Driving Jackie Ch. 04

"There are several factors to consider. The burns are serious, but he is young and in good health. Normally I would expect the corneas to take several months to heal completely. We should be able to see inside his eyes within 2 months if things go well, and I expect this to be the case. If he doesn't heal as quickly as we expect, it may take longer. Once we can do a visual examination, we will have a better idea. As I said earlier, we don't see any damage with various diagnostic machines. That is a good thing and I don't expect any serious issues in the future."

I breathed a sigh of relief, but was still worried. "Will there be any lasting effects?"

"Most likely he will have some vision impairment. If all went perfectly, his corneas would heal and there would be no ill effects, but the most likely outcome is that the corneas will be scarred. This will cause vision loss, perhaps it can be corrected with glasses or additional surgery. In the event it is more serious, there is the possibility of corneal transplant, but I would say that is remote."

I was more confused than relieved by his explanation, but at the moment didn't want to further confuse myself. I thanked him for his explanation and asked when he might be conscious again.

"I am not monitoring his medications but I would guess in a day or 2. If his burns are healing properly, I don't see any reason why he cannot go home shortly, but that is not my decision to make. He will need to see a specialist once home to monitor his condition, but we have done what we can for him here now."

This news did make me feel better. I asked when I could speak to the doctor who was monitoring his condition, and Dr. Sanjay did not know, but guessed he would be in early tomorrow to make rounds. "Check with the nurse at the desk. She will be able to give you a better idea of schedules than I."

"Thank you doctor", I said as I stood when he left.

Steve was lying there as before, but I hoped he was healing as fast as he could. I knew that if he was awake, he would be itching to get out of here as soon as possible. I sat back down and just watched as he slowly breathed, his chest moving up and down with each breath. I was glad to hear of his prognosis, but there was some uncertainty about the future that still worried me. I stayed in the room for another 2 hours, taking a short break to get a cold sandwich and soda from the cafeteria. The nurse at the desk assured me that the doctor would be by on rounds sometime about 10 tomorrow morning. I walked back to the apartment and slumped into the chair as I tried to digest all I had seen and heard today.

I called my mother and told her what I knew. It wasn't much, but she seemed to think that things would work out. She said Davey was being good, but was quiet and reserved. I had no doubt he was concerned, he just did not know enough to be as worried as I was. I again thanked her for taking care of Davey and she assured me she and my father had no problem doing it. I called Steve's mother and gave her what news I could. She asked if a visit would be wise now, but I told her that I would have to talk to Steve's doctor tomorrow before I knew anything for certain. Once the calls were made, I lay down on the bed and the day's events seemed to overwhelm me. I did not remember anything after that moment, and woke up the next morning in the same position.

*****

I got a quick shower and then got dressed. I wanted to be in Steve's room before the doctor made his visit. I did take a few minutes to stop into the hospital cafeteria to get some breakfast, though. Once finished with that task, I made my way back to the unit and into his room. The hospital was lenient about letting family members into rooms before official visiting hours, so I had no problem getting in to see him early. He had not moved from his position yesterday, and everything looked just as it had when I left. I took his fingers again, and told him I was back. After a few minutes of silent thought and hopefully telepathic communication, I sat and waited for the doctor to arrive.

The doctor came in about 9:30. I immediately asked what Steve's condition was, but he assured me that he would let me know after a brief examination. He looked at the charts then removed some of the bandages to look underneath. A nurse had come in with him and he asked her to replace the bandages and to put drops into his eyes. Once he had finished with the business at hand, he turned his attention to me and my questions.

"I assume you are his wife?" he asked in a business like voice.

"Yes, I want to know how he is doing. I spoke to his eye doctor yesterday and he gave me some information, but said you would know more."

"Your husband has some bad burns, but they have been treated. He will need to keep them covered for a few weeks, but I don't expect any problems. Your family doctor should be able to treat him once you go home. His eyes seem to be responding, but I assume Dr. Sanjay told you more specifics."

