Drive

Heather sat in the passenger seat of Gil's Escalade wearing a simple yellow sundress and a smile that told of a secret she couldn't wait to spill into the first friendly ear she could find.

Gil couldn't remember when he realized that she wasn't wearing her usual blue denim jacket, torn blue jeans, and concert t-shirt outfit, but his eyes kept getting drawn to her bare legs and generous cleavage like a magnet.

Never once in two years of driving the young woman home from babysitting his twins had he ever noticed what she was wearing, but since she got in the car, every time his eyes had wandered in her direction, he did his best to remind himself that she was twenty and he was forty-two and happily married.

That didn't stop him from looking, though.

Heather was the kind of girl who easily blended into the background until you got to know her. If you were lucky enough to spend more than a few minutes with her, you would notice her big, dimpled grin first, because she didn't smile often, then her youthfully soft face, long curly brown hair, and soulful brown eyes and you would realize that her beauty was only matched by her sweet nature.

It was the second-to-last time that he would be driving her home. Next time would be from his twin's thirteenth birthday party the following Saturday, and they had agreed, that is Heather, Gil, and his wife Alice, that her regular weekend babysitting job was ending. The twins could now be trusted to fend for themselves for a few hours every Saturday night. It had been a bittersweet conversation for all. Heather agreed because she would be moving away soon once she had decided on which university she was transferring to, but it didn't make the prospect of having to say goodbye any easier.

"So," Gil said has he turned them onto the highway, "have you figured out where you want to go yet?"

"It's between Berkeley and San Diego State, now. I can't believe I got accepted to six different schools."

"I do," Gil said, almost leaving it at that, but he couldn't help himself. "Heather, you are probably the most focused, motivated person I've ever met." That felt like an understatement; her acceptance rate was almost as extraordinary as her legend-in-her-own-time grades and stellar citizenship.

"Oh, come on, you're just being nice."

"No, I'm serious. You worked your butt...you worked so hard to get where you are, kiddo. It's why you have so many opportunities. Not a bad problem to have." Heather nodded, believing him even if it didn't feel true. Part of the reason that Heather liked babysitting was the hours of study time she got when her mind was sharpest, late at night. She never believed that the hard work would amount to much more than a report card she wasn't ashamed of. "What do your folks think about you moving so far away?"

"I don't know, I haven't asked them. I don't think I care, anyway."

They lapsed into awkward silence. Gil had heard about the difficulties between Heather and her parents second hand through Alice. He had plenty of opportunities to bring it up before but never had, preferring to chat with her about her favorite bands and upcoming shows instead.

"What do you think about me moving away?" Heather asked.

Gil hesitated. He felt sad that his twins were losing such a good influence, happy that she had turned two years of grinding at community college into her pick of universities, proud because she was a young woman just getting started on what was going to be an amazing life.

"I'm happy and sad," Gil admitted, leaving it at that.

"Me too," Heather agreed. "I don't think I'm going to miss home at all, but there are some things I will miss a lot."

"Oh yeah, what's that, kiddo?"

"Well, first of all is the shows."

Gil had chauffeured Heather and her best friend to several concerts in the past couple of years. Most of the artists he'd never heard of but after the second time driving them, he stopped living vicariously through her and started buying a ticket for himself. "Frisco and San D both have lively concert scenes," he added, trying to be helpful.

"True. But somehow, I think that it won't be the same." After admitting that Heather clammed up.

Gil could tell that she was holding something back but couldn't fathom what it might be. "What else are you going to miss?" he pressed.

"I, uh, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but..."

"Wrong way?"

"Yeah, like, I don't know, I feel like I have to say it, you know, before I go."

"What's that?"

"You. I'm going to miss you," Heather's voice hitched. "Like, a lot. The most."

"Miss me? Me?" Gil asked, astonished. He fully expected her to say the twins or her school friends. Never in a million years would he have guessed that answer from her.

"Yeah, well, you must know by now," Heather began. Gil could see her biting her lower lip in the light of passing cars. It was by far her cutest nervous habit. "I mean, how I feel. About, um, you."

"Me? No," Gil protested. He was often in the dark about what people thought or felt about him, a deliberate choice in some cases. But he was serious, he'd never once thought that Heather held anything in her heart for him other than casual friendliness. "No, I... I never."

