Dreams, Drawings, and Panties

"I bought some artwork for my clinic that isn't nearly this nice," she said.

Julia stepped back to the middle of the room and looked around. "I've been having the most intense déjà vu I've ever experienced in my life since I've stepped into your apartment," she said stone-faced.

Alex was baffled by her comment. "You were just here, Friday," he said calmly. Julia appeared to be a little irritated but said nothing.

"How about if I make us some decaf coffee," said Alex. "I need a good night's sleep tonight, but I promise you that you won't be disappointed with the flavor."

"That sounds great," said Julia. "My hands are still cold. And I'm overdue for a good night's sleep as well. Decaf would be great."

Alex led them into the kitchen and breakfast area where he began to pull out his coffee equipment onto the kitchen counter. "Have a seat," he said as he motioned to the table.

"I just ordered these beans and they are fantastic," said Alex as he turned away retrieve the bag of beans and then open them. "I haven't had anyone to share them with yet." These were the beans that he intended to share with Julia Friday night, but they had gotten distracted. He measured a quantity of beans with a scoop and placed them into the grinder. "They were still oily from the roaster when they arrived." He turned on the grinder which filled the room with a grinding sound. As it was still grinding, he filled the water canister from the brewing machine and turned off the grinder after it finished grinding the last beans in the hopper. "Do you like cream and sugar?" he asked. There was no answer.

Alex turned around and saw Julia masturbating while she was sitting at the kitchen table. The table was blocking his view from the waist down, but it was clear that she was reaching between her legs with both hands. Her wrists were rhythmically moving, her eyes were closed, her mouth was open, and she was breathing heavily. Alex stood and watched while he wondered how long it would take her to notice that he was watching her. He was torn between intense but conflicting emotions. Part of him was seething. He felted taunted with something that he was trying to avoid, and he considered screaming at her to get out of his apartment. Part of him was turned on. He would love to see her lips wrapped around his dick, and he could probably have his dick in her mouth within sixty seconds. His heart was racing and there was an agonizing bulge in his underwear. "Never put your dick in crazy," he reminded himself angrily.

Julia appeared to be trying to keep silent, but a quick chirp escaped from her mouth. She immediately opened her eyes worriedly and saw Alex staring at her from the kitchen counter.

"Would you like some privacy?" asked Alex.

Julia's face crumbled as she immediately burst into tears. "I'm so sorry!" she said as she covered her face and began bawling.

"Oh, God, could this get any worse?" Alex thought to himself. "Definitely a nutcase. Definitely need to get her out of here ASAP."

Julia began to shake as her crying intensified.

"Everything is going to be okay," Alex reassured her. "She's definitely hopeless," he thought to himself.

Julia continued crying until she eventually managed to steady her breathing. Alex, not knowing what to do, resealed his bag of coffee and put it away. Julia uncovered her face and looked at Alex. Her eyes were red, and tears were streaming down her face. "Something is really wrong with me," she said. "I'm not normally like this."

"You're going to be okay," said Alex. She seemed sincere, but delusional people are sincere about their delusions. Or maybe she was just embarrassed and trying to save face. Her face was so different from the laughing face that he saw when they first met, and he couldn't help but feel some sympathy for her.

"Please take me to the hospital if I have a seizure," she said with seriousness in her voice. "Strong déjà vu experiences and hypersexuality can sometimes be an indication that a seizure is about to happen." She looked at Alex as if she desperately needed him to believe her. "I've read about a condition like this, but I've never encountered it in my practice."

"Don't worry," said Alex. "Even if you hadn't told me, I'd make sure that I got you to a hospital if you had a seizure."

"Oh, Alex," said Julia with distress in her voice. "I've ruined everything."

"No, it's fine," said Alex.

"No," said Julia. "You're a wonderful man and..." She took a breath as she thought about what to say next. "I've ruined any chance of a serious relationship with you." Alex didn't know how to respond to that. She was probably right about her chances of a relationship with him. He felt sad about this situation as well. It was a loss.

"You're a good person," said Alex. "Don't forget that." He wasn't sure what to say to her, but that sounded good. Her friends seemed to think that she was a good person, so maybe she was.

