Eddie's Christmas Gift

"Oh, Eddie, I love you too," I whispered in return.

Now you may think I was lying and that this was simply a pity fuck. I mean, how could I love him? Wasn't this just an extension of the hand jobs I had been giving him for simple sexual relief? Yes, I'll admit what started out weeks before with one goal had morphed into something else. My visit that night was not premeditated, the first kiss was beyond fantastic and our love-making was spontaneous and joyful. And, yes, I did love him. I loved the man. I had to be honest. He was always kind to me, even with his terrible life situation. He frequently smiled at me with those cute dimples even when he was having a bad day. He was appreciative of my reading to him and my time with him. And he was always polite, even gentlemanly with me. So, yes, at that moment I loved Eddie with all my heart. My mind refused to think of anything else as I found myself drifting asleep with a smile on my lips.

When I woke with a start, I saw it was nearly one a.m. I knew the night shift would be checking on him soon, so I needed to leave. As I stirred and got out of bed, Eddie turned to me and asked "'oing?"

"Yeah, Sweetie, I need to go," I answered as I reached down and gave him a nice, soft kiss. I threw my bra and the elf hat into my bag, pulled up my panties and quickly slipped on my dress.

I quickly took a washcloth, cleaned him up and once I took the towel off the light, he murmured, "'eautiful, Cho, 'ank 'ou."

"Hey, I seem to remember that I had fun too," I teased him. I switched off the light, pulled up his sheet and made my way to the door. Once it was unlocked, I turned to him and said, "Merry Christmas, Eddie, sleep tight and maybe Santa will bring you a gift."

"'Anta bwought me 'est 'ift ever. 'Ou. 'Ou're 'est 'ift ever. 'ank 'ou. Ah, 'ove 'ou, Cho."

"You're welcome, Eddie. I'm glad you liked your gift. And remember, I love you too." I blew him a tiny kiss and let myself out the door.

Needless to say, I slept in on Christmas day. I had been invited over to my parents' place for dinner and a gift exchange and when I arrived around four pm, they both commented on how 'good' I looked. I told them I was glad to be finished with school for the semester and happy to have a few days off.

The next day my mother wanted to hit some of the sales so we fought the crowds for hours before returning home empty-handed. I invited them over to my place that evening for a Boxing Day dinner. The three of us had a nice, casual evening until I started yawning. They eventually went home taking a few leftovers with them.

Later that evening I was exhausted. I knew things would be busy at Green Oaks what with several employees taking vacations during the holidays. I found myself worrying about what I would say to Eddie, how I would react around him and what would become of him and me. I even wondered if there might be an 'us' in the future and, if so, how it might work out. But I decided I would worry about such things later so I had a glass of wine, switched off my phone, crawled into bed and fell into a deep sleep.

The next day I entered through the door by Eddie's room to see Fernando, our all-around fix-it guy, painter, mover and general helper pulling down the posters in Eddie's room.

"Fernando, what are you doing to Eddie's things?" I almost shouted before I saw the bed had been stripped bare and Eddie's things were gone.

"Oh, Josie, lo siento, you must not have heard. Eddie passed last evening."

"What? No! No! You can't be serious!" I cried as I fled up the hall to the nurses station. There I saw Samantha's sad eyes confirming what Fernando had told me. I dropped my things at the station and ran around the corner and on to Ms. Sanderson's office where I knocked on her door.

"Come in...Oh, Josie, Josie, I'm so, so sorry," she said as she gave me a big hug as I sobbed into her chest. "We tried to get ahold of you to let you know but all we got was your voice mail. I knew you'd want to know."

"My phone, shit, I forgot to turn it back on! What happened, anyway?"

"As best we can tell, Eddie probably had a P.E. He was fine and suddenly last evening around dinner he gasped, held his chest and became severely short of breath and cyanotic. We gave him oxygen and..."

"Didn't they call 9-1-1?"

"No. Remember? He had a living will on file with instructions never to take him to the hospital. You know he was suffering and his life didn't hold much for him and..."

"So, you just let him strangle to death?" I shrieked.

"Josie, Josie, calm down!" Her sharp voice was like a slap to my face. "I know you liked him and I know you're upset. But the nurses did right by him. His doctor was notified and Eddie was given high flow oxygen and some morphine until he could relax and not feel so short of breath. After an hour or so with his parents at his side, he quietly slipped into a coma and eventually quit breathing. In the end he was peaceful and comfortable."

"It's such a shock," I sobbed. "He was such a good guy, you know? I just can't, I can't believe it." After she comforted me some more I went on, "Oh, I know they did right by him. It's just so hard to accept."

"Yes. Yes, it is. And I know you were very close to him. Say, Josie, why don't you take the day off? I don't think you're in any condition for work and I'll pull in the on-call nurse. She needs the extra hours and will be glad to come in. You go on home."

"OK, thank you, Ms. Sanderson, I think I will. I'll try to be back tomorrow, OK?"

"Sure thing. Oh, his mother called to let me know a few minutes ago his memorial will be in four days. They're planning a brief ceremony at Clayton Rocks, you know, where he loved to climb. They'll spread his ashes there. Would you like to come with me?"

"Yeah," I sniffled, "Let me know the details tomorrow, OK?"

"Sure, Josie, and thank you for being such a good and caring nurse. You're the best."

