Dubbed a No-hoper

Lionel Hilton stretched, farted and went to the bathroom.

His face was a mess, with dried blood over cuts and one eye almost closed from being punched multiple times.

As he urinated, he remembered being in a punch-up with a guy and two of his mates. The Arsehole was unnecessarily upset that Lionel had invited the guy's girlfriend to accompany him to a bedroom.

The irony of it was the girl had accepted the invitation and appeared more than interested. But the boyfriend jealously lost it and began swinging and yelling to his mates to help him sort out 'this motherfucker'.

Lionel's first retaliatory punch landed on Arsehole's chin and that decked him with his lights out.

Bar security guys pulled off the two mates from further mauling Lionel and threw them out of the bar. The sweet girlfriend helped battered Lionel to the street, kissed him and pointed to Arsehole's motor-scooter and told him to flee on it but to leave it where the cops could find it.

Lionel wasn't a bikie but managed to putt-putt along and around the first corner but lost concentration and overlooked turning at the second corner and crashed into the side of a warehouse made of concrete. The gutless motor-scooter appeared a write-off and the 2x3-year-old took Arsehole's girlfriend's advice, albeit delayed, and fled, leaving the scooter where the cops could find it.

Still suffering the effects of drinking numerous glasses of beer with Navy Rum chasers, being unfairly assaulted by three guys and then rolling off a dumb motor-scooter before it was stopped in its tracks by an uncompromising concrete wall, Lionel weaved his way home and entered the kitchen.

"Hi folk," he greeted his parents cheerfully.

They looked glum and that signalled a telling off. But it became heavy.

"You shamed this family last night by waking the immediate neighbourhood when you threw a garden rock through the picture window of our living room and yelling 'open the fucking door someone."

"Oh."

"Yes, Lionel," snorted his mum. "This time you have gone too far. I let you in, you kissed me smearing me with blood and then you vomited over my nightdress, you pig. Your father and I require you to vacate this property forthwith."

"What?" Lionel said, appearing dazed.

"You don't appear to understand the Queen's English, you no-hoper who'll never amount to more than nothing," said his father, a poorly educated butcher. "Your mother means we want you to fuck off and never enter this family home again."

"Oh, understood. I'm being sent to Coventry."

"Go to Coventry, Reading, Luton or anywhere else but preferably somewhere far from here."

"Okay, dad, mum. Sorry to have embarrassed you. Perhaps I should drink less. How long must I stay away from here?"

"Until you turn into a fucking Saint. Now clear off before I cut your skinny throat," exploded his meat-fattened father.

A week later, Lionel found work in a motor vehicle garage near Croydon, on south-west London.

He'd gone to Croydon after contacting the only person he knew in London, Jenny Mack, now married to Dr Bruce Armstrong. Jenny had been his older sister's best friend at high school and university and in the summer after he finished high school, Lionel sampled Jenny carnally on three occasions.

He told Jenny he'd been kicked out of his home and he'd thought his best chance of finding a job would be in London. Jenny asked where would he stay and he said he'd find a doss-house. She told him she could live with her and her 2-year-old baby until her husband returned from the US where he was studying for higher medical qualifications.

Lionel asked was she sure about that offer and Jenny said yes, and if he undertook to babysit Harry at least two nights a week, he could sleep with her, if he wished.

Surprised, he asked was she for real and Jenny said yes, didn't he know females like having regular sex too.

He found Jenny had put on weight but she remained her easy self of old and she said Lionel had aged splendidly and appeared as if he could go all night. Lionel knew what that meant.

He applied for a job advertised on the door of a vehicle garage workshop in the Croydon area. It was fairly low paid and involved replacing tools in their proper places after mechanics left them where they dropped them, and he had to keep the floors clean and run errands which mainly meant buying cigarettes and buns and sandwiches for fellow workers, at their expense of course.

Jenny took him to bed that first night and fucked him into near-exhaustion. During the night, she pushed him out of bed and told him that wee Alan was crying for his bottle and did he remember how she'd shown him what to do.

"Can we have sex when I return?"

"Of course, and should I be back into deep sleep, just help yourself."

