Dying Wish Ch. 03

"Well, you have a story to tell me, Mom," I said, trying to get the ball finally rolling.

"I guess I do," Mom replied. "And truth be told, I'm happy to talk about it. I've carried a lot of baggage inside these last few years, and there's really no one else I could open up about it with than you."

"What about a shrink?" I suggested.

"I don't want therapy son, I don't want to be 'cured.' If you had a bottle of medicine I could drink that would fix whatever society says is wrong with me I'd toss it straight into the ocean. I don't apologize for the way I feel about you son; other than those first few months where I felt tremendous guilt, the only pain I've had to carry inside came from not having those feelings returned."

I believed her, every word of it, although it was hard not to feel astonished that Mom could sound so cavalier taking about a subject like incest. And yet... I thought about my own experience, noting that the internal struggles Mom had taken months to get over had only taken me a few weeks. The more I started seeing similarities like this between us, the more I really started to believe that sexually speaking Mom and I were not that different. And she'd already hinted at having similar thoughts by implying that she didn't feel sexual compatible with Dad but that she believed things would be different with me.

"It's hard to say for sure exactly when something like this begins, who knows how long those seeds are in you before they start to grow," Mom continued, "but the most sensible place for me to start explaining what happened is with when Ana and I became close friends."

"Ana?" I asked in surprise.

"You remember her, don't you?" Mom asked. "Actually, Ana often kidded to me that she thought you had the hots for her."

It's probably best for me to take a moment to talk about Ana. She was older than Mom, so at the time I remember seeing at the house Mom would have been thirty-six while Ana was around forty-five. She was probably about three inches taller than Mom's 5'5'', with dark features and an olive complexion. I believe she was originally from Croatia, although there wasn't much of any accent when she spoke. Nevertheless, that would give you an idea of her looks, which were noticeably more exotic compared to Mom's more white-bread background. She was the widow of some business tycoon, which is likely how she Mom and met, since they would have traveled in some of the same social circles.

I liked Ana when I met her; she was more gregarious compared to Mom and very feminine in her demeanor. One the starkest differences between Ana and Mom that caught my attention was how Mom always looked, acted, and dressed much younger than her age, which no doubt had much to do with people mistaking her for being a lot younger. With Ana... she just seemed much more comfortable occupying that older woman persona. For instance, she dressed well and her hair was impeccably stylish, but she still gave off the aura of a woman in her mid-forties. Even her hair was this salt-and-pepper color, which looked fantastic on her but once again was an obvious signal that she was not interested in trying to fake her age.

She was a pretty lady, with more piercing features than Mom's more angelic appearance, but the feature that made her stand out more than anything were her breasts. Simply put, they were massive. Not comically so; in fact they went perfectly with Ana's feminine yet robust frame, but no woman could be stacked like that without every man in the room trying his best a peek without being too obvious about it.

There was only one occasion when Mom was busy with something and so my interaction with Ana went beyond a few words into about a twenty minute conversation. She was really nice, friendly, even a little flirty, but even through all it took enormous willpower on my part to focus on her and not those knockers waving in front of her. I'm not good at guessing sizes but whether they were DD, E, F, or whatever all I know is they looked amazing on her curvy yet surprisingly lean frame. I'd only known two women with breasts like that, both of which were also acquaintances of Mom's, but frankly neither of them were nearly as in good shape overall as Ana. They both had breast reduction surgery at some point too, which is fine by me as I don't begrudge anyone for putting her health first, but I always thought there was something hot about Ana having huge, natural tits and not getting anything like that done, as if she knew her titties were a to the world and took as much pride in having them as the rest of us did ogling them.