"He said Steve has had all the diagnostic tests they can do for now, and expects him to heal slowly for the next few months. " I responded.

"That seems about right. The eyes heal more slowly than the rest of the body."

"When will I be able to talk to him?"

"He is still in a lot of pain without the drugs. We will be slowly bringing him out of the heavily sedated state he is in now, but he will remain on the pain meds for some time. I would guess he will be awake later today, but how coherent he is will be another question. He may not know where he is or who you are right away."

I assured the doctor I would be here all day and was grateful I could at least talk to Steve later. "When will he be able to go home?"

"If he continues to show improvement, I don't see any reason he has to stay more than a couple of days longer. I would guess he can leave on Wednesday if all goes well."

I thanked the doctor, I seemed to be doing that quite a bit lately. He left to see his other patients and I sat back down, watching and worrying as I had been before he arrived. Several nurses came in over the next few hours, some to check his vitals and another to inject some drug or other into the IV in his hand.

*****

Steve started to stir late in the afternoon. I called a nurse when I noticed him moving and she came in to check things, and said he was starting to come out of the sedative state, but that was to be expected. They had started to lower the dosage of sedatives earlier and he would be more alert soon, but probably not this afternoon. Still, I was glad to see that he seemed to be getting better and hopefully, I would be able to speak to him soon. I continued to watch as he shifted position occasionally, but he did not open his eyes. I took his fingers again and tried talking to him. I did not think he could hear me consciously, but hoped that he would know I was there for him. I felt small movements in his fingers and this reassured me that he did indeed know I was there.

I went back to my room after dinner. The nurses had told me he was coming around slowly, but would not really be alert until tomorrow. I wanted to stay longer, but I was tired and needed to get some rest. I called my mother and Steve's again, telling them of today's events. Both were concerned, but I tried my best to reassure them and promised to keep in touch. I took the time to get ready for bed properly tonight, then again let my concerns worry me to sleep.

I was at the hospital early on Tuesday morning, I was sure Steve would be there waiting for me, fully awake and ready to find out all that had occurred during the past few days. I was disappointed, he was not awake, but he was further along in that process and the nurses said that they had not given him any sedatives at all this morning. The pain meds would continue to make him tired, but he should be able to wake from his long sleep today. I sat down next to his bed and took his fingers, just as I had done the past days. This time, he shifted in the bed as I touched him and I swore I felt him return my squeeze, although very weakly. I started talking to him, but did not get any more response than an occasional finger twitch. At this point, to me, this was a huge leap forward and I felt as though much of the weight had been lifted from my spirit.

Steve kept getting more active in his bed, I think he was ready to get up, but his body was less able than his mind told him. He still had not spoken, but was trying. I could hear an odd grunt or muffled groan and he seemed to be trying to speak. His nurse told me he would have some trouble speaking for a few days, the tubes down his throat had irritated his vocal cords. I stayed until after dinner, but Steve had not been able to say anything intelligible. I told him I was leaving for the day, but would return the next morning. I told him I loved him, and he returned my hand squeeze. As I was leaving, the nurse told me that his doctor had left orders that if he was doing well tomorrow, he could go home in the afternoon. This was great news and I felt overjoyed.

Back in my room, I called both mothers and gave them the good news. Each was happy for both of us. I told Steve's mother that if she wanted to visit, maybe a few days of rest at home before she came down would be a good idea. She agreed but said she would let me know before she made any definite plans.

*****

I got to the hospital about 9 this morning, and found Steve sitting almost upright. Well, the bed was raised so he could sit up; I guess the few days in bed had atrophied His muscles. The doctor had already been in and had said he could go home today. The nurses still had to disconnect him from all the tubes and monitoring leads, but I knew we were going home.

I wanted to give Steve a big hug, but wasn't sure just how to get close enough to him to do it without affecting his connections. I just took his fingers again and said "Steve, baby, you don't know how good it is to see you up again!"