"Thank you," said Julia as she tried to force a smile. "May I use your restroom to wash my face?" she asked.

"Sure," said Alex. "There's one that way. It will be on your right, across from my office."

"Thank you," said Julia. She got up and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you for being so kind," she said before departing for the restroom.

Alex sighed as he loaded the freshly ground coffee beans into the filter system and began brewing the coffee. Tonight had started off so well but had quickly taken a distressing turn. "We could use some coffee while we wait for her ride-share to show up," he thought, "but we still need to get the rideshare ordered as soon as she comes back." He reached into a cabinet and removed two coffee mugs and preheated them with warm water from the tap. Alex sighed again as he stared at the mugs. "She has a very likable personality. I wish that there was some way to make this work." He then placed a sugar bowl and two spoons next to the mugs. "It's a shame she's crazy, but she's not mine to fix." The aroma of coffee began to fill the kitchen as he watched the black coffee fill into the pot as it brewed. "At least this is soothing," he thought.

A blood-curdling scream came from the other end of the apartment. "Good lord!" he exclaimed. "What now?!"

Alex sped towards his bathroom and saw Julia standing in the center of his office. She was pointing at his drawing of Emma's face on the easel.

"What..." started Alex.

"How do you know Emma?!" she screamed at Alex as she lurched away from him. She stood shaking, standing as far as possible from both Alex and the drawing.

"You know Emma? How do you know Emma?!" he demanded.

"I asked you first!" screamed Julia as she continued to shake. "How do you know Emma?!"

The two stared at each other. Alex was completely perplexed. Julia seemed terrified.

"She is evil," said Julia coldly.

"Now just a minute," said Alex defensively, "she's not..."

"She's a fucking psychopath!" interrupted Julia.

"Emma's a psychopath?!" exclaimed Alex. "You're the one who stalked me on the way home from our first date so you could fuck me!"

"You're really scaring me, Alex. I've never been here, and we've never had sex," said Julia.

"You led me to my bedroom to have sex with me and you won't even acknowledge it?!" said Alex as he pointed towards his bedroom.

"No...I didn't!" said Julia indignantly. "I have no idea what you are talking about." The expression of fear in her face had turned to anger.

Alex stepped closer to Julia. "You left your panties in my bed!" he said. He pulled her panties out of his pocket and held them up. "Haven't you noticed that these have been missing since Friday night?"

Julia looked at the panties in Alex's hand and her face crumbled. "Who are you?!" she screamed as she backed into the wall behind her. "What do you want from me?!" She now held her forearms defensively over her face and began to sob. She sounded completely broken.

Alex wasn't sure what to think of Julia, but he felt a pain in his heart with each sob. Her distress was genuine, and even if she was a nutcase, she was still a human being. "Be a good person," he reminded himself.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Everything around me right now is extremely confusing." He wasn't sure if that was the best thing to say, but it was accurate.

Julia lowered her forearms from her face to her chest in a slightly less defensive posture, though she was still breathing heavily. "How the fuck do you know Emma?" she asked with a quiver in her voice.

"A dream," answered Alex. "How do you know Emma?"

"A dream," answered Julia. They both looked into each other's eyes with bewilderment. "How is it possible that we both know Emma from a dream?" she asked. "With that face and that name?"

"I have no idea," said Alex, "but I'd really like to know the answer to that." He was still holding Julia's panties and awkwardly and placed them back into his pocket. He briefly wondered whether tonight was another weird dream, but physically confirming that her panties were in his pocket suggested that it wasn't. Then again, maybe it would be a good idea to question that logic.

"Maybe we can work together to figure out what's been happening to us," said Julia.

"Yes," said Alex as he reached for a box of tissue to hand to her. "You're right. It sounds like weird stuff has been happening to both of us." Alex remembered Emma's warning about Julia and still took it seriously. Nothing was making sense and he trusted no one completely, but he wanted to know what Julia had to say.

Julia lowered her arms down to her sides and took the box of tissue from him. "I thought that it was just me until I saw your drawing in here. What can you tell me about Emma?" she asked as she looked again at the portrait of her face.