I didn't recall my interactions with Ava that well, but I was eighteen at the time so I know exactly what I was like - young, dumb, and full of cum, so there's no doubt she would have been the subject of my masturbatory fantasies for at least a short while before I moved on to someone else. I'm sure those breasts would have been front and center in my fantasies too. I'm not even into big tits per se, but that was part of the joy of getting off to a woman like Ana. I didn't have a girlfriend at the time, but I was diligently searching for one, but in hindsight I can say that my search parameters were strikingly narrow, basically someone who was more or less like me. Nevertheless, I was still horny all the time, so getting aroused over someone who didn't fit the bill of what I was looking for was often much more exciting. Ana was my mother's friend and nearly three times my age. I certainly found her attractive enough physically and personality wise, so the idea of one of us seducing the other and ending up in bed would have definitely turned me on enough that I'm sure I would have fantasized about it at least a few times.

"You didn't answer me dear," Mom said, interrupting my thoughts about Ana.

"Sorry Mom, I guess I started daydreaming a bit."

"I asked if you remembered Ana, and that she liked to tell me that you had the hots for her."

"I remember her, and yeah, I guess the other part is true too."

"Really?" Mom asked, sounding quite intrigued now.

"I mean, I've never seen tits like that outside of a porno," I chuckled, "and she was pretty too, certainly attractive for her age."

"You watch pornos?" Mom curiously asked.

"I would when I wasn't seeing anyone. If I did have a girlfriend, I dunno, I just didn't feel right lusting after someone else. But most of the time I was single, and horny 24/7. I'd have to get off 3-5 times a day just to be able to function normally the rest of the time, so pornos were part of my diet, although I would have gotten along just the same without them."

"That's kind of sweet that you didn't want those things while you were seeing someone, but I bet you drove those poor girls crazy too."

"I did," I laughed back. "And if I had to look at things from their perspective, it's probably for the best that they held back. There's a difference between loving sex and loving orgasms, and unfortunately I was mostly the latter back then. I doubt they enjoyed being with me very much, and I can't blame them. Trust me, you would have been just as unsatisfied as they were if something had happened between us back then."

"I think you're being way too hard on yourself," Mom insisted, "and even if you were selfish with those other girls... well, let's just say you don't know what I know."

"Okay then, go on," I said.

"Very well. Ana and I hit things off quickly and very soon became close friends. This is when you were gone most of the time at college, so you wouldn't have known, but for a long stretch Ana would come by or I'd go visit her three or four times a week, and even the days when we weren't visiting we'd be on the phone for at least an hour a day. It was really nice to have someone to spend time with; you know I have trouble making friends, and your father seemed busier than ever even though he kept promising me he was going to cut back on his workload..."

"I'm sorry things were like that for you, Mom," I couldn't help but interject. "Dad, and me for that matter, just assumed you were okay with that arrangement."

"Well, Bryan certainly knew how I was feeling, but that's a story for another day. As for Ana, I really enjoyed being with her. It was nice to be with someone more outgoing that me, and she was a good influence on me that way. After getting to know each other a bit though, it became pretty regular for most of our conversations to center around sex. Like me, Ana had a very 'healthy' appetite for it, but she hadn't dated much since her husband died and was feeling more than a little sexually frustrated. And so it became an outlet for her and I to talk about what we liked, reminisce about the past, and even share fantasies. Ana had a lot to say, and certainly added more flavor to our talks with her being bisexual."

"Oh really?" I asked, a bit surprised by that last revelation. Mom seemed somewhat worked up as she said it, in an odd way that's hard to explain, but enough so that I felt the need to ask a question:

"What about you, Mom? Do you like girls?"

"Well, that came out of nowhere," Mom replied, still sounding a bit flustered.

"Maybe... or maybe not," I said. She still seemed somewhat uncomfortable, so unlike what I'd seen from Mom lately, that I tried to calm things down by keeping my voice relaxed and steady.

"It's just... I swear almost every girl I meet these days is bi or bi-curious. It's practically become a cliche for me at this point."

"Really?" she asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"No, I'm exaggerating, although sometimes at college it felt like that was certainly the case. And you have no idea who's telling the truth either. I think some of them just said that because they knew most guys are turned on by it and liked the attention by saying so; I suppose I could at least understand that. The ones who would do the opposite were the most confusing for me, however, girls that would tell me they've had sex with women and enjoyed it but swear up and down that they were still straight."