Steve replied, his voice gravelly, "I missed you too, but I think I lost about 4 days of my life."

I wanted to tell him everything about the last days, but knew he would have trouble talking, and we would have the ride home to catch up.

The nurses had him disconnected from all the equipment by 11. Dr. Sanjay came in to give him a quick once over before letting us go. He gave me a couple of prescriptions to fill before we left. He also gave some final instructions.

"You will need to see your family doctor about the burns. I would recommend you do this as soon as possible. I would guess he will want to leave the bandages on a couple weeks longer, but that will be his call. I also want you to see an eye specialist once you get home. I will have my office give you a list of possible physicians who can follow your progress and take proper care of your eyes."

He continued "You will have to put in the drops twice a day. One is an antibiotic and the other will literally paralyze the eyes. Don't worry, this is only temporary, but is necessary. The drop will dilate the eye and keep the interior immobile as it heals. Your eye bandages will come off in about 2 weeks, so you will have to get some protection from the sun. The dilating effect will allow more sunlight in, and right now this is not a good idea. We have set up a nurse to stop by your home for several days to make sure you are prepared and doing things right. I don't want you doing anything physically stressful, no lifting or bending over. You can take showers, but no water above the neck. Your own doctor will give any additional instructions he feels are necessary. You are welcome to come back here any time if you feel the need for a second opinion or need any procedures you cannot get at home."

I thanked him and he took Steve's offered hand, although gingerly. The marks from numerous needles were obvious and would take a few days to heal.

I left Steve in the room with his nurse, I had to fill the scripts and I would get us something to eat. I finished in the pharmacy, and then got a cold sandwich for myself and a milkshake for Steve. He would not be ready for solid food today so a liquid lunch would have to do him now. I tried to fill in some of the blanks for Steve. He had been briefed on what he could expect over the next few months by the doctors. I told him about the ambulance coming to the house, the helicopter ride to Nashville and my time there before he regained consciousness.

"Damn, I wish I would have been awake for that helicopter. I bet that would have been fun." He croaked out.

I was just glad to be able to sit next to him and hold his hand, although carefully.

Once home, I walked into the house with Steve, my mother holding the door and dad bringing up the rear with my bag. Inside, mom tried to give him a hug, but was unsure of just how to do it without hurting him. She took him by the arm and held it close to her, putting the other on his shoulder. Dad was going to shake his hand, but also shied away after seeing the marks from his needles. He took the hand gently and patted it with his other hand. Mom shouted "Davey, your mom and dad are here!"

I heard the sound of running feet as he came out of his room at a run.

"Mommy!" he yelled and jumped into my arms as I bent to catch him. He gave me a kiss and I let him down. He took a look at Steve, then backed up and almost hid behind my leg. I saw the uncertainty on his face and then his father said "Got a hug for me?"

Davey just stood there staring, not moving. I could see the confusion in Steve as he waited to be welcomed back home by his son.

My mother said to him "Davey, Go give your father a hug. He missed you."

Davey did not move, just held onto my leg and tried to get further behind me.

"Davey, what are you doing? Don't you want to see your father?" I asked.

He did not move and I realized that the bandages that covered Steve's face were confusing and maybe even frightening him. Steve was still waiting to get a greeting, but I told him Davey was bothered by the bandages. He said he understood, but I think he was hurt too. I told Davey to go back to his room and play. He took a big detour around Steve, and then ran back down the hall to his room. I felt so bad for him, his son was afraid to go near him. I knew that would change in time, but now when Steve needed encouragement, he had to deal with this.

