Echoes from a Bitter Past

"Ricky, Apart from that one evening I feel that I am still a virgin."

"He needs his head sorted if you ask me." My reply was flippant but Mavis's reply shook me.

"Is your head sorted, Ricky. You're welcome anytime." Was she being flippant now?

She often asked me if I was seeing anyone. I didn't want to lie, but I felt that I should not tell the whole truth. Instinctively I knew the truth would upset her. So I suggested that what with work and studying; I was back at the Technical College by now; I had little time for a social life. I don't think she believed me completely. We continued our phone chats on a regular basis. In deference to her tight budget if she phoned me, I would immediately call her back. Her call some eight months after the funeral started a significant change.

"Ricky, I have had some news."

"Good news or bad news?"

"I think good. My solicitor has managed to find David. He's in Edinburgh; living with a woman who it would appear has his child. He has replied to my solicitor and says he will agree to a divorce on the grounds of his desertion with the condition that I don't ask for support for me or Richard."

"Can he do that?" I had absolutely no idea about divorce law in the U.K.

"It appears that if I agree, yes he can."

"What are you going to do?"

"Agree of course. It's about time this joke of a marriage came to an end."

Six weeks later Mavis phoned again.

"Ricky my divorce hearing is happening at the Court next week. My solicitor has asked me to be there. Do you think you could do me a big favour and come with me? I hate to ask really but I shall be all alone there, and you know how places like that can intimidate."

"What day is it?"

"Thursday."

"I'll try. They owe me a day for working the Bank Holiday, so I'll ask if I can take it then. I'll call you when I know."

"Thanks Ricky. If there is one person in this world I can trust it is you." I felt some guilt upon hearing her declaration. The one time she really did need me, I let her down.

We arranged to meet in The Minories, just outside the Lewis's department store. From there it was just a short walk down Corporation Street to the Courts. Why is it that these places are so forbidding? The ceilings so high, the way that people spoke in hushed tones, Ushers and Policeman regarding us with suspicion, as if we were there to be punished. We eventually found the Family Court and Mr. Cox, Mavis's solicitor met us outside. He told us to take a seat as the case being heard at that moment was running over.

"I'll come back and get you when the Court is ready for us." With that he vanished leaving us to sit on the hard bench in the gloomy corridor. Mavis was shaking with nerves and grabbed my hand for support.

Mr. Cox returned twenty minutes later to tell us it was time to go in. He didn't do much for Mavis's composure when he said that the Judge was Mr. Justice Detheridge.

"A stickler for the rules." Was his description. The Court was a surprise. I think both of us were expecting the formal court shown in films, with the Judge sitting on his high bench. Not so. The furniture consisted of two heavy oak tables set in a 'T' shape. The large leather upholstered chair was obviously for the Judge and the chairs set either side of the table which formed the stroke of the 'T' could only be for us minions. Mr. Cox took his seat and motioned Mavis to sit beside him, he pointed to chairs set around the wall for me to sit. I believe the arrangement was to put people at their ease. It didn't do much for me and I could see Mavis literally shaking as she sat.

The Judge entered after a couple of minutes and I was preparing to stand. No one else did so I remained where I was. Apart from the Clerk of the Court, the Court stenographer, Mr. Cox, Mavis and I there was nobody else in attendance. The Judge read through the deposition, talked quietly with the Clerk for a moment and then addressed Mr. Cox.

"Mr. Cox. The application is fairly straightforward and I see that the Defendant, Mr. Russell is in agreement. I am perturbed, first that he isn't represented here and second, that no arrangement for support is mentioned. Could you enlighten me?"

"Yes My Lord. My client has agreed not to seek support for herself nor for the child of the marriage. It was a condition stipulated by the Defendant in return for his agreement."

"Does your Client have independent means?"

"No My Lord."

"I am not happy, Mr. Cox. The Defendant deserted the Plaintiff and now in return for his agreement to divorce is seeking to avoid his responsibilities. I am minded to make an order for support just to remind Mr. Russell that he cannot escape his responsibility so easily. Without independent means your Client is likely to become a charge on the State." He addressed Mavis directly. "Mrs. Russell. Have you made arrangements to support yourself?" I could see that Mavis was trembling so much that it would take time for her to answer.

Why I did this I don't know, perhaps a sudden rush of blood to the brain. I jumped to my feet and said to the Judge.

"I will support Mavis!" Everything stopped and everyone looked at me. After a moment the Judge addressed me.

"And who are you?"

"I'm sorry Sir. My name is Richard Gilson."

"Very well Mr. Gilson. You address me as 'My Lord'. What connection do you have with Mrs. Russell?"

"We have been friends all our lives, we grew up together. We only lived four doors away from each other. My Lord."

"And why should you offer to support Mrs. Russell?" I didn't know the answer to that question myself. My reply was timid and weak.

"I am her friend." Mr. Justice Detheridge regarded me suspiciously.

"I see." He turned to Mr. Cox. "Mr. Cox. Did you have any knowledge of this?"

"No. My Lord. Perhaps I could have a moment to confer?"

"Do so."

Mr. Cox waved for me to join him and Mavis.