"You really had this type of conversation often at college?" Mom asked.

'"Enough that I knew that this straight, white male was completely over his head talking about it," I laughed back. "I've always had the distinct impression that it's very different for men than it is for women though. Call me an ignorant, dumb man if you want to, but I've never been able to shake that feeling."

"What feeling?"

"That women are way more likely to be bi than men are. I get that a lot of that is a society thing, I'm not so stupid as to not see that it's much more acceptable for women to experiment than men, and being one of those straight men that gets off on lesbianism probably warps my view of reality too, but it is what it is. You didn't answer my question though, about whether you like girls."

"It's hard to give a definite answer. I mean, I thought about it a few times and kissed a few girls at parties when I was growing up. We'd say we were doing it to tease the guys, but at least in my case I enjoyed it too. After I met your Dad though, that sort of thing came to an end."

"Well, I would have been one of the guys at those parties, but I've changed a lot since then."

"Do you still like watching girls together?"

"I guess, I mean I've always thought it was hot, two women being soft and sensual with one another. I even think it's very feminine, which is maybe why I don't see it as a big leap for a straight woman to become bi. Being able to share that energy with them in a threesome was my biggest fantasy for a long time."

"But not anymore? Did you ever do it?"

"No, and it's not even something I think about anymore, other than to say if I were to do it I'd hire a couple of high-priced call girls, meaning I don't agree with being in a relationship and then bringing other people into the bedroom. I know other people do it and are perfectly happy and that's great for them, but I don't want it."

"Are you sure?" Mom asked teasingly.

"Yes," I replied with conviction.

"James... I don't want to get ahead of myself here, but I might as well tell you now that Ana and I fooled around a few times," Mom said with trepidation. "I'm sorry dear, I know that's the last thing you want to hear right now."

"I guess I don't even need to ask whether Dad knows about any of this," I grumbled in frustration. "And that I wasn't exaggerating at all when I called you a liar and a cheat... unless you're going to be one of those people that says it 'doesn't count' when it's a woman..."

"No, it counted James, at least for me, but there are other factors involved that you don't know about."

"I get it all right," I snapped back. "Dad wasn't satisfying you; you've all but admitted that to me at this point. So Ana was horny one day and made a move and, against your better judgement, you gave in and had sex with her. It's not that complicated to piece together."

"There is more to it than that, but since you were asking if I liked girls I thought it would only make things worse to mention Ana later rather than admit to it right now. To answer your question, yeah, it was nice in its own way, but no, I don't consider myself bi."

"See, I don't even understand what that means. If you liked it, then you like women, and you are bi, even if you still consider yourself mostly straight."

"Maybe we'll save that conversation for another day," Mom replied. "What's more important is that you understand what happened with Ana."

"Fine," I relented. "Go on."

Since Mom had a lot to say, I'll relate this next part from her point of view:

As I said before, Ana would spend a lot of time with each other, and it very quickly became obvious that our favorite topic of conversation was sex. She'd done plenty of wild things in her past, including participating in a couple of orgies. Her husband was a lot like Bryan in many ways, being way more conservative sexually that Ana, except unlike Bryan he had given his consent to them having an open marriage. That might have been the best arrangement for them, because listening to Ana made it clear that she had little interest in being monogamous at the time. Her husband at least recognized that before they got married, and didn't try and make her adopt a lifestyle that she wasn't capable of living.

I'd listen to Ana's frenzied stories and I knew that in many ways she and I were similar, even though I'd done a fraction of the things she'd done. And most of that, frankly, was because of Bryan. I had no problems being faithful to him, but even within the confines of marriage there's plenty of room to be exciting, and he simply wasn't that type of man. As the years passed and my frustrations grew I found myself making certain compromises, the biggest one being that I'd been so devoted to your dad that I wouldn't even think about other men. By the time I'd met Ana that taboo of mine had been thoroughly broken, and so when she'd tell me her stories from her past or things she fantasized about now I'd have no problem substituting myself in her place and visualizing those stories happening to me.

