Dreams Ch. 06

It reminds me of this poem I once saw on the internet somewhere...

The sparkle in your eye

The warmth of your skin

Your breath on my neck

That quivers within

The beauty of your kiss

And that magic in your touch

It is for all these reasons and more

Why I love you so much.

Here, it just got to Helena. "Nooo—" she waved her hands in incomprehension as poignancy shot through her heart, unstoppable. "This is just too—" It was just too beautiful, too much, too intense - and too sincere, Did she and Ron have anything like that at all? But it was all so—corny? sentimental? cliched? But it wasn't - Adoria wasn't trying to be so; she simply was so, unconstrained, unabashed romantic soul. Helena sensed it already that by the time she finished reading the letter - after the love-making part - she'd be a complete sobbing mess herself if reading the first two pages was anything to go by!

He held me, sobbing and convulsing, in his arms, but he wasn't making it any easier by keeping telling me how much he loved me. I don't really know that I deserve such trust and adoration, dearest of Helenas! But when we eventually walked back to the cabin, I just pondered how much I wanted to be his if he wanted it, too. If his stroking my hair and holding me tight felt the way it did, what would it feel to be truly his?

I know now, of course, and it's more beautiful than I could ever have imagined it, but—dearie me, I am getting ahead of myself, aren't I?

He was a perfect gentleman, of course, at bedtime, by which time I calmed myself down. We had vanilla ice cream before then that we found in the freezer in the kitchen and ate it on the steps of the house in the dusk. He put his arm around me and said how happy he was I had found the place. I had never told Carl how it was that we were able to stay there, only that "a friend let us have it for two days". I am still feeling rather bad about this white lie—

I am afraid I might have looked at my dearest somewhat too longingly when he was putting on his night clothes - a beautiful set of dark-blue silky pyjamas. Oh, I so longed and yearned to touch him there and then—but didn't ask, didn't suggest. When we cuddled on his bed, I did sense that Carl wanted something more, looked into my eyes longer than usual. I only had a blue polka-dot long nightdress on me, and his chest heaved deeply, I could see, and I so longed that he kissed me more—oh, how wondrous that would have been - but he wasn't ready yet.

But - imagine the sweetness! - he said he would come and sit on my bed if he woke up earlier not to feel too lonely away from me in the morning and he was wondering if I could do the same! Isn't that just exquisite in its loveliness? I remember our fingers parting saying goodnight to each other before I tiptoed to my bedroom. With heavy heart myself, but hopeful and loving too. It had been such a wonderful day after all!

I didn't sleep very much, I am afraid - I couldn't. I was too much haunted by the beautiful imaginings of him next to me; of his kisses and lips everywhere over me and myself shivering under his touch. I felt quite feverish and my legs wouldn't stop shifting... and when I did fall asleep, the same dreams just came! It was a tormented afflicted night, I am afraid. I felt a bit like Heathcliff aching after Cathy on the moorlands, begging her to never leave him—I am not a man, but I felt rather torn myself. I desperately hope my sweetheart didn't feel the same - to think that only a few steps separated us from each other and that he might have been just as tormented as me but differently. Oh, how I pray his heart would never have to pine or languish so!

These sentences could certainly very easily be coming straight from Bronte's books! It occurred to Helena that the sweet Adoria's writing was extraordinary - not only could she feel and emote the way she did, but she could write it down in words - she was a poet and she was giving Helena an insight into her heart with earnest and startling alacrity. Kate Winslet was an amateur. The next sentence crowned it all.

Tossing my head on the pillow, I had a vision of our two hearts becoming one, like yin and yang melding into oneness.

It all read rather like a Harlequin book or would read like it if it hadn't been for the fact it was real and Adoria was flesh and blood, not out of a book. Helena found herself panting heavily in anticipation of what was coming next.

Eventually, somehow, the sleep came over me. I woke up early - I suspect my body knew to do its best to rise before Carl. It seemed to me that my heart was beating - pounding, actually - from the moment I opened my eyes. Perhaps it did that all night. I tiptoed to his bedroom. Oh, dear friend, how peaceful and sweet he looked with his eyes shut oh so delicately! I knelt by his bed wanting so profoundly to caress him and to kiss him awake - but resisted with a deep sigh.

