All Comments on 'Edible Friends'

Wonderful story line! But I do think it would be better if it was written in past tense,

Excellent! And lot's of laughs about the vending machine experience! I think it deserves a Part 2! Really terrific!!!

More!

brilliant

Loved it! Really appreciated all the consensual phrases and details. Could tell this was written by a woman for women♥️

Interesting and sweet vignette. I agree with the previous commentator: the historical present is tricky. Second point: you struggle with the difference between the intransitive verb "to lie" (lie/lying/lay/lain) and the transitive verb "to lay" (lay/laying/laid/laid). For example: "Maria removes her hand and lays down on her stomach next to Beth while Beth lays on her back, covered in sweat, . . ." Assuming the first clause is missing the pronoun "it," then in "Maria removes her hand and lays it on her stomach . . ." the verb is used transitively and is correctly framed as "lay." In the second instance ("while Beth lays on her back covered in sweat"), the verb is used intransitively and should be "lie."