Dungeons and Drunk Girls Ch. 01

Chapter One

***

My phone rang. Which was fucking odd. Nobody called me, except mom and grandma. And someone called 'Spam Likely,' who sounded like a cool dude, but I didn't ever answer his calls so I'll never know.

I looked at the name, flashing above a reddit thread I'd been reading, and hit the green button.

"Prove it's you," I said.

"I... what?" The voice on the other end said.

"Theo doesn't know his phone makes voice calls. Therefore, I doubt that this is Theo. Prove your identity or get the fuck hence."

"Vic, man, it's me. I swear."

"Hmm. Not buying it."

"Man, screw you... okay, wait. Remember when I got my head stuck in the Darth Vader helmet?"

"I do..."

"And my mom had to butter my whole fucking head like I was a cob of corn? And you could not stop laughing?"

"It's ringing a bell..."

"Dude, come on."

"Okay, I provisionally accept that this is Theo or a reasonable facsimile. What does 'Theo' want with me at this ungodly hour of..." I had to look. "...Eleven AM?"

"Session. Everyone's schedule is clear, part six of the Necromancer of Femur Pass Saga. Tonight and tonight only. You in?"

"No shit?" Our DnD group hadn't gotten together all summer, nobody thought we'd ever finish our adventure, let alone the campaign we'd begun in junior year of high school. "Hell yeah, I'm in."

"Excellent. That's three. I got deputized to wrangle the strays in." I heard a car door slam on his end. "Rollin' up on Ben, right now."

"Sweet. Um... gonna need a ride." My sister, nominally my chauffeur, was out, dropping off our parents at the airport. Or picking up her friends... one of the two.

"Yeah? Gimme about an hour, I'll come by. Later." And the call ended.

I put a hustle on, regretting just lounging about in bed for the last couple of hours. Shower first, then a muffin or something for breakfast, then I'd have to find all my stuff... not terrible. Doable, in the allotted time.

So, to finish setting the stage, mom and dad were out of town, for a conference. This time it was in Ottawa, because last year, the Vegas meet-up had sent a ripple of bitter, nasty divorces through the local realtor community, and nobody wanted that again. Today was Friday, they'd be back Wednesday or Thursday, depending on whether or not they stuck around for some sight seeing after the conference officially closed. Or, even Tuesday, if they elected not to attend the last day, which I'd heard was usually a waste of time.

Big sis was putting together a sleepover with her friends, taking advantage of the almost empty house. It differed from their high school sleepovers only in the minor detail that they were legally of drinking age. Not that that had stopped them before. The fact that she remained in contact with her old high school buddies as a junior in college gave me hope that I'd still associate with my best buds in the future. But, she'd stressed this was important to her, and I definitely wanted her to have some stress relief and comforting people around her. She'd been getting pretty, um... sharp, lately. Stress from class, boyfriends, or the pressures of the real world job hunt she'd just started, I didn't know, but she was accumulating a lot of it in a rapid time.

So actually, this serendipitous session was just what I needed right now. It got me away from the house, it allowed me some stress relief, and I'd get to wrap up a dangling thread that my friend group had left laying around for three months. It felt like it was going to be a good day.

***

I have to admit, now that high school is behind me, that I've lost all motivation to keep myself organized. Which is why I was frantically searching my room, looking for my essential items. Crunch time was approaching, and I was kind of losing my mind.

Now, it wasn't a pigsty, by any means, Mom would never allow that. But I had been keeping my surfaces clutter free lately by shoving everything into drawers, and it made finding shit aggravating. I let my frustration run my mouth, and I said, very loudly, "Where the fuck did I put the goddamn dice bag?"

This managed to get the attention of my big sister, Ashley, who was coming up the hall with four of her lackeys in tow. She stuck her head in my room and asked, overly sweetly, "What's wrong, little bro?"

I tried to dismiss her, while pawing through my sock drawer. "Can't find my thing." I immediately regretted my choice of words, as five girls erupted into giggles. I put my head against my dresser, anticipating the coming mockery. I was not disappointed.

"Aww, little Vicky-wicky lost his little thingie-wingie?" Ash sing-songed at me. More giggles from the familiar girls behind her. "I'd help, but I don't have a magnifying glass."

I rolled my eyes so hard, it actually made them ache a little. "Shut up, Ash. You know better, anyways." Slightly mean older sisters ought to respect their little brother's privacy a bit better, then she wouldn't have that knowledge. But, y'know, us guys jerk it, often, and when she barges into my room without knocking, also often, she's gonna get a surprise or two. You'd think she woulda stopped after the first one, but Ash wasn't great about boundaries.

