, you better record it," she stood up and pulled me off the bed. She got on her knees and started sucking. I turned the camera light on and started recording.
I was still stunned so she was doing all the work. I have no idea where she learned to do this but after 20 seconds of massaging my balls I pulled out of her mouth and said "I'm gonna cum." She kept fondling my balls and stroking my dick pointed at her face. I came all over her face, her eyes, her forehead, her mouth, her nose. A knock at the door.
We both jumped into our beds, I turned off the light on my phone and then dad walked in and turns on the light. "Hey, why are you two up so late?" dad said very sleepily. He walked between our beds and looked at Ellie "What are you doing missie?" Knowing I just came all over her face she had no time to clean it.
"Just a late night face mask dad," she said as she rubbed my cum into her skin all over her face. I was still recording all this secretly.
"All right sweet heart, don't stay up too late. Good night to you too Dan. I know you're a bit old to be sharing a room but we will sort it out soon." He left the room, turned off the light and closed the door. I turn my phone light on, still recording and I see ellie standing up naked, most of the cum now rubbed into her skin, but it was a lot so you could still tell it was there. She picked up her PJ's and went back to the bathroom to clean up. I stop recording and make a small clip of the video. The part where she was rubbing the cum into her face. I sent her the video in a text and said "This is what Zach wanted."
She came back into the dark room locked the bedroom door and crawled back into my bed. "I prefer the name Dan anyways," she said as she backed up into me I could feel she was still naked. I reached down to touch her pussy and she grabbed my hand and brought it to her boobs. "No more tonight, maybe tomorrow." and with that we both went to sleep.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 1 year agoHi EveryDeinal,
I am hopeful my feedback was / is viewed by you as being constrictive. It is not intended to be criticism. However, it may seem to come out like that because I am often rushed. My comment began with "An interesting concept for a story, and you are off to a good start.”
I thought your introductory tactics were clever because they are quite a bit different from many of the usual introductions. For example, look at this somewhat commonly used inciting incident. “I noticed my ____s bedroom door was ajar as I walked past on my way to the bathroom / kitchen. I also knew in that billionth of a split second my life would be forever changing, because I had just seen my ____ standing in front of (her - his) TV completely naked. It would be wrong, so very wrong for me to take another fast and stealthy look, wrong to voyeur my own ___. But having already seen (her thick erect nipples and upturned tits that jutted outward and upward and the dark patch of pubic hair on her mound,) or (his thick erect cock that pointed outward and upward arising from his dense man bush), illuminated by the mix of grey, white light coming from the TV, because (she he) was watching vintage black and white porn, I decided to look prolonged at my ____ as (she he) began to ____.
As I stood there with my own sexy bare feet planted on the cold hardwood floor, I realized nothing short my ____ catching me watching (her him) could make me stop.”
Even though you are off to a good start. Look briefly at my use descriptions and at what some of the descriptions I used may suggest to a reader. Also, (excuse all the commas, I am rushed as usual.)
Without having said it, the reader already knows I obviously live in a house with another person. Also, the person is “my _____” suggesting a family member.
Most likely, the person being voyeured / ogled may be the voyeur’s parent. This is not stated. However, the vintage black and white porn video producing a grey-white light instead of more digital age blue light, (possibly because it may be a VHS tape and not a DVD or order up online vid), may suggest it’s an older person – parent, aunt, uncle, or older sibling in the room. Yet, as the author, I have not specifically said that (not at all) in the writing.
Constructive comment, become more descriptive. Look for / search for some YouTube creative or fiction writing video’s about “How to SHOW and not TELL.” That is kind of what I tried to do just now. I tried to produce an image for you (show you) without saying it. I hope I did.
Also, as an author you can drop tiny hints about characters. Did you notice how I did that for this character. Recall the statement “I stood there with my own sexy bare feet planted on the cold hardwood floor.” What might the statement “my own sexy bare feet” suggest to a reader about the character who is doing the voyeuring. Possibly the character may have an attraction to feet, possibly a fetish for feet including their own feet. Notice I have called the character a voyeur or associated that term with them so many times you will likely automatically infer they are a voyeur. Did you also notice I have not even indicated if the character is male or female. But likely you had the image of someone you already know (a voyeur, {her or him} who may like feet) in mind? Anyway, I would like to end with I certainly do think you are old enough to be writing on this site. Keep at it.
Anonymousabout 1 year agoAn interesting concept for a story. You are off to a good start, but you need to practice becoming more descriptive with your nouns. You remember nouns (person’s place’s and things – like especially the (genitalia) or the "good things!!"). For example, your statement about “She had beautiful small tits,” is a really good start. However, the statement about “she replied with videos of her fingering herself with her pajamas pulled down,” Well, “videos” (plural, is more than one video) yet, you did not take time to offer any description of her pussy or the hand that was fingering it. Did she have huge pussy lips, small ones, did they glisten in the light? Was her clit small, average, or huge (ERECT and completely out from under its hood?) Was her pussy covered in a dense and abundantly thick layer of dark pubic hair, was it an untrimmed full bush, was it trimmed neatly, trimmed to a triangle, trimmed close, or was it a shaved pussy. Was her hand (you said fingering) moving furiously about over her clit / mound area. Were her fingers inside of her pussy, did her fingers glisten with her juices, did she taste of herself on her fingers. With the Pajamas pulled down fingering, what would you describe if you watched the videos non stop for five full minutes. Was she standing or laying down while fingering. If she was on her back were her hips arched upward and feet and toes arched forward? Was she possibly standing up while fingering?Did she get off, did she squirt she she got off, taste of herself when she finished? You are doing great. try and add some more descriptive statements / details to your existing work. Gave you a rating of 4.