I went into the kitchen and as quietly as I could, like a little church mouse, trying to make as little clattering noise as possible, began making the breakfast, praying he wouldn't wake up until it was made. The fridge was so full of food that it was easy; I decided on croissants, a bowl of granola, another bowl of strawberries, blackberries and raspberries with cream. I made white coffee with one spoonful of sugar the way he likes it and poured another glassful of orange juice and put it on a tray. It was one of those wooden ones with legs that can stand on the bed - they'd thought of everything, it seemed!

I was still in my nightdress, of course, but it was unlikely anyone would be passing by at this time in the day in the peaceful neighbourhood where the cabin is, so I stepped out just outside to pick a few flowers - found some white and yellow daisies - and added them onto the tray. Now, I slowly and soundlessly walked back into Carl's bedroom.

I set the tray down on the floor by the bed and knelt next to it. Now, I could kiss my prince awake - two feather kisses on his forehead first and then, when he was stirring from his sleep, other two on his lips. He's so adorable when he wakes up!

"Good morning, darling," I whispered into his ear. "Your Adoria is here."

He blinked, awakening and smiling shyly. "One more?" He was asking for one more kiss!

"You're so beautiful, darling," he said as I picked the tray from the floor to put it across his lap. He gasped, completely surprised and delighted. "Oh, you didn't have to—"

I had to interrupt, of course. "Yes, I did have to. For my honey, I need to."

I picked a raspberry from the tray and fed it to him. For the first time, his moist mouth touched my fingertips and I quivered like aspen. All the time, his eyes were on me, Helena, those large soulful loving eyes. I think he was more interested in me than in the food! I tried some more food and some orange juice, but he just kept looking and for the first time I thought there was hankering for something else behind his eyes. I don't know if he knew yet, but I felt it, you know.

He swallowed hard then, as though fighting against some dreadful enemy on the inside of him that could not be victorious over him anymore and it was winning. And, you know, darling Helena, it was just then that I understood that somehow the little me - whatever it is that I am doing or whatever it is that I am - was and still is strong enough to help him break through years of fear. Now he was still vulnerable, but he was free of it.

I smiled when we put the tray aside and Carl timidly asked for an embrace. It was closer, so close, so snug that it felt like our hearts were beating as one.

"Darling," his eyes darted down to my lap apprehensively, "will you—be good to me?—and gentle with me?" He was sniffling and crying! My gentle and wonderful Carl crying and worried - because of what I would think.

"Oh, gorgeous!" My heart cannot bear him tearful, it just cannot. It's a torment to my soul. I covered up his face with a dozen of kisses before I myself was able to speak. "I am scared myself. I never have—It's only with you that I can—" I kissed his velvety skin in the crook of his neck. "I just love you so much - and need to be yours. Now, see, I am sniffly too!" I laughed through my tears as his veil and mine were slowly retreating. His hands found mine.

His tears were still drying on his cheeks, but he was now looking at me differently somehow; scandalously different, you might say. It was like he was drinking in the sight of my entire person and I so liked being looked at thus!

Helena was sniffly as well. This was more intimate and sexier than any acrobatic fantasies even could be. Reading the paragraphs, she quite literally held her breath. The intense love, brought forward palpably by Adoria's flowery language, underlay everything there. Both of them, herself and Carl, were so innocent, inexperienced and - in their own words - scared, making it all feel ever so gentler and more delicate. Adoria's purity of heart was bringing the man over from his shell, taking his pain and dread away from him, peeling the layer bit by bit. The care, love and dedication with which she was doing so was inspirational, particularly since she didn't seem to realise she was doing anything special. Helena placed her hand on her heart and read on.

We were so close from each other. My nose nuzzled his and our eyes met for a long while. It was such a captivating and charming moment. Even before everything else, I could see in his profound, entrancing eyes that the floodgates were opening. I do not know if his fears have subsided or the power of his love for me swept them to the side, but when he caressed my cheek tenderly and my heart was fluttering like a nightingale, I detected the decision in his glance.