When clutching the infant and holding the bottle steady for him, Lionel marvelled that this was far better than living at his former home. Neither his sister nor his mother invited him to have sex with them and they were dour females compared with Jenny. He'd landed on his feet, he mused.

* * *

In his second week of living with Jenny, Lionel made a break-through at work.

He saw five mechanics standing around a Korean SUV practically scratching their heads.

"A problem?" he asked.

A senior mechanic said yeah, but nothing Lionel could help them with.

"Try me. I began tuning old banger motor-cycles and cars around our neighbourhood from the age of thirteen and became pretty good at it over the years."

"What are your qualifications?"

"None apart from keenly reading tech books, articles about new vehicle launches and gaining experience."

"Well bugger off them."

Willy Evans said, "What is there to lose, Clarence?"

"Okay," Clarence said after scratching his moustache. "Have a go kid but go carefully with our expensive computerised testing gear."

"You guys have tried that, and without success it appears. I'll do it the old-fashion way."

He listened to the idling motor and sped it up.

"I think I've got it," Lionel said.

"That's like a quote from the Musical 'My Fair Lady'," Clarence joked and everyone laughed.

"The firing order sounds good apart from cylinders 3 and 5 and I'm unable to tell which one is slightly faulty, or why, but suspect it's five, and possibly the reason for the almost imperceptible lag in the firing is slight fuel starvation, otherwise it would be mechanical-related.

"Okay, you've heard Lionel, get on to it Thomas and thanks for your input, everyone. Come with me Lionel."

Lionel told the service department manager what had occurred and ended by saying, "I suspect we have a surprise genius here in Lionel."

The manager asked Lionel what were his qualifications in vehicle servicing and grinned when the young man said experience and plenty of it.

"Then alas, you can't work on our clients' vehicles mechanically. However, you may start as a car and van valet on vehicles we score for re-sale as soon as you are replaced on the workshop floor."

"Aw."

"Which will double your present weekly wage."

"Sweet, boss."

Three months on, when Lionel returned to bed after feeding the baby and was keen to begin a new session, Jenny kissed the tip of his nose and said, "You have to leave here within 10 days as my husband returns home then."

"Damn, oh I'll have to cover my tracks thoroughly."

"Don't bother," Jenny said stroking his erection delicately. "He knows about you."

"Oh shit."

She said it was okay, that she'd phoned and told him the day after Lionel had moved in and before anyone else including her parents told Bruce about the affair.

"And?" Lionel said, his voice up an octave.

"He was cool about it, saying that activity should keep me in good working order. The only thing he found objectionable about you was when I told him Alan was calling you dah-dah."

Lionel felt his erection was beginning to droop.

"And?"

"Bruce then laughed but warned me to tell you that when he returns, if he ever sees you and me together, he'll slice off your balls."

"Fair enough."

Jenny said, sounding astonished, "What?"

"He's your man, Jenny, not me, and he has a right to be aggressively defensive in protecting his wife and ensuring your and his marriage remain solid."

"Okay, stop right there. Your dick is going limp in my hand and I want it thick and powerful."

Fifty minutes later, as Jenny lay still panting from the exertion, Lionel arrived back with two mugs of tea, and she said, "You know, I'm really going to miss you and it's not just the sex as you've been willing to be ordered about the house and being surrogate bottle feeder for Alan during the night. I've watched you grow and change significantly in the short time that you've been living here."

He said disbelievingly, "Oh yeah? Name at least one improvement you've noticed."

She said the two main things were speech and behaviour.

"Your speech has refined, under my influence, quite remarkably in fact. You no longer slur your words and no longer punctuate every second sentence with blasphemy. In fact, it's been at least three days since I've heard you swear. Your entire tone of speech has softened, and as I said, refined."

"Okay, I admit having reflected on that myself, but are you suggesting I've refined my behaviour?"

"Absolutely?"

He sighed and said, "Aw come on. I like you immensely, there's no need to butter me up."

"Listen here, my man... err, my second in line man... err third in line after my father. You came here sounded almost dim-witted with the bared aggression of a street fighter. In bed that first, night I almost had the impression of being taken by force and would have probably really thought that if I hadn't been hanging out for it. But gradually Alan and I got to you."