"You don't?" Gil shook his head. "Gil, I've had a crush on you since we met. Like, this whole time."

Gil sat with that information for a couple of miles.

"Are you going to say something?" Heather asked, making Gil jump.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," Heather sighed, "anything. When was the last time a girl surprised you how with she felt?"

"Uh, it was, ah, Alice, a long time ago," before you were born, he almost added. "I mean, Heather, listen. Seriously, listen." Gil searched for what to say next but all that came out was a raspberry of discomfort.

Heather laughed. "You ever notice that you aren't able to talk when you are nervous?"

"I mean, what am I supposed to do with that...information?" Gil hated how defensive he sounded to himself. It wasn't like the girl was attacking him or accusing him of something.

"Well, how do you feel about me having a crush on you?" Heather countered.

"Flattered? Baffled?"

"Ooookaaay..."

"Since you met me?"

"Yep."

"Heather, I'm twice your age. I'm married." Gil hoped that would be the end of this awkward conversation, but there was a small, distant, nearly forgotten part of himself that desperately wished that it didn't.

"Yeah, about that," Heather said confidently. "Do you want me to tell you what Alice said when I told her about how I feel?"

"You did what now?" Gil gulped. He both strongly dreaded and seriously desired to know. "You told Alice?"

"Yep. Well, do you?" It was hard to miss the tone of triumph in her voice.

"I, ahhh...."

"She knew already and she's fine with it."

"Shoot," Gil said as he drove past the off-ramp for Heather's house. "Damn, sorry, I missed it. I missed your turn."

"It's okay," Heather said. "Pull off at the next one. Park at the Whole Foods so we can talk."

Gil did as she suggested, his mind racing. He hadn't been this aware of another person's proximity in a long time. In an unsettling flash of insight, Gil realized that he'd been taking the people in his life, his wife and kids and a couple of close friends, for granted. Then he realized that this was what it meant to be outside of one's comfort zone.

"Can you look at me?" Heather asked. They had been parked for a couple of minutes, the engine off, the stereo turned down to a distant murmur.

Gil looked at her, willing himself not to glance away. Whatever was happening, whatever would happen next, Heather deserved his full attention. Almost immediately, a text alert threatened to break his will.

"I want you, Gil. You can have me if...you, you know, want me back."

Gil's jaw dropped. People didn't actually say stuff like that in real life, certainly not to him. At least reason still had control of his mouth. "This isn't right. I can't. We can't."

"Why? Why not? Give me any reason."

"My wife, for one."

"I said I already talked to her. That might be her text, you should check."

It was indeed a text from Alice. Gil had to read it three times before he called his wife back.

"Alice, sweetie? What...what?"

"You have my permission," his wife said. "I know, I know, I know that I haven't been there for you for a while now. I love you, honey, and I want the best for you. Heather and I talked. She wants you, and I know she's exactly your type, just don't get your heart broken."

"What?" Gil's mouth dried up and his heart threatened to leap out of his chest. "You're...you're leaving me?"

"What? No, Gilbert! No one's leaving. No one said anything about leaving."

Gil glanced guiltily at Heather, knowing that he wasn't ready to be relieved yet. She raised her eyebrows and smiled back at him.

"Heather and I have been talking for weeks now. She wants an, she wants...an experience, I guess. With you."

"This is...this is, I don't even know."

"Talk to her. I'm hanging up now. We can talk when you get home, but don't you drop her off until you've talked to her, okay? Love you, honey. Talk to her."

Gil stared at his phone in wonder. A text came through while he gaped that read 'Talk to her'.

"I, uh..." Gil said, unable to form even the most rudimentary thought.

"I didn't know you would be this, like, weird about it." Heather said, but her tone belied her patience. "Sorry, that's not fair...not nice of me."

"No, it's okay," Gil breathed. "It is weird, but not..."

"Unwelcome?" Heather answered for him. "Are you at least really, I don't know, like you said, 'flattered'?"

Gil looked at Heather and started seeing her again for the first time. The inside of the car was dark, but the shopping center's lights were more than adequate to make out her expression. Her eyes were kind, and her lips were parted, and Gil wanted nothing more than to kiss her right then, abandon all pretense.