"I've dreamed about her more than once," said Alex. "At least I think that they were dreams. I'd have strong memories of her when I woke up. We were close. Maybe even soulmates." He wondered whether he should have left out the part about them being soulmates. "I'm not sure. It's confusing."

"That's very different from my experience with her," said Julia. "She hated me." Julia and Alex looked at each other with distrust.

"I'd wake up to find out that she never existed," said Alex. "It would feel like a close family member died. Grieving."

Julia gave him a very perplexed look but said nothing.

"Within a few hours, all of my memories of her would be gone. I would not be able to remember her name or what she looked like or what we had done together." He paused. "But I'd still feel the loss.... the brutal loneliness...and emptiness."

"How did you draw this if you couldn't remember what she looked like?" asked Julia.

"It had happened before. I could remember for a few hours after I woke up," said Alex. "When I woke up Friday morning, I knew that I'd only remember what she looked like for a short time, so I decided to draw these portraits of her while I still had those memories."

"Clever. So, there is more than one drawing?" asked Julia as she stepped toward the easel.

"Wait, no!" said Alex as Julia removed the top portrait of Emma's face to reveal the full body nude underneath.

"This is definitely the same Emma I've seen in my dreams," said Julia calmly.

"Wait!" said Alex as Julia pulled the full body nude of Emma to reveal the close-up of Emma's vulva. Alex cringed.

Julia took a deep breath and stared closely without saying anything for a while. "That's definitely her," she eventually said. "I'm certain of it. The pattern of her pubic hair, the protruding inner labia with that distinctive shape, the bulging clitoris..." Julia paused. "...and those two freckles here," she said as she pointed to the dots on either side of Emma's vulva.

Alex looked startled and embarrassed. "I didn't expect anyone else to see that drawing," he said.

"Your drawing talents are truly outstanding," said Julia.

"I'm surprised that you'd recognize this part of her," said Alex.

"I got a really good view of her," said Julia grimly, "though not by choice. Given the nature of my experiences, I'm not surprised that you're familiar with that part of her body as well."

Despite the extremely intriguing topic, Alex felt brutally fatigued and was tired of standing. "Would you like to continue our discussion in the kitchen with some coffee?" he asked Julia. "The coffee should be finished brewing by now."

Julia exhaled deeply. "That sounds wonderful," she said, and they both retreated to the kitchen.

"Have a seat," said Alex as Julia entered the kitchen. "Cream and sugar?"

"Both," said Julia, and she watched him prepare two cups in exactly the same manner. "It smells wonderful."

"I think that you'll like it," said Alex as he handed her a mug.

"Wow, this is truly outstanding," said Julia after she took a sip. "Thank you."

"You are quite welcome," said Alex before taking a sip himself before taking a seat across from her. The two sat in silence as they contemplated the events of the weekend. "Would you tell me about your dreams with Emma?" said Alex as he broke the long silence.

Julia paused before speaking. "I had two dreams of her Friday night and one long terrible dream last night. They got progressively worse." She paused to take a sip of coffee as she considered how to proceed. "When the first dream started, I couldn't see her, but I was connected to her mind somehow. It was like we could read each other's thoughts, but she was controlling everything that I did."

"Odd," said Alex aloud.

"Reading her thoughts was terrifying," said Julia. "It was like seeing inside the head of a psychologically disturbed patient. I saw overwhelming traits of severe psychopathy...absence of empathy...complete absence of remorse. You wouldn't want to be on her bad side...and she hated me."

"Oh," said Alex.

"When I said that she was a psychopath, that was my professional opinion as a licensed psychologist," said Julia.

"That does sound terrifying," said Alex. This opinion of Emma was completely different from his impression of her from his dreams.

"As I mentioned earlier, she controlled everything that I did in that first dream. I was like her puppet. It took a while before I could hear her disturbing thoughts, so I initially wasn't too disturbed. It seemed like a typical case of dream sleep paralysis, you know, when people believe that they've been paralyzed before being abducted by aliens."

"That sounds like a reasonable explanation," said Alex.

"In subsequent dreams, she didn't control me like a puppet, but they got progressively more disturbing," said Julia. "' Traumatic' is probably a better word than 'disturbing'." Alex waited for Julia to continue. Julia's face turned more serious while she said nothing for a moment.