She flushed red, and one of her girlfriends asked, "Oh? Ashley? Do tell us, how do you know better?" Ah, that was Violet, the snarky one. I kinda liked her, to be honest, she had a dry sense of humor. Equally honestly, a constant display of her cleavage as well. Today was no exception, I noticed, as I pulled my head up to look at the girls, now jostling past each other into my room. Violet had long, straight, black hair, pale skin, and sea green eyes. Today she was dressed in an artfully cut up red T-shirt, artificially distressed jean shorts over fishnet stockings, and some studded black leather bracelets. She was the big tiddied goth girl fantasy come to life, and... well, I stared.

She stared back, a smile spreading on her face. Meanwhile Ashley was sputtering, saying something about boys being nasty. I wasn't paying attention, Miss Violet's bountiful breasts were bursting out of her top, creamy soft orbs welded together by a spider web themed black bra. The red shirt's holes gave me a glimpse of other bits of bra, here and there, as well as pale skin in areas I didn't usually get to see casually with females. She bent over, I assume to help me look in the drawer, but all I saw was how the bra clung to those tits, and maybe a hint of pink nipple through the transparent sections. Might have been a trick of the light coming through the red shirt... I looked a little closer, just to be sure. The top just hung loose, and I could see all the way down it. Her navel was pierced...

"So, what are we looking for?" She asked.

"Dice bag," I answered distantly. That view was hypnotizing. With an effort, I managed to wrench my eyes up to her face. Her smile was almost as mesmerizing as her cleavage, dark red lipstick spread on thick, juicy lips, a hint of mischief playing at the corners of them.

"Did you find it down my shirt?" She asked quietly, tugging at the ragged neck of her top.

My turn to flush and sputter. "Oh, no, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry..."

"No need to apologize. Are you sure it's not down there? You can look again." She licked those lips, and held the shirt down while bending over just a little bit more. I took her up on her offer. I mean, c'mon, I'm eighteen, how the hell could I resist it?

Then she put her hand over mine, gripping the top edge of the sock drawer, and kinda wobbled a little. As top heavy as she was, I'm sure her balance was a little off. Still, I wonder if it was on purpose, because her other hand immediately landed on my jean-clad thigh, specifically the one my dick was stiffening along. I froze, she froze, and there was a twinkle in her eyes, and I'm sure surprise in mine.

"Found your thing. Definitely didn't need a magnifying glass." She spoke in a hushed tone, not quite a whisper, but definitely meant for just the two of us. "Hey, Victor? Maybe, text me sometime?" She straightened up, tossing her hair, which landed back in its usual straight black cascade. "Just don't tell Ashley, okay?" She winked, and turned away, and I was able to perceive the rest of the world again.

Which was chaos, honestly. Ashley was getting it from all sides, the other three girls in her group were ribbing her pretty hard about her glimpses of my cock, how often she'd caught me jacking it, and whether or not I'd ever returned the favor and caught her at it. And, no, I hadn't, but I'd heard her through the wall on a night or two. I actually respected her privacy, and had put in earbuds when I did.

The ironic backfire of her insult notwithstanding, and despite my sister being a bitch to me every now and again, I didn't like seeing her ganged up on like this. She was retreating further into my room, getting away from the three ladies who were inadvertently defending me. I got to my feet and was just about to say something, when Violet calmed everything down with a paralyzing stare at the other girls. Kaitlyn, Jayne, and Marla looked contrite and bit off the next jibes at Ashley.

It was, too late, though, the second the pressure was off, Ash went from flustered to furious. She didn't have a legit place for it to go, but I noted the narrowed eyes and the clenched jaw, all right. I decided I didn't want her nearby when that particular time bomb went off.

"All right ladies, move along now." I made a sweeping gesture towards my door. "Nothing to see here, unless you want to help me look for a black velvet bag full of dice..."

Ashley rounded on me, and I realized that by merely speaking, I'd drawn her ire. "Stupid nerd with your stupid dungeons and doofuses. Are you hanging out with the pimple patrol tonight?"

Not as bad a roasting as I usually get from her about my hobbies. Very hasty and juvenile... But, hey, I figure she was rushed and hadn't had time to craft the more subtle digs she usually slung at me. I sighed, and started to make the shooing motion again.