"If you are just saying this to persuade the Judge to approve the application, it will not go down well." He told me.

"I can support Mavis and I am willing to do so." I replied.

"Mrs. Russell. Are you happy about this?" Mavis was looking at me in shock but nodded her head in agreement. He told me to sit down again and looked up at the Judge.

"My Lord. Mr. Gilson and Mrs. Russell are in agreement, and I am assured that Mr. Gilson can honour his commitment."

"Then I suspect Mr. Gilson is a very good friend. We all should be lucky enough to have friends so generous." He spoke to me again. "Mr. Gilson, you are in employment?"

"Yes. My Lord. I am a driver with British Railways based at the R.T.C. in Derby."

"Can you expand on R.T.C.?"

"My Lord, it is the Railway Technical Centre. They do research and development."

"Perhaps they could do research in how to get your trains to run on time." He actually smiled then conferred with the Clerk. Sitting up up straight in his chair he announced. "Application granted." He signed his name on the paper. Then addressed Mr. Cox. "Mr. Cox. Your client may apply for Absolute in three months. There seems little point in waiting the prescribed period."

I was the one who was shaking when we got outside the Court. I didn't really hear Mr. Cox telling me that I had made a very magnanimous gesture as he shook my hand, nor feel Mavis clinging to my arm her face adorned by a big smile. All I could do was ask myself. What have I done? Mavis and I took the bus back to Saltley. She had moved back in with her parents a few weeks ago and Mrs. Johnson had invited me for dinner. In those days the midday meal was known as dinner, the evening meal was known as tea or supper. We were quiet on the bus both of us thinking. When we got off to walk the few hundred yards to her home she began talking.

"You don't have to do it Ricky. I shall manage." I shook my head but before I could say anything she carried on. "Mum has said she will look after Richard and I'll look for work. We'll be alright."

"Mavis! How often have you and I, and our parents, and all the neighbours said that we would end up together? Well I think it is time we faced up to it. I have a good safe job. I have a home in Derby big enough for the three of us. It's asking a lot of your mum and dad to look after Richard. The best thing is for you to come and live with me. Anyway you heard what Mr. Cox said."

"Are you sure, Ricky?"

"Makes a lot of sense to me."

"Then if you are sure, I will be really happy to come to you."

Mrs. Johnson took the news in her stride, not even bothering to ask if Mavis and I would be sleeping together. Truth be told I had not even given that consideration. I suppose I thought that Mavis and little Richard would share the spare bedroom. Mavis and her mum went off to discuss all the things that women have to decide upon in setting up a new household. I sat down with Mr. Johnson who giving a sideways glance at the door to the scullery, grinned at me.

"Well Lad. It's taken you a long time to get to it, but I'm happy now. Mavis is in good hands. She'll do you right, Lad. No worries." I wasn't too sure if I understood his meaning but nodded in agreement. He went on. "Your mum and dad will rest peaceful now. They always worried about you up there in Derby. You should have invited them up, so your mum could see that you were living properly. Never mind. Mavis will keep you a good clean house, meals on table, clothes washed. She'll do it right, and keep you warm of nights." Now I did understand his thoughts. I was saved from replying as the women came into the room. Mrs. Johnson had a list of things to ask me.

"Richard. Have you got..?" Then she reeled off a long list of items that they thought were essential for proper living. I knew I had the basics. I had a saucepan, who needs more than one? I had two sheets a couple of pillow cases. When they were dirty I took them down to the Launderette, washed and dried them and put them straight back on the bed. Why clutter up the cupboard with more than you could use. Women didn't see it that way. The looks of horror I received from Mrs. Johnson and Mavis convinced me I had committed a cardinal sin. We eventually agreed that Mavis would come up to Derby the Saturday coming and make a list of what would be needed. I could see my wallet coming under severe attack.

Chapter five

I met Mavis at Derby station. This was now a very different Mavis than the one I had seen on Thursday. For a start she was wearing a mini-skirt. I knew they were coming into fashion, the papers were full of pictures of fashion-conscious girls and celebrities wearing them, but I doubt that Derby had seen too many of them up till now. It registered with me that Mavis had very shapely legs and she should wear a mini-skirt. We took the bus to Littleover. It was a short walk from where the bus dropped us to my house. Mavis was overcome.

"Ricky. I thought you lived in the town. This is the country, look at all the fields. I can't believe it. Is it safe?" Mavis, like so many who were brought up in the city where life was bounded by buildings felt uncomfortable in the open spaces of the country. I had to start with, but soon came to appreciate the rural environment.

"Mavis it is safer than Saltley and Nechells. It's the best place to bring up Richard. Loads of fresh air and plenty of places for him to go and play safely." I pointed out the farm where I could buy fresh eggs. "And I mean fresh. They can be still warm from the chicken at times."

