All Comments on 'Dreaming of Sin Ch. 05'

I really like characters knowing they are being corrupted and fighting against it. I particularly enjoy a slow descent in that regard. So, I am truly enjoying this story, and writing for that reason to share two comments.

So far, it's been hard to cheer for anyone in this story. Often in mind control stories, we are cheering for the mind controller. However, Saliah is quite the antagonist in this story (at least as presented so far). As for the protagonists, in part because you jump POV, Jack goes from being aware of a significant danger to happily enslaving Vanessa -- a quick fall. We've just seen Amanda, but she's failed so far too. I realize redemption might be awaiting in the very next chapter. Instalment-based stories can have this type of challenge. A story that is just getting started in its first act can feel like it is well along because of the wait between chapters. Of course, I don't completely want Jack and Amanda to win because I like watching them fall. Hence my conflict in reading.

My other comment is just to say that, unless you plan this as a big sweeping epic, don't be afraid to spend more time on characters first giving into temptation -- giving them more internal struggle. You had fantastic setups with Jack and Amanda that just felt over too quickly. (Again, just my perspective.)

Anyway, thanks for writing and sharing. I look forward to reading more.

Wow, TororntoGuy, that was a perfect comment. I like the struggle of resisting, the inner demon we all have, finding the hidden drives of women to be more sexual, exposing hidden thoughts.

This is really good, stories that go all in on the evil female main are depressingly rare, there's usually some attempt at gray morality to garner sympathy which just ruins the appeal, and corrupting that professor with a carrot of loveless sex slaves and stick of death was just so damn hot.

Thank you for writing this, I can't wait for more.

Saliah's "Moon" speech was actually chilling. Really well done.