But, Miss Violet had my back, it would seem. "Hey, Ash? Calm your tits there. Victor hasn't done anything to deserve name calling."

I almost laughed out loud at her phrasing, but Ashley was not amused. "Will not. Look at him, Vi. He's gonna be a twenty five year old loser, still living with his parents if he doesn't stop wasting his time with his virgin friends playing wizards and whatever."

Ouch. First off, none of my friends are virgins... I had plans for getting the hell out of here... that and a few other retorts crowded into my head. I didn't get a chance to say anything, however, because Violet was faster on the draw.

"Careful... YOU'RE a twenty one year old loser who lives with HER parents, wasting time with her friends who still have acne breakouts every now and again." Good one, Vi, I thought.

"But it's such a stupid game!" Ashley sputtered, waving a hand at my general vicinity. Like I represented all of nerddom.

I got my response in before the buzzer this time. "So is Candy Crush. What level were you on again?"

Kaitlyn and Jayne actively let out a sharp bark of laughter, one each. That got Ashley to try to air fry them on the spot with her mind. It didn't work, but I swear I felt a wave of heat pass me in their direction. "Look, Ash. I appreciate that you're looking out for me, oddly and insultingly as it is. But, seriously, what I do with my free time is kinda my own business. Right?" She nodded, with an angry huff. "Cool. So mind yours, and I'll mind mine, deal?" I patted her on her back, right at about shoulder blade level, which is where her neat brown ponytail ended. If I'd been a little younger, I would have given that hair a playful tug to remind her of all our little play fights when we were kids, or maybe given her bra strap a gentle snap. She wasn't wearing one today, I noted... Anyways, no matter how heated we got in the moment, we always ended up reconciling with hugs later. But, it seemed that time had passed in our relationship where I could be as easily physically affectionate with her. A pat on the back would have to do.

"Now, seriously. My friends are gonna give me hell for kicking five hot girls out of my bedroom... but, please, ladies." Oops. Maybe I should have said four hot girls and my big sister. Lumping her in as one of the hot ones seemed a mistake, judging by the frosty glare she sent my way.

Regardless, they left. Three of them without looking at me. Ashley clearly wanted to say something else, but Violet pushed her out the door, giving me a smoldering little wink over her shoulder as she did.

I'd probably take Vi up on that offer, and see what happened when I slid into her DM's. I'd love to see more of her... literally. I'd spotted a tattoo down her shirt that I'd been at the wrong angle to appreciate.

Argh. I shook the goth girl's inked skin out of my head, and resumed my search. I did overhear snatches of conversation as I looked. Apparently, they'd left Ash's door open, as well as my own.

"...really too hard on him. He's so nice..." That was Kaitlyn's bubbly voice, the blonde had always been cool to me.

"...yeah, take it easy..." Marla, the fiery redhead, giving out unusually claiming words.

I heard Jayne say something about nerds, which caused a melodic twinkle of giggles. Coulda swore I heard the usually non offensive girl drop an f-bomb in there somewhere.

"Besides, you shouldn't mock something you have no knowledge of yourself. D and D is really fun. We should try it one of these days, ourselves." Violet, being loud.

Equally loud, Ashley replied, "Ugh. Dice and math and 'roll for persuasion?' Never."

"Never say never..." Kaitlyn again. "I could be talked into it."

"Yeah, I've played. It's a real blast... you get drunk, and the math is super easy, there's always snacks..." Marla, the redhead. I thought she had a whiff of nerdity about her, she was the one the others relied on to get their homework done back in the day. Kinda cute, but also kinda crazy.

They quieted down to murmurs I couldn't hear, as I'd stuck my head under my bed. Ah! There it was. I rescued my big black sack of dice from beside a crusty sock. I made a mental note to get that into the laundry when I got back, and gathered up the remains of the supplies I needed for tonight's session. Character sheets in their own little folder, some markers, a dry erase map, fully charged phone, and my miniature case all followed my dice into my backpack. I headed for the front door.

"Hey," Ashley said as I passed her room. She jumped out onto the hallway, all traces of anger gone. The girls had successfully defused her while I'd been gearing up.

I found myself in a warm, floral scented hug. "Sorry about that. Got triggered..." How long since the last hug? Not since I'd graduated, for sure. Her chin fit onto my shoulder perfectly, her arms crossed my neck.

"I know. No hard feelings," I instinctively held her by her hips, then swapped to a more brotherly hug a moment later. "Love you, sis. Even if you are a little crazy sometimes."