Then, never taking his eyes off me, he proceeded to unbutton his pyjama shirt. Oh, it was heavenly! It was better than if he undressed me then! - he's so worried about his body and what it looks, my dear Carl - when he is perfection itself! - and now was exposing his vulnerability first to me!

I hadn't known until then how robust my Carl really is! So stalwart! His muscles are so strong and so is his chest. I caressed his arm and his neck moving my fingers to his back and just could not take my eyes away from his! - and then leaned in to him even closer and kissed him.

It all felt different now, with him exposed to me and me just in my night dress—there was tenderness and love in our kisses, but my soul sensed some kind of insistence that I'd not felt before or even known I had. Now with the first indications of the river bursting, I craved him and it was so beautiful! And now his hands rested on my back fondling me. Ooohh, Helena! I was commanded to kiss his sweet lips more and my fingers stretched around his ears and back of his neck. He followed my lead and now his hands caressed my face. We were simply made for each other!

My heart was now being sated with euphoria, Helena. When he was kissing me, I belonged to him; when he caressed me, I was his! For ages I'd longed for that moment and now, when it arrived, it overwhelmed me. It was as if sun has peeked on us through the clouds and we accessed some magical immortal world. Holding his face in my hands, I laughed through my tears of utter happiness, smiling and crying with joy. We were just two people experiencing such favour and honour as we'd never thought was possible. It was a peculiar pain in my very core; like Mary finding and tending to her Secret Garden, a beauty so striking and numinous that it is difficult to comprehend.

Next, beloved Helena, next—what happened was so beautiful that I still do not fully grasp it. All of it seems just too beautiful to be true. Well, I sensed a deep-seated need to surrender to him and to be his girl and so I took his place sitting up at the headboard against the pillows. Carl knelt in front of me, but before he did, he took his pyjama trousers off, leaving himself just his boxers. Do you think me naughty that I stole a few seconds' glance in that direction? It felt so sinful, that!

He was shaking - I could his muscles' vibrations and twitches when his skin brushed mine - and it felt strangely awkward trying to find the right position to start - we are such two inexperienced fools in love after all! - but finally I stretched my legs wider so that he could come closer to me in between them and kissed me again, holding my face in his palms. What loving passion this was! His breath wafted warmly around me and I could only meet his lips - they were so demanding and wanting of me, and he glided his hands up and down my legs and thighs and I just melted and kissed him back. Never stopping the drugging kisses, he brought me down to lie on the pillows up and his handsome, besotted (with me!) eyes looked at me radiantly from above. My heart was pounding raving mad - I knew deep down that things were truly about to start, that this was the moment of my dreams for all those months. And yet still I feared this splendid dream would just burst like a soap bubble.

But it didn't burst at all - it was real. His hands were now stroking my leg and thighs slower and tighter and the pressure was quite surreal. I am quite certain that my eyes would've appeared as unseeing to him. Then he buried his face in the crook of my neck and kissed my neck ever so gently. I just had to whimper - his chest was against my breasts and his lips against my skin brought me such delicious goosebumps, everywhere! "Oh darling—" I whimpered some more, "I love you so much—" He let another kiss on my lips be his answer. This time, the tip of his tongue touched mine and I sensed my body, somewhere on the inside somehow, to be as if licked by tongues of fire.

And then he lowered his mouth to first just touch and kiss my breasts. Oh, my goodness! - at first, I completely forgot it was still with my dress on and he was kissing me through the material! It was like my breasts were made for him. And my Carl was so shy about it, but every touch of his lips touched my nerves. I whispered to him how beautiful it was and how beautiful he was while it seemed that the excitations and romance flowed all over me now, sparing no tendril, all the way down to my feet and toes, which moved on their own.

Carl kissed me again, gently, lovingly and with such unsurpassed reverence that another tear needed to roll down out of the corner of my eye. And now, he lifted the hem of my dress at the top and pushed it down a little. His lips wrapped themselves around my rising nipple - and ooohhh, his warm moist lips felt sooo good. So much loving! I caressed the back of his head feeling his lips suck my breast and his wonderful moist tongue wash around me. And those loud kissing sounds - I breathed laboriously already while he kept kissing and adoring them. And to think he had been fearful of making love for so long, denying himself the experience for so long - my heart still grieves at the very thought!