We arrived at my home. The first thing was to make some tea and point Mavis in the direction of the bathroom. And then show her around. She came down with amazement written all over her face. The toilet was inside the house! No one in Midland Terrace had ever seen that before. The house had been described as having three bedrooms, but that was in the far-fetched imagination of the Estate Agent. It was better described as two good bedrooms and a box-room. I used the front bedroom that faced west, getting the afternoon and evening sunshine. I showed Mavis the back bedroom and somehow suggested that it had room for a child's bed and another full size. Mavis gave me that look that women seem to master in infancy. The 'Men are so stupid at times' look. She marched out turned left and opened the front bedroom door. I followed her.

"What side do you sleep?" she asked looking at the bed.

"Well." I stuttered. "On the left, sort of."

"That's ok. I sleep on the right." She looked at me defying me to object, then her face relaxed and she smiled. "Ricky. If I come to live here I shall be a wife to you in all ways. I am sleeping with you because I want to. I want to hold you and have you hold me, to be your woman. Being married to him taught me that the only man I wanted to be with was you." She never mentioned her husband by name now; it was always 'he' or 'him'. "When you stood up in Court and made that offer I couldn't believe it at first. You were making all my dreams come true." As she said these words she started to unbutton her blouse. I noticed in my confusion she was wearing a very pretty bra. The skirt was unzipped and she stepped out of it. She was down to her underwear before I caught up with the situation.

"What are you doing Mavis?"

"Getting undressed of course. I want to make love with you, finishing what we started a few years ago. Aren't you going to join me?" I was out of my clothes even quicker than she. "I think the answer is yes." She smiled happily.

We were brought up to believe that making love was an activity that should be kept to Friday or Saturday nights and even then only in the dark. Making love with Mavis on a Saturday morning, with daylight streaming through the window was piquant to say the least. We decided together that the rules with which we had been indoctrinated would not apply to us anymore. Holding Mavis's slim, curvy naked body to mine was a revelation indeed. I reflected on my spur of the moment outburst in Court and decided that for once in my life I had made the right choice. Mavis stirred in my arms and turned her face up to look at me. Her eyes were sparkling.

"Well Mr. Gilson. You seem to know your way around a woman's body. He was a rank amateur compared." The smile faded a little. "I would have wished that I was a virgin for you, but if it is any consolation you found places that have never been touched before."

"You did seem a little tight at first."

"Under used is the expression I would use." She commented dryly. "Perhaps that will be remedied now."

"Now?" I was shocked. Mavis giggled.

"I don't expect..." Her hand wandered south and found something to her liking. "Oh! Well perhaps now is a good idea."

Mavis stayed all Saturday and left late on Sunday. She didn't get round to making the lists she had come for until late Sunday morning, or was it early Sunday afternoon. She kissed me goodbye at the station telling me that she and Richard would arrive for good next Saturday.

"When I get here, Ricky if you don't mind I shall be Mrs. Gilson to everyone."

"Ok Mrs. Gilson." She thought for a moment.

"I like the sound of that."

And so it was. Mavis arrived and shortly after a large packing case was delivered by the Parcels Office at Derby. It contained Sheets, Pillow cases, Towels, all sorts of cooking utensils. Each labelled with a message of 'Good Luck' from our old neighbours. The generosity of people who had so little amazed us. I didn't get off scot free, as Mavis took me shopping in Derby. We returned heavily loaded with crockery of all description. My wallet was much lighter so that compensated for the weight on my arms.

It was almost by design that Mavis's Divorce Absolute arrived in the post from Mr. Cox, a week before she informed me that she was pregnant. Three weeks later Mavis became Mrs. Gilson in fact as well as in name. Our daughter Jacqueline was born seven months later. I adopted Richard legally just after Mavis and I married. Did I regret any of it? No. I would from time to time feel a little peevish tinge when I thought about Mavis being married to another man for a while, but fate has its own plans for us and all we can do is play the cards that are dealt.

We had forty two good years together. The forty third was purgatory as Mavis coped with ever increasing pain that even the strong pain-killers she was taking could not alleviate. We still slept together, she wouldn't allow any other arrangement and every morning I would get up, make some tea and put that on a tray with her various medications. Even though it was expected, taking the tray upstairs and finding her dead when five minutes ago she had smiled at me as I got up from our bed shook me to the core. My life-long friend had left me.

We buried Mavis a month ago and Jacqui had come round to help me pack up Mavis's things. As she started opening drawers and putting things out my heart broke. I couldn't do it, I wanted to keep her things just as she left them keeping her memory alive for just a little longer. I shook my head and stopped her.

"No, Jacqui it's too soon." I was putting the clothes back in the drawers as fast as she took them out. My daughter looked at me with sympathy.

"We all miss her, Dad. This has to be done though. Tell you what; leave me alone I'll take care of it.

"No love. I want to live with her stuff around me for a bit longer. It's all I have of her now; I can't let it go yet."

"Think about it, Dad. I'll go and make some tea."

Left alone I picked up one of her sweaters, the touch of it, and the fragrance of it brought Mavis to my mind, a mind picture of her smiling at me. All those years together and I never really said to her that I loved her. The picture of her I had in my mind came to life and words from across the divide came into my head.

"You didn't say it Ricky, but your actions everyday told me you loved me." I nodded and whispered a reply.

"Yes Mavis I do love you." I put her sweater to my nose inhaling her scent and tears ran slowly down my cheeks.