"I want to get back to something else, Alex. You seem to be under the impression that I had sex with you Friday night?" she asked.

"Julia," said Alex, "you followed me home after our date. You ran up to me as I was approaching my apartment and told me that you had changed your mind about getting home early. I offered to make coffee, but before I could make it, you practically threw yourself at me and started kissing me, and then led me to my bedroom." Julia stared at him with a serious look on her face.

"If I had been here, I almost certainly would have had to order another rideshare to get home. I should be able to confirm right now that I only took one rideshare Friday night." Julia took out her phone and opened the app to review her charges. Her face went blank. "It shows a second rideshare that night. The second one started at your address and ended at my home. I can't explain what's going on. I have no recollection of anything after leaving you at the restaurant." Alex looked at her but said nothing.

"Assuming that this actually happened," said Julia, "you've been carrying around my panties with you like they were a trophy?"

"You have no idea how happy I was to find them Saturday morning," said Alex. "They were proof that you were real. After all the dreams of disappearing people, having proof that you existed was a big deal. When I woke up and you were gone, I thought that maybe you have been just another dream...until I found your panties."

Julia gave him an exasperated look. "I just showed up and you had sex with me?" she asked. "I have no recollection." She sighed. "I think that I should feel violated if that actually happened."

"I assumed that you were fully aware. And I...I really liked you, Julia," said Alex as he began to feel emotional, "and I felt that we had mutual feelings towards each other after that date. I...I felt excited. You were intelligent...and kind...and I really enjoyed just hanging out with you." Alex paused. "And I find you extremely attractive. I didn't plan on having sex with you that evening, I even tried to avoid it, but you were persistent. I had a hard time resisting you."

Julia smiled briefly before returning more serious again.

"If you did come here, it might explain your déjà vu, even if you don't explicitly remember being here," said Alex.

"Nothing is making sense," said Julia. "Well, I do feel..." started Julia as she smiled briefly again. "I thought that Friday night started out very well. I really enjoyed getting to know you." They both smiled at each other. "Tonight started out fantastically, but some really weird and disturbing stuff has been going on all weekend."

"I'd like an explanation for the weird stuff too," said Alex.

"I'm also processing the possibility that I may have had sex with someone, and I don't remember it," said Julia.

"I wish that you could remember," said Alex. "I wish that it could have been a shared experience between the two of us."

"I can't believe that you saw me naked," said Julia. "I'm having a hard time getting over that."

"Well, not exactly," said Alex.

"What do you mean?" asked Julia.

"You turned the lights out before we got undressed," said Alex. "I never saw anything."

Julia's face lit up. "Maybe that was you!" she exclaimed.

"What was me?" asked Alex.

"In my first weird dream Friday night, the only one that wasn't a complete nightmare, I had sex with someone, but it was pitch black and I couldn't see anything," said Julia. "I assumed that it was part of my dreaming that night, but maybe it actually happened."

Alex smiled a little. "I didn't see your body, but I do remember a few details from touching. I noticed the way that you trim your bikini line. You have a rather small landing strip with a gap between your hair and your clitoris. And you seemed to enjoy it when I gave you a brief bit of oral stimulation there before moving lower."

"Oh!" said Julia with a mortified look followed by a laugh before covering her face with her hand. "I...I remember that!"

"Are you about to start laughing at me now?" asked Alex jokingly. Julia shook her head with a smile.

"He was...I mean you were absolutely amazing!" said Julia. "And what you did with your mouth, I could enjoy that for...oh!" she said before stopping herself.

"You were pretty good with your mouth, too!" said Alex.

"That was Emma," said Julia dryly.

"What do you mean?" asked Alex.

"I had no control of my body," said Julia. "Emma was controlling me. It started out fun, and I honestly enjoyed it for a while. She was using me to enjoy sex with someone, and we felt each other's pleasure. It was truly incredible. He was incredible...I mean, you were incredible." Julia smiled as she gave another embarrassed look at Alex. Alex smiled back at her as they both took another sip from their coffee mugs.

Julia suddenly placed the palms of both of her hands on the table and closed her eyes tightly while she clenched her face. "Oh, God," he said as she before taking a deep breath. "I can't take much more of this."