"Aw, come on Jenny, how could a 2-year-old help soften me up?"

"By natural charm I guess and instinctively knowing a father had a place in his life."

"Yeah, I accept that and he's been gifted with a great smile and I soon learned that he trusted me and that, I guess, gave me a feeling of responsibility of that nature that was new to me."

Jenni stroked his face.

"I'll never forget that moment when he called dah-dah for the first time, and he was looking full on at you."

"I'll never forget that moment as well, lovely lady. I was stunned and was looking for a few moments at a very happy mother and child. And, um, I seemed to suddenly feel I had a purpose in life."

Jenny laughed and said, "The Arsehole who first arrived here would not have been capable of thinking such a thing as you have just enunciated."

Lionel kissed a bared nipple gently.

She purred, "At the outset, you only knew how to suck them heartily into your mouth or bite them hard enough to make me yell. Well, Mr Softer Man, ready to go again?"

"Yes please," he said politely, and lay back instead of grabbing her roughly and flipping her over.

Jenny took his almost flaccid dick into her mouth and began licking and massaging it into full erection, ready for action.

Her lover cooed, "Take the lead when you are ready to fuck me tenderly and slowly, my dear angel."

Jenny gurgled an unintelligible comment, squeezing his nuts firmly.

Lionel continued to ride a wave in terms of employment, having been called to the office of the general manager and being asked if he was interested in moving into premium used car sales, by far the largest commercial activity of the firm.

"Mr Forbes, I've had no experience at selling anything."

"No problem, you would receive intensified training working alongside our top salesman. You already appear to have more knowledge about cars than most of our sales team put together and we've noticed that you are a natural in moving vehicles in and out of extremely tight spaces and they you possess excellent relationship skills, especially with females."

"I-I haven't laid a finger on any female around here."

"Cool it, Lionel, no one has said you have but my guess is several of the females around here would probably not complain if you did. You are quite a handsome bugger, Lionel, with a nice manner, that are key prerequisites for selling success. Add your depth of vehicle knowledge and wow, little wonder I'm here urging you to make the switch."

"Have you lost a couple of salespeople."

"There you go, you are a sharp bugger, Lionel. The answer is we have lost three to head-hunters in the past fortnight, such is one of the downsides of being successful. You were the only hot prospect within our organisation that our management group could come up with strong backing. We now are advertising for two other salespersons and doing a big of head-hunting ourselves."

"When do I start in sales?"

"The day after tomorrow would be great, Lionel. Tomorrow we want you showing the ropes to your replacement in vehicle grooming."

"Yeah, that's okay with me, boss."

"Lionel, now that you are being promoted into sales, call me Derek. You are now becoming a white-collar employee. Your business career is underway."

Returning to the grooming department, Lionel thought with a smirk, a white-collar employee eh. Didn't his parents regard him a no-hoper?"

The terms of contract that Derek had him sign included the first 28 days employment under training would return him a net pay of $2160 for a 6-day week, and thereafter he would be placed on a retainer of $800 a week plus sales commission based on a sliding scale according to his grading.

His earning potential had been explained to him, leaving him wide-eyed and he was cautioned he might not achieve the highest rung of sale, especially in the first years of selling.

He thought bullshit, he would succeed big-time because he now regarded himself as a winner.

Chapter 2

Two days before Lionel ended living with Jenny and her son Alan, she held a farewell dinner for him, and a dozen invitees attended. Some were neighbours that Lionel had befriended and four were Jenny's friends who she advised him they had been invited to assess him as a possible occasional or live-in sex partner. All were currently without a partner.

He hoped that one would be shy but sexy-looking Naomi, He'd met several times and once had speculated that if she were fucked competently and treated carefully because of her shyness, the eagerness to be fucked again would pull her into mainstream demand, particularly if she dressed and acted as if sending a message to the male world that she was ready to be banged whenever and wherever.

The final invitee arrived and they sat around the regular table and a folding card table as a temporary extension but, alas, Naomi was not present.

The friendliness of everyone made Lionel aware that he had become liked by everyone there and he was warmed by that. Jules, one of the four of Jenny's friends, sat next to him and slipped a hand on to his thigh four times, briefly, thus indicating where her thoughts were.