"You can just ask me. Would asking me make you feel better about it?" Heather asked. When she got no answer, she pressed on. "If it makes you feel better, I've been wanting a goodnight kiss from you since, I don't know, like, forever."

Gil's cock stirred, adding to his confusion.

"What do you think about my dress? I don't normally wear stuff like this, but Alice helped me pick it out. I think I love it. How about you?"

"It's beautiful," Gil said, finally. "You're b-b-beautiful." Damn, he hadn't stuttered like that since he was a kid.

"Thank you," Heather said, self-consciously twirling a lock of her hair before winking at him. "And, you are very, very handsome, but you are also sweet and thoughtful and kind and generous and, like..."

Gil looked away. He hadn't heard anyone say these sorts of things to him for years. He knew that Alice made a point to flatter him like this all the time, but it felt like a lifetime since it had mattered, so he must have just stopped listening.

"I need...this, this is just so," Gil struggled. "I can't even..."

"Sure, you can," Heather said, a devious grin spreading across her face. "And I, like, want you to."

"But I'm, and you're," Gil stopped himself. This was starting to become embarrassing. "And this is...It's just, uh, a lot."

"Yeah, I guess so," Heather said, trying not to sound hurt. "Are you, what, turning me down?"

"No!" Gil startled himself. "No, please don't, kiddo, I mean, don't take it that way."

"Okay, then. What?"

"I need time, to think. I'm not an impulsive person," he said more to himself than to the lovely young woman sitting inches from him. "I don't make rash decisions, and right now, anything other than driving you home would feel like that."

"Impulsive," Heather repeated.

"Rash," Gil added gravely. How could he possibly answer that now that he knew how she felt that he wanted her back more than anything else in the world. But he was too mature, too responsible, and too married to act on that desire.

"Alright. Drive me home then." Gil couldn't sense any regret or disappointment in her voice so the feeling must be his alone. "I do have one request, though."

"You want me to forget about this? Pretend this didn't happen?"

"What? No!" Heather practically shouted. She laughed and touched his shoulder. "A goodnight kiss is all."

"A goodnight kiss?" Gil started the car and pulled out of the spot, oddly relieved. He thought that maybe forgetting what had passed between them would be the right thing to do and also shatter his heart to pieces. "Just a kiss, then? I can do that."

-

They sat for a moment pointedly not looking at each other. Gil could see the front door of Heather's parent's condo just over her shoulder. The porch light was on, but he knew from her chatter about them over the years that her parents were asleep in separate parts of the condo and had long stopped caring how late their only daughter arrived home.

Gil was just about to ask, 'so how do we do this?' when Heather licked her lips, leaned across the center console, and kissed him. Her lips were soft and unadorned, and her breath smelled faintly of the pizza she'd gotten for herself and his twins. It was over too quickly, but instead of withdrawing, Heather hovered close, smiling faintly, her doe eyes darting around while they took in every detail of Gil's face.

Gil hesitated for a moment before kissing her back. This time, they lingered there for a sweet second longer, their lips parting so that their tongues touched. A thousand-volt surge of intimacy overwhelmed the steady current of delight that was supposed to be a simple kiss goodnight.

Heather sat back in her seat, a hard look in her eyes. "I was right."

Gil tottered stiffly in his seat, the raging hard-on that was crammed between his belly, jeans waistband, and the seatbelt adding greatly to his discomfort. "Right?"

"You feel the same way about me."

"I, I, I," Gil stammered. "I guess I do."

"Goodnight, Gil."

Gil stayed like that, leaned halfway over the center console, unable to move while he watched her bounce up the steps to her front door. He felt as good as she looked in the yellow sundress, young and carefree.

His heart lurched when she looked back and blew a kiss over her shoulder before she disappeared inside.

"Goodnight, kiddo," Gil said to the closed door.

-

The week that followed was exquisite torture.

Alice was already in bed when he got home from driving Heather home. He found himself with so much to say that he said absolutely nothing while he showered and climbed into bed next to her.

"Gil, honey, it's okay," Alice said through the fog of sleep. "It's okay, honey, I love you."

They barely saw each other the next day while Alice took one twin to a birthday party across town while he took the other to the library for a group study session.