And then and then and then, sweetest Helena! His fingers crept delicately under the material between my legs and touched where the essence of me lies. It felt so sensitive - good sensitive! - and how and where he touched me felt exactly right. "Ohhh, this is soooo beautiful" I think was what I managed to whimper in my tiny, loving voice. I had to join his hand as he was making tiny, lazy circles over my nub and it seemed to me that all his love emanated from that part of me then. We panted against each other, kissing and making - re-making, rather - each other crazy for one another. In the middle of the rapture, from behind his aroused eyes arrived a romantic, picture-perfect smile. My heart desired to leap out of my chest at the sight; weeping, all I could do was kiss him with the passion of one who knows they are worshipped.

Then my focus had to be back on his wonderful, long fingers doing magic between my legs. You know, dearie, I think my flower was made for him and only him; he knew so well how and where to touch me and all I could do was just gasp and quiver. His fingers were rubbing and circling and carving delightful shapes around my core, so badly, so dearly I was wanting him in there, to be in me, with me, in union with me!

I don't quite know how or even when, but my arm moved instinctively towards his boxers, tracing trails around his hardness there - it did feel quite big! Carl lied on top of me now, ceasing the wonderful finger ministrations, looking down towards me first, then kissing me on the neck and rubbing his chest against my breasts... is this what many folk call 'hot', Helena? At every kiss of his and every shift of his body, I felt goosebumps all over my skin, but then they were followed by flames of passion, the cold and the hot alternating, putting me ecstatically out of tune and forcing a moan after another through my lips and making me want to just cling to him forever. Oh, and I felt his manly hardness all the time - and needed it!

Kissing him deeply, I somehow took the next step myself and pushed his boxers down his hips. I didn't see it yet, but I felt his heavy, powerful manhood lie across my petals. Our love was now getting out of control. Bound up for so long before, it was erupting impetuously at present, no longer stoppable. I didn't know what would happen or what to expect, but was too flared up to care now, and Carl - there was loving, passionate fire in his eyes and in his insistent drugging kisses, and his muscular, strong body was now free.

I saw the throbbing awesome manhood when he knelt to push the boxers fully off his legs. "Wow! Carl!" I shouted idiotically. He smiled, his timidity covered by the aroused temerity. He lied down over me to kiss my neck again, pressing his entire body against me; I was now pure fire - I hadn't known one could be that way this much! The tip of his hard throbbing member was pushing against my entrance - and I suddenly realised how moist I was there. Instinctually, I reached down to wrap my fist around him finding the stickiness oozing from his tip both captivating and terribly arousing. I felt completely exposed to him and wanted to be so - and wanted to be filled, Helena! I was now so ready to be his, for him to explore me! His hardness seemed to be growing while sliding past my sweaty and sticky fingers. I was gasping and heaving hard - oh come in soon, Carl, darling, please, please, just come into Adoria; she is so ready for you, my dear beloved!

Helena was gasping herself now, seemingly feeling every piece of her garment tease every sensitive part of her body; it was difficult to keep her hands away from herself—the romance part of it was the worst, though - she wasn't even certain she should be privy to those kinds of admissions!

And then - slowly but surely - he went in. Oh Helena - the fulness, the pressure of it! I'd had nooooo idea! The heat waves and the warmth all over my body and the feeling of being filled! There's just nothing like it! When my gorgeous Carl first moved in, the incomparable, feverish feeling of being stretched was so intense, so raging, that I tensed up like a guitar string being plucked and my mouth wouldn't close - I could only moan and react.

In those first second, dearest, I didn't even know what was going on, not ready for such torrent of stimuli! Then the fogged-up realisation revisited: my love, my darling Carl, my prince was finally joined with me! Oh Helena, my sweetheart - isn't that just the fluffiest feeling? - my heart and his met as our eyes met, both of us gasping, mouths parted, in that one second - more love and affection cannot be found in the entire Jane Austen!

Then his sensations overwhelmed him. Kissing me - my lips, cheek, eyes, forehead, hair - he moved his hips going deep, soooo deep into me. Every time he had to move his hips back felt to me like I was suffering and starving, desperately craving him back, begging to be filled again.