"Back at'cha. Even if you are a little dorky sometimes." She pulled her face off my shoulder, and gave me a grin, and she went back to her friends. I heard a honk from outside. My ride was here, so I hurried off.

***

The session was a success. Me and my friends managed to rout a local necromancer fairly easily, and were getting our rewards from the equally local and grateful baron when Kent called it a night.

He was our DM, and he had a job to get to early in the morning. We all lamented the early night, but he was right. Another encounter would have taken us close to midnight, and Tom had a job and a girlfriend, too, so we packed up our stuff. That left me, Theo, and Reuben as shiftless vagabonds, with little to do for the rest of the night. Theo drove me home, and Ben spoke up from the back seat.

"Hey... I'm not ready for the night to end yet. We don't hang out like we used to."

"Yeah. Work, girls, life... seems odd that school was the binding element in our lives." I said. "Wanna come over and play some video games? I've got some couch co-op ones."

Theo readily agreed, and that's how the three of us walked into the somewhat bizarre tableaux in my kitchen.

My sister and three of her friends were white claw drunk, gathered around the kitchen table. Violet had a DM's screen up in front of her, and there were little tokens from monopoly scattered on a scrabble board. Olivia Rodrigo was blaring from someone's phone, two of them singing along and swaying to the music, while Ashley twiddled a die in one hand and looked impatient. Violet was leafing through... oh that better not be my copy of the DMG, she had orange Cheeto fingers.

They hadn't noticed us, lurking in the dim living room, while two girls screamed out "FAMEFUCKER!" at the top of their lungs and almost fell out of their chairs laughing. Violet was shaking her head. "I can't find the rule. But, no, dodge doesn't work like that. It's a passive thing. I mean, I want to help out but, y'know..."

"Fine." Ashley put the dice down. "Fucking hell. Stabitha takes how much damage from this fucker that she can't dodge?"

Violet rolled two dice behind her screen and winced. "Five."

"Minus two for raging resistance... One left. Hey, if you two can get your heads in the game..." Ashley threw a piece of popcorn at the other two girls. Kaitlyn caught hers in her mouth, Jayne let hers bounce off her face before spewing laughter again. "... I could really use a healing... whatever. Thingie."

Jayne held up a hand. "That's my department... hoo. Hang on. I swear, I haven't had this much fun with you girls since, like, we were kids."

"That's sweet. Can you do something, though? Stabitha is, like, having a really heavy period, I think she's gonna bleed out."

That got Theo, he doubled over like he had a cramp, both hands clapping his face to hold in laughter. None of the three of us had moved or made a single sound after catching them, as if we were afraid to disturb easily startled deer. But Ashley's kinda gross joke caught us all off guard, and Theo had it the worst of us. He wheezed as he hit his knees.

Still unnoticed, we held our breaths now, as Jayne straightened up and put on a terrible, phony British accent. "All right, now. Show me where the bad statue hurt you. What's the healing thing I do?"

"Cure minor wounds." Violet sounded tired.

Jayne grinned. "So, I say my magic word... TAMPAX!" She threw something at Ashley, who caught it, and started laughing. "Heal six points. Hey, can I do the bashing thing now?"

"Yes. Please." Violet waved her hand. That was wrong, casting a spell is a full turn... but I guessed she was either new at this or giving them a break.

"Okay, I need that ball dice... stop spinning it, Kitty." Kaitlyn reluctantly handed over a d20. "And boom goes the... um. Four."

"Miss."

"FUUuuUCK!" Jayne screamed it at the ceiling, arms wide, like she was inviting the wrath of god to visit her. "Can't hit shit. My turn's over." She stumbled to her feet. "Anyone need another claw? I'm dry."

I decided that we'd witnessed enough of this. Besides, Jayne's epic expletive had taken Ben, squeaking, to the floor, there was no way we were going to stay hidden much longer. I stepped forward into the pool of light. Kaitlyn, with her back to me, asked Jayne what flavors were left.

"Mostly just pumpkin spice."

"Ew. Gross. Whatever."

"I'll take one, while you're at it." I announced my presence in a booming voice. Four sets of eyes found me, and all motion in the kitchen stopped. Well, the d20 Kaitlyn had reclaimed and spun, slowly wobbled out and came to rest, but other than that...

When motion happened, it happened suddenly. The next thing I knew, I had Violet on my left and Ashley on my right, both had glommed onto me like I'd been missing for a month. They were both talking at once.