I cried all the way home, tears blurring my vision so much I had to pull over a few times. Death is a common occurrence at convalescent homes, so common most of us even know the funeral director's cell number by heart. Sometimes we see death so often we forget with each death there is a hole left behind; a hole in someone's heart or life or family. And I realized Eddie's death left a hole in my life and in my heart, just as if he'd been family. I ended up taking two days off work before I forced myself to return. Samantha gave me a big hug and did everything possible to help me. I managed to keep my mind busy with extra tasks and made it through the day somehow.

On the next day there was a brisk, cold wind from the north blowing at Clayton Rocks. Three people stood near the base. Both an older version of Eddie, who must have been his father, and a thin woman with him looked absolutely devastated. A younger man with them was holding an urn. Off to one side was a small group of somewhat casually attired people, mostly young men, who I figured were probably friends and climbers.

After a few minutes the young man with the urn gave it to Eddie's mother and stood to address everyone.

"Mom, Dad and I want to thank you for coming out on this cold day to honor Eddie. As you know, he suffered a terrible accident over a year ago and we believe his last months were truly a living hell for him. Although we will miss him, we are relieved his suffering is over and he is at peace. You know, we had Christmas dinner with him the other day and for the first time since his accident, Eddie looked truly happy and upbeat. He was smiling and joking, just like the old Eddie we've known for years. He almost seemed like a man who had fallen in love. No matter what may have been the reason, we are thankful he had such a wonderful Christmas and we will savor those smiles, those jokes and that day with him forever. Thank you."

Hearing about Eddie's good mood on Christmas broke my heart all over again. Apparently he was so happy that his family had noticed it and now, he was gone. Silent tears poured from my eyes while Ms. Sanderson reached an arm around me to give a comforting hug.

His brother reached over and gave the urn to one of the climbers in the other group. With amazing agility, he took the urn in a small daypack and scrambled up to the lower portions of the climbing rocks. After stopping on a ledge, he turned to the crowd and slowly released Eddie's ashes for the wind to carry across the rocks. Once he was back down on level ground, the crowd slowly dispersed. Ms. Sanderson and I went over to give our condolences to the family before we left to go back to Green Oaks. And to this day Ms. Sanderson has never mentioned what we discussed in her office on that October afternoon.

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"Mommy, Mommy," shouted Eydie as I came through the door, "Abuelita told me there was a famous singer with my name!"

"Yes, Honey, her name was Eydie Gormé and she was popular when Gramps and Abuelita were about your age."

"Was she pretty? Can I see her sing?"

"Sure, let me look her up on YouTube later and we'll check it out."

"I wasn't named for her, was I? Wasn't I named for my daddy?"

"Yes, Sweetheart, you were named for your daddy..."

"...who's in heaven," we both said simultaneously. It had been hard to describe to her when she was a toddler why she had no father. She latched onto the heaven idea since it seemed to give her comfort. Ever since then she would end almost any conversation about him with the statement "...who's in heaven."

It wasn't more than four weeks after Christmas I knew I was pregnant. My period was late, I was ravenous and nauseated at times. Two little stripes on the home pregnancy kit confirmed my suspicion. With great embarrassment, I told my parents but declined to tell them who the father was. My dad was quite angry with me for a few days until Momma straightened him out telling him it was the baby who mattered the most. He turned out to be a great dad and granddad in the long run as he remodeled their two downstairs bedrooms into a mom-and-kid suite before they asked me to move back in with them.

I quit work and continued school until late August when our beautiful little girl was born. I knew immediately Eddie would have loved her as much as I did. There never was any question in my mind as to her name. After she was born, I skipped a semester of school, delaying my graduation, but once I got my degree, I was able to find work at a small women's and children's clinic a few blocks from home. Mom and Dad are the best babysitting grandparents imaginable and Eydie is growing up in a loving household. Like she did with me when I was a child, Momma speaks with Eydie only in Spanish, helping her to become comfortably bilingual. I contribute to the household expenses but since I'm not charged rent, I can work three or four days a week and spend the rest of the time with my daughter. I date occasionally and am a friend-with-benefits of a local physical therapist but, so far, I've not found someone I am willing to bring permanently into our lives.

I have to confess I agonized for a long time about whether to tell Eddie's parents and I chickened out. I wasn't sure the idea of a grandchild for them would outweigh any potential anger they might have about Eddie and me having sex. I could see where they might consider what I did to be assault and they could make my life miserable with legal or ethics charges. Furthermore, I would have no proof of the true nature of our relationship. As a result, I decided not to tell them anything. Eydie's other grandmother, Momma, felt I should tell them but once I explained the entire situation, she understood my reasons not to. I know I'll always feel guilty about hiding their granddaughter from them. If Eydie, once she's grown, indicates any serious interest in her father's family or wants to pursue DNA testing, I'll let her know the circumstances of her conception and leave any further decisions up to her.

Eydie is a smart and beautiful child. She has some of my skin tone but got from her father his deep blue eyes and wonderful, dimpled smile. It's amazing how much she reminds me of him every day. It has been six years since I slipped into Eddie's room and we made love. At the time he said Santa brought him the best gift ever, however I know Eddie gave me the most wonderful Christmas present of all; our beautiful daughter.

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Lo siento is Spanish for I'm sorry.

A 'P.E.' is a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot which usually originates in the leg veins. It breaks loose and travels to the heart and major arteries in the lung. Large ones can easily be fatal. They are most common in the bed-ridden and are not related to sexual activity. 'Cyanotic' is an adjective for blue skin color which is a sign of low blood oxygen.

Abuelita is Spanish for Grandma.

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Trionyx - December 2021

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