As the visitors were dispersing, Jules palmed him her card and kissed him on the mouth, wetly.

"Come and live with me," she whispered.

Another of the four friends whispered when kissing his cheek and slipping a hand down furtively to feel his dick, "I'll call you to come and visit me when my husband is away for the weekend."

Lionel was impressed by Carla as she had great tits and Botox lips but he didn't think it would be necessary to become involved in adultery again.

Later, as he was soaping Jenny's back in the shower, he thanked her again to organising such a successful event and marvelled that he'd not had so many friends since leaving school.

"Well, my love. I was told several times it's because you have been so neighbourly in engaging conversationally and helping neighbours out at times when you saw opportunities."

"That was because I was bored."

"Bullshit, it was because you'd become aware that you were living among a bunch of good people."

"Yeah, you might be right. Um, I thought you may have invited Naomi. I've known only a few females like you and her with a heavy chest."

"Really, that surprises me. I'd assumed big tits were your greatest priority. Well I did invite her and pushed hard but she said she was rather apprehensive that you would touch her."

"To which you replied I have the greatest touch on womanly parts in this entire universe."

Jenny giggled and said, "Touch me between the legs, darling."

"Only if you withdraw that endearment of darling. We agreed at the outset we would not use such endearments or mention your husband when having or about to have sex."

Jenny sighed as he touched her gently and said, "That endearment just popped out, as I'm aware that you are about to exit from my life totally and that's making me feel very vulnerable right now."

"I can understand that. But you can phone me whenever you need to, but we must keep away from one another. You have my number in your phone book; replace my name with, um, the words Carpet Cleaner."

"Why not Plumber, since you've been plumbing my depths for several months?"

"Ah, should your husband check your phonebook for any reason, the word plumber could make him suspicious."

"Omigod, and he'll thinking you are still plumbing me."

"Right and we innocents could suffer."

"Omigod, my plumber. Shove in more fingers to get my mind off such a scary eventuality."

Later that evening, Lionel called Naomi Dickinson.

"Oh, good evening Lionel. This is very late to be phoning me."

Don't rush it, he cautioned himself, sweeping back his sandy coloured hair nervously.

"I was treated with a farewell dinner this evening by Jenny with a dozen invited guests. We had a great time and I was left feeling feted."

"Good for you. Jenny admires you greatly."

"Indeed, and, um, I was disappointed that you weren't among the guests."

"Me, why's that?" she said, leaving Lionel with the impression she completed saying that, holding her breath. He thought it unlikely that she was holding a hand over a breast in excited wonderment.

"Oh, I just did."

There was silence, and he waited, believing she would become more involved if she spoke next.

"Have you become attracted to me?"

"A little, I guess."

The dark-headed female with a wondrous curvy mouth and beautiful complexion, who was about his age of 23, said sounding slightly critical, "You guess?"

"I, um, expressed it that way to avoid you getting the wrong impression."

There was silence, and Lionel thought it was now or never, to take the risk.

"I didn't wish to give you the unwelcome impression that I might be coming on to you."

Naomi reacted instantly and surprisingly.

"I can't think of anything nicer. You are such a nice-looking guy and have treated Jenny almost as if she were a princess."

He said slyly, "You won't appreciate where we have arrived at with this call. I best end it."

"Lionel, don't you dare do that!"

He bared his teeth and licked the corners of his mouth, thinking the skills he was acquiring indicated to him that he was no longer a no-hoper.

"Oh, then you are not offended that you have attracted me," he said skilfully, rather than giving the impression it was him hitting on her.

She said, "Or put the other way, are you are attracted to me?"

It was a half-truth when he said he'd been thinking of Naomi ever since Jenny told him they would have to extinguish their relationship because her husband was due back from America shortly. But he had given it brief thought when assessing the potential field after deciding to stay in the district as he had been promoted to the position of chief vehicle valet at the premium used automotive sales yard and garage.

Naomi pressed for more disclosure.

"But I'm not half as exciting as Jenny who is a lovely personality and so full-on."

He said horses for course and she asked what did he mean by that, and on they chatted.