We sat down and I started to tell my parents about the trip. Mom had dinner on the stove and it would be ready soon. I had called her and let her know that Steve would not be able to eat anything other than soft food, so she had some soup and Jell-O for him, followed by ice cream. As we sat, my father asked Steve if he wanted a beer before dinner, but I jumped in saying he could not drink with the meds he was taking. As soon as I had said it, I saw Steve move his head in my direction and knew I had overstepped my bounds. He could easily speak for himself but I had done it for him. Here we were with our son afraid to come close to his father, me speaking for him and Steve not able to eat the regular food the rest of us could. I'm sure this did not help his self confidence any as he tried to get his life back to normal.

As we sat there, my father said that the Fire Marshall had stopped by yesterday. He had looked at the garage and had determined that the accident had been due to a gasoline leak. The gas tank in the car had slowly leaked gas and some of that gas had found its way into the muffler through a small hole in the muffler. He didn't think it was more than 4 or 5 ounces, but the flame of the torch had ignited it and the resulting fire had come out of the inlet like a jet engine. Since Steve's head had been right there, he suffered the full extent of the flames.

We ate mostly in silence. Davey came out, but kept staring at Steve as he ate, not saying a word. The rest of us were uncomfortable though my mother made a few attempts to get some pleasant conversation going. None of her attempts went very far, so the meal was finished in silence. They would be leaving in the morning, and decided to head for bed early to be rested for the long drive. I thanked them both for coming up and for taking care of Davey. After they had gone to their bedroom, I went to tuck our son in and came back to Steve, sitting alone in the living room. At that moment, sitting there by himself in a darkness he had no control over, I realized just how alone he felt.

*****

I led Steve down the hall to our room. He knew that until his eyes healed he would need assistance, but this was new to him and he found it uncomfortable, not able to do the simple things that he could do by himself every day before this. We went into the room, and started getting ready for bed. I had given him his oral meds and now I had to help with the eye drops for the first time. I did not expect any problems, but this was the first time I had to do it by myself. With Steve lying on the bed, I carefully removed the bandages that covered his eyes so I could get the drops in. The eye lashes and eye brows that had been burned off were starting to come back, stubble visible for each. We worked together to get the job done, me with the drops and Steve holding his lids open. As I looked into his eyes for the first time in several days, I was suddenly struck by the emptiness. Before I had been able to see the life, the love, the vitality of my husband in his eyes, but now I saw only darkness. I felt tears well up in my own eyes, wondering if I would ever get back what had been there before. I brushed the tears away with the back of my hand, I still had to put new bandages on his eyes for the night.

Finished with the medication, I lay down in bed beside Steve. I had started crying again and moving close, I put my arms around him and just pulled him to me. "I missed you so much. I don't know what I would do if something happened to you. I just want to hold you close to me."

"I missed you too, Jackie. I don't remember everything, but I felt a connection even when I was out of it. I knew you would be there, but I'm sorry I put you through all of this."

I thought back over the past few days, and everything seemed like a blur. I could remember individual events, but the entire ordeal had passed in a brief flash as I looked back on it.

"Just promise me you won't do that again. I remembered what it was like not to have you here with me when you were on the road, and the past few years have spoiled me. I want you here in bed with me every night." I stated, wanting him to know just how much he meant to me.

"I promise! No more overnight trips to the hospital for me. Besides, if I am not in bed with you, how can I keep track of these guys?", as he brushed his hand over one of my breasts that was lying crushed against his chest.

I laughed and said that I would keep them safe for him. I then thought of Davey and his last sight of them. "I gave Davey a show the other day. I really did not mean to, but he wouldn't leave my side after you went away and I had to get out of the bloody shirt before I went to the hospital to see you. I didn't think about it at the time, but I think you are right, he has been seeing far too much of them lately."

Steve laughed "They are definitely worth seeing, but how about if you keep them just for me. I think Davey needs to learn about privacy, especially when you are getting dressed."

I was glad to see that Steve was not too sad and that his thoughts were starting to come back to our lives here. He was still brushing his hand over my nipple which had quickly hardened and was starting to give me tingles in my pussy I had not felt for the past few days. I told him the doctor said he should not exert himself for the next couple of weeks, and he protested, although weakly.