Early Monday morning, Alice left on a business trip, leaving him alone in bed with a firm kiss, trying her best to reassure her discombobulated husband. "We aren't getting a divorce. I love you. Heather wants you. I want you to be happy and have sex. Go be happy and have sex with Heather," were her exact parting words.

Working from home had always been good for his wellbeing, but Gil found that, for once, it was not helpful at all to his state of mind. He must have typed and deleted a hundred texts to Alice, Heather, and his therapist before giving up and resigning himself to edging while he lurked on OnlyFans.

Tuesday and Wednesday were easier, but only because both Alice and Heather had texted him pretty much the same thing: 'Whatever you are going through right now, it'll be okay because I am here for you.' Gil cursed himself for being so delicate in their eyes.

He also felt both lucky and terrified. It was like the 'two wolves' thing that his alpha-bro workmates would always talk about, but his wolves were called 'Horny' and 'Content'. 'Horny' for a pretty woman young enough to be his daughter; 'Content' and in love with the life he had built with the love of his life. He wanted to feed both wolves but didn't see how that wouldn't just make them kill each other and destroy his life along with it.

'Hey,' Heather texted Friday morning.

'Hey,' Gil texted back. He then typed and erased at least ten different thoughts.

'I'm just going to assume that the three dots mean that you are still as messed up as you were Saturday night and wish you a lovely day 😘'

Were they already in the heart emoji stage of their relationship? He had gotten together with Alice in the flip-phone era, so it was yet another odd wrinkle to the unique situation.

'Are you still coming to the twins' birthday party?' Gil finally texted.

'I wouldn't miss it for the world. Alice is going to pick me up for some shopping before the party.'

'Oh, good,' he responded. He hoped that she couldn't read his profound disappointment.

'But I'm still going to need you to drive me home.'

Gil stared at his phone. He had to unlock it several times before he'd thought of a comeback.

'Just drive you home, then? I can do that.'

-

Gil tried to remember the order of events that led him to be sitting on the motel bed opposite Heather as she unzipped her hoodie and pulled her white long-sleeved t-shirt over her head, but he came up blank.

It had been too unseasonably cold for the sun dress, but that just meant that Heather could make a show of getting naked for him, a fact that he could read on her face like a neon sign.

He so desperately wanted to give Heather the attention he felt that she deserved but felt his focus slipping. He should have sprung for a nicer hotel. He should tackle her, tear her clothes off while they mauled each other's mouths like in the movies. He should call this off and drive her home like he promised. Instead, he just sat there and saw her again for the first time.

He reached across the space between them and touched her knee, reassuring himself that this was indeed reality and there was a real-live woman under the denim. Heather wore a simple white bra and a huge smile, but her eyes were like saucers and her cheeks were flushed red. "You like them?" she said as she leaned back and gave her boobs a little shake.

"My god, Heather," was all Gil could manage.

"That good, huh?" she laughed nervously. "Wanna help me take this off?" Heather stood up and turned around. Gil reached up and undid the clasp with practiced ease, her fingers brushing her now bare back.

"Alice told me that you would probably need me to, um..." Heather said over her shoulder. "Oh, jeez, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...bring her up." She slipped out of her bra and tossed it on the bed.

Gil bit back a gasp as Heather turned around. "What? Sorry for what?" Her breasts were larger and heavier than he'd imagined, and her small nipples and large areola were a delectable shade of carnation pink, but the most charming gem on Heather's treasure chest was the tanline from her bikini. The pale skin there was shot through with the faintest hint of veins, a striking contrast against the mild summer tan that adorned her upper chest and stomach. "Damn, my god," he muttered, "goddamn, you are so damn...god."

"Sorry for bringing up Alice," Heather blushed redder than ever. Gil's mind skipped between gawking at a dream and interacting with reality and back.

"No, don't be. We had a talk, well, another long talk last night, and I don't know how, but we are good. I don't know how things will be, you know, after, after we have...but yeah..." It was true. So much was said, and it was such a relief, but thinking about their discussion brought back to the surface the most stunning thing he had learned in a long time. The thought of what he knew about Heather from his wife made him tear his gaze away from the promised land of her naked chest to meet the hard look that had returned to her eyes.