Even the lesbian stories would turn me on, as one of Ana's favorite activities was to try and seduce straight women, often older married women but even younger girls too sometimes. I remember her telling about this one wife she'd had an affair with for over the year despite the woman insisting again that she was both straight and monogamous. Ana told had made repeated attempts at seducing her and the woman had rebuffed her again and again, but Ana was determined to have her and wouldn't give up. Finally, the woman had given in, and after having had sex with her a few times Ana said she was not only one of the best but one of the wildest lays she'd ever had. Even though I'm not a lesbian stories like that would really excite me; stories about women finding passions within them that they never knew existed.

What was really crazy though was that Ana told me a few years later she needed a babysitter and the woman's now eighteen year old daughter had happened to apply for the job. She was very different than her mom, bookish and shy, but cute with a tasty body that had just blossomed into womanhood. Ana had lusted for her from the day they met for her interview, and so of course the girl got the job. Ana took her time, getting to know the girl and slowly break through her defenses. She was a virgin and, just like her mom, certain that she was completely straight, but Ana kept on it and with remarkably little difficulty managed to seduce her as well. The daughter wasn't the wildcat her mom was, but just as hot in her own way, and by the end of their affair had become quite good in bed as well as an avowed bisexual.

"I only wish..." Ana would lustily say, not sure if she should finish her thought.

"What?" I'd ask, surprised to see Ana of all people holding back any of dirty thoughts.

"I only wish I could have had them... you know... together," Ana would then say.

"Ana, you nasty slut," I'd laugh back. "Don't say gross shit like that."

"It wouldn't be gross, it'd be amazing," she chuckled, "and you know it."

Times like that, I could feel Ana gently testing me, trying to gauge my reaction. But where she really seemed to be testing me lately was by bringing up her only child David from time to time.

"What do you think of him, Paula?" she'd ask.

"What do you mean?" I'd reply.

David was a sweet, young man, about twenty-five years old. He'd had a bit of a rocky relationship with Ana over the years, much of it to do with his disapproval of her sleeping around, but after his father's death the two of them had become close again and found a way to reconcile their differences. A lot of that had to do with Ana putting her wild past behind her; she hadn't been with anyone for well over a year despite being single again and genuinely seemed interested in settling down.

"I mean, what do think of him, Paula? Come on, you're a woman. You must have an opinion."

"Was Ana really asking me if I found David attractive?" I asked myself.

"He seems to have grown up into a nice man from the few times we've spoken," I replied.

"Would you or wouldn't you?" Ana asked decisively.

I stared back, trying to figure out what Ana was trying to say. Would I date David? Fuck him? What was the point of this line of questioning? The truth was, I did find David attractive. He was tall and handsome, with a robust build like his mother's, although in David's case that meant having naturally brawny shoulders and a broad chest. He also the cutest of smiles, something I've always found hard to resist.

"I suppose... if I weren't married and David wasn't your son... I would," I replied uneasily. "I'm not sure what the point of this is though."

"Just curious," Ana replied, smiling impishly. "I mean, we all have impulses, whether we are willing to acknowledge them or not. Just like I've noticed what a handsome man James has become."

"Why are you bringing up my son?" I asked. "In fact, why are we talking about your son?"

"Nothing," Ana answered, sounding agitated now. "I'm sure if you and James were stranded on a desert island you would prance around in the most revealing loincloths ever and still be the perfectly chaste mom and son, happily oblivious to each other's charms for the rest of your lives."

"What are you talking about, Ana? Why are you bringing up James?"

"I'm sorry, Paula; I'm kind of a mess right now. It's me and David. It's been too hard for me to talk about with you, but I feel like I'm' bursting at the seams and need to get it all out with someone. A lot has happened between him and I these past few weeks."