Eat, Pray, Love

Day 396

One evening, I called David. Zoe had her head on my lap, my fingers coursing through her hair. It must have been around noon in England at that hour.

"David, you better quickly come to Bali," I said with urgency in my voice.

"What? Is everything alright? How's Zoe?" David panicked.

"David, I do not have the time to explain too much. All I must ask you is to take the fucking next flight out. Reach Bali this very instant." I raised my voice.

"But.....b..what's going on. Please.... god... Where's Zoe?" He was now sufficiently frightened.

"I can't talk much. I need you here, this instant...." I felt guilty, but I pushed further, making him go mad.

Zoe snatched the phone off from my hand, "Dad,..." she heard him worried shit, "Dad..dad..dad. She is just messing with you. But you do need to come....... if you want to give your daughter away in marriage."

"WHHAAAT," he shouted, exclaiming.

Day 405

The wedding ceremony was held ten days later in the Church of the Sacred Heart in Denpasar, Bali. David and I attended the ceremony from the bridal side. Besides a few of Abby's and Jude's friends, his aunt was present. Abby was also Zoe's bridesmaid.

After the wedding, we stayed for two more days at the villa. Thankfully Abby, Jude, and Zoe also stayed with us to give us company until we left for England.

Zoe slept with me for those two nights as well, in just the manner she had been over the last year. Neither of those two nights was a pleasure, as I knew all too well my life was going to be hell after I leave her. On my last night in Bali, I sobbed all night even as she remained glued to my tit.

If David found it odd having to sleep alone, he did not say anything. If Jude found himself in an awkward position without his bride by his side on the first two nights of his marriage, he knew better and stayed quiet.

In the evening, the day before we were to leave, all five of us sat on the lawn, watching the sunset. Indah routinely checked with us if we needed more drinks or anything. I found a moment alone with Jude to have a short chat. It was spontaneous, and this is how our conversation went...

"Jude, do you know the meaning of her name...Zoe?"

Jude, generally well-informed, was a bit surprised by the question. He did not have the answer. He said, "No. I do not." and looked toward me keenly, waiting for the answer.

I looked into his eyes directly and said, "It is Greek for Life." I almost sang the word, Life.

"You know, to us, to ME, she is my Life." Jude was nodding. "If you do anything to make her unhappy, so much as lay a finger on her or make her cry,....I.." At even the thought of her crying, I choked. But found the strength to add, "...I am going to chop your balls off. Then I would kill you. Not until I have tortured you." I said slowly, finding each word coming from deep inside me.

Jude must have thought I was joking. But the look in my moist eyes told him I was deadly serious. He knew I was choking when I said what I said. He got up from where he was sitting and hugged me. I was shaking. He whispered in my ears, "I would take care of Zoe, your life, with my life."

In Jude, Zoe had replaced her partner as she finished the rest of the journey. They went on their honeymoon to Australia and New Zealand the day after we left for England.

I was stoically silent on my flight back home. It was the longest flight I had to take. I had no idea what I was going to do next or how I would manage my life ahead. Zoe was a part of my heart, part of my soul that I had left behind in Bali. David reminded me I felt like every parent does.